Chapter One: November 17th
I don't know what to say. I don't know what to write.
Everyone tells me that writing in a journal is the best for venting. It won't give you any opinions, tell you your being an asshole, and best of all - it'll never tell a soul any of your secrets.
Sakura swears she'll always be there if I ever need to talk to her. Her door is always open, she says. But all she ever does is talk about herself, she interrupts my sentences, and she never leaves me alone. I have at least 5 messages on my answering machine when I get home every day, and she bugs me about how I should get a cell phone in case theres an emergency. Like there'll ever be an emergency with me around. I can't tell her things one, because she's fucking annoying, and two, because I feel like if I ever tell her anything it'll be around the whole village within a day. Not like I'd ever tell her anything about myself anyway.
Kakashi is the same way. Well, sort of. He acts like he doesn't even listen when I talk to him. He's always got his nose in that porno of his and just nods his head when I'm speaking. And then afterwards he claims he forgets our conversation. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to talk to him in the first place.
Naruto, well... he always acts like nothing is wrong and then when we get into an arguement I try to write it off as if nothing is wrong and its not a big deal, but he always end up prying into my business and trying to analyze my brain.
There is something about him, though... something that I like. And I only say that because I'm writing this down and I know nobody will ever see it anyway. I guess I like that he's not really afraid to argue with me. Everyone else is so afraid to get on my bad side. Well, not that I don't give them a reason... I do always have that pissed off look on my face. But he can just chew my head off and I can tell him to shut the fuck up and he can tell me fuck you and then tomorrow it'll seem like it never happened.
Like... I never even use that word. I don't think there's anything I 'like' in this world besides that quality about Naruto.
What's up with that? One day I'm going to punch that stupid grin right off of his face. I'm going to go so ape-shit on that dobe and instead of laughing that stupid laugh of his he's going to be writhing in pain from his beat down. But the strange thing is, I know it'll be just the same the next day. I know he'll be bloody and shit-faced and I'll be staring down at him with the deadliest glare I have, and he'll still smile and say 'Well fuck, this sucks doesn't it?'.
I wish he'd just go after Sakura since he likes her so much. Fuck, I wish she'd swoon over Naruto instead of me. I wish anyone else would like... well, anyone else but me. I hate having the constant feeling that everyone is trying to get you out of your shell. It's like a hermit crab - you take away the shell, you're taking away the home. I've lived in this little shell for all my life and they ask me all these questions about why I'm such an asshole when I don't really have an answer. Well, yes I have an answer, my past of course - who wouldn't live in a shell after all that shit?
Naruto wouldn't.
Maybe I'm just so used to living like this that I don't know how to stop.
Or maybe I'm just being a stupid fuck right now and I should just concentrate on what's important like getting my revenge. Wow, this journal writing thing may have been a good idea after all. Get my head straight before I make some dumb decisions like caring about what other people think, right?
I didn't think a hermit crab like me could have so much to write down. It's kind of funny, even if I met an asshole just like myself I don't think I would talk about anything. I don't need some fucktard giving their stupid opinions of my life. I'll do what I want to do and nobody can persuade me to do otherwise. Besides, I'm the only one that matters to me - survival of the fittest.
And I'm the fucking fittest.
Author's Note: Just to add - This story will alternate between journal entries and real life. The journal entry chapters will be considerably shorter, but I will try to update with the storyline chapters soon after.