Author: molly22
Title: The Battle of Dimwits
Summary: Ron and Viktor Krum battle to see who knows Hermione better. It's a game of wits, and neither plans to lose. Unfortunately, someone has to.
Pairings: Hermione/Krum...Hermione/Ron...Harry/Ginny
Disclaimer: I don't Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, or anyone else in the HP fandom. For entertainment only.
A/N: I was watching "That 70s Show" and the episode "Ice Shack" was on, in which Kelso claims he knows Jackie better than Eric knows Donna. A "The Newlywed Game"-esque competition occurs (which Kelso and Jackie win). Anyway, it gave me this idea of Ron and Krum fighting over who knows Hermione better. Please read and review.
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Ron Weasley peered across the Gryffindor common room with slitted eyes. Sitting on a couch near the fireplace was a tall Bulgarian boy of seventeen or eighteen, with thick black eyebrows, a crooked nose, and a blank look. Next to him was a bushy-haired girl, talking rapidly in the direction of the Bulgarian. The two looked happy together, and Ron hated that more than anything.
The girl, Hermione, suddenly turned to face Ron and called out, "What are you doing?"
"Nothing," Ron muttered, turning slightly red, out of either anger or embarrassment–he wasn't sure which.
"Then quit sulking and get over here. Viktor and I are having a lovely conversation about wizard's chess which I'm sure you want to join." Ever since Viktor Krum and a few other Durmstrang students had showed up at Hogwarts one day, hoping for refuge and claiming that their school's new headmaster seemed to be another Deatheater and that they didn't trust him, Hermione had been trying, in vain, to get Ron and Viktor to be friends. "After all," she'd told Ron, "it may take awhile for Dumbledore to look into their headmaster. Are you going to spend that whole time hating him?"
Ron had replied, "Don't think I won't."
Nevertheless, Hermione continued trying, much to the lanky red-head's annoyance. He simply couldn't force himself to like the famous Seeker.
Hermione was nudging Viktor, and the Bulgarian finally said, in broken English, "Yes, come talk vith Herm-ee-o-ninny and me."
Sighing, Ron walked over to the couple and sat down on a nearby chair. Hermione smiled happily and stopped glaring daggers at her friend. "So, how are you?" she asked Ron.
"Fine."
"That's good. Are you up to keeping Viktor company for a little while? I just have to go talk to Ginny for a moment. I promised to do this thing for her, and I just remembered. Silly me." It was clearly a false statement, an excuse to leave the two alone for a moment. With some luck and enough time, Hermione felt sure the two would become friends, or at least friendlier.
Viktor looked as if he wanted to protest, partly, it was assumed, because he disliked Ron as much as Ron disliked him, and partly because he didn't want Hermione treating him like a baby. However, he kept silent.
"Fine," Ron grumbled again. Under his breath he muttered, "Bloody hell."
Standing up, Hermione beamed at her best friend and her boyfriend. She spotted Ginny–who was gesturing frantically as she seemingly explained something to Harry Potter–and then made her way over the younger girl.
Viktor turned away from her to face Ron and said, awkwardly, "So."
Ron sighed. "I'm not going to talk to you. Is that okay?"
The older teen's response surprised Ron: "That vould be preferable."
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"Boys!" Hermione fumed at Ron's little sister, Ginny. "Could they be any more ridiculous?" She turned to Harry. "No offense, but you are all bloody morons."
Harry smiled and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying not to laugh. Hermione always got this way when she was irritated by Ron's behavior. He was quite used to it by now. He offered her a reassuring, "Yes, you're right."
Ginny, scratching her head casually, said, "Not all boys are morons. I mean, most of them are, yes, but some aren't."
Hermione smiled slyly at Ginny. "Anyone in particular you're thinking of?"
Flushing, Ginny said, "No. It was a very general statement."
As the brunette girl opened her mouth to say something, a loud, "You stupid git!" was heard in the room, followed shortly by, "Vhat do you know?" Hermione, Harry, and Ginny whirled around to see Ron, bright red–this time, definitely because of rage–on his feet and staring furiously at Viktor Krum, who was also standing and glaring menacingly down at Ron.
"Just stay away from Hermione!" Ron shouted.
Viktor replied, eyes flashing, "I don't have to!"
"Look, I know her better than you, and I know you are no good for her!"
"You think you know her better?" Viktor was a purplish color, and his fists were tightly clenched. He clearly wasn't happy with this line of conversation. Nothing, in fact, could have angered him more at that time, than this red-haired boy questioning his relationship with Hermione.
"I know I do!"
Everyone in the common room was staring at the two boys, both of whom were making complete fools of themselves. Fred and George Weasley were trying not to laugh, while a group of Gryffindor girls were merely watching in open-mouthed horror. And Hermione could only gape, equally enraged and embarrassed.
Finally, she snapped out of it, and she marched forward, grabbed Viktor by his wrist and Ron by the sleeve of his robes, and pulled them out of the common room, through the portrait of the fat lady, behind her. She barely had time to let go of them when Ginny and Harry emerged through the entrance.
Hermione glanced at them quickly before she turned back to the two boys who were driving her absolutely mad. "Ron," she said, voice tight. "How could you do this?"
"Do what?" he asked, playing dumb.
Her eyes widened in surprise. Her hand flew up and slapped him as if it was a separate entity.
Ginny gasped, "Oh, my!" while Ron reached up and touched his cheek tenderly.
"Ron," Hermione said, appalled by her own behavior. "I'm so sorry." Looking at him, she placed her hand over his own–which was still lingering on his cheek–and repeated, "I'm sorry." Removing her hand, she smiled wanly at him.
Smiling back–though it was a forced sort of smile–he claimed, "It doesn't hurt."
"Good."
Someone coughed loudly, and the group suddenly became aware that Viktor was also standing there, watching Hermione and Ron carefully. "Viktor..." his girlfriend began awkwardly.
Silence.
"I think we should go to the kitchen," Harry suggested, thoughtfully–and thankfully–interrupting the horrible quiet. "Visit Dobby."
"That's a great idea," Ron agreed. "I'm in the mood for some fudge, anyway."
Ginny frowned. "The kitchen? Are we, uh, allowed in there?"
"Not exactly," Ron said, "but no one will find out. We've been there loads of times."
"Okay," she said hesitantly.
Hermione led the way, Viktor right beside her, with Ron closely behind, and then Ginny and Harry following. The group wandered through the halls, almost aimlessly, it seemed, but finally they reached the painting of the bowl of fruit. Ron tickled the pear, and the painting swung aside.
Instantly, they were greeted with a squeaking voice saying, "Oh! Harry Potter! 'T is Harry Potter! So kind of you to visit. So good. And Weezy. It is Harry Potter's Weezy. So generous."
"Hullo Dobby," greeted Harry and Ron simultaneously.
"Dobby," said Hermione kindly. "Meet Ginny Weasley–"
"Another Weezy! Harry Potter has another Weezy?"
Harry reddened. "Not exactly, Dobby."
Hermione continued, "And meet Viktor Krum." Viktor frowned, but said nothing.
"Hey, Dobby, do you think you could get us some fudge?" asked Ron hopefully.
"Yessir!" screeched a nearby house elf.
Hermione looked faintly cross, probably due to the fact that she felt no house elf should be forced–for, she felt that they were forced–to call anyone "sir." However, before she had the chance to say anything, she heard Ron snort and say something that sounded like "Damn Bulgarian."
"Vhat about Bulgaria?" demanded Viktor, apparently also having heard it.
"I didn't say anything about Bulgaria," Ron informed him. "Just about a certain Bulgarian who is with us."
He narrowed his eyes. "This is not about me. This is about Herm-i-one-ninny."
"It's Hermione, and yes, it is about her."
"Ron," Hermione said warningly. "Viktor. Don't."
Ron turned to her. "But he thinks he knows you better than I do. That's just not possible."
"I do know her better," said Viktor loudly.
"No, you don't!"
"Yes, I do!"
"No, you–"
"Maybe there's another way to settle this," Ginny spoke up. "I mean, other than yelling at each other, and then Viktor beating Ron up into a bloody pulp."
"I could take him," Ron said quietly, but Hermione ignored him saying, "Another way? Like this even needs to be settled. Just grow up, you two. Show some maturity."
Running a hand through his dark, unruly hair, Harry advised, "You know, Ginny may be right. The chances of them showing any maturity are very small. And if they don't settle this, they'll hate one another forever. Correct?" Ron nodded half-heartedly, and Viktor shrugged.
"But how?" Hermione said. "Arm-wrestling? What? A duel?"
"No," Ginny said, a brilliant plan forming in her mind. "That doesn't show anything about how much they know about you. No, I have a better idea. Meet me in the common room at six tomorrow night."
"Okay," Hermione, Ron, and Viktor said. Hermione added, "You're going to do this all by yourself?"
"I'll help," offered Harry kindly.
Ginny smiled at him brightly and said, "Right! Leave it up to me and Harry, and this whole bloody mess will be settled in no time."
Ron looked weary, and called out, "Oi! Where's that fudge?"
End of chapter.
A/N: Please read and review.
Title: The Battle of Dimwits
Summary: Ron and Viktor Krum battle to see who knows Hermione better. It's a game of wits, and neither plans to lose. Unfortunately, someone has to.
Pairings: Hermione/Krum...Hermione/Ron...Harry/Ginny
Disclaimer: I don't Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, or anyone else in the HP fandom. For entertainment only.
A/N: I was watching "That 70s Show" and the episode "Ice Shack" was on, in which Kelso claims he knows Jackie better than Eric knows Donna. A "The Newlywed Game"-esque competition occurs (which Kelso and Jackie win). Anyway, it gave me this idea of Ron and Krum fighting over who knows Hermione better. Please read and review.
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Ron Weasley peered across the Gryffindor common room with slitted eyes. Sitting on a couch near the fireplace was a tall Bulgarian boy of seventeen or eighteen, with thick black eyebrows, a crooked nose, and a blank look. Next to him was a bushy-haired girl, talking rapidly in the direction of the Bulgarian. The two looked happy together, and Ron hated that more than anything.
The girl, Hermione, suddenly turned to face Ron and called out, "What are you doing?"
"Nothing," Ron muttered, turning slightly red, out of either anger or embarrassment–he wasn't sure which.
"Then quit sulking and get over here. Viktor and I are having a lovely conversation about wizard's chess which I'm sure you want to join." Ever since Viktor Krum and a few other Durmstrang students had showed up at Hogwarts one day, hoping for refuge and claiming that their school's new headmaster seemed to be another Deatheater and that they didn't trust him, Hermione had been trying, in vain, to get Ron and Viktor to be friends. "After all," she'd told Ron, "it may take awhile for Dumbledore to look into their headmaster. Are you going to spend that whole time hating him?"
Ron had replied, "Don't think I won't."
Nevertheless, Hermione continued trying, much to the lanky red-head's annoyance. He simply couldn't force himself to like the famous Seeker.
Hermione was nudging Viktor, and the Bulgarian finally said, in broken English, "Yes, come talk vith Herm-ee-o-ninny and me."
Sighing, Ron walked over to the couple and sat down on a nearby chair. Hermione smiled happily and stopped glaring daggers at her friend. "So, how are you?" she asked Ron.
"Fine."
"That's good. Are you up to keeping Viktor company for a little while? I just have to go talk to Ginny for a moment. I promised to do this thing for her, and I just remembered. Silly me." It was clearly a false statement, an excuse to leave the two alone for a moment. With some luck and enough time, Hermione felt sure the two would become friends, or at least friendlier.
Viktor looked as if he wanted to protest, partly, it was assumed, because he disliked Ron as much as Ron disliked him, and partly because he didn't want Hermione treating him like a baby. However, he kept silent.
"Fine," Ron grumbled again. Under his breath he muttered, "Bloody hell."
Standing up, Hermione beamed at her best friend and her boyfriend. She spotted Ginny–who was gesturing frantically as she seemingly explained something to Harry Potter–and then made her way over the younger girl.
Viktor turned away from her to face Ron and said, awkwardly, "So."
Ron sighed. "I'm not going to talk to you. Is that okay?"
The older teen's response surprised Ron: "That vould be preferable."
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"Boys!" Hermione fumed at Ron's little sister, Ginny. "Could they be any more ridiculous?" She turned to Harry. "No offense, but you are all bloody morons."
Harry smiled and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying not to laugh. Hermione always got this way when she was irritated by Ron's behavior. He was quite used to it by now. He offered her a reassuring, "Yes, you're right."
Ginny, scratching her head casually, said, "Not all boys are morons. I mean, most of them are, yes, but some aren't."
Hermione smiled slyly at Ginny. "Anyone in particular you're thinking of?"
Flushing, Ginny said, "No. It was a very general statement."
As the brunette girl opened her mouth to say something, a loud, "You stupid git!" was heard in the room, followed shortly by, "Vhat do you know?" Hermione, Harry, and Ginny whirled around to see Ron, bright red–this time, definitely because of rage–on his feet and staring furiously at Viktor Krum, who was also standing and glaring menacingly down at Ron.
"Just stay away from Hermione!" Ron shouted.
Viktor replied, eyes flashing, "I don't have to!"
"Look, I know her better than you, and I know you are no good for her!"
"You think you know her better?" Viktor was a purplish color, and his fists were tightly clenched. He clearly wasn't happy with this line of conversation. Nothing, in fact, could have angered him more at that time, than this red-haired boy questioning his relationship with Hermione.
"I know I do!"
Everyone in the common room was staring at the two boys, both of whom were making complete fools of themselves. Fred and George Weasley were trying not to laugh, while a group of Gryffindor girls were merely watching in open-mouthed horror. And Hermione could only gape, equally enraged and embarrassed.
Finally, she snapped out of it, and she marched forward, grabbed Viktor by his wrist and Ron by the sleeve of his robes, and pulled them out of the common room, through the portrait of the fat lady, behind her. She barely had time to let go of them when Ginny and Harry emerged through the entrance.
Hermione glanced at them quickly before she turned back to the two boys who were driving her absolutely mad. "Ron," she said, voice tight. "How could you do this?"
"Do what?" he asked, playing dumb.
Her eyes widened in surprise. Her hand flew up and slapped him as if it was a separate entity.
Ginny gasped, "Oh, my!" while Ron reached up and touched his cheek tenderly.
"Ron," Hermione said, appalled by her own behavior. "I'm so sorry." Looking at him, she placed her hand over his own–which was still lingering on his cheek–and repeated, "I'm sorry." Removing her hand, she smiled wanly at him.
Smiling back–though it was a forced sort of smile–he claimed, "It doesn't hurt."
"Good."
Someone coughed loudly, and the group suddenly became aware that Viktor was also standing there, watching Hermione and Ron carefully. "Viktor..." his girlfriend began awkwardly.
Silence.
"I think we should go to the kitchen," Harry suggested, thoughtfully–and thankfully–interrupting the horrible quiet. "Visit Dobby."
"That's a great idea," Ron agreed. "I'm in the mood for some fudge, anyway."
Ginny frowned. "The kitchen? Are we, uh, allowed in there?"
"Not exactly," Ron said, "but no one will find out. We've been there loads of times."
"Okay," she said hesitantly.
Hermione led the way, Viktor right beside her, with Ron closely behind, and then Ginny and Harry following. The group wandered through the halls, almost aimlessly, it seemed, but finally they reached the painting of the bowl of fruit. Ron tickled the pear, and the painting swung aside.
Instantly, they were greeted with a squeaking voice saying, "Oh! Harry Potter! 'T is Harry Potter! So kind of you to visit. So good. And Weezy. It is Harry Potter's Weezy. So generous."
"Hullo Dobby," greeted Harry and Ron simultaneously.
"Dobby," said Hermione kindly. "Meet Ginny Weasley–"
"Another Weezy! Harry Potter has another Weezy?"
Harry reddened. "Not exactly, Dobby."
Hermione continued, "And meet Viktor Krum." Viktor frowned, but said nothing.
"Hey, Dobby, do you think you could get us some fudge?" asked Ron hopefully.
"Yessir!" screeched a nearby house elf.
Hermione looked faintly cross, probably due to the fact that she felt no house elf should be forced–for, she felt that they were forced–to call anyone "sir." However, before she had the chance to say anything, she heard Ron snort and say something that sounded like "Damn Bulgarian."
"Vhat about Bulgaria?" demanded Viktor, apparently also having heard it.
"I didn't say anything about Bulgaria," Ron informed him. "Just about a certain Bulgarian who is with us."
He narrowed his eyes. "This is not about me. This is about Herm-i-one-ninny."
"It's Hermione, and yes, it is about her."
"Ron," Hermione said warningly. "Viktor. Don't."
Ron turned to her. "But he thinks he knows you better than I do. That's just not possible."
"I do know her better," said Viktor loudly.
"No, you don't!"
"Yes, I do!"
"No, you–"
"Maybe there's another way to settle this," Ginny spoke up. "I mean, other than yelling at each other, and then Viktor beating Ron up into a bloody pulp."
"I could take him," Ron said quietly, but Hermione ignored him saying, "Another way? Like this even needs to be settled. Just grow up, you two. Show some maturity."
Running a hand through his dark, unruly hair, Harry advised, "You know, Ginny may be right. The chances of them showing any maturity are very small. And if they don't settle this, they'll hate one another forever. Correct?" Ron nodded half-heartedly, and Viktor shrugged.
"But how?" Hermione said. "Arm-wrestling? What? A duel?"
"No," Ginny said, a brilliant plan forming in her mind. "That doesn't show anything about how much they know about you. No, I have a better idea. Meet me in the common room at six tomorrow night."
"Okay," Hermione, Ron, and Viktor said. Hermione added, "You're going to do this all by yourself?"
"I'll help," offered Harry kindly.
Ginny smiled at him brightly and said, "Right! Leave it up to me and Harry, and this whole bloody mess will be settled in no time."
Ron looked weary, and called out, "Oi! Where's that fudge?"
End of chapter.
A/N: Please read and review.