thunder n litenin

vary vary fritenin

(unknown)

Consciousness tore into him. Usually, he would wake slowly and linger in a dream-like state for a while, grab a cup of coffee, and still be groggy; but as soon as consciousness crept up on him, it reminded him of what had happened, and its effects were stronger than all the espresso in Lylat.

Morning meant breakfast. Breakfast meant Fox would be there. Translation: Wolf would not be at breakfast.

What did he usually do in the morning? Oh, right. Shower.

He entered the bathroom, stripped, and got distracted by the mirror on his way to the shower. Maybe, under different circumstances, he would've laughed at himself, what with his fur sticking up all over the place. Maybe.

He went through the motions in the shower, trying not to think about last night. He used to love to shower, up until he became a member of Star Wolf and had to share the shower with Pigma, then Panther. There always seemed to be an overwhelmingly-strong stench of male musk back on the mothership showers, which Andrew had always called the Stank. Wolf never thought he would miss the Stank, but its absence reminded him more and more that he was far away from home, far away from the people he knew and loved.

He had been trying to distract himself, but now he leaned against the shower wall, trying to convince himself that the moisture in his eyes came from the shower. He brought his hand over to the knob and shut the water off, just leaning against the wall.

Convincing himself that standing here wasn't doing any good, he stepped out of the shower and dried himself off as best he could with the laughable towels that the Haven provided. He would brush later; he slipped on a pair of boxers, dug until he found something suitable to wear, and stumbled to the bed, clutching the covers to him for warmth. More than likely, he'd look like a world-champion hobo when he got up, but that didn't seem to matter very much.

He lay there for what felt like an eternity. Every minute that dragged by felt like an hour, as he was constantly trying to shove last night out of his memories, but then he'd let his guard down and it'd sneak up on him, and he'd have to redouble his efforts. He gave up on sleep after the first thirty hours, stared at the ceiling. The ceiling had no answers, gave him no comfort.

There was a click at the door. Wolf got his eyes over there just in time to see the door swing open and let Marth in.

"Hey," Marth said, removing the sword from his belt, walking over to the bed and laying the weapon down beside it.

Wolf stared at the ceiling again, trying to pretend that Marth wasn't there, which might have been impossible if not for the stench. The prince always put on some kind of ridiculous flowery scent when he got done training, which Wolf found about as pleasant as a lady wearing wrestler sweat.

"What happened last night?"

The ceiling was mocking him, daring him to look away, daring him to acknowledge that Marth was in the room, but Wolf was better than that. He wouldn't let the ceiling beat him.

"I talked to Fox. When I asked him about what happened last night, he—"

Wolf growled, resisting the urge to let out a full-blown snarl. "You talked to him?"

Marth nodded, looking unsure, fidgeting a little with his cape. "I figured it would be the easiest way. I just asked what happened, that you had been dispirited when you returned last night, and—"

"Can't you mind your own business for once in your life?" He didn't try to hide his anger now, let it all came spilling out. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

Marth remained silent, his eyes gravitating downwards, his expression distant.

"You've ruined me. If I hadn't done that last night, I..." He paused, pressing his claws into the fabric of his pants. "I'm leaving."

He didn't give Marth any time to respond to that. He bolted out of the room, shut the door behind him, leaned against it—

And sank to his knees.

He was in the courtyard again. It was even more beautiful in the early morning than at twilight, but the beauty had a twisted, sinister edge hidden underneath it, as if it were a garden of lotuses. He hadn't wanted to come here, but he didn't really have any other options. He made up for it by ripping out little clumps of grass with his claws, throwing them into the air, and watching as the remains scattered.

Those clumps of grass were him, he realized. He was falling apart. Just like before—with Andross, with Krystal, now with Fox—he had been given the fleeting experience of hope, just enough to make him break free of his pessimism; and it only drove him to his ruin, deeper in than he had been before. But he could only be driven down so much before he was crushed under the pressure, and he reasoned that he had finally reached that point.

He was so afraid—the type of genuine fear that he had never felt, never been able to feel while in the Wolfen. He didn't want to be driven in any farther. He couldn't take it.

The peak of his life was over, the only thing he had ever been good at eradicated. Maybe it would be best just to end it. Just let it all slip away, not have to worry about it anymore...

"You look pretty blue."

Wolf slowly turned his head over his shoulder, for some reason not surprised to see Peach standing over him. "You could say that."

There was a rustle of movement, and Peach was sitting on the grass next to him, her dress radiating out from her figure. "What went wrong last night?"

"Why would you think something went wrong?" He was surprised at how calm he was, in contrast to how he had acted with Marth.

"I saw you with Fox in the diner last night." She paused, a gust of wind making her straw-colored hair ripple around her head. "Fox was late to breakfast this morning, came in a while after Falco had left. And I see you moping out here by yourself, so I figure I might as well ask..."

Wolf grunted. "You know, lady, you sure to pay attention to a lot of strange stuff."

Peach laughed. "I'm a woman. I notice these things." She said it as if it were inarguable, a fact of life. Wolf rested both hands on the grass beside him, spread out his legs so that he was more relaxed.

"I did something really stupid," he said. "I..." He sent another glance over at Peach, then shuffled his weight, trying to keep his eyes from falling down to the grass again.

She leaned in a bit closer and dropped her voice to a whisper. "Wolf, you can tell me. If you're having problems, I'll help you as best I can. If not... well, I won't tell anyone."

And he knew that she was right, that she was telling the truth. He knew that he was speaking to someone who was sincere, to someone who was objective about his whole situation, to someone who wouldn't hold anything he said against him. Fox had told him that much at dinner last night.

"I... well, me and Fox..." He sent an apologetic look over at her before continuing. "After dinner, we came here. I took the initiative, and we ended up kinda..." He brought a shaky hand up to his muzzle, and ran a finger over his lip.

Peach blinked twice, but Wolf couldn't read her expression. "I see..."

"But he... he broke away, and said he was sorry, that he shouldn't have brought me there, that he was a really big idiot. And he left."

Peach's expression seemed to waver. "Did you mean to do it?"

Wolf nodded.

"Did you want to do it?"

Another nod. "I was the one who did it, not him. I wasn't thinking..." He was clutching the grass again. "But I was hoping he'd give in. And he did at first, but then..." He sighed.

"Did you think it would be easy?"

"What?"

She shook her head. "Wolf, you can't expect everything to be perfect when you're doing something like this. You'll have bad days, you'll have rough starts, you'll have fights. But those things are there for a reason." Her eyes twinkled as she held up a hand, gesturing to the sky. "They're there to test you, to see how much you really want it. Every time the relationship lives through one of those conflicts, it gets stronger."

She licked her lips. "Do you think Mario and I had it easy?"

"I don't know," he said.

"I'm a princess." She put a hand to her breast, pointing at herself. "He's a poor foreigner, a plumber. It wasn't easy getting people to accept our relationship, but I wouldn't give it up for the world."

"So what does that mean I need to do?" Wolf whined.

"You can answer that question better than I can."

"Well..." He let his grip on the grass relax, delving deep inside himself. "I don't know what he thinks. I don't know what I think." He paused, blinking. "If I keep doing what I am now," he said, "I'll never see him again. If I talked to him... I don't know, I guess I could talk to him."

"That you could," she said. "It's not like it could hurt."

Wolf sat there for a while, playing with the grass with his claws, running scenarios through his head, each one seeming more ridiculous than the last. It was too soon, he decided. He needed more time. It wasn't long until he began to see people walking by, so he sent an inquisitive glance over at Peach.

She stood up, reaching down to knock the bits of grass off her dress. "It's lunch time," she explained. "You coming?"

He hadn't eaten since last night, but thinking about food made him feel sick. "I'm staying here."

"Why don't you go back up to your room, at least?"

"I'm not going back up there."

"Did you and Marth have a fight, too?" When he didn't respond, she sent a glance over at the exit that Wolf knew led into the hall with the Cafeteria. "Well, I'm going to go."

She had barely started walking when Wolf said, "Peach?"

"Hrm?"

"Thanks."

She smiled. "No problem." She began walking towards the exit into the cafeteria hall, a spring in her step.

He spent the rest of the day in the courtyard. He went to the training room once, but was unable to get anything accomplished, and had to slip out once he saw Marth coming in. Peach had come by after lunch for a few minutes, but not much came out of that conversation.

When dinner time came around, he wasn't feeling any hungrier than he had been before. He roamed the halls for a little while, but the only thing he found to distract him was a door marked Staff only, so he found himself eventually coming back to the courtyard again. Sighing, he went back to his corner and crouched. Several people passed by, but they paid him no heed.

The rhododendrons seemed to be mocking him.

It was getting late, he realized. 6:32 and counting. He hadn't thought about where he was going to sleep, but now that he thought about it, he didn't have any options but here. He curled up into a pathetic ball and lay down on the grass, trying to block out his thoughts.

The next thing he was aware of was wetness. He sat up, realizing that he must have fallen asleep, then retreated farther back into the corner, crouching under a tree to try to keep out from the rain.

Might as well start sucking your thumb, he thought.

Lightning flashed, then a low rumble of thunder. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't stay out here. Couldn't go back to the room. Couldn't go to anyone else's room. There was nothing left for him anywhere.

He leaned back against the tree. Lightning flashed several times, and once, he thought he could detect a hint of movement, but he later dismissed it as a figment of his imagination. Nobody would be out here this late, especially with the rain. He was getting soaked even with the shelter.

"Wolf?"

Wolf's eyes snapped open, and he rubbed at them once. He couldn't see in the dark, but he knew who it was from the voice.

"Is that you?" A moment of silence. "My God, what are you doing out here?"

"Just had to get away," Wolf muttered. "Why are you up so late, out in the rain?"

A bright flash of lightning illuminated the area, revealing Fox standing in front of him, his fur dripping with moisture. "The storm woke me," he said.

Wolf snorted. "That's a lie."

"I couldn't sleep." Another crash of thunder, and the rain intensified. "Wolf, let's go. There's no sense in us being out here."

"Go where?" Wolf asked.

"At least go up to your room."

"I can't go back," he said.

"What?"

Wolf wished he could see Fox, or at least smell him so he could have some idea of what he was thinking. "I can't," he said, clenching his fists. "I don't want to deal with Marth. I just wanted to be alone."

There was a sound of movement, then the gentle feeling of something wet on his shoulder. "I did too, but.... come on. Let's go inside. This isn't doing us any good."

Hesitating first, Wolf nodded, then realized that Fox wouldn't be able to see him. "...yeah. Okay." Feeling a bit numb and not entirely sure about what was going on, he eased himself to his feet, feeling the immediate increase in the amount of rain pelting against his fur. A flash of lightning lit up the area, and he could see that Fox was staring at him.

Moments later, he was out of the rain, inside the hall that led to the cafeteria. They were both dripping all over the floor, but Fox didn't acknowledge it and Wolf didn't care. The lights were dimmer than they were in the day, but still bright enough to see by.

"Have you been out there all day?" Fox asked, leading Wolf... somewhere.

Wolf felt his ears wilt a little. "No. Well... not all day."

"Jeez." Fox sighed, looking guilty, standing still and facing Wolf. "Sorry."

"Why did you do it?" The words were out before Wolf even knew he'd considered saying them.

"Well..."

"Is it because of Falco?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you and him... you know..." He made an obscene gesture with his hands. "Close?"

Fox took a step back, eyes widening. "No! We're not like that at all. He's a friend, okay? And he's not like that. Neither am I."

Wolf faced away from Fox, hunching over a little. "I didn't think I was, either." He started walking away, not even sure where he was going.

"No, dammit!" More than anything, Fox's words seemed directed at himself. "Wolf, wait. I didn't mean it like that." There was another gentle wetness on the lupine's shoulder, and he turned around to see Fox looking at him, that same muddled look from before in his eyes. "It's just," Fox said, "this is hard for me."

"You think it's any easier for me?" Wolf could hear his voice shaking. He wanted to say it, to say what he knew was going on it both of their heads, but he held his tongue.

Fox frowned. "I don't know." His ears flicked, then cocked forward. "What was that?"

"What do you mean what was—" And then he heard it. It was faint, yet at the same time so loud, reminding him again of how Tabuu had commanded such a powerful presence with such little flair. Looking around...

Wolf knew this place. He'd been here before, but he couldn't quite place it. It was only when his eyes caught the Staff only door that he realized where he was—and then, with the the way the lights were dimmed, he remembered that he'd been here before then. He remembered the red, the feeling of pure fear, and it all came rushing back to him again.

"Run," he said. He jogged towards the stairs, opening the door and holding it open before Fox.

The vulpine was there in a few seconds, giving Wolf a strange look. "What's going on?"

"Just come on!"

As soon as Fox was in the staircase, Wolf began climbing upwards. He only made it up one flight before throwing the door there open, rushing out into the hall, checking to see if Fox was behind him every few seconds. After a few minutes of running, he had made his way to the training rooms—but nobody was there. He felt his hackles stand up and his skin prickle with fear.

Fox's footsteps behind him became louder before stopping, and Wolf was aware of the vulpine's breath on his shoulder. "What are you doing?"

Wolf wasn't sure. He hadn't heard anything in a while, but, just to be safe, he started padding towards one of the training rooms. "Follow me." When he got there, he held the door open before slipping in, locking the door, shaking off his fur, and sitting down, breathless. He could feel Fox's eyes on him.

"What was that?"

"There was something following us... I think it wants to kill me."

"I know that. I saw something. But... who was it?"

"I don't know... Snake, probably, maybe wanting to get revenge."

Fox shook his head. "That's not possible. He was sent home."

Wolf stared at the floor for a while before sliding over to one of the corners, resting his head against the wall. After a few seconds, he felt his eyelids begin to close.

Fox hadn't moved, and had kept a steady eye on him the whole time. "What are you doing?"

Wolf's eyes snapped open. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"You're going to sleep in here?" His eyes were wide.

Wolf growled. "I've already told you that I'm not going back! Now you think I'm gonna walk out there with him waiting on me? So that I can go to the courtyard again and get struck by lightning or something?"

Fox's eyes were fixed on him for a few seconds before the vulpine's hand approached the door. "Well, maybe we can talk sometime when you're done being so pissy."

Something snapped inside Wolf, and it let loose a haze of red that obscured his vision. He was up on his feet before he could think about it. Fox pressed himself up against the door, panic playing across his muzzle.

"You think I don't have the right to be pissy at you?" Wolf's hands clamped around the point where Fox's neck and shoulders met, squeezing. "Every single bad thing that has ever happened to me has been your fault."

"Wolf—please—"

Wolf snarled. "You are the one who condemned me to a criminal life—that almost killed me during the Lylat Wars, that brought her to my team, that ruined my chance at redemption. You—" He wrestled Fox down to the floor, the sheer terror on the other's face only fueling him, and said between clenched teeth, "You have destroyed every reason I've ever had for living."

And deep underneath that, something he couldn't bring himself to say, something that rippled to him in the aftermath of his fury and completely dispelled it:

Despite that, you are the only one I have ever cared for.

As soon as Wolf's grip relaxed, Fox whimpered, then slid himself along the floor until he was laying in a corner. The haze subsiding, Wolf stared at his hands. Stared. Thinking that death now would be merciful—pleasant, even—so that he wouldn't have to live with what he'd done for the rest of his life.

"Fox." He didn't know what else to say. Every time he heard a whimper, or saw a fresh tear trickle out of the vulpine's eyes, he felt like choking himself. Wolf buried his face in his hands, thinking, I'm such an idiot what have I done, why does all this have to happen to me?

He finally managed to work up the strength to lift his head, then began crawling towards Fox. The vulpine's eyes widened and he tried to push himself farther into the corner.

"Fox, wait."

It was when he was only a few inches away from the other when Wolf broke down. The tears came flooding out, and since his voice failed him, the only thing he could think of to do was put his arms around Fox and clutch the vulpine's wet body to him as if he were a lifeline. He barely felt it when the vulpine put his arms around him.

"It's okay," Wolf said, not sure who he was talking to. "It's alright."

As soon as Wolf could muster the courage, he backed away and looked Fox in the eye, finding the green vulpine eyes staring right back at him. "I lost control," Wolf said, voice trembling. "So stupid. Such an idiot. Such a selfish idiot. I—" He took a deep breath and whispered, "—there's no way such a sweet person bear the blame for all that."

It was the first genuinely nice thing he'd ever said, he realized, and from the look on Fox's face, the vulpine knew it too. Fox wrapped his arms around Wolf, and the lupine sank his muzzle into the other's soft, wet fur.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, just sobbing on the other's shoulder. Maybe Fox was doing the same thing—he wasn't sure, since his fur was soaked anyway. The cheerful ball of energy Wolf had known to light up his day was gone, and he was to blame for it.

As soon as Wolf recovered his voice, the first thing he said was, "I think it's safe for you to go back to your room now."

"No."

Wolf broke away from the embrace and looked Fox in the eyes. "You want to stay here after that? Are you suicidal?" There wasn't any anger in the words. "I thought you were leaving."

"I know what I want," Fox said. "I didn't yesterday, but now I do. And... what just happened proves that it's time we actually talked about it."

Sitting there with his arms around the other, Wolf knew for the first time exactly what it was. "Okay," he said, swallowing.

"No, really." Fox reached up a hand to dab at his eyes. "I think we've both been putting this off too long, been too scared to actually say anything. And look where it's gotten us. We've blown up at our roommates and each other, now we're probably gonna get pneumonia from the rain."

Wolf felt the corners of his mouth tighten. "Then go ahead," he said. "You start."

Fox squirmed in Wolf's grip, so he let go of the vulpine. Fox sat on his own now, leaning against the wall. "I've been leading you on the whole time," he said, holding up a hand, "but I never understood where this was going until last night. And I fought it." He paused, taking a calculated glance at Wolf. "Because I didn't want to be... you know." He made an uninterpretable gesture with his hands, then continued.

"I fought it last night, and I was so snappy today that I started a fight with Falco. But I finally realized—I don't know when—that maybe fighting it wasn't the best choice of action. How about you?" His eyes met Wolf's.

Wolf shrugged. "I guess I've been too wrapped up in what was to think about what is. But I guess what we did before doesn't matter, just what we're doing now, y'know?" He paused for a bit. "And about that other thing... well, I don't give a crap about what I am. I'm just... well, me. And I'm not very good at this kind of stuff."

"Me either."

Wolf snorted. "Oh, that's a lie."

Fox laughed, but there was no humor in it. "Why do you think Krystal left?"

"I thought you wanted her gone."

Fox shook his head. "That was a lie to make myself feel better. I figured you knew that." He slid across the floor until he was sitting as close to Wolf as he could get, their bodies touching. "I must be pretty bad if I made her resort to Panther."

"Um? It's because you're gay."

Fox blinked at him, the twitching of his face so slight that Wolf wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't staring so hard.

"You convinced yourself you were into her—because it seemed so natural—but you really weren't."

Fox recoiled. "Hey, I was—"

Wolf held up a hand. "No, don't give me that crap."

"But—"

Wolf leaned it and pressed his muzzle to Fox's, closing his eyes and drinking in the feeling. It wasn't long before Fox was kissing him back, and when it ended, Wolf realized that they were holding each other again.

Fox grinned up at him. "On second thought, maybe we don't need to talk about it all that much."

Wolf poked Fox's nose. "Maybe you're right." He smiled as Fox buried his head into the lupine's fur, watching him for a few minutes before leaning back and closing his eyes.

This was what it was all about, Wolf realized. He had been expecting some kind of consummation to come from the relationship, been put off because of who the relationship was with. But now he know that what really mattered was what was going in the present moment, and, looking down at Fox, curled up against Wolf with his eyes closed and claws gripping his fur, Wolf knew he could be content with it.

End Redemption, part one.