Anime: Saint Seiya
Couple: Mu and Shaka
Author: Litha-chan
Rate: Yaoi, Angst, Romance, Lemon
Status: In progress
Started in: May/2005.

DisclamerSaint Seiya belongs to Kurumada & cia. This fic has no profitable purposes. Unfortunately, if Mu had been invented by me he'd be more... (I'll shut up not to spoil the fic) and if Shaka had been invented by me I wouldn't have let him… (I'll shut up again).

Ps: For those who want to read this fic, I suggest that first you read "When loneliness strikes", since all that is here happen due to previous acts.

A Chance to Love

Chapter I

Return and once again loneliness...

"When I see you...
I burn up with desire
My body answers to yours without a touch".

oOo

I can no longer remember for how long have I been in this situation. I act like a robot. For me, all the things have lost their bright, their notion. I'm a joke even to myself. I, Virgo Shaka, the purest one and the closest person to Budha… Nowadays, I fail on my attempts to meditate and find peace. It's incredible what some feelings can do to human beings. Despite being a container for purity – and I don't even believe I know purity anymore – I've been enveloped by feelings that hurt humanity. Love, fear of being abandoned, abandonment itself and loneliness. And this last one is the worst emotion for me. Being lonely in body and soul.

If he had never kissed me, if he had not touched me with his lips… But everything spins around 'If's'.

I can still smell the fragrance of his skin. It's a mixture of herbs that only emphasizes the calm and ethereal atmosphere he emanates. Rosemary, chamomile, lavender. Only he could synchronize the smell of these herbs on his body. This calmed me down and cheered my soul.

Our first kiss. The kiss for which I've been longing every night, and even more after that day… To feel his warm tongue coming closer to mine. I had never kissed, he had been my first one. How I wish he was the first one to calm my body, burning up with desire, but that never happened. He'd be the only one I'd allow to touch me. He'd be the only one to whom I'd give my purity, the same way that I gave him my soul.

It may all seem confused. In fact my mind is confused.

He was the first one that made me leave my altar. The first one that made me remove my veil of arrogance. He was the first person in this sanctuary that wasn't afraid of approaching me and telling me the truth. It came out of his mouth in a warm way. He… Only he was my bond with humanity, but even though he connected me with many good things, he also connected me with all the suffering that now dwells inside me.

Mu… My only friend and love. My only desire. I've already tried several times to ask Budha for him to make you return to me, for him to make you be by my side. I only want to feel your presence by my side again, your eyes in the direction of my face, of my body. I want to listen to your musical voice, your calm laughter. I want to be able to touch the adorable dots on your forehead. I remember I used to joke – since he was the only one I could joke with – that his eyebrows had been replaced by those dots. I miss his cosmos touching mine.

That makes me remember an important fact. When he left the sanctuary and returned to Jamiel, he said he'd always contact me through my cosmos. He indeed fulfilled his promise during the fist months, but this contact I waited for every day, one night didn't come… It vanished. And that's how I realized I had been forgotten.

And that's how I lost faith in myself…

And that's how I enclosed myself in solitude.

XoOoX

That was a calm day at the sanctuary. Morning came enveloped in an atmosphere that was perfect for meditation. Shaka once again tried to meditate, but wasn't successful. He, then, decided to sit in front of his temple. He thought he could contact Budha more easily if he changed his place of meditation. Nonetheless, whenever he tried to meditate in that spot, he was distracted by the sight of the other Houses… In fact, one in special.

"I don't know how I still have hopes he will come back". Shaka whispered to himself while raising his beautiful face, as if looking at the blue sky of that morning.

He felt someone approaching his temple and he knew it was Shura. His friend from the tenth House always tried to chat with him whenever he could. Things of the everyday life at the sanctuary.

Many knights noticed that Shaka changed after Aries had left. Before both had become friends – according to the other knights – Shaka was dry, arrogant and aloof. After Mu approached the Virgo knight, Shaka became different. He seemed more human, easier to get close to and all that seemed to be the work of Aries.

When Aries returned to Jamiel, Shaka enclosed himself again. The knight no longer left his Temple and, when he did so, he wandered around the Temple or went to some meetings I which the young Saori Kido, living representation of Athena in the Earth, requested his presence. If not for these reasons, Shaka would remain in his Temple fulltime.

"Good morning, Shaka. I see you are enjoying the sunrise". Said Shura while stopping close to Shaka.

"Yes, my friend. Sunrise is always welcome as it announces new life to human beings". While speaking he felt his beautiful hair being blown by the nice breeze and touching his white face. "What are doing up so early, Shura? If I'm not mistaken, it's normal for you to be still asleep at this time". Even though they weren't best friends, Shaka knew that Capricorn wouldn't be mad at his remark.

Shura sat beside the blond young man without asking permission and stared at something in the horizon. How could he talk about specific topics with the Virgo? Of course, he could tell him what he had been doing since afternoon of the previous day, since he was there following a request of the sanctuary, but something didn't seem right to him. After a sigh, he decided to be sincere, after all, he was well known for his loyalty and justice. Sincerity was a part of his inner self, the same was as his sword was a part of his right arm.

"I have been since yesterday trying to resolve some… Unfinished business, as requested by the goddess Athena". He spoke, still staring at the horizon, but noticing Shaka eyeing him with a look of preoccupation and, before the blond one could speak, Shura, after another sigh, said: "I was helping Mu in his return to the sanctuary and organizing…" His voice was interrupted by a touch on his arm.

"Did Mu return to the sanctuary?" the question was a mixture of doubt, disappointment, a strike of happiness with hope and clear uncertainty. But what was more scary to Shura was that, when he looked at Shaka after hearing the question. He could see the Virgo's blue iris.

It was incredible how Shaka's eyes were beautiful. He had never seen his eyes like this. He was paralyzed and lost in his thoughts when he felt his arm being pressed slightly by Shaka's fingers as if he was dragging the Capricorn back to reality.

"Yes, he returned yesterday during sunset. Not all of us know that. You are the fourth one to know of his return". He said while still looking at his eyes.

"Why all this secret around the return of Aries? I know that this means that we may have another master to replace Shion". He tried unsuccessfully to find an explanation for all that secret. "And who are the other ones who know about his arrival?" Shaka had never been curious, but at that moment he was not Virgo Shaka, he was merely Shaka, a man, a being who was trying everything not to show the happiness that was growing inside him. He was merely a man curious to know who had been informed of Mu's arrival before him.

Shura left a sigh between his lips. Now the worst part had come. He was discreet, but he knew that Shaka was much more interested in the knight of the first House as he dared say.

"It was Mu himself who wanted things to keep low. And Athena accepted at first. Now, only she, Aldebaran, me and you know about it, my friend.

Shaka closed his eyes again while thinking in silence. Something was weird. He hadn't felt Mu's cosmos neither yesterday nor today and that meant something. "Could he possibly not want me to know of his return? He didn't even come here to see me". Shaka thought that maybe that was the reason for so much secret. He took a deep breath before he could speak:

"I believe he wouldn't like to be bothered by a long time friend, right Shura?" It sounded more like an affirmative than like question, but it had to be said in a loud voice.

"I don't know, Shaka. But I believe that a lot of things changed, I know that". He spoke with a little bit of pity. "But if you visit him, my friend"... He turned to Shaka's face. "I know you'll have the answers you seek and I hope… Everything turns out fine". After that sentence he looked away from Shaka. The Capricorn refused to make any remark. He wasn't lying. He hated lies, but hiding something that heavy was the best solution for that moment. He didn't want to steal Aphrodite's title as the greatest gossiper of the Zodiac. He was the best local newspaper with the most recent news of the sanctuary. Nevertheless, Shura felt bad for having to hide this piece of information.

"Thank you, Shura". He spoke in a calm way, feeling that something was wrong and that his "friend" didn't know how to break the news to him.

"I'll be in my House if you need anything, Shaka. Stop by later on for some tea, I know you enjoy this kind of thing". He spoke while standing up and walking towards his House to rest a little.

He didn't even wait to hear Shaka's answer. In fact, this answer would never be said, because the blond man was deeply thinking about going or not to his beloved's House. He let his body loose, abandoning the upright position that was usual of Virgo Shaka.

"If I go, I know I'll have to be prepared for serious tests. Something tells me that this return will have its consequences". He spoke in a low voice and opened his eyes to look at the House of Aries at the foot of the sanctuary. He had made up his mind. He would go to the first House and find the answers himself.

XoOoX

"Mu, my friend. What are you going to do with all this?" Asked Aldebaran while looking at his friend walking all around the House of Aries.

"Oh, Aldebaran… Not even I know what to do and what to think anymore. It wasn't my intention to come back, not now! It wasn't the proper time". He had a sad tone of voice and was still walking all around his eyes with his eyes closed, a habit he copied from "him" and never abandoned.

"But, my friend, he has to be informed. You won't be able to hide this. Athena will surely make comments about this in some meeting. After all, you are about to be named Master of the Sanctuary, or so it seems and besides, Kiki must go on with his training…" Yes, Aldebaran knew about Mu's feelings for Shaka, he knew why his friend had left the sanctuary, he knew what was making him suffer.

"Now there's Mireia and…" A heavy sigh. "My child in her womb". He stopped walking and raised his face, once so calm, but that now was showing pain.

"Friend, it's not your fault… You have to follow traditions, it's in your culture, it's your obligation". Aldebaran was really feeling uneasy for the situation in which his friend was.

"You know what, my friend? Sometimes I wish I weren't a Lemurian. I feel sad when I think about what our culture and traditions do to every lemurian man". He started to speak raising his face in order to look at his friend's eyes.

"I understand you, ram". It was a sweet way that Aldebaran used to call Mu.

"I had to go to Jamiel to think and fulfill my obligations. After that I was requested to take care of my people. You know, there are few Lemurians, so we depend on some traditions to keep our species alive". He decided to sit beside his friend. "But as soon as I arrived at the village in Liang-chau, I felt that, somehow, a painful moment was going to start. It's not that I don't want a child, understand me. A son is everything any man wants. Blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh. But creating a child has to be an act of love and not something we are forced to do". Mu spoke seriously. It didn't please him the way in which Amal Ialad was being created.

Aldebaran touched his friend's arm as if hoping to ease his pain. Mu was a person filled with goodness, a very strong and earnest knight, but also, he was under the constellation of Aries and therefore, he had a rebel nature. He was not that kind of rebel that only makes problems, but a rebel with himself, in constant conflict with his feelings and obligations.

"I had to bring them with me, my friend. In our tradition a man has always to have the mother of his child close to him. It's like this, so that the child can receive the Lemurian strength from the father and from the mother during its growth. But you know she can't stay here in the sanctuary. It's against the rules. Therefore, Athena found a house in a nearby village for Mireia to stay and asked Shura to help me with all that was necessary". His voice had a tired tone.

"Ram, I know what is hurting you that much. Tell me something: What is gonna be done after your child is born?" Aldebaran was curious, even though the topic was serious, because he had never talked to Mu about his traditions and stuff like that.

"After its birth the mother and the child return to the little village. My child will not be trained by me, but by some other Lemure. He will know who his father is and everything about me, but I won't have him in my arms, under my sight". He said, in a sad way.

Aldebaran could feel the pain of his friend. He had already suffered with the separation from Shaka and now there was another separation he had to worry about.

He would have to be there during pregnancy, but not during the growth of his child. "Stupid tradition", thought the arian in an angry way. "It's incredible, isn't it, Deba? I can get used to my son only as long as he is being formed, but I can't dream of having him by my side while he is growing up". He spoke with a sad smile and depressed eyes.

"Ah, my friend... I wish I could help you in some way, other than listening". Aldebaran brought Um closer to him with his strong arm for a hug and the arian cried a little bit because of this burden he carried.

As it was to be expected, Mu felt a familiar cosmos approaching his temple. His body stiffened and abandoned Aldebaran's arms in order to dry his tears.

"Now, my friend, the second most important part of my suffering is about to start". He said breathing deeply and trying to organize it, not to look like he was crying.

"So, I will leave you alone. Remember it: I'm your friend and I really wish everything goes out well, but he is your beloved one and even if he doesn't understand at first or feel hurt by your words, believe it, he also loves you and missed you much. He will understand, you must only give him some time". He spoke and looked at his friend's sad face with tenderness.

"Thank you, Aldebaran". Aldebaran left the temple and soon afterwards the slim silhouette of the one who had never left his thoughts entered the temple.

XoOoX

When I breathed deeply and decided to enter the temple of Aries, I met Aldebaran leaving. I couldn't help feeling jealous. I know it's a reasonless feeling. Aldebaran was Mu's dear friend and almost a brother. That huge and strong body kept a golden heart, but anyway... Even if I know that the feeling that caught me was jealousy whren I looked at him… He had been with Mu before me. A despicable feeling… A human feeling... I was human after all.

"Good morning, Virgo Shaka". Said the taurus while passing by him. And the Virgo merely nodded in a silent compliment.

I looked at the inner of the temple of Áries and I could feel in front of me, near the end of the room the presence of my beloved. I walked inside and, following the formal style of the Athena Knights, I stopped as soon as I entered.

"Do I have permission to enter your Zodiacal House, Aries Mu?" I was speaking as firmly as I could. But inside I was as Milo used to say…

"Yes, Shaka. You have permission in my House. Please, abandon these formalities. I tired of it all". He said with a sigh and letting loose his shoulders. "Please, I'msorry for these last words. Come in and sit down. I believe I owe you some explanation". In fact, that would be a long morning and a long day. Mu couldn't stare Shaka in the eyes. And he knew that even if he could, he wouldn't have the strength to say all he had to".

Placing him elm on the wood table of the big House of Aries, Shaka was no longer playing the firm and strong man role.

"If we are going to abandon formal behavior, Mu, so I'd like to know why did you stop our contacts through cosmos, leaving me alone? Why did you never send any information about how you were in Jamiel? Why did you asked Athena not to reveal anyone of your return? Why did you not go look for me yesterday? And the most important thing Mu…Why do I feel there's something very serious happening? Your cosmos is filled with doubts, concerns and sadness. Tell me Mu! Don't leave me in the darkness of my loneliness as much as I already am". He said everything that had been stuck in his throat all this time. Without breathing, without noticing that his tone of voice had risen up, revealing his despair.

Mu's eyes were changing from green to purple, his face was turned to the Virgo, observing his reactions, he was out of control.

"I'm sorry for everything, really". He said lowering his head. "I'll answer your doubts, all of them, but I fear that you may not be able to understand some of them". He was sweating and controlling himself not to run away from this conversation. He owed this to Shaka.

"I'm here to listen to you, I came here seeking answers… Seeking… Your love". This last word was said in a very low tone, what hurt his heart even more.

"I had to stop contacting you, Shaka, because I was requested to be in my village for some formalities of my culture. And for that reason I could not keep any kind of contact with the occidental world,that also explains why I sent no news about my conditions there. but the fact is that I wasn't in Jamiel". He wouldn't dare looking at Shaka while telling him the truth… The most painful one. "About my return, I asked Athena to keep it a secret, because I didn't come back alone, I… I came back…" He was hesitating but he would have to say it. "I came back with Mireia… The mother of my son". The bomb had been dropped. He looked at Shaka quickly and merely spotted his blue iris. He was in a hurry to say the rest of it, but his last words had already explained it all. "That's why I didn't look for you yesterday and that's why you are feeling all those bad vibrations coming from me". He was feeling destroyed, he had been destroyed by those inquisitorial eyes.

"What? Did I hear it well? Mireia… Mother of his son? But what the fuck is going on here?" Shaka's thoughts were so confused that he couldn't help welcoming dirty words. But the worst was that it over flew and Mu had never expected to see Shaka like that.

"What is that? Mother of your son? MOTHER OF YOUR SON?" He shouted out of control. "Áries Mu, What is that absurd you've just said? No, What the fuck is that you've just said? A woman? A child? You never told me anything!... You... You are a bastard! How come I was so foolish as to fall in love with you, as to have even thought of giving myself to you… To YOU… Did you hear it well?" Really, he was out of control. He didn't believe he had been replaced by a woman. He couldn't believe it. He let himself be seduced by that bastard, he left his arrogance because he believed in him and in his love… And now he perceived it was all a mistake. And to the hell with etiquette.

"Shaka, please, it's not like that… Listen to me, I want to tell you everything". He was scared by Shaka's lack of control. He knew it was hard news, he knew that the Virgo could not accept it very well, but he didn't expect to see such a reaction.

"Tell me it all what? All you did with her? Love promises that resulted in a son? Well, fuck you and her, Aries! I don't want to hear any more of your shit. Go take care of your woman and your son, because it's the best you can do. I only hope that when he grows up you teach him not to believe in the words of any bastard that shows up! Or it can be worst, since he is your son, he may end up being the bastard who will fool everyone". He was bitter with so much hatred.

"You don't know what you are saying, Shaka. Don't say that about a child that has no fault at all". A sad remark and his eyes were filled with tears.

"Really the child is not to blame". He was a little more calm, but still angry. "But you fooled me, Mu and left me alone in the darkness to go to bed with another person and, if that was not enough, you even brought her to live here. By the way, I hope the Goddess doesn't allow this absurd". He was hurt, he was down and specially still out of control.

He turned to the exit carrying his elm, but before, he looked at Mu once again.

"Stay well, Aries Mu, Knight of Athena, Guardian of the First Zodiacal House. Long life to your woman and child. Refrain from stopping by my House, because you no longer have permission for that". His words had poison. Pure bitterness being thrown by the Knight who was closest to God and who should be a well of goodness.

Mu merely put his hands on his face, stopping his tears that were falling out of control.

Outside, Shaka was completely lost and filled with despair. He was down on his knees on the stairs between the Houses of Cancer and Leo, because he had ran in despair as soon as he left the House of Aries.

"Why, Budha? Why did he do that? He return, but not to me and left me in despair once again… Why? He was crying and didn't mind being seen by any of the guardians on the two houses.

To be continued...

PS: As this fic is a continuation of "When loneliness strikes" I will leave the "thanks to" for both fics in my blog:

reviewsfanfics(dot)weblogger(dot)terra(dot)com(dot)br. Only Portuguese, sorry

But I will try to answer to the commentaries login's in this site, to that making, or leaving an email for reply.

Note:Liang-chau exists in Tibet, it's close to Lanchau and Koko-Nor.
Note2:Mu's son's name in a famous name written backwords. I don't want to offend the person, because I have much respect for him: Dalai Lama àAmal Ialad

I know Mu isn't a monk himself, but I wanted to enphasize the fact that his story is mostly in Tibet. Of course, as you may notice, there are some habits from Tibet in the fic, nothing too deep about it, though, but I hope you like it. The cult of Buda, or Budha comes from Índia. But that topic is deeper. Mu will have this characteristic. He will not be like Shaka, but... Well, I hope you enjoy the fic.
A curiosity: Historicists from Tibet found six primitive clans, four of those are more important (Se, Mu, Dong e Tong) and two less significative (Ba e Da).The origin of all them would be in the mythical breeding described in the Mani Kaburn of an ogre and a monkey. Some of the most famous masters of Tibet are said to have been descendants of these clans. Such was the case of Amnye Drekhul, master of the famous epic hero Guesar of Ling – who descended from the clan Se, like Yogui Milarepa. Also, the authorities of that time, like the House of Sakya and Phakmodru and the royal family Derge had theirorigins in this same Clan. But Marpa, the master of Miralepa, and Drigungpa, descendents of the Dong Clan, like the Ba family who played na important role in the Yarlung. The ancient House who ruled the kingdom of Shang Shung descended from the Mu Clan. (extracted from - THE HISTORY OF TIBET - Tibet House of Culture)

Note3: The last time I saw Shaka, he was fuming, because some hog had decided to take for her what belonged to him. Well, if Shaka doesn't kill her first, I think you will like poor Mireia.

The great gratefulness to Ice Magus for translating this fic for the english, since I have a certain deficiency for this language. Credits it for this favor. I am in waits it of commentaries.

Kisses
Litha-chan