Story: Of the Wise and the Drunk

By: Atsune of "Team of Clichés"

For: my boyfriend's little sister, Kenzie (i luuuuv u!)

Prompt (given to me from Lynn): AU, high-school, party-type! Ino. ShikaTemaIno.

Disclaimer: If Naruto were mine, there would a less complicated plot and more lovin'. Teehee.

Of the Wise and the Drunk

Have you ever had one of those mornings where you feel totally hung-over? Like, you got drunk the night before (at some craaazy party), but can't remember shit? I have.

How about when you woke up in an unfamiliar surrounding? Not your own room, not the house where the party took place, but some random setting where there's not one particular thing that would make you remember where the fuck you were? I have.

And have you ever had a person, per se, of the opposite sex sleeping next to you when you wake up? A man, in my case, whom you have never, ever met before in your entire life? A person who is completely naked? I have.

Now, have you ever had all three events happen to you at the same time? I have. Plenty of times. I know. How cliché. Partying, getting drunk at said party, and then waking up in some random fucking room, with a…er—sleeping partner, and not remembering ANY of it. But that's what I do, how I roll.

I am what they call a party animal.

I party when I can, where I can, how I can. Nothing stops me from having the time of my life.

Thus my mornings are shit. Plain and simple. Shit. Shit. Shit. Unless, I can, like, remember what I did the night (or early morning) before. Which is a very rare experience for me.

Sure, I go to school, I get mediocre grades, have best friends, but it sucks when I get so hung-over or plastered that I get sick every morning and make friends with the bathroom toilet for about half an hour.

Now, it doesn't happen every school night, mostly weekends and shit like that. Sometimes I have a very good time at school, ditching my least favorite subjects and sticking around only to hang with my friends. Hell, my C, D average is pretty good for someone who ditches half of their classes.

In all seriousness of the matter, I am nothing like some of my closest friends. Hinata being the number one on my shit list. I love her and all, but she's a virgin in more ways than one. She's never macked with someone, let alone had sex.

Her father and cousin are both prudes, I swear. Maybe, even with her shy personality, Hinata would probably have at least kissed some boy, if she weren't on such a tight leash.

(God, her cousin has eagle eyes. Whenever we're walking, he oh-so coincidentally walks past us. Everyday. At the same time. Same exact place. Every time! He watches her 24/7.)

My other best friend is Tenten. She's pretty wild, I'd say. She drinks with me every so often, but never gets as plastered as me, of course. And oddly enough she has her eyes set on Hinata's cousin, Neji Hyuuga. Ugh.

Tenten's only kissed one boy—accidentally! And, oh my god, it was Neji. I know, right? She was talking to someone and tripped over air, ran into Neji, knocked him over, aaaand landed on him, smack on the lips. It was pretty awkward. They stayed that way for, like, a minute.

But Tennie has had more than one boyfriend. Although the relationships didn't last very long. A week tops. She is currently single, though pining after eagle-eye, cousin watching, prude man.

Now the best for last, my bestest friend, Haruno Sakura. I've known her since I was five years old, and boy, we got along as well as a cat and a dog. That is until we turned six and were mature women who settled out their arguments with very, very vulgar conversations—with words like butthead, poopy, and stupid-face.

And then, one day, we just became friends. Just like that. Amazing, huh? I don't even remember anymore.

Anywho, Sakura is a very anti-drug-alcohol person. She hates smoking, especially. No one in her family does drugs or drinks thus (since there's no bad influences) she hates it. I guess her parents just raised her right. Ha.

Yes, although drugs and alcohol aren't her forte, Sakura likes sex. She's only done it with one guy, her boyfriend of three years, Uchiha Sasuke.

Sasuke is hot. I tried to get him, but he hates women. Well, besides Sakura. I don't know why her, so don't ask me. He and Sakura are so clichéd. They are the perfect couple, saving their first time (as in their virginity) for each other and shit like that. Aw, cute, right?

In all honesty, I am jealous of Sakura. She has perfect grades, a near-to-perfect family, a perfect boyfriend; she is favored by teachers and colleges, is accepted by everyone at school, and is pretty unique. Her pink hair and green eyes are so…

Well, shit. I got off topic. Getting back to Sakura and her boy toy, they have had sex a bazillion times. The end. Of course, Sakura has never gotten pregnant. She's smart enough to use protection. Unlike me. Who gets drunk off their ass and sleeps around with random men at parties.

That's that, though. My spazz-tastic life in a nutshell. And now I sit here, in this very comfy green bed, with a man with spiky hair and a very cute nose. Oh yes, my life is VERY winsome.

Fuck is the one word running through my head as I dress quickly into the tiny blue dress I was wearing the night before. I run my fingers through my blonde hair and quickly take a small glance at myself in the mirror in the room before bolting.

I notice my black slip-on heels near the front door and grab them with one hand as my right one grabs the doorknob and turns it. And I am outta there in a minute flat.

This has become a habit. Running away. Sleeping around. You know, the usual. I run as fast as I can and take a turn at some random street. Surprisingly enough, I am now on Sakura's street. That's perfect. I slept with Sakura's neighbor.

I ambled closer to the large white house and go around the backyard gate. Gritting my teeth, I jump over the broad chipped white door and land on my ass rather painfully. Sighing, I heave myself up and go towards the second window to the right and start climbing the ivy growing on the wall.

I already know I can open the window. Sasuke comes over sometimes and has to get in through Sakura's window (her parents still think their only daughter is a pure, young virgin. HA), thus she leaves it unlocked if her lover-boy decides to show up unexpectedly. Of course, I always thought that perhaps a molester or a murderer would be bold enough to climb up the ivy and through the window. Oh, Sakura would be fucked.

I quickly slide the frame up and jump inside the pink and blue room, observing Sakura's sleeping form. I take a glance at the desk across the room and notice black shoes that aren't Sakura's and a white dress shirt that definitely was too big for her. It seems I was right about the whole Sasuke thing.

Looking around the large room, I take notice of the clock and it reads in bright red numbers and letters, 6:00 A.M., Friday. Well, fuckity-fuck, today's a school day. And that day will start at around 8:45. Ugh.

Tiredly, I trudge towards Sakura's bed and sit down hard on her back. Who sleeps on their stomach? Apparently my best friend. Well, then me sitting on her is what she deserves because sleeping on your tummy is very slob-like in my opinion. But then again my expectations are pretty high.

I shift my weight a bit and Sakura groans and slaps my thigh. "Shit, get off o' me!" Her green eyes are already open and are glaring at me with lack-luster passion. She is a bit slow in the mornings.

"Hi there, sleepy-head! Get ready for a fantastic day of school! Look, there's your uniform right over there. By the bathroom. Speaking of which, I need to pee and take a shower. So, be right ba—"As I started to sit up, I was yanked down hard by my arm and was placed at the edge of Sakura's bed. Said girl was now giving me a skeptical look, a pink eyebrow arching high, almost to her hairline.

"What the hell are you doing here, Ino?" The question was asked in an authoritative voice with a touch of doubt laced in between.

I tried dodging the bullet. "Well, I was just in the neighborhood and decided to visit—" She cut me off again!

"That's exactly why you are wearing a wrinkled blue dress. Exactly why your heels aren't put on properly. Exactly why you are in party clothes instead of our school uniform. Which is exactly why your hair is a mess, your make-up is smeared, AND you look like you just came from a wild sex orgy. God, Ino, I'm not stupid." Damn.

"Listen, Ms. Know-It-All, if you must know, yes, I was at a party. Geez."

"Well, no shit. Who did you have sex with this time?"

"How do you know I had sex?" That's it. Just play it smooth.

"You look like a fat cat that just swallowed a canary, for lack of a better analogy."

I gasped. "I am not fat!"

Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose. "You always have sex with at least one guy at every party you go to. Besides, you're walking funny and you smell like sweat, piggy."

I huffed indignantly and crossed my arms over my chest. "Fine. I had sex with one of your neighbors across the street. I really don't know how I ended up there. So, like, god."

"My fucking neighbor, Ino? Which one? There are some with girlfriends, just so you know!"

"Well, gee, I don't know. All I remember was waking up and bolting, Sakura. Heehee!" I sneered sarcastically, flipping my messy hair over my shoulder.

"Whatever. Move, I need to get dressed." Sakura stated casually, throwing the covers off her body. It was then I noticed what she was wearing.

"Please, Sakura. Here you are ranting to me about sex, and yet you're wearing Sasuke's shirt!"

She glared at me. "Hey, this shirt he gave to me a long time ago, when we were in ninth grade. Given it was the first time we actually had sex, it still holds value, pig!"

"Hmph. Okay, okay." I smile slightly and wave my hand back and forth, dismissing the former conversation.

Sakura walked gracefully (or as gracefully as one can at 6 in the morning) and grabbed her white dress shirt (which I am guessing Sasuke is going to have to stop over for his own and his black shoes, haha.) and threw it on her bed, near my leg.

She took off the black, over-sized shirt she was wearing and put it in some pajama drawer. Striding towards the adjoined bathroom, she pulled out morning essentials and got busy. I heard the shower turn on and decided to flop down on Sakura's bed and contemplate which of her neighbors I slept with.

I've seen some of her next door neighbors and it couldn't have been them. One was some widowed old woman who tried beating any teenaged boy with her cane. She had some issue with sexually transmitted diseases and the youth of this time being horny beasts with large sex-drives. She hated the men especially.

The other one was a middle-aged couple with a pre-teen daughter named Nami. Now, Nami is a bitch. She is your average, puberty-hitting, thirteen year old girl; flat-chested, lanky legs, no curves, anorexic, and cocky. Yeah, maybe that's pushing it, but she is exactly all of those adjectives. She hates Sakura and whenever Sasuke comes over, Nami tries seducing him.

It's a bit funny to watch because when Sasuke goes over to hug and kiss Sakura, Nami tries to get in between them and talk to the Uchiha. This leads to Sakura getting pissed and then roughly shoving Nami out of the way and telling her that she should go shave her legs. So, now, due to Sakura's insult of having hairy legs, Nami always wears pants. Haha.

I know the neighbors across the street too, but they're mostly girls, with ages ranging from 2 to 14 years old. I don't know anything about spiky haired, brunette boys with cute noses.

The bathroom door opens and Sakura comes out in nothing but a bra and panties. She walks over and grabs her white shirt and pulls it on, the long-sleeves of the shirt completely covering her arms, all the way up to her wrist. I head towards her closet and pull out her black, white, and red plaid skirt for her and throw it in her face.

Sakura huffs as I giggle and she shoves the skirt up her skinny, pale legs. After tucking in her shirt, she grabs her white and red (the only red part is the line running through the top of the sock.) stockings (which bug me because they are so long; they go all the way up till about an inch below your knee, ugh!) and quickly pulls them on.

"Hey, do you want to wear this? I think it would look cute because it matches and all." I say as I realize I have a red ribbon tied around my wrist. I don't know why I didn't realize it before; I guess I was too focused on escaping.

Sakura looks up from pulling on her sock and nods and then holds out her hand. I toss the ribbon to her and she heads towards her vanity to tie it up in her hair.

"Aw, now that's just precious!" I coo.

She smiles and swats my hand away. Soon after that, Sakura turns towards her clock as it reads 6:30 A.M.

"Damn! I got ready quick today. Thanks for waking me up Ino!"

I snort and laugh. "Yeah, yeah. By the way, how is Sasu-chan supposed to change when his uniform shirt is all the way over here? Same with his shoes, hun."

Sakura flicked her wrist and let her shoulders shrug. "It wouldn't be the first time. He usually comes by in the pants and his favorite t-shirt and changes here."

I let out a snort and muttered, "This wouldn't be the first time?"

Sakura glared—which looks a lot like Sasuke's scary, infamous Uchiha glare; being his girlfriend wears off on you, I guess—and flipped me off. I laughed.

"Don't you have to get your uniform? I mean, you should probably leave—"

"HA. I wanna see Sasuke-kun though. I'll just call my roommate and have him drop off my uniform over here."

Sakura shuddered. "Chouji…? Ugh."

I smirked as I pulled my cell phone out of my bra (Sakura rolled her eyes at this) and dialed Chouji's number. "Hey, Chouji!"

I heard the line crackle and he answered, "What do you want?"

"Nothing much. Can you drop by Sakura's house with my uniform? Thanks!" I heard a muffled 'fine' and hung up.

Sakura stared as I grinned. "See? Easy as pie. Chouji's such a sweetheart, huh?"

"Whatever, Ino. You're such a control-freak. Taking advantage of poor Chouji like that. For shame." Sakura giggled as she grabbed her black regulation shoes (they actually look "cool" or "fashionable" for uniform shoes.) and slipped them on.

I heaved a sigh which caused Sakura to glance towards my lowered head. I rolled my eyes when she did not seem to care what was troubling me. I sighed again, inhaling deeply and letting out a gurgling, depressing sound. She glared at me.

"What is it now, Ino? You just got Chouji to drop off your shit!" She grabbed my arm and looked me in the eyes.

"I'm thinking about what you said. You know, the neighbor and sex and girlfriends." I paused and brought my finger to my chin, continuing, "Do you know any boys with spiky, brown hair and a cute nose?"

Sakura sniffed. "Um, that's not that descriptive, so I'll have to think a while."

"Whatever. I don't really care. Just wondering, you know. Speaking of which, where are your parents?" I mentioned as we opened her door and walked down the hall towards the stairs. Although I had noticed her parents' door was tightly closed, instead of open like it usually was.

My best friend shrugged her shoulders, cocking her head to the side, before gripping the railing of the stairs. "Hm, my dad went into work at 5:00, I'm thinking. I heard some movement in the hall earlier this morning. My mother probably went to deliver some letters at the post office. I guess."

I rolled my eyes. Sakura was really oblivious towards many things. To her parents. To sexual innuendos. To many, many things. But it's an endearing trait to most people; Sasuke and me being the top two people who find it adorable. Although it gets rather annoying when I want a question answered and she can't answer it due to said trait.

We made it down to the kitchen, where I then raided the sleek, black fridge, filled with dumplings, tomatoes, strawberries, carrots, left-over ramen, and some other trash food. I sighed and grabbed two eggs as Sakura giggled getting out two plates for each of us.

"Yeah, yeah. I know I need to stock up. Cut the crap." She smiled.

I grinned back. "Well, bestie, let's get crackin'!" I laughed at my bad pun as Sakura snorted.

The eggs were cooked on the six-burner stove and were ready fairly quickly. We ate and talked and by the time we were done, it was near 7:00. I was about to curse Chouji before I heard the doorbell ring. Sakura, who had been standing in the kitchen, jumped a bit, looking at me as I ran to the door.

I opened the door to find Chouji standing there with my uniform in a brown bag in one hand and chips in the other. I squealed, "Thanks, Chouji!" And without waiting for a reply, slammed the door on his face.

I ambled towards the couch in the living room and proceeded to dress. After I was done, Sakura coughed and walked my way.

"Well, bitchness, that was the nicest you could do for someone who drove all the way to my house just to drop off your uniform?"

"Yup."

I could tell she was about to retort, but timing was on my side as the doorbell rang yet again. Sakura's eyes lit up for the first time that morning and headed for the door; that is before I rudely cut in and shoved her onto the couch before rushing to the un-answered mahogany door.

To my surprise (not really), I saw Sasuke-kun standing there, black uniforms pants and his "favorite shirt." I nearly laughed as I saw the red regulation tie adorning his neck. I pursed my lips jokingly and squeaked, "Sasuuuuke! You're here! Great!"

He grunted before looking past my shoulder, "Where's Sakura?"

I made a dejected face (which he remained indifferent to), and stepped out of the way so the Uchiha could walk into his girlfriend's house.

I watched him as he took long strides towards the couch where I had pushed Sakura. I saw him bend over as she sulkily stared at the blaring television in front of her (completely unaware he was standing behind her). I smiled slightly as he dipped his lips to the top of Sakura's head. He kissed her pink hair softly and then ran his pale hand across her cheek. This caused her to finally turn his way.

"Sasuke-kun!" She smiled and lifted her arms up. Sasuke took the hint and lifted her up over the sofa and planted her so she was standing next to him. She laughed and stood on tip-toes to peck him on the lips. "I'll be right back. I need to get your shirt and shoes, 'kay?"

Sasuke grunted, "Hn."

By the time I reached the couch to sit down, Sakura was already up the stairs and back with the Uchiha's uniform. She handed them to him and then reached around his neck to grab his tie. Twirling the red fabric on her finger, my friend strode back over to me to sit.

Sasuke smirked and took off his shirt (not that I was watching, *cough*) and tossed it on Sakura's head. He slipped his arms through the sleeves of the white dress shirt and then slipped on his shoes. He finished buttoning up his outfit and then headed into the kitchen (most likely to find some food, duh).

I smiled wickedly at Sakura, who blushed and elbowed me in the ribs. I growled at this. Sakura really doesn't know her own strength. Like that time we were five and she punched me on the shoulder in good humor during one of our many fights. It kinda left a fucking huge bruise though.

Sasuke, turns out, had found some tomatoes and ate one, before popping some peppermint gum into his mouth (mm, peppermint smells really good) and strolling back into the living room to sit next to Sakura. He wrapped his right arm around her waist and let her rest her head on his shoulder. Sakura laughed as she 'tied the tie' around the Uchiha's neck, making his uniform perfect.

I smirked. "So, you two, did you have a good time together last night?"

Sasuke's black eyebrow rose questioningly before giving a nasty glare. "That's none of your business."

"Well, you know, I just wanted to know how well your relationship was going. How's the sex?" I giggled, trying to raise the ire of the couple beside me. Sasuke ignored me as Sakura growled low in her throat.

"Ino, shut the fuck up, alright?" Sakura asked with a sickeningly sweet voice.

I snorted and obliged. I sat there for a while, ignoring the loving couple beside me. I read the clock again; it was now 8:00. I sighed. "Hey, guys."

Turning, I noticed the pair next to me was kissing. Not totally making out or snogging, just light kisses on the jaw and throat and cheek. At the sound of my voice, they glanced my way.

"Shouldn't we head to school? Sakura's car should suffice for a drive to and fro, right?"

Sakura pulled away from Sasuke, jumped off the couch, and stalked off towards her garage (most likely to get her keys.) Getting a little bored, I decided to talk with the Uchiha.

"Say, Sasuke, I have a question for you." He turned to look at me and cocked an eyebrow.

I continued. "How happy are you with Sakura?" Sasuke nearly choked on his spit, apparently, because he started coughing a bit. Not a horrendous coughing fit. Just light breaths having trouble escaping. I smirked.

"Eh? Uchiha? What's wrong with you?" He swallowed and glared at me.

"Yes, I am. Very happy, that is." Sasuke stated after a while. I was about to respond before Sakura burst into the room, swirling her key ring around her index finger.

"Hey, idiots. Let's go." The pinkette grinned turning back into the adjoining door. I followed in suit, Sasuke shoving his hands inside his pockets and following as well. I smiled as I saw Sakura's sleek car. A beautiful black Mustang GT* with white stripes running vertically over the hood and roof of the car.

Sasuke opened the car door of the passenger seat, which left me a seat in the back. Dammit, I was about to call shotgun too. I got in the back begrudgingly, not bothering to put my seat belt on. Sakura stabbed her keys into the slot and ignited the car. She reached up to press a button on the top of the car that had a small white house on it, which caused the garage door to lift. She backed out and drove in the direction of our school.

We arrived in a matter of minutes, by 8:15. Sasuke got out of the car first and scanned the parking lot, most likely searching for his best friend, Uzumaki Naruto, a rambunctious blonde dumbass. He was also one of Sakura's best friends, as Naruto, her, and Sasuke had known each other since they were in diapers due to their parents being companions.

Apparently, the blonde had been looking for the Uchiha as well because he bolted over as soon as he saw Sasuke step out of Sakura's car. I, being very lazy, was the last one out of the car and the last one to slam the door shut. Sakura locked the mustang and shoved the keys into her book bag.

"Naruto, what's up?" Sakura smiled. He laughed right back at her, his lips twisting upwards.

"Hey, Sakura-chan! Sasuke." Naruto was now smiling rather, um…loudly? I snorted a little. Ever since the Uchiha had started going out with Sakura, Naruto has always been a bit strained. They hung out the same way, argued, fought, teased, bantered, and messed around just like the old days. But when Sasuke announced to the whole school through the intercom (the fangirls had been beating up Sakura, leaving bruises the size of fucking tennis balls all over her arms and legs. This lead to Sasuke becoming seriously pissed, overtaking the council office and announcing their relationship publicly. Plus they made out in front of the school in the courtyard.) Naruto became a little perturbed.

You see, Naruto had a crush on Sakura. And sadly, the love was unrequited.

"Dead-last." Sasuke smirked, punching the blonde on the upper arm. Naruto laughed before looking over Sakura's shoulder, to finally glance at me.

"Ino! Didn't see you there, blondie." He snickered. I shrugged.

"Whatever. Hey, Sakura, let's go find Hinata and Tenten, kay?" Sakura nodded and turned to kiss Sasuke on the lips chastely before following me towards the courtyard. We traveled through the crowds of people, the cliques, the groups, to find our usual meeting place. Hinata was there with Tenten, chatting animatedly. My eyes widened slightly. Hinata never talked that fast. Sakura and I reached the pair, hugging each other and exchanging greetings.

"Wow, Hina, did you have some coffee or something? You're about to burst." Sakura stated nonchalantly, practically reading my mind. Hinata shook her head and blushed.

"N-No! Well, I don't k-know why." She sighed.

Tenten grunted and walked over to Sakura and whispered something in her ear, which caused her to laugh.

"Aw, Hinata, why wouldn't you tell me and Ino about that?"

"Because I knew you would laugh!"

I was growing irritable. What the hell was the secret? "What are you guys talking about, dammit?"

Tenten grinned. "Hinata can't wait to see the new guy!"

New guy? What new guy? How could I not know about this? I wasn't here all the time, but I was usually the first one to hear the gossip. "Huh?" My brain farted rather loudly.

Hinata knitted her eyebrows and Tenten smiled.

"Tennie! Who's the new guy?" Of course, Sakura's brain was able to form coherent sentences when need be.

"He's really cute, apparently. Spiky, brown hair. Large brown eyes. Hell, a cute nose even."

"WHAT." My exclamation was rather a statement more than an interrogative thingy.

"Oh my god, Ino, it's your true love! It's destiny!" Sakura laughed hoarsely.

My eye twitched. "What's his name?"

"Nara Shikamaru. Lemme guess, Ino, he was one of your fuck-buddies? It must be DESTINY!" Tenten giggled.

I gave the brunette a hairy eyeball. I was about to respond when Sakura suddenly stopped laughing. The elated expression on her face disappeared. Her mouth dropped. Her legs gave out and she slumped onto the planter next to her.

Hinata looked concerned. "Sakura-chan? What's wrong?"

"Nara...Shikamaru! Ino, you slept with him?!"

"What's wrong with him?!" I was alarmed at Sakura's drastic mood change.

There was a long pause.

"Sabaku no Temari. That's his girlfriend. Temari."

Oh. Fuck. Life sucks.

I slept with Sabaku no Temari's boyfriend. I was officially screwed.

No matter what Sakura says, it's not true.

Destiny SUCKS.

This took a while to write, but it was very, very, very fun. Chapters are going to be a bit sporadic, due to my soccer training and leadership duties, but I will finish this story. Expect a chapter every 2 to 3 weeks and maybe two, if I feel up to it.

Mustang GT*- I don't know if they have those in Japan, but I have a blue and white GT, so, this was modeled after my car.

--Atsune 3