Collection of Short Stories: Chp 3

Story 11: Future Baseball Star

Denzel was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced. Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed. "Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!". He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed.

"Strike Two!" he cried.

Denzel then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully.

He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more,

"I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"

Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed.

"Strike Three!"

"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"

Story 12:Flower Switch

A new business was opening, and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site, and the owner read the card, which said, "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist, Aeris, to complain.

After he told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, Aeris replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: Somewhere there is a funeral taking place, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"

Story 13: Cid Wins the Lottery

Cid buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.

Cid says, "I want my $20 million."

To which the man replied, "No sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.

Cid said, "I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it."

Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

Cid, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY #&$ MONEY! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY $ DOLLAR BACK!''

Story 14: Kittens

Marlene went with Barret to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, she breathlessly informed Tifa there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" Tifa asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," she replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom"

Story 15: Marlene's Advice for Other Children

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.

2. When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?', don't answer.

3. Never tell Tifa her diet's not working.

4. Stay away from prunes.

5. Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to.

6. When Tifa is mad at Cloud, don't let her brush your hair.

7. Never agree to play baseball in the house with weird looking marbles.

8. A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac.

9. Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

10. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

11. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

12. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a chocobo.

13. Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.

14. Don't talk to silver-haired people. They're weird.

15. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to Tifa when she's on the phone.

16. Never try to baptize a cat.