A/N: Why is there no Doctor/Rory fic out there? Granted, I usually say NO to interspecies (mostly because Ten always had female companions and I am very nearly anti-het except that I'm not) but… after calling Rory gorgeous, Eleven deserves it. Don't tell me you couldn't see it! Still, I do think that Amy and Rory are an adorable couple and will be together forever, because I am hopeful like that. Therefore, this fic is… AU? Or perhaps not!

Disclaimer: DW belongs to BBC, Venice belongs to Italy, vampires belong to Stephanie Meyer. Oh, wait… Some dialogue lifted directly from the show.

Warning: Um, slash? Not serious, though. In fact, I'd go so far as to call it TOTAL UNABASHED CRACK except that it really, really isn't. Minor spoilers for Vampires in Venice.

Summary: Chemistry. Apparently, the Fangurls say we has it.

~?~

Rory was not having a good couple of days, romance-wise.

Oh, it had all started out fine, to be sure. He was getting married the next morning, so naturally he was out getting pissed with some chums from the Leadworth hospital and, unfortunately, every other grown man he knew including that Jeff character who was really only important two years ago when Amy's imaginary friend had appeared and there had been a bunch of aliens; anyway, Rory was only enjoying himself because he had taken in way too much beer for his own good. As was probably made clear by the previous sentence.

Then, instead of the closest thing the English countryside had to a stripper (which, when you thought about it, kind of described Amy) jumping out of a false cake in some really small underwear, a man with a bow tie and rather incredible cheekbones burst out and informed a gawking audience that he had kissed the bridegroom's bride-to-be.

Which isn't gay at all, obviously.

And then after that, when Rory tried to confront him, the man grabbed his custom made stag party jumper, pulled him bodily into his big blue box that was bigger on the inside, and initiated an extremely awkward silence in which Amy's body language made it abundantly clear that she no longer wanted human boys.

Then to top it all off, Rory threw up all over the TARDIS' console.

~?~

On the bright side, Rory supposed, as he sat morosely on a crate in some man's house and stared at the floor while everyone else was planning an adventure, he did get to go to Venice. He'd always wanted to go to Venice.

But on the slightly less bright side, he ruminated in as close of a cynical tone as ruminations can get, in fact on the dark as the other side of the bloody moon side, the city was stricken with plague. Or maybe vampires.

And Amy didn't want to hold hands with him.

Rory wished he was still kneeling over the TARDIS toilet (that looked surprisingly very similar to any public loo back home) feeling alcohol burning up his digestive tissues. At least that didn't make his heart feel like somebody from another planet had just stabbed it with a big rusty serrated knife and twisted without even realizing it.

Come to think of it, he was just not having a good day at all.

~?~

Amy was currently in horrible, horrible danger, the Doctor and Rory were also in horrible, horrible danger, and Rory was clad in something that made him look like a character out of Shakespeare's best, but, left alone with the Doctor for the first time, all he could do was think about Amy kissing him. Yes, even though they were travelling down a mysterious and damp tunnel with only a nonelectric torch for light and the possibility of aliens and/or vampires lurking around every sharp corner.

Why him? This man, of all people! He had this… this hair, and he wore a bow tie. And also he wasn't human. How was Rory less worthy of Amy's kisses than an alien? No, surely the Doctor had initiated contact there.

This, some rational part of his mind told him, was what was commonly known as denial.

But it's not like you're supposed to listen to the thoughts in your head or anything.

"What happened," he found himself blurting, "between you and Amy? You said she kissed you!" Immediately after he said it, he realized that this was actually a spectacularly idiotic topic of conversation to bring up, under the circumstances.

The Doctor turned around, looking annoyed. "Now? You want to do this now? We're creeping into a secret fortress filled with vampires in the middle of the night and it just now occurs to you to bring this up? Amy could be having her blood sucked out through a straw right now, you know."

Rory bit his lip. He might as well dive right in now that this can of worms had been opened between them. "But I have a right to know! I'm getting married in 430 years! Come on."

The Doctor shrugged. "She was frightened. I was frightened." This seemed to be, in his eyes, an amazing occurrence. "But then we survived, and in the relief of it… she kissed me!"

He clearly expected this to be an end to the issue, but Rory was not as confident in that regard. "And you kissed her back."

"No, I kissed her mouth."

"Funny."

Rory didn't think it was funny at all. But he was fairly sure this alien understood sarcasm.

"Rory." The Doctor stopped, putting his hand out to stop Rory as well. "Rory. She kissed me because I was there! It would have been you. It should have been you!" He waved the torch in Rory's face with some emphasis. Rory flinched. The he felt that it was something he shouldn't have done and regretted it.

"It should have been me," he repeated, disbelief dripping from his tone.

Again, sarcasm. But this time the Doctor was oblivious. "Exactly. And that's why I brought you here."

Then the torch blew out.

The Doctor muttered something about the vampires, mind now turned back to his task by the convenient transitioning device.

Rory reached out and grasped what he supposed was the Doctor's arm. "Hey, I'm not finished-"

"Can't you just drop it?" the Doctor hissed. "I don't want to talk about this anymore!"

"No, I can't just drop it. You two kissed, and that isn't as trivial as you seem to think it is; at least not to me!" He threw his hands up, though the Doctor couldn't actually see his frustrated gestures. "And now she's- she's travelling around all these galaxies and through time with you and it's changed her! She doesn't look at me anymore… She looks at you like she used to look at me. Really, she's never even looked at me that way…"

From the sound of it, the Doctor was facing the Earth dweller, slightly up in his space. He didn't reply, however, so there was a long period where Rory just listened to the sound of their breathing slowly synchronize.

And then:

"Fine."

Rory blinked. "F-fine what?"

And about half a second later, he found out what.

The Doctor grabbed him by the shoulder-poufs, gritted his teeth, and slammed his lips up against Rory's. For a moment it was extremely strange and all of the junior doctor's instincts screamed out "WRONG!", but then the Doctor pulled away and Rory pulled him back and they were kissing.

All of a sudden, Rory understood why Amy had done this.

It wasn't like kissing a girl, or like kissing a boy. It wasn't like kissing a human at all. There was this energy, this inhuman power that seemed to come up from the depths of the Doctor's being and burn through his mouth, scorching Rory to the core.

Time, possibly? He was kissing time?

Rory pushed his tongue between the Doctor's lips, clumsy and eager and greedy to taste that power better. They wrestled for dominance, Rory wanting so much more than he had ever wanted and the Doctor refusing to give it to him.

The Time Lord broke contact, angry. "Rory! You're getting married in 430 years, do you remember?"

Rory grabbed him and pulled him close. "I could care less," he said, and it was said in a growl.
"And anyway, she gave you the same treatment. It's my right to do this. That's why you kissed me, isn't it?"

The Doctor floundered. "Well, perhaps my logic was a little-"

Rory cut him off, sealing their lips together again. He ran his hands over the other male's shoulders to find his collar and began pulling his jacket off.

He came up for air and the Doctor gasped "Rory!" in an aggrieved tone.

"Shut. Up." Rory shoved the brown braces off his shoulders.

"Rory, Amy's in trouble. You have to stop; we have to go save her."

Rory paused in his hasty, done-in-the-dark unbuttoning of the Doctor's shirt.

"Oh."

"Yes, oh."

"Right."

Rory blinked, the overwhelming intoxication of the moment suddenly gone as quick as it had come. The Doctor buttoned his shirt, fixed up his braces, and picked up his jacket. Shrugging it on, he started walking back down the corridor, hand on the wall so he wouldn't take a wrong turn. Rory started after him. "I'm sorry!" he exclaimed. "I don't know what happened! I don't usually go kissing people like that. Especially men."

"Not a problem. Forget about it."

"But-"

"No, really. Forget about it."

~?~

Rory desperately hoped that he would forget, but he didn't. He also desperately hoped to leave the Doctor after that day and take Amy with him, but he couldn't bring himself to do that either. As soon as the Doctor was in danger, he found himself leaping into action, panicking at the thought of losing this mad alien. Granted, he did the same for Amy, but…

Their kiss was a relief, a return to normalcy, but it was not kissing the Doctor. They pulled apart with the knowledge that they now shared this longing for the taste of time. Amy was shocked, he could tell, but covered it with a gleeful, proud smile, excitement and pride for her boyfriend, her fiancée. One of the men she loved.

Later, once the whole incident was over and he was in his new bunk on the TARDIS pretending to sleep, Rory realized that this was his and Amy's first "issue" as a couple.

They were both sort of in love with the same man, who could never love either of them back.

Love Triangle on Time Machine, Rory thought wryly. They really should make a film about us.

~?~

EPILOGUE:

Rory pulled out a small penlight to illuminate the large room they had found themselves in. He said something inane about it, proud of himself for bringing supplies, but the words died on his lips as the Doctor pulled out an enormous light-emitting rod. Possibly halogen. Or nuclear. He said it was sunlight.

"Y-yours is bigger than mine," Rory stammered, rather put out and more than a little embarrassed.

The Doctor stared at him for a second, then shook his head.

"Rory. Let's not go there again."