Forbidden, But Never Forgotten

Hellraiser oneshot, featuring my OC, Nadine Jones. Nadine's POV. Credit to Annie Lennox, and to Francis Ford Coppola, from whose movie Bram Stoker's Dracula, this song is taken.

"Once I had the rarest rose, that ever deigned to bloom.

Cruel winter chilled the bud, it stole my flower too soon.

The loneliness of hopelessness, to search the ends of time,

For there is, in all the world, no greater love than mine..."

-Annie Lennox, "Love Song For A Vampire"

I wasn't looking for anyone else. After the disaster that was my last marriage, I had sworn off love forever. James, my late-not late enough-husband, was a brute, who, when he wasn't drinking himself into oblivion, had no qualms about using his fists on his wife. People knew, of course they did, but James was a decorated war hero, and I, just a woman. Just his wife. Entitled to nothing. Deserving of less.

When he died, in the Great War, I was glad. Because I thought I was finally free. Of course, I took men into my bed. Through loneliness and a desire to find something that was lacking in me.

But all I found was more pain.

Perhaps I brought it on myself, I don't know.

And then Elliot Spenser came along.

Captain Elliot Spenser. Another decorated was hero. And a survivor of the war. However, Elliot was deeply affected by the horrors he had undoubtedly witnessed. 'Survivor's guilt', I believe they call it. He was charming, funny, handsome...but there was a great darkness in him. But how could I blame him? For the same darkness dwelled in me.

I would have called us soulmates, but at the time, it seemed we existed solely to hurt each other. Elliot hurt me in ways I could never have imagined-but he also brought me to heights of pleasure I had never previously believed existed.

And somewhere along the way, I fell in love. Deeply. Hopelessly. Irrevocably. I felt more with him than I had ever felt with anyone.

But he didn't love me. I don't think Elliot, after what he had gone through, all the terrible suffering he had experienced, could love anyone. And certainly not himself.

And then, he found that damn box.

And the love of my life died, was gone from me. I'm not sure how-all I found after his disappearance was a bloody scrap of his shirt. But I knew he was gone, forever. And my heart was broken.

Three months after Elliot died, I was attacked by vampires. Creatures I'd never believed were real-but I know the truth now. I was killed, but was also remade. Reborn.

I'm a demon now, an eternal creature of the night. Invincible, as long as I avoid direct sunlight. I'm a killer, vicious, cold, unfeeling.

But my heart, though unbeating, still loves my handsome captain.

And I will never rest, will never stop, until I find out what happened to him...come Hell or high water...