I stood, turning to face him, my mouth going dry as I tried to think of a way to explain. My weakness wasn't something I wanted to admit to myself, and I couldn't bear to see the disappointment in his eyes. Looking into his eyes, usually so unreadable when we were out in public, shone with emotion. Confusion, worry, and what looked like hope. He was looking at me to give him an easy explanation I realized. Something that would protect the bubble of calm we had been floating in all day. I couldn't do that though, I never had taken the easy way out, and I refused to lie to Dimitri - even to put his mind at ease.

"Adrian left it for me." I said, regretting my choice of words even as they left my mouth. I started to explain further, but Dimitri cut me off with a cold laugh, dark eyes flashing with anger.

"How long was I gone before you invited Adrian into our bedroom? A day? Or could you not wait that long?" He didn't shout, the words came out low and controlled, which somehow was worse. The accusation hit me like a freight train.

"Of course not. How could you think I'd-"

"Because you did it to him." This time, Dimitri did shout, and for the first time since I'd known him, I think Dimitri spoke without thinking. He looked shocked at his own words, his expression turning pained as I gasped and backed away from him. His words felt like a physical attack, ripping my heart out. I turned and ran into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Unlike this morning, he stayed where he was, not following me.

I locked the door, even though I doubted he would try to come after me, and sat on the side of the bath. As much as the accusation had hurt - and it was agonising, it was nothing next to the doubt I had seen cross Dimitri's face when I had said Adrian's name. I could deal with anger and hostility, could withstand insults thrown at me, but the betrayal Dimitri's eyes showed, I could deal with that. It hurt too much to think that he didn't trust me, to know that he thought I'd do to him what I had done to Adrian.

Although I had done it to Adrian, I couldn't deny the truth of it. Could I really blame him for thinking what he did? I hadn't denied it either I realised, I had walked away from him, too caught up in my own emotions to try to explain the truth. Would Dimitri be interested in the truth now though? He had to be, I realised. Admitting my own weakness and the hurt that he had caused by leaving would hurt Dimitri, but not as much as thinking that I had replaced him so easily. It seemed we would always end up hurting each other, no matter the choices we made, we just had to choose if the pain was worth it. I knew my answer instinctively, I would relive every heartache, every anguish, every dire situation a hundred times over if it meant I could be with Dimitri. I loved him, and had learned the hard way that trying to replace that love with someone else was useless. I just had to hope that he believed me.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, mentally kicking myself for saying something so stupid, but after a while I decided to face the music. Sitting locked in the bathroom wasn' tgoing to fix anything. I stood and faced the Mirror wiping the tears from my face. The image of this morning flashed in my mind, Dimitri stood behind me, holding my gaze as he stood behind me, hands roaming my body. Had that really only been this morning. God, how did this day go to shit so quickly. Then, I really shouldn't be surprised, my world often fell apart at record speeds. I just hoped I could put it back together again as quickly.

Any residual anger I felt for Dimitri's scornful words vanished as I left the bathroom. He sat on the edge of the bed again, elbows resting on his knees, and his head in his hands, as I approached he didn't move or speak, but I could hear his ragged breathing and see his shoulders moving. He was crying. The realisation stunned me, the only time I had seen him cry was when he had been restored, but now. I had caused this, caused him so much pain. Racked with guilt, I moved in front of him inches away. "Oh, Dimitri" I said barely a whisper and full of sadness. I ran my fingers through his hair and he stilled, unaware of my approach until I had spoken. He lifted his head slowly, meeting my eyes for a moment, before crushing me to him, resting his head against my stomach as he spoke. "Roza, I'm sorry. Forgive me I said more than I meant. Please, I'm so sorry. Please don't leave." His words turned Russian then, and though I couldn't understand them, I guessed their meaning. His last words struck me though. He thought I would leave? And why was he begging for forgiveness, didn't he know I had no choice? I'd forgive him anything.

"No-" I started, quickly finishing my words when Dimitri stilled against me. "There's nothing to forgive Dimitri, you didn't say anything that wasn't true. And I'm- I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have walked away"

"There's nothing to forgive." He repeated my words back to me, and I smiled at the thought that we were the same in this as we were in so many things; we both had no choice but to forgive the other, our love ran too deep.

We stayed like that for a while, his arms wrapped around me and my fingers running through his hair. He pulled back again to meet my eyes; still they showed sorrow, but there was love there too. "Will you tell me?" was all he said. I knew what he meant. I stepped out of his embrace and took a seat next to him on the bed. "It was on the kitchen island when I got home." I looked down at where the bottle lay on the floor, focussing my eyes on it rather than having to look at Dimitri, Not letting him see the shame in my eyes. "It had a note with it. It always helped me, A. I-" I stopped, knowing that my next words would hurt. I steeled myself and continued. "I'd had a nightmare. You, you had come back but you were-"

"Strigoi" Dimitri finished for me. As I had known, there was guilt in his voice, his head dropped.

I simply nodded. "I saw the dream over again every time I closed my eyes, I couldn't escape it. But being awake didn't help. I just wanted it to stop for a while. The sadness and the worry and the memories. I just wanted it to go away." It was barely a whisper by the end, but I knew that Dimitri had heard.

"When will our choices stop causing pain?" Dimitri said to himself, mirroring what I had thought earlier. I looked at him again, seeing the guilt in his eyes again. I couldn't bear it. We had gotten over so much of what he had done in Russia, and his choice to push me away when he had come back, but the residual memories of what he had done threatened to undo all that we had done.

"You're worth it. And this wasn't your fault. I was weak."

The look he gave me said that he didn't believe his innocents. "Why didn't you tell me how much it affected you. I wouldn't have left if I'd known."

"Which is why I didn't tell you. I couldn't deny you the chance to finally heal."

"But at your expense, what is the point in healing me if it hurts you."

I was about to argue that the opposite was true, that him staying would have protected me but hurt him. We were both too alike, protecting the other before thinking about ourselves. We would always be fighting for balance I realised, always walking a tightrope between protecting those around us and our own interests. I sighed, knowing that arguing the point was going to get us nowhere. "I thought I could handle it. Didn't know it was going to hurt so much." It was only half true, but I really didn't think I would have fallen apart like I had. "And as for why I didn't tell you when I came back. Well, I was embarrassed. It was stupid Dimitri, Anythingcould have happened, to you, to Lissa, and I wouldn't have been able to do anything, because of my own weakness. Because I couldn't face a dream for God's sake. It's shameful. I didn't want to disappoint you." And there it was. The true behind it all. As much as we had progressed from our student, teacher roles, I still wanted him to be proud of me. I never wanted to be weak, especially not in front of him. And falling apart completely over a man, even the love of my life? That was weakness.

I dared to look back up at Dimitri, bracing myself to see the disappointment in his eyes that I dreaded. It wasn't there. All that shone was love and affection. How had I gotten so lucky? To have this man that understood and forgave me even when I didn't forgive myself. When I gave voice to my thoughts, he simply laughed. "I was thinking the same thing."

"But-" I began, about to argue that there was nothing to forgive. Again. He cut me off with his lips, kissing me sweetly. I deepened the kiss, wanting to get closer to him. The effects of the teasing from earlier that day came back full force, hitting me with a wave of longing I hadn't expected. I pushed Dimitri back onto the bed, he made a sound of surprise against my lips but didn't stop me, one hand holding onto my hip as I straddled him. I pulled back from the kiss, looking down into his eyes. His free hand came up to rest on my cheek, thumb gently stroking. I lent into his hand, closing my eyes and enjoying the feel of his soft caress. "I love you, Roza," he said, with such earnestness that I opened my eyes. His held me still, all passion and fire and ferocious love, burning into my soul. It took my breath away.

Then, we were kissing again, limbs tangled as each tried to remove the other's clothes. As our bodies came together we clung to each other like we were scared the other might disappear if we let go, even for a second. Dimitri murmured to me in Russian, his words wrapping around me in a sweet caress.

Though our fight had been over before it had really started, the make up sex had been great.

"If that's the result of every fight, I should piss you off more often," I said, laying my head on his chest. Dimitri scoffed, looking down at me and brushing strands of hair from my face. "There are far easier ways to get what you want."

"Like what?"

"Asking."

"Huh," I said, shifting to rest my head on my hand, propped up on one elbow. "Never considered that."

"No. Far too simple" Dimitri replied teasingly. His face sobered a little. "And I am sorry, for causing you pain. And for accusing you of- Well, I know you would never do that."

"You do?" I wanted to believe his words, but I had seen the doubt in his eyes for a brief moment. Fleeting, but there all the same. He considered his words for a moment. "After everything that you did to bring me back. And once I believed that you truly forgave me for what I had done, I knew your choice was made."

"So why the doubt now?" I asked, looking him squarely in the eye. It was like the calm after the storm, we were having the same conversation, but without the hurricane of emotions that had exploded earlier.

"I didn't know if you could forgive me for leaving to fight. For leaving you on purpose." We had been ripped from each other many times, but mostly it was beyond our control. We were torn apart by fate, to protect those around us, or to protect each other. When Dimitri left to fight this time, it was for himself. Of course it was to protect and serve, but his reasons were more personal than that.

"It isn't selfish to want peace." The look he gave me told me that I had read his mind. It was usually the other way around with us, but seeing the relief cross his face, I was happy I had been able to turn the tables. We kissed again, sweet and light. The fire that had consumed us earlier had burned itself out, for a while at least, leaving nothing but love. "We should sleep, we have to be up early."

And suddenly, the world expanded beyond just the two of us. It was the memorial service tomorrow. And, the guardians would all receive our Zevezda, battle marks in the shape of a star. Dimitri gave me a sad smile, running his fingers down the back of my neck. "Come on," he said, pulling the bedsheets up around us. "We need to sleep."

He kissed the top of my head, turning to set the alarm on the nightstand. Turning back to me, eyebrows furrowed and I looked at the source of his confusion. He held a small rectangle of deep crimson fabric, wrapped around a card. The one that Rhonda had given me. I had completely forgotten about it, and I think DImitri had had enough surprises for one night. "Do I even want to ask?" He raised one brow at me. I laughed. "No. I'll explain tomorrow. Let's get some sleep." I really didn't have the energy to try to explain the role Rhonda had played in his rescue. I would have to thank her though, I realised. But that could wait for tomorrow. Right now, I was going nowhere. Dimitri wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest, and soon I was drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

I know the last few chapters haven't had an author's note with them, as I wanted to write as much as I could whilst the ideas and motivation were there. I did want to take the opportunity to say thankyou to everyone who reads and reviews, it's very much appreciated.

I reread the whole VA series again to know where I wanted to go with my writing, and it made me remember why I loved this series when I was younger.

This storey will be wrapping up soon, and there will likely be more in the near future, as I fall in love with their world all over again. And I hope that my writing has improved since I first started writing 8 and a half years ago (I can't believe it's been that long).

Hope you have enjoyed so far, a few more chapters to go.

Love,

Gina xx