Needless to say, I don't own them.
Dark and menacing, the Batmobile screeched into the Batcave like the Devil Himself was after it. Leaping out of his iconic vehicle, Batman called out to his faithful retainer;
"Alfred! Initiate Protocol Zed Zed 7 Delta Omega 3!"
"As you say sir." Responded Alfred Pennyworth. As the protocol went active he asked "Might I inquire what exactly requires the complete communications and transportation blockade of the Batcave from, well, everyone?"
"Dick and Barbara broke up."
"Oh my."
"Live."
"I beg your pardon young sir?"
"On the JLA Emergency Override Com channel. Barbara must have hit a switch by accident."
"Oh my."
"So the entire superhero community is aware that Dick's 'available' as of three minutes ago. I was in southern Gotham. I had to use the Nitrous Oxide booster and the emergency Afterburner to get here in time." Batman was seriously peeved; he'd been hoping not to seriously break the speed limit for another month at least. Now he had, by over a hundred and fifty kph!
"Do you believe you were fast enough initiating the protocol sir?" asked the butler, lip quirking slightly in amusement.
"No. I received over fifty 'Can I speak to Nightwing' messages in the first ten seconds of the second minute. I warned Commissioner Gordon, and by the time I managed to disable the communicator had received the hundred and twenty third, all of fifteen seconds later."
"Oh my."
"I also suspect that certain members of the JLA utilised the emergency teleporter to join us here, which seriously endangers my supply of mint-choc-chip ice-cream and Oreo cookies. Isn't that right Wally? Clark? J'onn?"
"How did you know it was us Bruce?" asked Superman "And I diverted Wally from the mint-choc-chip to the raspberry ripple." He looked bemused "I don't know anyone else who hides his ice-cream behind 10,000 degree lasers though."
"I got the idea when I saw you use your heat vision to stop Lois taking the last double-choc-chip cookie. And your preservation of my ice-cream has resulted in my downgrading your protocol from 'survivable- will hurt' to 'may cause a rash if left untreated'."
"Thanks."
"J'onn came because the psychic dampers in place under Zed Zed 7 Delta Omega 3 are sufficient to protect him from the incredible number of fantasies, many sexual in nature, which will result from this event. Wally's here because he doesn't want to deal with hordes of admirers trying to entangle him in their plots to get a date with Nightwing. If I'd left it more than three minutes, the entire JLA, JSA and Titans would be down here, and even I can't keep Jay Garrick away from my ice-cream."
"Oh." Was the Kryptonian's eloquent reply.
"And you came because Lois inevitably gets involved in these things and you don't want to hear about it every meal."
Alfred looked up sharply. "Master Bruce! Where are Master Tim and Miss Cassandra!"
Beneath his cowl, Bruce Wayne paled, then gritted his teeth and then forced himself to answer. "Tim expressed an interest in introducing Batgirl to Young Justice as a part of helping her with social interaction. They were then going to visit Titan's Tower."
Superman looked appalled "They'll be torn apart. Batgirl lives with Oracle, so will be expected to side with her. Robin's been Nightwing's 'little brother' for years and will be expected to side with him! Bruce, you've got to do something!"
Batman strode to the BatComputer, and pulled up the security camera feeds to the main screen.
"It's too late."
He panned the cameras, the main gate to Wayne Manor was packed with 'plain-clothes' heroines. As were the side- and back- gates.
"Perhaps…"
He pulled up the Cave entrance cameras. Tarantula, Starfire, Huntress… wait a second? Huntress! Not important now… There!
"They have one chance. If I break com silence on the Orion frequency, using a satellite scatter signal, with encryption phi delta 6, Code ZZ7DO3, I might be able to give Tim a clue as to where he and Cassandra could hide out."
"So what's the problem?" asked Flash.
"There's a sixty-forty chance in favour of our location being discovered, and disproving my message stating that I'm in the far-east tracking Ra's al Ghul and am therefore uncontactable."
"Sir, I am sorry to report that fully one quarter of the Oreo cookie supply has been consumed by Mr J'onzz."
"Nooooooooooo!"
"Furthermore, I fear we must brave the odds, given that Miss Cassandra is entirely unused to this sort of behaviour and may react violently, or worse, attempt to become a matchmaker herself."
Three faces paled at the mere thought of Batgirl 'matchmaking'. J'onn went a pale yellow. Batman keyed the communicator.
"R. Situation Delta Omega 3. Location Sierra One Six suggested. Godspeed."
Batman slammed the off switch and scanned the airwaves for a specific signal on an obscure frequency.
"He got it. It's up to them now."
"So, what do we do?"
"Poker?"
"I'm in."
Alfred won. Every time.
1 and a half months later.
Dark and menacing, the Batmobile screeched into the Batcave like the Devil Himself was after it. Leaping out of his iconic vehicle, Batman called out to his faithful retainer;
"Alfred! Initiate Protocol Zed Zed 7 Delta Omega 3!"
"Immediately sir!" the shutters slammed shut. "Again sir?"
"Over the drapes this time." Grunted the Dark Knight.
"Master Bruce, that's the third time this month."
"I know."
From a tertiary emergency egress panel overhead, a black and blue clad figure carefully extricated itself. Unfortunately, not carefully enough.
"Argh!"
The figure fell, landing within a ring of 10,000 degree lasers guarding a robust and upgraded freezer unit which he used to break his fall. He glanced up at his one-time mentor and his grandfather-figure.
"Hi guys. Can I chill here for a while?" he asked casually.
"ARGH! MY ICE-CREAM!"
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