A/N: I really HATE this title. Somebody give me a better one – please! Also, I ask for constructive criticism, I will consider it even if I don't take it.

And now to explain the astrixes (sp?)

* I figure Tony keeps some of his old arc reactors (the ones that are poisonous) around just in case. That way, if an emergency comes, he can pop one in for then and replace it later. I twn't kill him right away. Plus I felt Steve had to do something stupid at some point.

** no pun intended

Disclaimer: Yes, I, who am writing FANFICTION (you know, the things we all wish were in books/movies/tv shows/etc.) own Marvel and these characters and plot lines that I am currently changing (or adding on to) because they weren't the way I wanted them to be. Mmm-hmm. You just keep on thinking that. (in case some one out there didn't get it, that was all sarcastic)

How to Freak out a Super Soldier 101

It was a day after the battle, seventeen hours after shawarma, and Steve was thinking. Stark wasn't a soldier (he had made that quite clear), nor was he capable of thinking of anyone but himself (he had made that quite clear, too). So why had he done it, even if he had known he would die? If it was someone else, I would assume they didn't realize the dangers, but Stark isn't dumb – far from it! So,why had he grabbed that nuke? It was a puzzling question, one the Iron Man himself would have to answer for him. Which is why Captain America was walking to Tony's lab at four in the morning. Of course, normally Steve wouldn't be doing this, but the man was known for being up at odd hours working on his various projects, so there was a good chance he was awake.

Opening the door, Steve was greeted by Jarvis' voice, "Captain, are you here to see Mr. Stark?"

"Yes, Jarvis. Um..." Steve looked around the lab, which, while it had plenty of robots, appeared

to be devoid of human life. "Where is he?"

"Mr. Stark is busy at the moment, Captain. Perhaps you could wait a few minutes?"

"Sure, Jarvis." Steve leaned against the wall and took in the futuristic room surrounding him.

He had found out that even by this time's standards, Tony Stark's inventions were far ahead of most of the world's technology. There were pieces of wire, washers, and random tools (some of which were unfamiliar to Steve) littering the table tops. Holograms of blueprints depicting plans for dangerous looking machines floated in the air, their soft glow highlighting the extra Iron Man suits that lined thewalls. The one that had worn in the battle was lying on a table, looking ready to receive direlyneeded repairs (and a new faceplate). A good sized corner of the room was closed off by an oddly placed wall, and Steve assumed that's where Stark's office was. He amused himself with thinking of all the things genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist could be busy with for a few minutes, but then stopped when he began disturbing himself.

A strangled yell broke out, pulling the soldier from his thoughts. "Captain!" Jarvis called,

"You may want to help him!" Steve was already running for the door to the blocked off corner, but felt his chest contract when he realized that even the computer sounded panicked.

Bursting into Iron man's office, Steve wasn't sure what he expected. Maybe Loki, back for revenge. Or Phil, somehow alive again with a taser, watching Supernanny while Tony drooled into the carpet. What ever it was, it was not Tony Stark lying in the floor shirtless with spasms of pain wracking his body. Even more concerning was the bashed and dented arc reactor lying just out of reach of his finger tips, instead of in his chest. Steve may not have known much about modern technology, and especially not the arc reactor, but he did know that the circular piece of machinery should be in Tony's chest, if for no other reason than there should obviously not be a giant hole where the reactor usually was.

Now, Steve was trained to remain calm in an emergency, but the emergencies he was supposed to remain calm for were things like grenades, guns, punching Hitler, etc. Not emergencies consisting of futuristic technology that kept a person alive which was now out of said person's body and the only human being who knew how it worked was the one dying on the floor. So, needless to say, for a second there, Captain America panicked. Then he rushed over to the man and asked, "What do I do?"

"Triangle...one," Tony wheezed out, eyes wide with pain. Steve blinked. "What?"

"Desk...drawer. Triangle...one," was the choked reply. He wasted no time in yanking open Tony's desk drawer. Looking inside, Steve saw five arc reactors. In his shock, he had a rather stupid thought. Wait, isn't the hole in his chest circular? Well, if he wants triangle, then – Oh, no! They're all circular! Then he noticed that three of the five had triangle marks on them.* Oh. He tore one out of it's holder and brought it back to Tony, who's eyes were now fluttering in his fight to stay conscious.

"Now what?" Stark opened his mouth to give more directions, but couldn't, so Jarvis stepped in. "Now, Captain, you put it in the gaping hole in his chest." Steve, taking note of the fact that Jarvis seemed to have inherited his maker's smart mouth, but refraining from berating the computer for its ill-timed attempt at humor, plugged the arc reactor into the now passed-out inventor's chest. "It's not lighting up! Isn't it supposed to light up?" Steve cried.

"Hit it, but do not break it!" Jarvis instructed. Captain America did as he was told and the arc reactor gave off light like an oddly shaped glow stick. A few seconds later, Iron Man's eyes opened. Steve started to feel relief, but it was gone as soon as it had come because Tony began screaming more and clawing at his chest as though something was hurting him from the inside. "Jarvis, what do I do?" Steve yelled, panicking again, "Did I do something wrong?'"

"No, Captain, you did everything correctly. This is the arc reactor doing its job."

"Causing him immense pain is its job?" Steve exclaimed, not realizing until after it was out of his mouth that this sentence could be taken as sarcasm in face of a friend's imminent death. Wait, when had Tony become a friend?

Everything he had to apologize for was creating a rather depressing soundtrack for this already worrying situation.You are nothing without your suit. You don't care about anyone but yourself. Can't you take anything seriously? Steve inwardly couldn't believe he had said those things. He even wanted to apologize for what he had thought, even if he had never said it.Why can't you be more like Howard? Who are you to call any shots? Who do you think you are?Steve wanted to cry. Tony had come so close to never hearing those apologies. And no matter what Jarvis said, Steve still wasn't convinced Tony ever would.

After a few tense minutes, Tony's yells subsided. Flipping onto his stomach, he took out the reactor before Steve could do anything to stop him. Less than a second later, Steve saw Tony's reasoning. A lot of blood made it's way out of the hole and on to the floor before he slammed the electric circle back into himself. Breathing quickly, as though his lungs had to make up for the air they hadn't properly taken in during the whole catastrophe, Tony allowed his eyes to dart around until the found Steve. With a quick smile, he said, "Thanks, Cap." Giving the genius a hand up, and then forking over the billionaire's shirt, Steve asked the obvious question. "What just happened?"

"What?" Tony said, yanking his head through the collar as they walked into the lab area, "Oh, well, the arc reactor I was using was kinda low on power – that's why I was falling out of the portal instead of flying, by the way, it powers my suit – so I was taking it out so I could replace it with a charged one. I didn't realize, though, that while it had been off – ya know, when I was dead? – that the shrapnel had actually gotten close enough to my heart that if I took out the reactor, it would go in. See, the reactor's power level was enough to keep it out of my ticker, but not enough to get it further away until you put in the new one. That's what the whole screaming thing was about, sorry. Actually, I have no idea how it came back on after it got to power level zero. My best guess is that I wasn't dead long enough for all the electricity to have left my brain, so when the Hulk roared, I must have sent a big enough electric impulse to my heart to get it and the reactor running again, at least for the time being."

Steve knew that he should be marveling** at the amazing fact that Tony had stayed alive for that long on so little power, or that one little spark from his brain had rebooted the system, or even that he had just popped out the thing that kept him alive and then popped it back in, but he wasn't. No, the thing that caught the Captain's attention was one little word in that entire long-winded explanation. "Shrapnel?"

"Yeah," Tony said, giving Steve a puzzled look. "Didn't S.H.I.E.L.D give you my file?"

"Yeah, they gave me everyone's. Yours said, 'narcissistic man with self-destructive tendencies. "

"Hm. Maybe it was in 'Need-To-Know'? They all blend together after awhile," Tony muttered to himself, then to his companion, "Well, anyway, while I agree whole-heartedly (well, not literally of course...) with Natasha's profile -"

"Natasha's profile?"

"Man, Fury really didn't tell you anything, did he? Both she and Coulson were on my case until Phil got pulled 'cause Thor decided to fall out of the sky in the middle of New Mexico and Natasha got sent to Budapest with Clint, or something. I mean really, Budapest? They couldn't think of a better place to send two highly specialized agents? Besides, I thought the "H" in "S.H.I.E.L.D." was for "Homeland" not "Budapest". Who decided to name a place that anyway? Budapest? They couldn't name it something like -"

Steve listened to the rant as he realized something with growing certainty. He frowned at Tony and said accusingly, "You're avoiding the question, aren't you, Stark? You were fine with mentioning the shrapnel when you thought I knew about it and wouldn't ask questions, but when I didn't, and did ask questions, you don't want me to know. My question is why?"

Tony looked at Steve in confusion. "You asked me a question?"

"Don't play innocent, Stark. I know you were dodging my question about that shrapnel."

Tony's facade dropped like a downed helicarrier and sighed, defeated. "Sit down," he said gesturing to one of the clearer spots on a lab table. Never had the Captain seen Tony Stark so serious. He was beginning to dread the story. "Tell me, Steve," Oh, no. Stark never calls me 'Steve', "have you ever heard of P.T.S.D.?"

Now it was Steve's turn to look confused, though he was genuine. "What's P.T.S.D.?"

"I'll take that as a 'no'. Maybe you would know it by a different name...It was discovered in World War I... Ah! You know what shell shock is, right?"

Steve's eyes widened. This overly, even annoyingly, cheerful man had shell shock? "But, I thought only soldiers got that! And you very clearly told me you weren't a soldier."

"I'm not. I never was. But Stark Industries was a major supplier of weapons to the military, specializing in top-secret W.M.D.s. During a demonstration of a missile, there was an ambush. A bomb went off next to me and put a piece of shrapnel right next to my heart."

Steve thought he understood. "So, since you weren't used to stuff like that happening, you got this P.T.S.D. or shell shock or whatever? And I guess your heart issue is an added bonus?"

"No, I lived with that possibility every day. I made a few of these weapons – especially the top secret ones – myself. I mean, come on! Who else would be able to match my genius? No, the shocker was when I woke up. I was...I was in a cave with a car battery strapped to my chest surrounded by angry terrorists who really liked the idea of torturing me until I built them weapons."

Although it was obvious he was trying to hide it, Tony was shaking like a leaf in Hurricane Katrina at this point, and the 'rain' running down his face matched the horrific storm as well. Steve was afraid the distraught man's legs would give out and he would fall. Stark's eyes were wide and empty, reliving the horrors of his ordeal, years past. Steve reached out a comforting hand and rested it on his friend's son's shoulder, now flesh beneath his fingers instead of metal plates and wires. He had expected Tony to relax at the touch of the friendly fingers but instead, he lashed out, a blinding pain in his jaw and flat surface under his butt alerting Steve to the fact that Stark could still do damage without his suit. Tony scrambled away, then came to his senses. "Oh, man, Cap, sorry!" he winced, helping the blond man to his feet.

He took a fortifying breath to continue, but was stopped. "You don't have to keep going. I knew that the first Iron Man suit was originally built for the battlefield. Actually, part of why I resented you was that you never gave it out to the common soldiers. I thought you thought they weren't good enough for it."

Tony met Steve's eyes for the first time since the conversation started. They were filled to the brim with pain, but also with conviction as he stated, "I will never give these plans to anyone who would intentionally kill with them. They are not meant for war. They are meant to protect people, humanity. And, Captain, I have proven that they if they were to be used for war, it will be over my. Dead. Body."

"Yeah, that was in your file." Steve remembered the part about him battling hundreds of things called Hammerdroids, which were made with Iron Man technology, all over the city to keep them out of military bunkers. Apparently the fight had ended with all the Hammerdroids self-destructing through (surprisingly) no fault of Iron Man's. "Look, Stark, I hate to ask, but does anyone else know you've got shell shock? Because honestly, and I really mean no offense by this, you shouldn't be in battle with this condition."

Tony flashed a sad grin at Steve and said, "Pepper knows, though not the whole story. Actually, no one knows the whole story. Not even the government. I always abridge it. Telling the whole thing is too painful. But as to the battle thing, the torture is what got to me. That's why it's P.T.S.D. and not shell shock. P.T.S.D. applies to more than just war. Any traumatic experience is included. It's the worst at night though. I get the nightmares, I hear the people in the villages nearby screaming as the weapons I built – I built! - destroy their home. I feel all that water in my lungs, and the car battery sparking, I hear Yin –" Tony shook himself. He had come too close to saying one of those emitted things. Steve briefly wondered what it was, but didn't push. "That's why I don't sleep, Cap. It's also why nothing made by Stark Industries will ever be used in war again. Every once in a while we – or rather, I – make something for S.H.I.E.L.D., but I always leave a back door to shut it down if I have to. S.H.I.E.L.D. knows that. They don't really use the weapons I give them. I'll always shut 'em down."

Steve stared in wonder at the man in front of him. He was not a soldier, but he had known war, like Steve. And, like Steve, wanted to do everything in his power to forget it,to amend for it, but couldn't. No wonder he'd been avoiding the question. But Steve was avoiding his own question. "Hey, Sta – Tony, do you remember when I said you were nothing without you suit? I –"

Tony held up his hand. "Yeah, yeah. You're sorry. Don't say it. You have no right to."

"Don't tell me I have no right to! I am American, I have freedom of speech and I can apol –"

"No, Cap, you don't get it. You're right. I am nothing without the suit. Without that suit I would be dead. Or still captive. I can't be an Avenger without that suit. So, yeah, you were right, and don't apologize." Steve could practically taste the bitterness in Tony's voice as he spit out those words. It must be killing him to put his ego aside like this. And it's getting both annoying and majorly concerning. Two near-death experiences in one day can't be good for anyone. Even this guy.

"Hey, Tony, I'm still sorry. But you being serious is kinda scaring me, so – dare I say it? – do you want to go get a drink?"

Tony visibly relaxed now that they were off a serious topic and on to one he liked: alcohol. Besides, now he could pick up where his father had left off and try to get the famously incorruptible Captain America drunk. Maybe he would even succeed where Howard hadn't. The thought made him brighten up. "Sure, Ca – Steve. That sounds great. Porsche or Ferrari?" And even if he didn't, at least there would be one person sober enough to drive home.