Scooby Doo to the Rescue
Author: Ellex
Rated: PG for language
Disclaimer: Neither Stargate:Atlantis nor Scooby Doo are mine. This is probably a good thing.
Humorous drabble involving cartoon characters and human sacrifice…
"Damn," Sheppard exclaimed, apropos of nothing.
Rodney had been sitting with his arms around his legs and his forehead resting on his knees, but now he looked up.
"What now?"
John sighed. "I can't get the 'Scooby Doo' theme song out of my head," he complained.
Rodney's eyes widened. "We're about to be sacrificed to appease the imaginary gods of a primitive tribe of Neanderthal-browed natives, and you're upset because you have 'Scooby Doo' stuck in your head?!"
"Well, I'd like to have something better than that in my mind before I die!"
Ford and Teyla exchanged a weary glance across the cramped hut.
Suddenly, Rodney's face went through an alarming series of paroxysms and he dropped his face back into the circle of his arms, shoulders quivering.
"McKay?" John was surprised and concerned. "Rodney? Are you – "
Rodney slowly fell over onto his side, clasping his arms around his stomach as he fought to breathe through his laughter.
"Freddie…" he waved vaguely at Sheppard. "Can't you…just…see it?" he asked Ford, panting. "Blonde…ascot…" he fell back again, giggling madly.
Aiden's mouth twitched as he caught on.
"I guess that would make you Velma, Rodney, "John growled.
That did it for Ford, who leaned back against the wall with his hands over his mouth in a vain attempt to stifle his laughter. The others just looked at him until he pointed at Rodney and choked out, "Orange knee socks!"
This set Sheppard off. Rodney tried to look affronted but couldn't keep it up. Teyla watched the three men with a mystified expression, which just made them laugh harder.
Finally McKay calmed down enough to say, "I suppose Teyla would be Daphne, then."
All three stopped laughing to contemplate this thought. Teyla blushed under their intense scrutiny, and was relieved when Sheppard's gaze shifted to Ford.
"Well, Lieutenant, that leaves you with – "
Ford interrupted with a creditable Shaggy impression.
"Yikes, Scoob, we're in trouble now!"
And they were at it again.
They were still snickering when the guards came to escort them to their execution. By now they were more than a little hysterical, and Rodney was almost incapable of standing up.
The high priest looked worried, which only made them laugh harder.
Finally he asked Teyla, "What is wrong with your men? Do they not realize you are all about to die to placate the gods? This is a solemn occasion."
Teyla thought quickly. "It is a horrible disease that afflicts our men sometimes. If you kill them, it will surely spread to your own people. Let me take them away to a place where they may die peacefully without infecting others."
The priest considered this until Rodney fell off the sacrificial altar.
"Take them and go! You are a brave woman, to stand by your men in their illness."
They almost had to carry McKay, but after a while he caught his breath and was able to walk, although none of the men could look at each other.
It was several hours walk back to the Stargate, and once she considered them sufficiently calm, Teyla asked, "Who is this 'Scooby Doo'?"
They started trying to explain it, and at least got the concept of the dog across to her.
So who would be Scooby?" Ford asked eventually.
It was Teyla who answered. "Doctor Kavanagh is the only person I know with a tail," she said thoughtfully.
When they staggered through the Stargate, all four collapsed on the floor, helpless with laughter. It took hours for them to calm down.
Kavanagh couldn't figure out why, for weeks afterward, they would run from the room when he entered.