Title: Don't Make So Much Noise When You Eat

Disclaimer: I don't own XXXholic. This fanfiction will be confusing to some and thoroughly disappointing to others.

Summary: Doumeki takes the initiative. Watanuki tries not to complain… too much. Panting and a long, thick, wooden stick is involved. Rated M for a Misunderstanding.

"Don't make so much noise," Watanuki panted, "when you eat."

Doumeki continued, very audibly not following Watanuki's advice.

Watanuki, on the other hand, began to grow very hot, his breathing growing ever more labored. A couple minutes later, and his muscles felt like they were spasming and turning to mush all at once. And suddenly, an entirely new sensation: his whole body stiffened, his back arched slightly, his mouth open in a loud gasp.

Doumeki slowly licked his fingers, and gave one last swallow. "Tastes good," he remarked in a smug voice, lifting his head to look Watanuki in the eye. And then he reached downwards, saliva glistening on his fingers.

Watanuki endured for as long as he could, but in the end he let slip a small whimper and pressed Doumeki a little closer to him. Doumeki stopped then, concerned.

"We can stop if you want."

Watanuki shook his head. He didn't trust himself to speak, he knew that by now, his voice would come out all weak and shaky, and he did not want to give Doumeki the satisfaction that this was tiring him out so easily.

"Or a short break."

Watanuki could barely catch his breath. His vision was whitening near the edges and the shapes began to swirl together. His hand on Doumeki's shoulder trembled. Doumeki began to untangle himself from Watanuki, relieving Watanuki of the taller boy's weight.

"Don't you dare," Watanuki hissed through clenched teeth. He grabbed Doumeki's shirt in a death grip. "I can take it. Keep going."

"No."

"What do you mean no? We've already gotten this far!" Watanuki tried to push forward, but Doumeki was holding him back and wouldn't let him continue.

"I'm too big for you. We're going to have to sit down and figure out how to make this work."

Leave it to Doumeki to make it as blunt as possible, but Watanuki had to agree. "Then what do you propose we do?"

Doumeki eyed a long stick nearby. He bent down a bit uncomfortably to pick it up and then hefted it. It was heavy, but smoothed down and without any visible splintering.

"Tell me you're not being serious."

"It's thick enough."

There was a long silence, and then Watanuki nodded. "Fine, but hurry. Your lower body needs attention and the sooner the better."

Watanuki quietly stared at said lower body part while Doumeki held the stick in various positions trying to find the one most comfortable.

Doumeki noticed him staring. "It's not a big deal."

Watanuki shook himself from his thoughts and couldn't look Doumeki in the face. "Thank you."

And with that, they stood once more and made their way slowly down the street. Doumeki leaned against Watanuki. He was favoring his right leg which had been mangled while saving Watanuki from yet another uncompromising demon, and his left ankle was slightly sprained too. Making full use of the makeshift crutch he had found, Doumeki was able to half hobble on it to relieve Watanuki from carrying his full weight.

"I'm sure Yuuko-san will be able to fix it." Watanuki said, comforting himself more than Doumeki.

They continued at the slower but more steady pace towards Yuuko-san's shop.

Watanuki looked down at the lunch bag he carried at his side. "You can finish the last one if you want."

Doumeki reached down and grabbed the last onigiri from Watanuki's side bag and began to chew noisily, as usual.

"Tasty." He said when he finished and licked the rice off of his fingers.

By the time they reached Yuuko-san's shop, she was already waiting outside the gateway. As they drew closer Watanuki was surprised that her normally serene, unfazed expression had turned dark and stormy.

"Your performance today was disappointing on many levels." She said to the both of them in a tense voice. Then, turning to Doumeki, she added, "Especially you, Doumeki-kun. It was unlike you to be so very misleading."

She motioned them to follow her into the house. Watanuki helped Doumeki up the porch steps and wisely decided not to ask Yuuko-san what was wrong.

The black bouncing furry wonder bounded up before Yuuko-san as she entered. "Mokona told you planting eavesdropping devices in April First's school uniform was a bad idea!"

"YOU WHAT??"

A/N – Yes, I did that on purpose. I'm horrible and have nothing to say in my defense. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, what were you thinking, you naughty little unprepared things – reading a rated M story?

(I always liked imagining Yuuko setting them up. She'd be such a wicked matchmaker.)