Oh Alcohol...
You liquor smooth and free...
I have no idea what comes next.
And knowing me, I probably don't care.
But we've been friends for a long time now.
Twenty-five years.
Sometimes, you're the only one I want to talk to.
All the time, if Effie's in town.
I need you, Alcohol.
You make me remember the good times; forget the bad.
For a while, anyway. And then it all comes back.
And I need you more than ever.
Though my stomach may not always agree (*vomits*),
My heart burns when you're not around.
Literally.
And that's another thing.
You don't answer back. Or tell me to clean my room or change my socks.
Like SOMEBODY I could mention...
You don't kill placemats. Or have an obsession with mahogany.
Don't feel I betray you when I say that water is the new best friend.
Oh, and don't listen to anything Effie Trinket says. She's just jealous.