It is our ritual, John's and mine. And no one else ever knew about it.

I remember how it started. Logan had just left to find out more about his past. I was sad, of course, but I could cope with it because I've become friends with two boys – Bobby and John – who literally had opposing qualities. It wasn't long until Bobby asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted, of course, because I genuinely liked him. Bobby was an easy person to like; he was always friendly and sweet to everyone. John, however, was another case. He was sarcastic, bitter, and was always distancing himself from every other student or teacher at Xavier's.

That was why it shocked me to find that he understood me better than anyone else.

It was one of those days, you know, when everything just seemed to go wrong and you felt depressed about every single aspect of your life. I didn't even know what triggered it. I just missed Logan so much and I was frustrated that Bobby and I couldn't touch. Bobby, of course, made it worse by being the perfect boyfriend. He kept insisting that it didn't bother him, that I was the perfect girlfriend, and that we'd find other ways to 'express' our feelings. He didn't get that all I wanted was to lash out and break down over my pathetic existence. He wouldn't understand. He wouldn't want to see his perfect girlfriend throw a tantrum over what he considered to be a non-problem.

So I distanced myself from him that day. I told him that I wasn't feeling too well and that I was just going to spend the rest of the day in my room. When he suggested that he'd visit me after class, I strictly refused it. He had this hurt look on his face that made me feel really guilty about ditching him. John was there too when I told Bobby. He didn't say anything, but his face remained expressionless that I felt okay looking at him.

That night I couldn't sleep. I'd spent the day tossing and turning on my bed. I felt so frustrated that I wanted to rip apart the sheets and scream at the top of my lungs. But my common sense told me that destroying every single item in my room would not help my situation one bit. It was when I was lying restlessly on my bed (wishing that I could bash myself unconscious) that John came into my room.

Despite the oddness of the situation, I did not say anything as he calmly walked to my bed and lie down next to me. I was surprisingly silent as he gently rolled me over so that my back was facing him. And I certainly didn't protest as his hands made their way around my waist.

Slowly, I felt calmed by his presence. I still remembered the sensations. The warmth that radiated from him surprisingly soothed my over-heated body. His breaths that blew against my hair somehow lifted the weight off my head and cleared my mind. The feel of his heartbeat as his chest was pressed completely against my back steadied my own rapid pulse and calmed my shallow breathing. And the slow circles that he made with his hands on my stomach relaxed my body completely. I did not even think about the peculiarity of our proximity or the threat my skin posed to his general well-being. I just wanted to lie there forever, being completely relaxed, in his arms. Neither of us uttered a single word as he continued to hold me until I fell asleep.

And so this 'ritual' continued. A few nights a week John would come to my room, crawl to my bed, and just hold me until I fall asleep. There were times when I cried, but John just held me and said nothing. In the morning he would always be gone and I would always wake up feeling exceptionally refreshed.

It allowed me to be Bobby's perfect girlfriend. He was always pleased by my constant good mood and only occasionally did he ask about it. Of course I always replied by saying that I was just happy to be with him. He needed not know that the true source of my joyfulness came from spending the night lying in the arms of his best friend.

My 'formal' relationship with John did not change with this 'ritual'. Neither of us ever said a word as he embraced me in the night and neither of us ever brought it up during the day. We'd developed a silent agreement that this was to be our little secret. We'd also agreed that this would never affect our relationships with Bobby and with each other.

So during the day, I was Bobby's loyal girlfriend and John's good friend. I would hold hands with Bobby and joke with John. I would go off with Bobby to a secluded place and do as much couple stuff as possible without actually touching. I always drew the line on kissing, though, because the thought of what happened to David happening to Bobby was just too much to bear. And any 'formal' physical contact with John was always limited to the occasional shove in the hallways or the random smack on the head.

But when everyone including Bobby was sound asleep on their beds, John was on mine. And the comforting embrace that we shared grew more 'intimate' over time. It happened gradually of course. I remembered how my breath caught in my throat as John's hands brushed along the bottom curve of my breasts as he extended the circular movements on my stomach. I remembered how comfortable it felt when he rested his head against my hair, drawing me closer as his arms closed over my shoulders. I remembered how my heart sped up as his hands traveled down the side of my thighs until it reached the border where my nightgown hem met my deadly skin. And I remembered placing my hands above his as they rested slightly beneath my belly just before I fell asleep. I didn't understand why it didn't bother me that John had touched me more than any other man in my life. And he wasn't even my current boyfriend! I was sure that I would never let Bobby touch me like John did. It was just too dangerous for him.

I didn't know why I wasn't as concerned about John's safety as I did Bobby's. Maybe it was because I knew John didn't care. He was always more reckless than Bobby and his gift DID deal with touching something that was normally untouchable. To him, my skin was just another type of fire that he had yet to conquer.

After a while though, my longing to be touched changed into a desire TO touch. So one night I just rolled over and faced him. He looked at me confusingly but said nothing. I looked down to make sure that he wore pants (ever since our little 'ritual' began, John never slept in shorts anymore) and crossed my bare legs over his. Carefully I placed both of my hands on his torso and drew him close against me. I rested my head against his chest and linked my hands behind his back. I couldn't remember feeling more comfortable in my life. I could listen to the soft beat of his heart or inhale his scent or trace the contours of his muscles across his back. I'd never been this close to a guy before and the feeling was exhilarating. John usually reciprocated by drawing lazy patterns on my back and resting his head against mine.

Afterwards, John's visits became even more frequent. He came almost every night and I became accustomed to his presence. Sometimes I felt like I was TOO accustomed. I noticed that I was always so much happier during the day if John had held me the night before. But I wasn't going to do anything about it because I didn't want anything to change.

Everything DID change, however, when Bobby almost caught us.

Bobby was normally a heavy sleeper and he very rarely woke up in the middle of the night. Well, one night he did and he must have noticed that John was absent from his bed. Since John and I never acted any different in front of him, I don't think he suspected that John was with me. Still, he decided to come and visit me that night. It was a good thing that Bobby was raised with good manners because he knocked first, leaving time for John to hide in the bathroom. I didn't like how this was all playing out. It made me feel like I was sneaking around behind my boyfriend's back. I never thought that John and I were doing anything wrong before. But at that moment, I felt the biggest feeling of guilt as I gazed up at Bobby's smiling face and trusting eyes.

That didn't stop me from feeling distressed, though, when John didn't come for several days. It didn't really change his 'school-time' behavior towards me, so I figured that he probably just wanted to sleep on his own bed for a couple of days. I, on the other hand, felt uneasy. This guilt over Bobby was eating me and I knew what I had to do.

John came back about five days after the 'Bobby incident'. As usual, he crept silently to my bed and put his arms around me from behind. But, instead of relaxing quietly into his embrace, I violated the number one rule of our 'ritual': I broke the code of silence.

"John, what are we doing?"

I could tell that he was bothered about me speaking up. He remained silent for several minutes and I actually thought that he was just going to brush my question off.

"You were here for the past few months. You should know what we're doing by now."

"Yes, I know what THIS is called." I said, referring to the embrace. "I just don't know what it means."

"It means we are two people who take comfort from touching each other, Rogue."

"And you don't see anything wrong with that?"

"Not really."

I turned my body so that it was facing his. I needed to look in his eyes. "If there's nothing wrong in this, then why did you have to hide when Bobby came in the other night?"

"Hey, you shoved me in that bathroom, remember? I didn't care if Bobby found me here."

"But he's your best friend! And I'm his girlfriend. Don't you think we're betraying him?"

"Rogue, we never did anything wrong. All we did was comfort each other and …"

"… Sleep together? I'm pretty sure that's not right by any book."

"Oh, come on. You know that only applies to sex?"

"Yeah, something that Bobby and I can't do because of my gift," I replied quietly. Sex had always been a sensitive issue for me and I preferred not to talk about it. I sat up on the bed. "Look, touching is the most that I can do. And so far, you've… well, you've touched me more than Bobby ever has."

John also sat up. "So let me get this straight. THIS wouldn't be considered cheating if you and Bobby were having sex?"

"That's not what I'm saying at all. There are many ways people can be intimate without, uh, sex, but the problem is I've been more 'intimate' with you than I have with Bobby. Now, I'm sure that there's something horribly wrong if you've been less intimate with your boyfriend than you have with his best friend."

"And you're blaming that on me?"

"I'm not blaming anyone for this! I just want you to see how wrong this is!"

"So what? Do you want to stop, Rogue? Is this what you're asking me? Do you want me to stop coming here?"

OK, I didn't expect that. But he was right. What else could I have been asking for by bringing this up? "I don't know."

"Well, you said it yourself. This is wrong. It's disloyal to Bobby." He pulled out his lighter and started to flick its lid.  I noticed that he always did that when he's agitated, bored, or nervous. "I personally don't care. I don't care that Bobby hasn't made as much effort to be 'intimate' with you as I have. It's not my problem."

"How can you think like this? Don't you care that he's your best friend?"

"Of course I do. But you know what they say: 'All's fair in love and war'. Just 'cause you labeled each other as a couple doesn't mean that everyone else has to accept it."

"Is that what I am? A contest between the two of you??"

"Rogue, Rogue, don't you see that it HAS been a contest ever since the first time you met us? And Bobby hasn't won yet. It's a shame he froze my fireball that time 'cause I never got to show you what I can do." He flicked open his trusty lighter and form a fireball on his palm. "Extend your hand."

"What are you going to do?"

"Just extend your hand, will you?"

I still wasn't done with him but I was curious on what he was about to do. So I cautiously extended my right palm toward him.

I looked at him, expecting him to give some fireball show. But John just gave me a smirk and suddenly planted his lips on mine! With David in mind, my first instinct was to push him back. But he kept me still by placing his hand on the back of my neck. Right away I could feel the flow of power from his lips to mine. It felt hot, basically, and I couldn't help but liked it. I've never drained another mutant by kissing him and it actually felt remarkable. I could feel my body warming as John's essence continued to flow through me. Suddenly I felt a slight pain on my right palm before it was replaced by this incredible warmth. The kiss felt like it lasted for several minutes because so many things happened, but it actually only went on for a couple of seconds.

When we separated, I saw veins popping on John's face. He looked drained (for lack of a better word!), but somehow he still managed to smile.

"Check out your hand, Rogue."

There, on my right palm, was a mini figurine model of me, which was completely made of fire. It was… mesmerizing! Not simply because I was able to hold fire in my hand, but because the figurine was… well, beautiful.

I could hear John saying under his breath, "Take that, lame-ass Popsicle flower!"

I couldn't help but smile at that. I watched the embers slowly die out as the effect of the drain was diminishing. Finally it all disappeared in a puff of smoke. I looked at John, his face was returning to normal. He seemed to be waiting for me to say something.

"That was beautiful, John. Thank You. But it still doesn't solve our problem."

"I already told you it's not MY problem. You are welcome to torture yourself over this moral dilemma, but I'm telling you now that I will keep coming, Rogue. You can reject me, if you want, but I don't think you're going to do that. You like it too much. You like the freedom of not being afraid to hurt the one you're with and the danger of going behind Bobby's back."

"You're too arrogant for your own good, John."

"Only when I'm right." He got up from my bed and walked towards the door. Before he got out, he took one last look at me and said, "Same time tomorrow then?"

I didn't have time to give my answer but I did think a lot that night. The kiss kind of gave me a glimpse of what John was thinking. Apparently, John kept quiet about our ritual because he was waiting for me to confront him about it (which I did tonight, of course). It was then that John would push his cards on the table, alongside Bobby's, or so to speak (it was his metaphor, not mine). And now it seemed that John would quit acting like the perfect 'good friend' to me and start behaving like proper 'competition' for Bobby. Afterwards, I did notice that John made more rude comments about Bobby and me than before. Sometimes he even showed his jealousy when I went off with Bobby and I was pretty sure that Bobby noticed that as well.

He never found out about the ritual though. And although I continued to feel guilty towards Bobby, I could not bring myself to stop it.

In the end, John WAS right. I DID like it too much. So when he kept coming back to my bed, I hardly ever rejected him. That is why the 'ritual' is still going on, even now. And I don't think that I can ever give it up. I am truly addicted.

A/N: I know the ending was SOOOOO crappy, but I just wanted to put that kissing scene… In my head, it just looked so cool…

Ok so I've edited parts of it so that the ending is more conclusive. So yeah, I hope it answered your question, Sue Penkirvech.

Anyway, please comment!! Was this the most ridiculous thing u've ever read?