I, Alex Rider, Am Made Of Win - An Alex Rider Fanfiction

Disclaimer: I don't own the Alex rider series or TNT by AC/DC

20 Feet From K-Unit's Hut, Brecon Beacons, Wales

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Wolf screamed at me.

"Well I was having a cigarette, you know to relax, but I guess now I'm talking to you" I replied.

"Listen to how calm he is! Why the hell are you smoking Alex? Do you know what that could do to your lungs when you're this young? And with your bullet wound! I really thought you were smarter than this!" yelled snake.

"I smoke to relax. Until you have a gun pointed at your head, you don't get it!" I cried.

"Oh for God's sake I'm in the SAS I know what that feels like! But that doesn't mean you should smoke!" said Snake sounding really exasperated. Good.

"Yeah but it you get counselling! And medical support and time off! You're not exploited into doing the government's dirty work!" I was getting majorly ticked off by this point, even though...well you'll find out.

"Alex that doesn't change the fact that you're endangering your health! And your future! If MI6 find out you smoke they'll drop you like a ton of bricks." said Wolf.

"And what would you do if that was the point?" I asked.

"Is it?" asked Wolf.

"Maybe. Maybe not." I was loving this.

"Fox, you want to weigh in on this?" Snake said, sounding ever so slightly pleading.

"Alex it's really not good to smoke no matter what the reason is. It damages your health." said Fox, though he was trying not laugh.

"Yeah what he said!" Wolf said.

"Do you two realise what you're being?" I asked.

"Sane? Sensible? Health conscious?" suggested wolf throwing his arms around like sails on a windmill.

"Hypocrites. Plain and simple." I said triumphantly.

"How so?" inquired Snake.

You BOTH smoke, even though it's apparently SO bad for you! So don't give me the whole guilt trip thing." I said in a scathing voice.

"Yeah well....um we have stressful jobs and.........um Wolf? Got anything to say?" asked Snake. His eyes looked like a puppy working out 67 X 89756. Ah the laughs I have at their expense.

"That has no relevance to this conversation!" Wolf yelled.

"Liar! It's has every relevance!" I snapped.

"Look Alex what if Wolf and Snake decided to set you a good example and quit smoking? Would you quit too?" Eagle asked.

"Like that would ever happen. They don't care THAT much!" I replied.

"Yes we do!" said Wolf and Snake but they didn't look too sure.

"Prove it then!" I said.

"Ok we will!" Said Snake.

"What?.............. I mean yeah of course we will." said Wolf. Hesitantly. Nice. I feel so loved. Not!

"Fine!" I said as I stamped the cigarette out under my heel.

"Now as a show of faith why don't all three of you give all the cigarettes you have to me and Fox to dispose of?" asked Eagle, already holding his hands out.

"Here." I said, defeated tone firmly in place, handing him the packet.

"Now you two." said Fox.

"They're in my locker I'll go get them." said Snake.

"Yeah mine too." Wolf said looking resigned to his fate.

They walked the short distance to the cabin. Eagle waited until they were inside before turning to me with a smile, saying,

"Well Cub, I for one am impressed. I never thought they'd quit. It must be love eh Fox."

"Yeah. I hear warning shots, I mean wedding bells." grinned Fox. Remind me to kill them at a later date when I won't get blood on my boots.

"Whatever. I won, didn't I? Hand over my winnings!" I grinned back.

"Here you go Kiddo. Twenty from me...." said Eagle.

"And twenty from me." finished Fox.

"Oh and Eagle can I have that packet back? They might come in handy one day." I said holding out my hand for the box.

"Yeah, here you go. They're pretty realistic for stage cigarettes. Did the job brilliantly." replied Eagle.

"You want to explain that sentence you three?" asked Snake. Wolf growled for atmospheric effect. Or to signal our impending deaths. I'm not quite sure which. The things I do for my team mates.

The End.

A.N. Like it? I was bored and this just popped into my head while I was listening to TNT by AC/DC.

I loves it! I like this too in a sort of parent/eccentric child kinda way. :P R&R please!