Amuro and Sayla

Author's notes: A fanfic about Sayla and Amuro, two Gundam characters I'm very fond of. There are not enough stories about them! It's not romantic, mind you. I'm sorry the title is so…well…crappy, but I couldn't think of anything else. This is a very old story I wrote from way back, I didn't post it because I didn't like it back then. This is the edited version already, soo…:p

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Sayla Mass paused before pushing the elevator button, hesitating, instinct somehow telling her to take the stairs instead, even though it would be hideous to do. But right at that moment it was decided for her. The doors slid open before she could even touch the button. The elevator was open, except for one person: Amuro Ray.

She briefly glanced at him before stepping in, and as she did so the doors shut behind her with a metallic thunk. There was a rumble, a slight shake, and the elevator began its ascent.

Amuro glanced at his golden-haired companion, unsure of what to do. Of all the people in the ship, he was most ill at ease with Sayla. There was something about her that set her apart from the rest of the ship's crew, and whatever it was, it was really intimidating. Not even Brite had that aura. It was as if she were royalty among peasants and she was conscious of her status. It was almost common knowledge that Sayla was not the most liked member of the crew, but if she knew this, she never gave any indication. She just did her work, and that was all. This standoffish character of hers was what repulsed and attracted a great many of the ship's men as well.

On Amuro's part, he had great respect for Sayla, but that didn't banish his uneasiness around her. He glanced at her again, and for the briefest of moments, wondered what her life before all this was like.

Suddenly, the elevator lurched and Amuro almost lost his balance, but he regained it quickly. Sayla took a step backward, and looked at the numbers of the elevator's controls, which were now flashing madly.

"I knew I should've taken the stairs." They said at the same time. Amuro looked at Sayla in surprise, and he could've sworn she smiled a little. It disappeared quickly before he could think about it.

"What do you think happened?" Amuro asked as Sayla picked up the receiver of the elevator phone.

"I'm not an elevator technician, you know." She replied curtly, not even looking at him. "Yes, this is Sayla Mass." He heard her say in the telephone. "Elevator 22-A just stopped and…no, we don't know the reason. I'm in it, and so is Amuro Ray. Yes, yes, that's quite right. How long will that take?" a pause. "Can't it be fixed sooner? I see. I see. Please inform Lt. Brite of our situation, just in case he needs us or if there is any emergency. Thank you."

So like Sayla. Efficient, clean-cut, no frills, no going around in circles. She put down the phone and informed him of what he needed to know before he could even open his mouth.

"It seems that we came in a bad time. They're having some minor repairs. I think we'll be stuck here for about half an hour, at most." She said in her cool, impersonal voice. She looked a little frustrated, though. "I hope that Lieutenant Brite won't be needing us in that time." She went on, talking more to herself than to the younger boy.

Amuro nodded. Surprise attacks have been coming them to more often recently, and they were considered old friends in this war. He fervently hoped that none would come now, when two pilots where trapped in an elevator. He sat down on the floor. Sayla remained standing. Neither said another word.

Amuro looked very depressed these past few days, Sayla thought to herself, looking at the brown-haired boy. It was just two days since Mathilde passed away and he was very attached to her. Mathilde…a flash of pain overtook her chest. Somehow, she felt for her death. And Amuro—

Amuro must feel very guilty for her death as well.

"Can't we climb out?" he suddenly said, bringing her out of her reverie.

Sayla blinked at him. Climb out? What was he thinking? They didn't know exactly where the elevator was stuck, and they might be an obtrusion to the ongoing repairs. She was about to point this out to him, but suddenly she felt sorry for him, deciding to answer with a more lenient "I think it may be wiser not to do so." A thought occurred to her. "Are you on your way to an important appointment? Fixtures on your Gundam?"

Amuro looked sheepish. "No, it's not that. I'm just really, really hungry." He said sulkily.

Sayla laughed, in spite of herself. She reached into her pocket, drawing something out. It was a chocolate bar that she found in her room, along with her mail, apparently from another secret admirer. She didn't want it to be a clutter in her room so that was why she carried it around. She handed it to Amuro. "Here. You can have it."

Amuro couldn't hide his pleased expression as he reached out to receive it. Then he suddenly withdrew his hand. "Is it ok? I mean, chocolate is very expensive…"

She shook her head, smiling, the first time he really did see her smile. "No, it's fine, really. I don't really have a taste for chocolates."

"Eh? I thought all girls like chocolates." Amuro said, tearing the wrapper off the candy bar. Sayla shrugged and shook her head. Amuro had grown mature the past months, but sometimes he was really like a kid.

How many children do we break in these wars?

If things had been different. Amuro would just be worrying how to act around Mathilde—or around any girl he chose to like, for that matter. Sayla would still be with her family, her studies. Mathilde would still be alive…

But there was no use wishing what could have been.

"So why are you here?" Amuro's voice.

She gave a start, and stared at him. "What?"

"I was asking, where were you supposed to go after this elevator ride?"

Sayla turned her eyes away from him. "I was going to the Newtype testing that Mathilde designed." She said in a low voice. She had resolved to continue with her testing, even though Mathilde was gone.

"Oh. I see." The mention of her name brought a cloud on Amuro's face. Sayla looked at him again. He looked angry…and sad. There was another uncomfortable silence. Then, at that moment, it seemed that his mind had opened to her, and she was reaching out for him. She could read his thoughts…

Fighting for what?

And whatever it was, was it really worth dying for?

Will I be willing to really fight for it as well? To die for it?

"I believe she died fighting for what she believed in." she said softly. Amuro looked at her in surprise. Sayla was leaning against one side; arms crossed, blue eyes thoughtful, looking as if to a faraway place.

"What?" Amuro heard himself say, without thinking. "What was she believing in?"

"For what she thought was right." She said simply.

Amuro slumped against the wall, apparently not satisfied with the answer. Sayla couldn't blame him. It was not enough to explain why Mathilde fought for the Federation. Amuro was experienced enough to know the flaws of the Federation, in logic, in governance—in countless aspects. Yet, they still fight for them.

"Why do you fight, Sayla?" he asked quietly. "Why do we fight with them?" Sayla seemed a little taken aback by the question. Sometimes she even avoided asking the question herself.

"I don't think I can answer that." She replied, evading his eyes.

"Please." He beseeched. "It's important for me."

You are so young, Amuro. But not a child to not understand. You don't want to fight, and yet, ironic as it may seem, you are among the best of our soldiers. The best of people.

The two studied each other intently for a moment. Amuro was a little afraid that she was angry for asking her such a personal question and wondered what she was going to do.

She finally sighed and shook her head, uncrossing her arms. "Saying 'I fight for what I believe in.' is just another easy answer, isn't it? Yes, it's easy to say, yet very hard to understand. Not everyone is sure of what they believe in. Only strong people know the answer to this question. Mathilde knew, and it was important to her. People should have this conviction in their existence, or else they are nothing."

Sayla thought of her brother as she was saying this.

"Not everything about the Federation is good and just, but I do not fight for their sometimes too lofty ideals. You can say that I do for the basic principle of what the Federation stands for, the very foundation that upholds it, nothing else."

"Is that it?" Amuro said, staring at his hands. "The only thing we fight for? A basic principle?"

"It's not as simple as you think."

"People also fight for a change." Sayla said. "Not just change in our opponents, but change in ourselves.

"Or perhaps…" her blue eyes became thoughtful. "We fight merely because we are victims of circumstance."

"That's not a reason." Amuro protested. "We are all victims of circumstance." Yes, he should know. He should know how irresistible how the flood of fate could be."

Sayla gave him a wry grin. "Yes, that's quite right, Amuro. I can tell you another thing." She crouched down in front of him, her usually cold blue eyes softened with a genuine kindness underneath. "I cannot give you the reasons why you should fight because they are the reasons why I do. It's not a chocolate bar. We find these reasons by ourselves. Trying to explain fully to you why I am here is not fully explainable, almost like trying to describe love to someone who's never loved before." As she spoke, something in the expression of her eyes reminded Amuro strongly of Mathilde: the resolution, the strength and the wisdom and he knew, like Mathilde, she had found her own belief, her own reason of being.

They both stood up and straightened. Amuro nodded, not knowing exactly how he should thank her. But Sayla understood and simply smiled again.  He knew what to do now.

All he needed was a little push in the right direction. He'll find his own way.

Then without warning the elevator lurched and began moving again, and then stopped. Amuro saw that he had reached the level he was going to. The doors opened, and he knew it was over. It was time to return to the real world. Amuro stepped out.

"Good luck, Amuro." Sayla said, saluting. The doors closed before he could even reply. He stared at it for a long while, and then, for the first time in many days, he finally cleared his head. He knew what to do. He smiled.

In the elevator, Sayla waited for the doors to open again. And when it did, she went on her own way.

~ Fin