Baby Boom

In recent years, the population of many countries face a drastic decline. Many reasons were cited by experts and superstitious folks alike. Nevertheless, the ageing population with little babies to replace them had been at the thorn of many for long…

"大家好！" cried China, "Welcome to the World Forum for the Population Increment at my house! As you all know, the population of the many countries are in the decline. Thus, we are here to solve the problem."

"Kee Chiu!" shouted Singapore, "Easy one lah! Just import more banglas and PRCs; problem solved!"

"My people have violent objections against this," Japan pointed out.

"Are they willing to speak Swiss German, or marry a Swiss, or swear their loyalty to me, or defend the homeland till death?" questioned Switzerland.

"WE DON'T NEED ANY MORE FOREIGN SHIT IN OUR HOUSES NO MORE!" Romano ranted.

"Immigration is not the solution, not for many of us here," Germany warned, "What about integration into society?"

"GERMANY, PLEASE DON'T IMPORT MORE FOREIGNERS!" hollered Italy, "I AM ABOUT TO COLLAPSE SINCE LIBYA'S REFUGEES!"

"We cannot simply regain our losses without angering the masses," France added, "this approach just won't work with the majority of the world."

"So immigration not option," China said, "Okay, got any more idea?"

"How about we track the flight of storks?" America suggested, "I mean, they drop babies off to their mommies… so I think they can bring in more babies."

"Hahaha!" laughed England, "You must be delusional to assume babies are brought in by birds!"

"Huh, but you told me that yourself," America remarked, "… You lied to me!

"Honestly, your educational system is highly questionable," France remarked.

"That was out of convenience!" England yelled.

"America and England, please calm down!" cried China, holding a bowl, "Have some Chinese-made candy to placate you."

As such, America quickly helped himself to the food. England resumed his calm and went back to the Meeting.

"Why not countries just be one with me?" Russia suggested, "by merging with one another, we can increase population size, da?"

"SHUT UP!" yelled China, "Next!"

"People nowadays are like pandas, hardly ever making babies," Thailand said, "so just like pandas, we must expose them to materials on how to do the deed."

"As in porn?" asked America.

"No, they will be educational and teaching couples how to do it properly," Thailand said.

"Also include editions of Kama Sutra for good measure!" added India.

"Sorry, but this is not morally-acceptable," China said, "We need real solutions, people!"

"In my opinion, I believe that all in all, this is a question of economy based on manpower," Japan said, "as such, we should prepare for the future of robot workers."

"I agree, since robots originate from Korea," Korea added.

"No, they do not!" the Japanese snapped.

"Not all of us are so technology-savvy, Mr Japan," Romania lamented.

"This is an issue of national pride, not just the economy," Germany said, "this cannot be the way out, I'm sorry."

"We need to have consensus on our plans this year," England reminded.

"Actually, I have the formula designed by decades of research," China said.

"Enlighten us, before your little Chinese New Year festivities," England said.

"I have been following the population charts of my country for years, and I realise this," China explained, "every twelve years, many parents in my house like to make the babies, more than the other years."

"Intriguing phenomenon, any reasons?" asked Germany, "this may be the answer we are waiting for."

"In the Chinese calendar, this is the Dragon Year. Many the parents like to have the Dragon babies; they are said to be very smart and lucky," China explained, "In fact, next week will be the Dragon Year."

"Very good!" applauded Singapore, "This is the best time for me to make babies! I must tell my boss this right away!"

"So we are supposed to integrate your culture in ours…" wondered Germany, "sorry, how is this going to work?"

"I think it has more to do with marketing this idea to the Chinese diaspora," England voiced out.

"Hmm… I can visualise this concept," Netherlands remarked, "Dragon babies for Success, For You and State."

"Sounds like a working slogan," China agreed, "and the beginning of a themed merchandise!"

"Perhaps throw in some baby bonus," Singapore suggested, "after all, a main concern by parents is the high costs of rearing a child."

"I prefer social welfare as an incentive," Norway pointed out.

"If that does not work, death penalty works," Russia added.

"Let's test that out before introducing it en masse," England concluded, "China, do a pilot test in your house and deliver the results in the next Meeting."

"You will be proud!" exclaimed the Chinese, "but I would need the whole year to assess it, so implementing it would be twelve years later."

Omake - America's Sexual Education

When America was still a colony, he asked England of many issues and things of the world. Being a responsible "parent/brother/homeland", he answered them all to the best of his ability.

"England, where do babies come from?" asked America.

"Alfred, what kind of question is this?" exclaimed England, "This is something young lads such as yourself need not to know."

"France told me you know the answer," America said, "Tell me now!"

"That bloody wanker… this is one of his plots to scare America away from me…" he thought.

"Alright… babies… they are made when a man and woman… only a man and a woman…" England began to explain, "eh… it is given to them by… by a stork! Yes, a stork."

"Isn't that a bird?" asked America.

"Elementary, Alfred," England continued, "the stork brings the man and woman their baby."

"But I never remembered being carried by a stork?" America questioned.

"Maybe you were too young to recall," England insisted.

"But why only give to a man and woman," America asked again.

"If you read your Bible, you will understand in time," England said, "now, please leave me to make our dinner first."

Outside the house, France stayed glued to the window and looked at England's flustered face while making dinner.

"Thank God for old wives' tale," thought England.

"Why didn't you tell l'Amerique of the truth?" he lamented.

Author's Notes

The main concept of this chapter is the belief that Chinese parents tend to give birth to babies in the Dragon Year of the zodiac, believing they to be more successful in life.

Translation

大家好 – Hello everyone

Kee Chiu – raise hand (in Hokkien)