A/N: One, this is based off a pic by Eru-kun over on DA. She is amazing in her artwork! I bow down before her. *bows* Anyway, back in November was when I started trying to write TF AND slash for the first time ever so I was a little lacking in inspiration. Then I ran across her picture, and it hit me. Must. Do. Some. Angst. Then I had surgery, and it was put on hold for awhile until I healed up. So now that I am, I finished said story and am happy to post it here.

Here be the pic== http://eru-kun. deviantart. com/art/do-not-want-sweet-dreams-143337282 (obviously without the spaces)

Also note that I have written the characters, which I do not own sadly, as she portrays them in her pic and her story that is also on DA. Check them out when you get the chance. Oh, and the two songs are just to set the mood and they are what I primarily listened to whilst writing this. I had my music player on repeat, damnit! They certainly helped when I needed to be in a particular mood. Enjoy the fic!

~I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light.
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm laying here tonight
And I can't STAND the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't STAND the pain~
--How Could This Happen To Me?, Simple Plan

Empty. That was the only thought going through the small mech's processor as he stood in the doorway of the room. It was so empty without him. Even when it had seemed like no one was in the room, the mech in question had always been there, either meditating behind the tree or up high in its branches watching over the city. Knowing that simple fact had always let the seemingly empty room hold some form of life and made it welcoming. That feeling was gone now, disappearing in the aftermath of the Decepticons' last attack on Detriot.

In the weeks following their return to Earth from Cybertron, the small space bridge crew had made an unspoken agreement to leave Prowl's room untouched by any of them. Save for one. If any of them had the right to enter it now, it was Bumblebee. The scout had been devastated by the Cyberninja's sacrifice, and though it was easy to understand his reasons, it didn't make it any easier for the grief-stricken bot. Solace would come only in the form of a dreamless recharge, and Primus was not so kind.

Bumblebee sighed heavily as he stared into the empty room, leaning against the frame for support. Once again, his recharge was plagued by the image of Jazz carrying Prowl's gray, offline frame towards them, visor darkened to black. That memory--among others-- more often than not kept him from recharging properly. Once bright blue optics were pale, almost white in his exhaustion. He knew he needed to get some stasis time, but his memory banks seemed to be against the idea. Coming back to this room didn't seem like it would help so why was he here? Intakes wavering as he supressed the urge to cry, he tentatively stepped over the threshold.

Nothing had changed, not that he had expected it to. The tree still grew up through the roof, leaves the same dark green they'd always been. The desk still lined one wall, a single computer sitting atop it, screen dark. Above that was the cute little kitten poster that read 'Keep Your Chin Up' that had been a gift from Sari. Near the door was the rack that held three swords that Prowl had never really used aside from training. Bumblebee's optics traveled over to the other wall and froze. Sitting along side it was the berth that, up until a few weeks ago, he'd been sharing with the ninja-bot.

Slowly, he approached the berth until he was standing by the edge and merely stared down at it. Since they'd come back to Earth, Bumblebee had been recharging in his old room, not even wanting to come back to this place. He'd been avoiding it as though it had been covered in cosmic rust, though he often paused just outside the door, one shaking servo outstretched towards the keypad, but he'd never had the nerve to punch in the familiar code. The others had noticed but wisely kept their mouths shut. Even nosy little Sari kept her silence. Bumblebee's reason for avoiding was simple. He hadn't wanted to be so painfully reminded of what he had lost because of Megatron.

Yellow digits ran lightly over the surface, tracing indistinct patterns in the slight dust that had gathered on the surface as he fought with his urge to simply breakdown then and there. Why...why had he come here? Why did he want to torture himself when his very spark already felt as though it would collapse any minute? That's right. Sari. The little techno-organic had made it a habit to check in on him at night, and while he appreciated the gesture, he found he'd rather her leave him alone. However, earlier during one of her 'check-in's, he invited her to come sit beside him on his berth. He had confessed his 'sleeping' troubles to her, hoping for some advice. What he got was not what he'd been wanting to hear.

Sari had told him that he needed closure, to accept that Prowl was gone, and to move on. As much as she was around the base now, she, too, had noticed the little mech's tendency to avoid the ninja's room. To her, it seemed to be the source of the scout's problem and simply pretending that it didn't exist was not going to fix anything. It just wasn't healthy. She suggested at least trying to go in before leaving the yellow mech with his thoughts. At first, the very idea of walking back into Prowl's room scared the younger bot. Too many memories were left there, and he was afraid of facing the reality that his ninja-bot was really gone. After while, however, he knew Sari was right. He had to move on somehow. Even if he didn't want to.

Bumblebee cautiously sat down on the edge of the berth as if it might disappear any second. Pale optics traveled over the room once again, taking in every detail and storing it in his memory banks. That done, he simply sat there for several cycles, memories automatically playing by themselves before his optics: the first time he met Prowl; when they went camping and ran into that space barnacle monster; the bet they had made that Bumblebee couldn't keep quite; the first time they had interfaced in the forest....

From there, Bumblebee's memories were filled with nothing but of the times he had spent with Prowl. They had kept their relationship a secret, more out of necessity than anything else. The others had found out eventually, but by the time they had, the two had been comfortable enough with their relationship, they didn't care who knew. Sari even made it a point to tell them they made a cute couple. Yet none of them knew the real reason why the younger bot had taken Prowl's death so hard, of the events the night before the last attack and what Prowl had asked of him.

------

Another moan escaped Bumblebee's vocal capacitor as tan digits found their way into a seam on his side, gently stroking the wires that ran underneath the armor. Prowl lavished attention on the beetle, nipping and licking at the cables on his neck, drawing sweet sounds from the yellow mech. Bumblebee's back arched, his hips grinding against Prowl's own eliciting a deep moan from the ninja. The black mech turned away from Bee's neck and claimed his mouth in a passionate kiss. Moaning into the kiss, Bumblebee's small hands found their way down to Prowl's waist, working his digits into the seams there. Prowl gasped into the beetle's mouth, one servo wandering up to rub one horn, earning an appreciative moan from the mech beneath him.

All too soon, Prowl stopped his ministrations and broke the kiss, pulling away to look into questioning optics.

"Wh-what..."

"Bumblebee, there's something important I want to ask you," Bumblebee stared into the optics hidden behind the ice-blue visor and was surprised to see that Prowl, the ever confident ninjabot, actually looked nervous. What could be so important Prowl would be anxious to ask him? Bumblebee nodded, and Prowl gave a relieved smile, though the nervous look did not leave his optics, "I know it may seem a little soon, but with the upcoming battle and the possibility that something could happen, I didn't want any regrets. Bumblebee, would you be my bondmate?"

Sky-blue optics widened in surprise and disbelief. His processor stalled as his mouth hung open in shock. The question repeated itself in his meta, and he considered it for a few astroseconds. Prowl wanted to bond...with him? It was honestly the last thing he had expected from the cycleformer. Their first time together had been eight months ago, before Sari discovered her true origins and upgraded herself. By Cybertronian standards, it had been a relatively short time and recent Decepticon activity was keeping them apart more than they liked. Prowl was right; it was a little soon, and he was unsure.

After more than a klik with no response, Prowl's expression slowly changed to one of hurt and disappointment. Bumblebee mentally cursed himself for not answering sooner and tried to find his vocals again, "M-me? Why me?" He hated how hesitant his voice sounded. Relieved to hear that the beetle's pause had been out of anxiety rather than rejection, Prowl allowed a small smile to cross his faceplate.

"You're the only one I'd trust my spark with," Even as he said this, the black mech lowered his faceplate to the other's, capturing the parted lips with his own. He felt the heat radiating off the other's faceplate, and he smirked. One servo began to slowly wander down the lithe frame as he pulled away, "My past relationships mean nothing compared to what I have with you," Bumblebee moaned as the servo reached his lower panel and began to slowly stroke the covering. He knew Prowl wasn't trying to distract him so he'd blindly say yes; it's just that the ninja-bot had a hard time keeping his servos still once he got started. Prowl leaned in close to the side of the scout's helm, lips brushing against his audio receptor as he spoke in a low, lustful tone, "And there's no one else I'd rather be with."

Bumblebee felt his spark swell within his chassis, fluid filling his optics. He meant that much to Prowl? The scout hadn't ever thought of himself as special or deserving, considering the mistakes he'd made in the past, but the black and gold mech was willing to forgive and put up with his pranks. Only Prowl saw past his immature and often childish personality and had found something to love. In return, he let the beetle see a side of him the others never would. Bumblebee felt privileged on this matter, and his love for the ninja grew. Despite this, he still felt a nagging voice of doubt in the back of processor to what Prowl wanted from him. While the thought of bonding with him made Bumblebee's spark pulse erractically, he wasn't sure he was ready and didn't quite know how to tell the bot.

Fumbling with his thoughts, Bumblebee managed to find his vocalizer again, "You have no idea how happy I am that I mean that much to you," The smile he got from the usually stoic bot encouraged him to push on, "And I'd love to bond with you, but... but..." He faltered, still anxious. Before Prowl, he'd never interfaced and the concept of bonding, even with this mech he loved and trusted, was frightening to the younger bot. How in Primus' name, after what he'd heard, could he tell Prowl that he wasn't ready?

Still caught up in his thoughts, Bumblebee was taken by surprise when Prowl covered his mouth with his in a soft, sensual kiss. Confused but not unwilling, Bumblebee let himself melt into the kiss, optics shuttering. Prowl had stilled his servo over the heated pelvic armor, focusing entirely on the soft contact of Bee's lips. When Prowl finally pulled away, Bumblebee stared at him in question, his optics hazy.

"You can relax. Nothing says we have to bond right away. I'd be perfectly content just knowing you'd want to." His fears fading away, Bumblebee smiled and dug his faceplate into Prowl's chassis. Listening to his sparkpulse for few nano-seconds, the scout smiled warmly before returning his gaze to Prowl.

"Yes, I'll bond with you. When I'm ready." Another smile graced the darker gray faceplate, optics shining behind his visor. Continuing his work on the yellow casing, he leaned down beside Bumblebee's face, giving him a slight nuzzle and whispering, "I can wait."

------

Fresh tears streaked down a grey face as another sob racked Bumblebee's frame. Lying on his side facing the wall, he curled further into himself. The memory of that night haunted him the most, hurt him the most, always reminding him of a future that would never be. Regret clawed at his spark, tearing the poor mech apart and making him wish that he'd bonded when Prowl had offered him the chance. Bumblebee knew that there was a chance he would've died along with him, but he would've taken the risk of following Prowl to the Well over this pain he felt now that said mech was lost to him, forever someplace he could never again see him, touch him, or hear his voice.

However, another question crossed his meta, making tremble at its implications. Would Prowl have readily sacrificed himself had he been bonded, knowing he could very well take the life of another in the act? Or would he have hesistated out of fear for another and risked taking not only Bumblebee and himself, but their team, Sari, and all of Detriot to the afterlife? Bumblebee didn't know the answer, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know. All he knew was that either way, he would've still been able to spend eternity with Prowl.

Shuttering his optics, Bumblebee attempted to go into statis, too exhausted emotionally to even try to go back to his room. The built-up exhaustion of the past few weeks was catching up to him, and it was easy to slip into recharge, despite the dreams he knew would come.

Light, barely audible pede-steps roused him immediately. Only one mech could be so silent. Slowly, he sat up and turned around. Only to feel his spark literally break. He was standing there, just feet from the berth. No mods, no visor. Just Prowl, sapphire optics sorrowful as he stared at Bumblebee. Sliding off the berth, Bumblebee stood transfixed by the sight, not quite believing his optics.

Fluid pooled into his optics once more, taking a few small steps forward. Prowl closed the gap, standing just in front of the beetle. Tears fell freely as Prowl raised his servo and gently cupped Bumblebee's cheek. Shock coursed through his circuits at the touch. His own servo shaking, Bumblebee covered Prowl's servo and held it there. Part of him knew that it wasn't real, but the other part was desparately wishing that it was. If it wasn't, well, that just proved what a cruel bastard Primus could be.

"No...." Barely whispered words, but Prowl heard them. Fluid slowly streaked down his faceplate as he gently caressed Bumblebee's cheek with his thumb.

"...Bumblebee..." Hearing that familiar deep voice, laced with anguish, broke what little self-control Bumblebee had. He threw himself forward, burying his faceplate into the dark chassis. His servos had come down hard on the ninja's shoulders and stayed there, balled up into fists as his trembling and cries intensified.

"No...!" It was an illusion, he reminded himself vainly. He didn't want to believe this was real, but he did, and because he did, it hurt him all the more. Some rational part of him knew it wasn't real and that this brief moment together, illusion or not, wouldn't last. Knowledge of this cut into his spark deeper than any blade ever could. Somewhere above his helm, he heard Prowl's sorrowful voice again, whispering the little nickname those closest to him often used rather than his full designation. Before he could pull away, Prowl had wrapped his arms around him, one servo resting just above his subspace compartment, the other on his lower back, and held him as close as their bodies would allow.

"Bumblebee!" It was the last word either spoke. Sorrow and regret seemed to pour off the older mech, and though he couldn't hear it, Bumblebee was sure that if he had a spark, it was as broken as his own at their separation. Even though he'd asked so he'd never have to live, or die, without knowing, it was obivous Prowl still had regrets. He hadn't had that chance he wanted, to show Bumblebee how much he'd meant to him and have their sparks joined as one. It was a chance neither would ever have.

And so they stayed that way, the smaller encirled by the stronger, black arms of his would-be bonded, both 'crying' their optics out for what they had and what would never be. All too soon, it felt as though the world around them was fading, and Prowl was fading with it. The minibot felt a stab of fear and held onto Prowl tighter than ever. Bumblebee no longer cared if this was real or an illusion sent to him by Primus. He just didn't want to let go yet.

---

It was almost silent in the once empty room. Through the massive hole in the roof of the former ninja's room, the waning moon shone its silver light upon the frame still laying on the berth. The little yellow mech trembled softly as 'tears' continued to leak from shuttered optics, near inaudible whimpers issuing from his vocalizer. Despite how easy stasis had come in his exhaustion, Bumblebee still felt the unease that came from his subconscious reminding him that something, a familiar prensence that once held him close through the long nights, was still missing.

Prowl...

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could've been
--What Hurts The Most, Rascal Flatts