Viva La Barney Stinson

I used to woo the girls
Told her lies and that's all she heard
My life is boring an office drone
But she thinks that I'm a clone

The booze made them enticed
Strapped in gear from my submarine ride
Mission that I vowed to bring
Is to have flings in bed blonde and perky!

That brunette just spilled her drink
Soon that doll's exposed with glee
A one night lover is all I can stand
Another lie from the vault: "Must leave for Japan"

It's clear that I'm awesome chicks are clinging
Moanin' "Wow! Barney!" each night flinging
Even clearer the suit I wield
Is legendary they want a feel
No dry season I'm always laid
Not just blondes all hair colors
Will want to have a turn
I'm the guy who wooed the girls

I'm not a prick cause I help my friends
As wingman roar "Have you met Ted?"
Flatter widows only if they're young
The best way to grieve is with your tongue

Don't really care for married life
Take my sack and pull out the knife
Pick up artist won't put on a ring
Like, Baseball players stuck in a sling

Pour some booze in them to get mating
Robin Scherbatsky should be dating
Me it's weirder the way I feel
You'd think that fairies would first be real
Should be treason to act this way
There's nothing sweeter than scotch and dames
Marriage is for the nerds
Not the guy who rocks the girls

Aw-Aw-Aw-Awesoooooommmeee!
Aw-Aw-Aw-Awesoooooommmeee!
Aw-Aw-Aw-Awesoooooommmeee!
Aw-Aw-Aw-Awesoooooommmeee!

Playing laser-tag butt I'm kicking
When no gal's tipsy to be tricking
Get them nearer their clothes are peeled
With trained canaries that make crowds yield
I'm appeased, Nope I can't complain
Cause nothing beats my cigars and babes
Each night is more absurd
Cause I'm the guy who's wooed the girls