CHAPTER 1: A baby changes everything

Emma never cursed. But today was a different story. Standing in the red and white WMHS bathroom, with fluorescent bulbs beaming down on her, Emma Pillsbury felt less confident and less uneasy than she usually did. She muttered a few swear words under her breath, feeling childish and irresponsible. How did I get myself into this? She asked herself, knowing that there was no good answer. It wasn't just her fault. Her knees quaked, shaking together, and her skinny arms got goosebumps as soon as she glanced down at the plastic stick in her hand. She was more scared right then than she had ever been in her entire life. Not heaps and piles of germs and dirt could make up for the pertifying fear that Emma was facing now. She couldn't tell Will. He would leave her, feel like he was just being used again. Or worse. He would only stick around for that reason, never really caring about her. Stop, she told herself. If I think that, then I'm no better than she is.

Emma swallowed and threw the plastic pregnancy test in the garbage bin in her stall. No one ever needed to know that this had happened. She could solve everything, she was, after all, a guidance counselor. With short gasp breaths, Emma left the pristine stall to go wash her hands. Peeing on a stick that you, yourself actually had to hold was too disgusting for a girl like Emma to even consider. But, once again, she would do it for Will. She had done it for Will, and as the cold water gushed over hands and soap bubbles flaoted up from the sink, Emma knew there was only one choice. She had to be brave. But she couldn't do it alone. As Emma Pillsbury's lime green, Mary-Jane heels slapped the linolieum hallway, she felt her whole organized, planned out world slowly shatter. A wave from Artie and Finn passing by.

"Are you going to watch us? We're doing some grwat numbers, Mr. Schue picked them out and stuff," Rachel prodded as Emma walked by, obviously talking about the Glee rehearsal. Emma, feeling weak in the knees, could only shrug her frail shoulders.

A knowing look from Quinn, a smile, was all Emma needed to know that maybe everything would be okay. After all, last Spring, the preppy and fun girl had given up her baby and was now doing fine. But then as she passed by the Spanish room, catching a concerned glance from Will, her last few thought fluttered away on the wings of a life she was never supposed to have. Everything, she reminded herself, Happens for a reason. She watched Will teach the class. He was so good with the kids, it came so naturally to him. He took charge, he was leader, and she really liked the sweater he was wearing today. His eyes met with hers then, and she gulped, trying to conceal the glassy tears filling in her eyes. "Are you okay?" Will mouthed to her, obviously worried, and Emma's heart swelled. She loved him so much. She could never face him with something like this. What would he think of her? As some loose girl with no sensibility? Emma has never opened herself up to that kind of hurt before, though she'd always been vulnerable, and had always left her job brokenhearted after giving Will advice on how to keep his marriage alive. That was almost what she felt now-- so out of touch with everything, so far away from her dreams that everything seemed impossible.

3 weeks later

Getting out of bed each morning had been a struggle. Especially now, though, that Will was angry at her. He knew she was hiding something, but what? Last night, he had taken her out for dinner at a nice, clean restaurant. She loved the food there, and smiled bigger than usual when she used Handi-Wipes on their silverware. But as the romantic night progressed, Emma could only think of her pregnancy. She could barely look into his loving eyes anymore without feeling to horrible for words. Emma was hurting so much. She needed him. "Is everything alright? You've been acting so strange lately... I know you, Emma, what's wrong?" he asked her sweetly. He smiled the sideways smile she so much adored, and for a second, she considered telling him the truth. Being honest. Following the example she promoted to every kid at that high school. But Emma couldn't do it. "Nothing," she lied, her voice close to cracking up with sobs. He didn't believe her. He told her so. Soon, the pair were arrguing and fighting. The car ride was silent, and Emma cried a little. She knew it pained Will to see her tears, she wanted to tell him everything, but couldn't hurt him or herself anymore. Cold tears slipped down her cheeks as they drove towards home.

Will's apartment and Emma's condo were three miles away, his house a left turn off of Washington Road and hers a right. As the rickety car Will owned veered right, Emma could hardly breath. She usually stayed over Will's on the weekends, and it being a Friday, it felt like something inside Emma died as the car pulled up at her condo. Will walked her to her door, and took her hands as they stood on her doorframe. He kissed her lightly on the lips and said, "I love you. But I can't stand being lied to." His eyes broke apart from hers and he walked away. Moment's later, she heard his car engine slicing through the November night. Emma shivered. It was time for the truth.

Next day.

Emma sat at her desk, knowing Will had a class first period. She was anxious and had sanitzed her hands 12 times already. Suddenly, a sharp feeling rose through her, and nausea took over. She ran to the bathroom out of instinct, and wretched in the farthest, largest stall. She cried then, feeling alone, helpless, and covered in puke. Then, footsteps. Oh no. Emma couldn't bear to be seen by anyone like this--so embarrassed and gross and needy. She puked again just as two girls entered the ladies room, chatting in voices all too familiar. "I know. I'm SOOO excited for Regionals. I've prepared a few ballads and stuff that I could sing, but I might let you or Mercedes give it a try, too," said Rachel Berry, leaking confidence and pride. "Sounds good to me. I've been so busy lately, with Finn and stuff. We're just making up for lost time , you know?" Quinn replied. Emma could almost hear Rachel's heart sinking.

At that, Emma threw up a third time. Morning sickness was awful. The girls exchanged whispers, and she knew they could see her bright yellow heels from under the stall. A dead giveaway. Emma's cheeks reddened with embarrassment, and she felt her whole body give way to another vomit. She couldn't stand this. When she knew the girls were gone, she stepped ot of the stall, washing her face and hands twice each before returning to her office. As she opened the doorl, Quinn and Rachel were waiting inside.
"Ms. Pillsbury? Can we talk for a sec?" Quinn asked, looking down at Emma's shoes, then at Rachel, with surprised eyes.
"Sure, anything," Emma said, not feeling so sure herself.
"We heard you throwing up in the bathroom. And you've been acting sort of odd lately, tired, leaving rehearsals early. And Mr. Schue seems pretty pissy himself. Finn said he was especailly aggrivated this morning, he texted Quinn during Spanish," Rachel stated knowingly.
Emma's eyes widened. Quinn spoke again just as Emma opened her mouth to protest. "Listen, it's sort of of obvious that you and Mr. Schue are, like, in love with each other. He swoons every time he looks at you, and you always have, I mean, it's almost funny. And you two show up to school in the same car and everything. We just wanted to tell you--"
"As friends, not students," Rachel added,
"that we care about you. And coming from someone who knows, trust me, if anything is going on with you, we're here. We're all here. And you should tell Mr. Schue. He deserves to know. Especially about... that sort of thing. We might be kids but we know what happened with Terri. Well, at least I do. He shouldn't have to face that again, not with you," Quinn finished. By the look on her face, Emma could tell she really cared about her. And Will. Instead of being mad, Emma's eyes began to tear. "Thank you," she said quietly. "I really appreciate it." Emma got up, and so did the girls. Instead of leaving, though, they both gave Emma a bear hug. It felt good, it was much needed. "It'll be okay, Ms. P," Quinn said, and followed Rachel out the door.

Emma yawned. The morning had dragged on like bare feet through sand. Finally, it was only a few minutes till her lunch period. And Will's. Her stomach felt so nauseous, and she knew that if she ralphed in front of Will during lunch, he would immediately know. All bets would be off-- it would be over. Emma had never felt so scared of something in her life. Pregnancy was germy, disgusting, and every time she threw up she felt like crying for hours and showering a few billion times. But she couldn't--not at school, at least--and not at home either, considering Will still didn't know. She got butterflies just thinking about him, he's sideways grin, his bright eyes, always shining with an idea, his smirk as he said, "I'm really excited about this," every other day, referring to a new Glee club idea or something. Emma loved him so much, and she thought a baby would break his heart. after everything he'd already been through, wouldn't this put him over the edge? She choked back a sob as she imagined his face falling, smile gone, his eyes and heart becoming angry at her for not telling him sooner, or for being scared, or giving him the huge stress of a baby. She couldn't handle this. Just thinking about it made her palms sweat, and it felt good when a cold ooze of Purrell fell onto her open palm. She could not stand being clammy.

The teacher's lounge was bustling as always, Ken by himself in one corner, Sandy and a few other gossipy teachers in another, despite the fact that Sandy was certainly not allowed within 50 feet of kids. More clique-like groups filled the white room, and Emma, thought for only just a second, felt grateful for her usual table with Will. But then she remembered everything that was happening, and it took all of her will power not to break into a zillion pieces right there. She sat down, knowing everyone was staring at her, and her cheeks blushed when Will said, "Hey, sweetie, how was your morning?"

"Fine, thanks... and yours?" Emma forced a smile.
"Good. Listen, Em, are you okay? You look a little pale and stuff..."
"Never better, Will," she lied, but her voice cracked a little. She realized how hungry she was, but had left her lunch in her office, knowing it was a lost cause to eat without ralphing.
"Where's your lunch?" Will asked, noticing her empty handed.
"I'm not very hungry, actually," she said, her face doing a classic impersonation of her hair when her stomach grumbled. Will looked puzzled, "Honey, you're stomach just growled." He chuckled, then passed her a chocolate chip cookie. She declined it politely, "Oh, ehm, really n-no thanks. I mean, I don't have my g-gloves on and plus don't you want to eat?" Another forced smile. Will shook his head. "Emma," he stated, his tone growing serious, "please tell me what's going on. I want to be there for you, but lies are something that I just can't take. I can't... I just can't play that game after what happened with Terri." His voice had grown to a barely audible whisper, and Emma's heart broke for the millionth time today. Will got up and left, kissing the top of her head as he went. "I love you," he whispered, so only she could hear. Emma couldn't keep this up. If lying about not being pregnant had hurt him, lying about being pregnant would surely kill him. Well, not really, but Emma couldn't help remembering Will's pain the day he told her about what Terri had done.

"She lied. It was... was all a, a lie... s-she was never pregnant. Something a-about Quinn, I was just so angry, a-and I can't even see her, Em, I can't even look at Terri without thinking o-of what she took away from me."

And she had told him that he was so much to lose, and even though her ways were so, so wrong, she understood how terri felt. If she had felt Will slipping away from her, she was sure it would be the most painful thing in the entire universe. Besides losing a baby that would never truly be yours. And she admitted this all to him, how she could see what Terri felt, see the other side to the story, even though he never could. And then he told her, "You would never be so cruel." Emma's heart turned to melty mush right at that second, wondering if Will was implying that he would never leave her, and Emma would never lie like that to him. It made her head reel, seriously impairing her ability to give good advice at that moment. Then she'd said the D word.

Divorce.

Apparently, a word Will had not yet contemplated. And all of her fantasies and dreams fell like broken glass to the floor, gone.

She couldn't be like Terri. She couldn't lie to him. But a pregnancy scandal was the last thing they needed. Already, people were talking about Will and Emma like they did about celebrities in the magazines. Only a few knew about how he and Terri divorced, and barely any knew that Will and Emma lived together, and already a select few, including Rachel and Quinn were suspecting something else. Something so true and so frightening that Emma got goosebumps thinking about it. The pain. The germs. She would be an awful mother. She would surely ruin this child's life, like her brother ruined hers. She couldn't pass on her phobia, knowing that life would be so hard, so scary already for this little person, and even more horrible with the fear of the very air you breathed.

She was trembling in her chair in the lounge now, wishing she had eaten, when a red tracksuit loudly stomped its way inside. "No, no, no, I told you to book those flights over two days ago, Sus-- are you kidding me? I will not be undermined in this economy because of my gender. I'm one sixteenth Apache indian! Oh, Salma... no I do not care what your name is, Sally, now book me those flights before I come down there and shove those tickets where the sun don't shine," Sue hissed, and snapped her cell phone shut. She approached Emma, a wry smile creeping across her lips.

"Well, hello, Erma, aren't you glowing?" Sue smirked, taking a seat next to Emma. Glowing? Oh, gosh this could not be happening... "You know, Ellen, what I do not stand for?"

"No, Sue, I'm afraid not..."

"This." She held up a pregnancy test box, obviously disgarded in the trash can earlier this morning. "I saw this and picked it right up, thinking how McKinely High's students are scarred with such images as these... pregnancy tests, mental issues of their teachers, awful perms, and, I, mean come on, some people here are just eye sores aren't they, especially with the scandalous tunes of the Glee club wafting down the halls, I can almost SMELL their lack of talent and ambition. But this," she shook the box, "is taking it a step too far, and I will not let my Cheerios and students of this school become bomBARDED with scandal and poor examples like this. If I only knew who put it there..." Sue narrowed her eyes at Emma, who gulped and tried to stay calm. Sue could see right through her. "Well, Ethel, all you've got is Saran Wrap, and now I'm bored." She got up. "And recycle next time, will ya?" She chucked the box at Emma, whose huge brown eyes widened in fear and disgust. She got up to leave, recycling the box on her way out, and feeling the heated glares of the majority of McKinley's staff.

Later on, Will's POV

Will needed coffee. Now. His mind had been drifting off all day, thinking of Emma, especially in his sophomore class of Spanish 2 students. Rachel and Quinn kept giving him knowing glances, shy smiles. He couldn't take those looks--like they knew something he didn't. He calmed himself, saying it was probably just something about Glee. As the kids did their worksheets, he eased himself into his desk chair. He was immediatly reminded of Emma by the pink hydrangias on his desk. He was spent. After all that had happened with Terri, lying and deciet was something he couldn't handle. He and Emma told each other everything, all the time. They never fought. Thy were too much in love for that. he snapped out of his trance as the bell rang, beginning his free period. But Will's throat closed up when he saw the small smile across Rachel's lips, her eyes noting his glassy ones, and reassuring him that he would be okay. He wanted to vomit. Did they know more about Emma than he did? He gulped, trying to coax back the tears brimming over his eyes. Coffee time.

Will felt ten pairs of eyes on him as soon as he walked into the teachers lounge. Sandy Ryerson even stopped ranting about his Josh Groban autograph (coincidentally placed on the bottom line of his restraining order...) to shoot Will a scornful glance like his other colleagues. Some continued whispering, and he could make out the words "affair" and "that's a shame" and "poor kid" Kid? But Will was generally naiive, not picking up on any of the hints as to what was going on. The creepy math teacher who hummed in the hallways was gossiping alongside a few others, and Will was immediately hurt by his words. "I thought she was some sort of cleaning physco though, i mean have you seen her office? The womans' off her rocker..." Will couldn't hear it anymore. Obviously, there was only one person at the school who would remotely fit that description. Emma. Not only was he hurt and lied to, but know he was butt of the school rumors, the laughingstock of WMHS. He got up and left, angrier than before.

A text from Emma. A text.

My mother is coming over and doesn't know about you quiet yet. Please don't come over tonight.
Love you, Emma

His heart sank lower than the souls of his shoes. Will couldn't take this. He'd stayed over Emma's every night for weeks now, going on a month. Terri had moved in with Kendra, but Will still hated his apartment. There were too many memories there, too much sorrow and sadness. But, he guessed he would just have to spend his night alone. He told Rachel to cancel Glee practice.

After School, Rachel's POV

"Where's Mr. Schue? And Ms. P?" Mercedes asked, annoyed.
"Yeah, they're not usually this late and we have to rehearse for the invitational," Artie added, Kurt chiming in shortly after. Something about becoming a Broadway star. Rachel didn't want to hear it anymore. Glee was supposed to be canceled today, but she couldn't do it. She knew that the club needed to have an emergency meeting. After seeing Mr. Schue's heartbroken face and glassy eyes as she told her to cancel the practice, she knew that people had been talking. After hearing Ms. P "ralph" in the restroom this morning, she and Quinn had been suspecting something. Something that Mr. Schue was too oblivious and too boyish to realize, obviously.

But no matter how much he had tried to sabotage her career, at least in her mind, she cared about him. A lot. He had brought the club together, given her something to work for, and made her realize that she was a beautiful person and everyone could see that. Rachel also knew what had happened with his wife, Terri. She may have been a kid but she wasn't stupid. None of them were, and they all know Mr. Schue had slept on the mattress. But only Rachel, Quinn, and Finn knew the actual details. By going over Mr. Schue's house and meeting Terri, Rachel had sort of known she wasn't pregnant. Her ankles weren't swollen, and there was only health food in the house, no chocolate no pickles no strange baby-on-the-way-food. And Quinn had filled in the blanks. And Rachel told Finn after seeing his concern for his teacher and father figure. So, Rachel knew right then that Mr. Schue needed to learn the truth. Or at least have some help learning about it. He was naiive and oblivious sometimes, and Rachel didn't want him to get hurt again.

"Mr. Schue isn't coming," she said. "I paid a freshman to ask for help with irregular verbs. Plus, he thinks I canceled it."

"Why is this all too familiar?" Kurt flipped his bangs.

"So why are we here again?" Puck asked, obviously bored. Rachel shot Quinn a look, pleading for help here. Quinn immediately stood up, snapping out of her daydream.

"Mr. Schue really needs our help right now," Quinn said.

"Is something wrong??" Finn panicked, but Rachel shushed him.

"No. We're about to tell you something very important and secret, and it is going to change everyone's life forever. Especially Mr. Schue's... and Ms. P's."

"W-What i-is it?" Tina asked, more intrigued than ever.

"We heard Ms. P throwing up this morning in the bathroom. We could see her shoes. Lemon yellow, mary jane heels--"

"That obviously it was her. No one else in their right mind would wear those, unless of course they were Monolo's," Kurt interjected, backing up his friends. Everyone laughed, including the football players who probably thought Monolo was some girl with good taste.

"We went to her office and talked to her about it. She didn't give us a straight answer, but she was obviously terrified. And hiding something. Mr. Schue's been so down all day, obviously about being kept in the dark about whatever was going on with her. And he needs to know, especially after last year with his crazy wife."

"The drug lady?"

"Yeah, her," Quinn said quietly.

"The fat one?" Puck asked, confusing Terri with Kendra, whose kids he babysat for once with Quinn.

"No that's Kendra, her wackjob sister," Quinn added. She and Rachel told everyone the story. They were all so captivated by it, and felt especially sad for their teacher.

"What does this have to do with Ms. P?" Brittany asked, not really getting it.

"Well," Rachel began, "she's pregant."

Hushed whsipers escalated to huge cries of "OMG" and everything else like that. Quinn told everyone to be quiet, especially Mercedes and Kurt. "And she's terrified. She thinks she can't tell him because he'll get mad, think it's too soon after everything with Terri. But she's also scared because she's a germiphobic person--"

"Mysophobic."

"--Thank you, Artie, and can't deal with it. They are so cute together, and they both need eachother but are too scared to say anything. They've been like parents to us and really helped this club. So now it's our turn. And we need to help them. We've gotta drop hints about babies and pregnancy tomorrow to Mr. Schue. Get him thinking about it, and then at the rehearsal during lunch, we need to sing something that really clues him in. But we can say that it's about something else, just get his mind reeling enough for him to ask her about it. Please?"

Everyone agreed. They decided to sing the first few verses of "A Baby Changes Everything" and just change the word "teenage" to something else. When Mr. Schue heard them singing it, hopefully he would realize. He would think of Emma crying, needing him, and being , Finn piped up after being quiet almost the entire time.

"Can we change teenage to red haired? It's not too obvious, but he might notice it enough to start thinking, you know?" he asked, and for once Rachel agreed with him since Sectionals. She'd been overly moody ever since he took Quinn back.

The club arranged the song so that they could stop after the high note, which Rachel would deliver perfectly. Now all they had to do was get Mr. Schue to start thinking about Ms. P before they sang to him. Finally, after hours of planning, they thought that their plan was perfect. They knew he and Ms. P could get hurt, but they also knew that they could get hurt even worse if Mr. Schue was kept in the dark about such things. They couldn't bear to see him lose Ms. P--who he'd been quite enfatuated with for weeks now. Well, since forever, just never as actively as this. Rachel smiled. Her plan had worked. For once, she was going to use her voice to help out someone she really cared about, and for once she knew that it didn't matter if this wasn't a step that would help to bring her to the top. With Mr. Schue, Ms. P, and all of the glee clubbers together, Rachel already felt like she was on top of the world.