GRAWR! I LIVE! And I'm back with a new fandom! Avatar: The Last Airbender! :D So here's how it happened. I was getting hyped about M. Night Shyamalan's movie Avatar: The Last Airbender (which is terrible, btw) and decided to re-watch the series for old times sake. Both my sister and I became obsessed with it and A:TLA kicked Bleach right off its pedestal (though my profile doesn't say so...). So here it is. The names rhyme. I know you saw this coming. (I don't own A:TLA)
The Aangover
Chapter 1: Him, Him, Him, Him = Them
"Hey, you've reached Avatar Aang. I'm probably off saving the world or Momo took my cell phone again or Appa ate it and I had to wait 6-8 hours for it... You know what, just leave a message." -BEEP!-
"Hi! Sokka here! Well, not really, since I couldn't answer my phone. Anyways, leave a message and I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can." -BEEP!-
"Heeey, what's up?" "Oh, thank God! Where are-" "SIKE! Leave a message, but don't text me. That's gay." -BEEP!- "DAMMIT, JET!"
"Hello, you've reached Prince Zuko, son of Ursa and Fire Lord Ozai, heir to the throne. Leave a message and if it's important enough, I'll call you back." -BEEP!-
Toph sighed with extreme anxiety as she sat in front of a large vanity. Her make up and hair was already done and gorgeous; her bridesmaids were preparing her dress. A cell phone was clutched in her small pale hands as she desperately prayed for it to ring. "Where are you guys...?"
"Toph, I'm sure they'll call back." Poppy assured her daughter with the eleventh pat on the back in ten minutes. She shot a look at Lao, who was sitting on the couch with some papers to read. The look said, 'Say something for her.'
"Don't worry, Toph, dear. You know... Ember Island." Lao sighed contently, fondly remembering his younger years.
Toph was about to say something to counter her parents' words when her phone's ringtone went off. She opened it immediately and answered, "Hello?"
"Toph?" Toph instantly recognized this voice as Jet's.
"Jet, where the hell are you guys?" Toph demanded, shooting to her feet. "I'm freaking out."
"Uh, well, shit happened here in Ember Island and..." he sighed. "We... We lost Aang."
"What? No! We're getting married in five hours!" she shrieked, panic surging through her veins.
"Yeah, um... That's not going to happen."
Two Days Earlier
Aang and Sokka were in the Bei Fong family's study room, looking absolutely spiffy. They were trying on their handmade robes for the wedding. A servant was measuring the both of them to make sure that the robes were as comfy and presentable as possible.
Sokka yelped. "Watch it, old man! That's my penis, you pervert!"
Aang sighed as he examined himself in the mirror. "Relax, Sokka, he's just measuring your inseam."
Having apparently finished his work, the servant nodded at the two, gathered his belongings, and walked off. Sokka approached the mirror and began to strip himself of his robes. He only had his shirt off when he turned to face the young Avatar with a long face. "Look, Aang, if you guys want to go to Ember Island without me, you know, it's fine. I totally understand."
"What? Why would you say that?" Aang inquired, still fully clothed. (A/N: I feel like I'm writing a lemon. xD)
"Well, you and your buddies... I feel like you guys are gonna be holding back, you know? Cuz the bride's best friend is there, and... I just want you guys to enjoy yourselves, that's all." Sokka explained, removing his trousers.
"Aw, Sokka, you know it's not-" Aang's words stopped dead in their tracks when he saw Sokka's underpants. It was a normal loincloth, except the fabric got rolled up, revealing his tannish asscheeks. Aang's look of permanent scarring remained on his face even when Sokka turned around again. Once he regained his composure, Aang told him, "It's not like that. Zuko and Jet? Those two love you! Besides, like you said, you're Toph's best friend. It's important that my friends and I get to know you too." Sokka wore an unconvinced look. Aang continued, "Look, it's completely fine. More than fine, actually. In fact, I'll be really upset if you decide not to come."
Slowly, the water tribe boy smiled. He pulled Aang into a tight embrace and exclaimed, "Thanks, Aang! You're a real pal!"
Aang chuckled nervously at the awkwardness and hesitantly pat the half-naked man's back. "Ehehe... You too, Sokka."
"Mr. Avatar, Master Bei Fong wishes to see you." said a random servant that popped in on the two's moment.
"Oh, sure. Let's go, Sokka. It's probably about our ride." Aang said, picking up his luggage and following the servant out. Sokka (who quickly dressed) gathered his things and ran after the two, who were already long gone.
"Aw, Master Bei Fong, I can't possibly take this..." Aang told him. Appa was snoozing in front of the Bei Fong palace, enjoying the feel of the luxurious leather saddle on his back. It was a rich black and jewel-encrusted (emeralds and green and white topazes) beauty. An antique trunk was in the back to complete the saddle's look.
"It's not yours to keep, of course, but I'm allowing you to ride to Ember Island in style." Lao nodded. "This saddle was used by my ancestors when they first discovered badger moles, the world's first Earthbenders. It's a great treasure of the Bei Fong family and I insist that you use it."
Aang smiled brightly. "Thank you, Master Bei Fong."
"Hey, you're marrying my only daughter." he winked. "Call me Dad."
"Dad." Aang chuckled. He let his hand glide over the saddle as Lao explained, "As I said before, this saddle is one of the Bei Fong family's greatest treasures. Please... make sure Sokka doesn't wreck it. There's something wrong with that young man..." he trailed as the two looked over at Sokka. He had his space sword out and was fighting an enemy named Topiary. He fought fiercely and even included sound effects before the tables suddenly turned. The sword got stuck in the Topiary and Sokka got several jabs in the chest as he attempted to pull it out.
"Okay, sir. I'll be sure to watch out for it." Aang nodded.
"And, one more thing. Don't let Jet wreck it either." Lao hushed his tone so that only Aang could hear him. "I don't really like him."
The young Avatar smiled. "I'll be the only one taking care of this saddle."
"Ahaha. Good. Oh, and one more thing." Lao looked at Aang seriously. This look was quickly dissolved by a clever wink and a small smirk. "What happens in Ember Island stays in Ember Island."
"Oho, I got you, sir." he laughed. "Thank you for the saddle."
x-x-x-x
Jet sighed as he examined the movements of his sparring students. He taught at a martial arts school and specialized in the art of hook swords. The fact that his students had barely learned anything disappointed him deeply. Being a master like himself, seeing such rookies was a bit irritating.
Thankfully, the gong rang, signifying the end of class. Jet clapped his hands and shouted, "All right, guys! That's enough for today! Don't forget to hand in 20 gold pieces as an extra enrollment fee!"
Jet stood by the exit, collecting the money from the students that haven't paid yet. As soon as the dojo was empty, he counted all of his money with smirk. "That should be enough for Ember Island."
Suddenly, he heard a familiar bison's growl from outside of the school. Jet made sure that he was equipped with all of his belongings before running out of the school.
Outside, Sokka and Aang were waiting patiently on Appa. Sokka kept looking at the building across from the school with frantic eyes. Finally, Aang sighed and looked at the building; it was a poetry house. He looked back at Sokka. "What's wrong? It's just a poetry house."
"You don't get it." Sokka whimpered. He then spoke in a voice that only Aang could hear. "I am terrified of poetry houses."
Aang rose a brow. "...What?"
"Not really the building itself as much as the people in it." he clarified. Aang just didn't respond that time.
"Master, about the flying kick-" one child approached Jet when suddenly, he pushed him aside.
"Sorry, Sungmin, it's the weekend! I do not know you, you do not exist to me!" Jet said in a rush, waving his arms over his head. He jumped onto Appa's newly acquired saddle, much to Aang's dislike. "Holy shit, look at this thing! Very fancy, Mr. Aang Avatar Bei Fong!"
"Jet, don't step on the saddle with your filthy shoes! Take them off!" Aang demanded.
"Yeah, Master Bei Fong's gonna get really mad." Sokka laughed. "You won't like him when he's mad. Trust me. I don't like him when he's mad, and I like everybody!"
Jet's eyebrows furrowed into a confused look. "Who the hell is this guy?"
"I'm Sokka, Toph's best friend." he said, upset that Jet forgot him. "I met you, like, four times."
"Oh, right. How's it going, man?"
x-x-x-x
"Don't forget your Mederma."
"Mederma, check."
"Don't forget to use your Mederma. Seriously, you have to get that thing off your face, scars are so unattractive."
Zuko twitched slightly, but still said, "Use Mederma, check."
After making sure that all of his essentials were neatly packed, Zuko zipped his bag and went to join Katara on the couch. She was sipping some green tea. Zuko attempted to give her a big kiss on the cheek when she backed away. Zuko rose an eyebrow. "What's wrong with you?"
"I don't know." she sighed. "I just don't want you guys going to some strip club while you're gone."
"We're going to Kyoshi Island, there aren't any strip clubs there." Zuko told her. He added, "Besides, this show is rated TV-Y7. They can't even show blood here."
Katara glared at him sternly. "But this fanfic is rated M. This crazy authoress can do whatever the fuck she wants. Kyoshi Island or not, there will be a strip club. I just know Jet will find one." she set her tea down and looked at Zuko seriously. "And the worst part is... that little girl? Grinding and dry-humping the fucking stage? That's somebody's daughter!"
"That's somebody's daughter! I was just about to say that." Zuko lied.
Katara smiled. "See? I just wish your friends could be as mature as you are."
"They are mature. You just have to get to know them better. Because deep down inside-"
"Summoning Fire Lord Faggot!" shouted a voice that the two immediately recognized as Jet. Katara sighed and Zuko stiffened. "Fire Lord Faggot!"
"I... should probably get going." Zuko said, gathering his things.
Katara nodded. "That's a good idea, Fire Lord Faggot."
Zuko laughed stiffly. "Have a good weekend. I'll miss you." he tried to kiss her, but she again moved away so he settled for kissing her shoulder. With that, he grabbed his things and exited the house.
"Whoa, look at the view." commented Aang as they flew over Ba Sing Se.
"I hate this place. It's nothing but a prison." Zuko murmured.
"Oh, lighten up, Lee. We've had pretty good memories here, eh?" Jet reminded him, jabbing his side with his elbow.
"No." Zuko answered promptly.
"Say, Jet, how come you always call him Lee?" Aang inquired.
Zuko glared at Jet as he scratched the back of his head with a nervous chuckle. "It's a... long story, Aang..."
"Wait, what memories?" Zuko demanded. "You were brainwashed."
"And didn't you die?" Sokka asked, backing up a little.
Jet laughed. "Well, Zuko, I was able to remember some of my days in Ba Sing Se, mind you. And as for that whole dying thing? Yeah. Mike and Bryan decided that I had enough fangirls to still be alive. That's why at the dojo, I not only specialize in hook swords, but I also teach my students how to be cool and badass enough to come back to life." (A/N: Jet lives, dammit!)
"Not everyone can pull that off." Aang murmured.
"Ugh, tell me about it." Jet groaned.
"Whoo!" Sokka screamed, suddenly jumping to his feet. He waved his arms giddily and shouted, "Sky trip!"
As they neared Ba Sing Se's wall, Sokka screamed at one of the men, "Ember Island, baby! EMBER FUCKING ISLAND!"
The man scoffed in disgust before rudely flipping him off. Offended, Sokka sat back down. Jet laughed and pat his back before looking at Aang. "Come on, let me steer!"
"No. I promised Master Bei Fong that I'd get this saddle back to him in one piece."
"Oh, relax. We're flying Appa here. How am I supposed to mess up the saddle?"
"You could spill your firewhiskey on it."
"Who knows, maybe I'm doing that right now." Jet smirked.
Aang turned with a panicked expression. "You are?"
Suddenly, Appa crashed into a couple of trees, due to Aang taking his eyes off the route.
"Whoa!" Aang shouted, worry flooding his brain. Sokka and Jet were laughing their asses off while Zuko concealed a snicker or two.
"That was awesome!" Sokka grinned.
"No, that was not awesome! We almost died!" Aang shrieked. He pat Appa's head. "Appa, are you okay?"
He got a groan in return.
"Let me steer, Aang. Appa'll be safe if I do." Jet insisted. Aang didn't answer. "Come on! I had to leave my wife and kid just to be here! Do you know how hard that was?"
"I never thought I'd hear you of all people say something so sincere." Zuko said.
"Zuko, that was sarcasm. I fucking hate my life." Jet groaned, falling onto his back. "Ty Lee's hot and all, pretty crazy in bed-" (A/N: Oh, yes, TyJet. Crack ftw)
"I don't need to hear this!" Aang screamed.
"Yes, you do, you're getting married!" Jet shouted at him.
"I am surrounded by idiots!" Zuko complained, covering his ears.
"Will you tell me?" Sokka asked Jet.
Jet stared at him. "...No, man."
"Aww."
"I'm stopping here before I puke on Appa." Aang muttered as they landed in front of a convenience store (or the equivalent of a convenience store in A:TLA). Everyone got off except Sokka. "You're gonna stay here? Don't you need anything?"
"No, I'm good. Just get me a meat bun?"
"No problem." Aang said as he walked into the store.
Jet met with him at the door. "Sokka's... a bit strange. Should we be worried?"
"What? No, he's harmless." Aang explained, picking up some firewhiskey and vodka.
"No, I mean, is he all there? You know, mentally?" Jet asked before grabbing some Earth Crisps for himself. (A/N: I am terrible at food product names. Dx)
"Yeah, yeah, he's just a little weird." he told him as he got Sokka's meat bun. "Funny, but weird. Though Toph did say that we shouldn't let him gamble or drink too much."
Jet snorted as they approached the counter. "Damn. I didn't know people could come with instructions and shit."
"And one water." Zuko said, adding his water bottle to the things they were buying.
Aang looked at him. "How are things with Katara?"
"Pretty good. I just told her we're two hours away from Kyoshi Island and she totally bought it." Zuko held his cell phone up, proud of his lying skills.
Jet sighed loudly. "Don't you think it's weird that you've been in a relationship with Katara for three years and you still have to lie about Ember Island?"
Zuko shrugged. "Yeah, but trust me, it's not worth the fight."
"Oh, okay. So you can't go to Ember Island, but..." Jet cleared his throat and turned to face Zuko fully. "she can fuck a waiter at my wedding?"
Zuko sighed. "Okay, first of all, it was a bartender. And second, she was completely wasted! And if you must know, he didn't even come inside her."
Jet scoffed. "You believe that?"
"Uh, yeah. I know because she's grossed out by semen." Zuko stated matter-of-factly.
"That'll be 32 silver pieces." said the clerk, who was a bit disturbed by their conversation.
"Why don't you cover that, Mr. Fire Lord." Jet said before leaving him and Aang. Zuko sighed and took out his wallet.
The four were on the road, er, sky again and Sokka was reading something. It was labeled, The Worl'd Greatest Blackjack Book. "It says here that we should work in teams. Who wants to be with me?"
"Uhh, Sokka, maybe you shouldn't gamble too much while we're there." Aang said.
"It's not gambling if you know you're gonna win." Sokka insisted. "Counting cards is a fool-proof system."
"It's also illegal." Zuko stated.
"It's not illegal, it's just frowned upon, like... jizzing in the Fire Lord's garden." Sokka said. Zuko's face contorted into a look of disgust and fear.
Jet laughed. "I'm pretty sure that's illegal too."
"And anyway, you have to be super smart to count cards." Aang added.
"Nope. King Bumi had a casino bankrupt when he counted cards and he was batshit insane and retarded. How else do you think he became a king?" (A/N: No harsh feelings toward Bumi! I think he's cool!)
Zuko stared at him. "Because he's a fucking king, moron."
"Well, I guess that's what his 10,000 gold pieces said." Sokka shrugged.
Haha, yes. First chapter = done. Please review if you liked it! :D