The Beauty of Broken Pieces

It was annoying. Incredibly so. With all of the wrong I had done in my life, there were still people out there who cared for me. People, who by all rights, should have hated my very existence. First, there was my mother. I spent my entire life thinking she viewed me as a monster, but when we once again met years later, her feelings for me were quite the opposite. She said she loved me with all of her heart, and that the only regret she had was not showing enough of it when I was a child. When I look back on it now, I don't think the word 'monster' had ever left her lips. Perhaps I had convinced myself otherwise because I needed to hate her. Perhaps I had given the name to myself because I was afraid to let my mother love me. I was afraid to look weak. Father would have never approved of a weak daughter, so I had to shut my mother out. I had to blame her for everything. At the time, father was the only one I wanted to please.

There was also Zuko. I did care for him growing up, but the monster I had created inside myself found tormenting him to be much more pleasurable. I didn't make it easier on him as we got older either. That's why the unexpected request for me to join him in the journey of looking for our mother took me by surprise. I didn't think he wanted me around. What surprised me even more was when he said that he loved me as well. Despite our strained relationship, he wanted me to know that I was his sister, and that no matter what, he cared.

Then there was her. The waterbender who showcased pristine skills in the art of fighting, and yet had the capability of softening even the toughest of hearts. There was an elegance in the way she passionately defended those she loved, an elegance I could never possess. That was something I liked about her from the very start, but because we were enemies, I never told her. Every time we fought, I could feel that passion. It was almost suffocating. I thought I could destroy it, but in the end, it was her who defeated me. It was her who put out my raging fire.

If someone back then had told me that Katara and I would eventually become friends, I would have hit them. Plain and simple. However, she and the avatar joined Zuko and I on the search for mother, and it was during that trip did our friendship begin to bloom. It's been a year since then. After the journey, she decided to stay in the capitol to help Aang and Zuko, and since I was also helping, I began seeing her every day, too. I showed my excitement by constantly showering her with what I thought were compliments, but since I was only well versed in praising just myself, my words mostly came out as insults. She didn't seem to mind though. Sometimes she'd get mad. Sometimes she'd just laugh. Other times she would ignore them all together. Yes, Katara had cut her way into my life with the ruthlessness and gracefulness of a well-oiled blade. It was frightening to be honest. Mai and Ty Lee were the only females who had willingly stayed in my life. Now Katara was by my side, as natural as my other half.

** /\ **

"Would you like some tea?"

For some reason, Katara thought a picnic in the palace garden was a nice way to spend the summer afternoon. Though I had originally objected to it, I was silently thankful to be spending a little time with her now. I was stressed, so the distraction was welcoming.

"You can have tea at picnic?"

Katara looked at me questioningly.

"Of course you can. You can have anything you want really."

I could feel a blush rising on my cheeks when she looked at me like that.

"Well how was I supposed to know! It's not like I ever went on any as a kid!"

"You mean you've never gone on a picnic before?" There was a hint of surprise in the waterbender's voice.

"Take a look at my family," I replied. "What makes you think we had time for picnics growing up?"

I turned away from her before she could look at me with that sad gaze she always gave after I told her something depressing about my life. It wasn't as if the sad look bothered me. I could easily ignore that. It was the comforting smile that came after that I couldn't take. I couldn't handle any smile from her to be honest. They'd always make my heart tremble.

"You know," Katara told her, changing the subject. "Picnics are for relaxing. There's no need for you to work right now."

I had recently been assigned the job of designing a place for orphans that still had no homes from the war. Zuko had given me this task a few days before, but I had been slow on completing it.

"My apologizes, Miss Perfect. I can't get my work done as swiftly as you can."

These words came out harsher than I intended. I looked back to see if I had hurt her feelings, but there was no sorrow.

"Very funny," Katara replied as she rolled her eyes and sat closer to me, a smirk gracing her face. So much for not seeing a smile.

"How are the designs coming?"

I wrinkled my nose as I erased a few of the mistakes I had made.

"Terrible. I don't know why my brother thought I could do this."

"He wouldn't give you anything you couldn't handle," she said while leaning in closer to get a better look. Was that lavender I was smelling from her hair? "I bet it's coming out great. Wait, what's that?"

I looked to where she was pointing.

"Those are kids. I put them in the design to demonstrate where they'd be."

Katara cocked her head slightly.

"They kind of look like chickens."

"Gah!"

I began violently erasing that corner of the drawing. I was tempted to burn the entire thing, but a gentle hand stopped me before I could.

"Easy, easy," Katara giggled. "I was just teasing."

"You're lying!"

"No, no! Really!"

She reached out and affectionately squeezed my arm. My cheeks flared up once more.

"I mean it. Your design looks great."

I scowled out of embarrassment.

"You're mean."

Katara giggle again and handed me the cup of tea she had just made. I begrudgingly took it and sipped.

Cinnamon. My favorite.

** /\ **

The picnics became a regular thing after that, as did weekly homemade dinners. For some reason, Katara thought it was important that I learned how to cook for myself. I didn't see the point in doing so because I had servants who could do it for me, but she insisted I learn. I pretended to hate every moment of her lessons, but I secretly found them entertaining, especially when she would playfully tease at my silly mistakes. There was something harmonious about the laughter my errors elicited from her. The sound was addicting. At the end of each lesson, I found that I wasn't that bad of a cook, but no matter what I made, it was Katara's food that always tasted so much sweeter.

I often wonder when she became such an intimate part of my life. Sure we often worked together, but we soon began spending a lot of more time with each other even when there was no work to be done. Her favorite thing to do was star gaze. That was an activity we did almost every night before she had to leave. It was such a simple event, but it put the biggest smile on her face. She found such beauty in the simplest of things. She once admitted that she found beauty in me, too, but I could hardly believe it. I was far from simple.

Sometimes her presence terrified me because of how vulnerable I would feel, and yet there were times I couldn't function unless she was around. More often than not, I needed her. I wonder if she needed me, too.

** /\ **

"You're not your usually perky self today. Who do I have to kill?"

My eyes scanned the city from my bedroom balcony. As usual, Katara was keeping me company, but today she seemed different. She was quieter than usual. At the question, Katara smiled. If she was trying to hide her sadness, she was doing a terrible job. I knew her looks by now.

"I apologize. Today's just not a good day for me."

"Why so?"

"It's the anniversary of my mother's death."

I was silent at this reply. Katara once shared with me how she lost her mother. I knew that losing her was one of the hardest things the woman had ever gone through.

"I shouldn't have asked. I didn't mean to pry."

Katara shook her head while twirling the stem of the single dandelion she held between her fingers.

"It's all right. I just miss her, you know?"

"You must," I said back. "I know you loved her a lot."

"I did, yes."

I shifted uncomfortably in place, a feeling of anger and guilt plaguing my heart.

"I'm sorry that it happened."

"Don't be." Katara's voice was soft. "It's not like it was your fault."

"Wasn't it?"

I could feel her eyes on me when I asked this question.

"Azula, you had nothing to do with that day."

"Didn't I?" I clenched the balcony railing as my anger grew. "My family was behind it. My family was behind everything that the Fire Nation did to other people. How can you not blame me?"

"You're not to blame for the actions of those who came before you. All you can do is learn from them and strive to be better, and you've been doing that. You're not the same person that you used to be."

"Are you sure about that?"

I always harbored guilt over the things I had done. I had caused so much trouble, and I had hurt a lot of people. I still couldn't understand how others forgave me so easily.

"Hey."

I turned to find Katara beside me. She then took her dandelion and tucked it in my hair, right behind my ear.

"You're different now. You're making the world a better place."

She softly cupped my cheek.

"I wish you could see yourself the way I do."

I was rendered speechless from her actions and her words. They had touched a place in my heart that had long been hidden from the world.

"Katara…"

Scared of saying more, I turned away again. As always, she knew how to shake the very core of my soul with the loving warmth that emanated from her. It was beautifully intoxicating. How could someone so pure and perfect exist in my life?

"You know," I eventually found myself saying. "If you don't want to be alone, you could stay here tonight."

I felt Katara's eyes on me again.

"Really?"

My heart was racing. Something inside had given me the courage to say those words, but as the butterflies in my stomach grew, the confidence faded, and I fell back into my same stubborn, prideful attitude.

"I s-suppose."

I turned my back towards her and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Don't think I'm trying to be kind. I'm just offering so I don't have to hear you whine. I- "

My sentence was cut off by something very unexpected. A pair of arms had slipped around my slender waist, Katara's head now resting on my shoulder. The embrace tightened ever so slightly, a light sniffle accompanying the squeeze.

"I'd like that. I'd like that very much. Thank you, Azula."

My heart was flaring all over again, her smell overwhelmed my senses. There was part of me that wanted to pull away out of fear, a strong part at that, but for once I didn't have it in me to push her away.

"Just don't make me cook dinner, okay? Your food tastes a whole lot better."

** /\ **

Looking back, there were plenty of signs that proved we had feelings for each other. It was she who was much more open with them. There was always an immense amount of love in everything she did with me, from the way her silk like hands held mine to the way her honey filled voice would say my name. Never had anyone cared for me the way she did, and never had I felt such a profound and meaningful connection with another being. I wasn't stupid enough to not see our feelings, but I was stupid enough to ignore them.

I honestly thought that everything could stay the way it was. I relished in her presence, and she found happiness in everything that I did. Even the most minute tasks brought a smile to her face, but I was blind. I feared that if I gave into the feelings, then I would mess everything up. I feared that I'd ruin something good. I was so blinded by my fear that I failed to see that things weren't as perfect as I thought. I failed to see that my purposeful rejections of her affectionate ways broke her little by little. We both knew what we wanted, but I was too scared to say it. We were like two sailors trying to stay afloat on a vast an unforgiving sea. We wouldn't survive unless we worked together.

** /\ **

"You're leaving?"

We were sitting at our usual palace picnic spot when she broke the news to me.

"Yes. I leave tomorrow."

"What? Tomorrow? Why?"

I hadn't seen this coming, and it angered me. How could she remain so calm?

"What do you mean why?" Katara asked as if the answer were the most obvious thing. "My home is with the Southern Water Tribe. There are some things that I need to take care of."

"For how long?"

"Four months."

"Seriously? Can't you take care of things some other time?"

She shot me her signature smirk.

"No. I need to go back as soon as possible."

"W-well, no! I forbid it. You can't go back!"

Katara's smirk dropped into a frown from these words.

"Excuse me? Why are you being so bratty about this?"

"I'm not being a brat!"

I knew she was right in calling me that name. I knew I was being completely irrational, but I was too stubborn and too prideful to admit it.

"How long have you known this?" I asked her.

"A few days."

"A few days? And you're just telling me now?"

"I didn't realize that I was obligated to tell you everything."

Those words stung me, an ache forming in my chest. I knew I was acting way out of line, but I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want her to leave me.

"You can't go," I repeated, unable to think of anything else to say.

"I have to," Katara replied a little angrily. "What, did you honestly think I was going to stay here forever?"

"Yes!"

My mouth blurted out this word before my mind could process it. Even Katara seemed shocked.

"Why?"

She eyed me with a severe seriousness while crossing her arms over her chest.

"What?"

"Why should I stay?"

I gulped. I knew what she wanted to hear. I knew what I wanted to say. All I had to do was tell the truth. All I had to do was be honest with her and with myself.

"Tell me."

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. When she heard no response, she sighed and stood.

"I'm going to pack."

She turned to leave, but I quickly grabbed her wrist before she could. She looked back at me with eyes that flickered with a fire of hope, but when I choked on my words once more, that flicker went out.

"Goodbye, Azula."

** /\ **

And just like that, she vanished. She was no longer part of my everyday world. No more picnics at the palace garden. No more weekly meals. Everything had changed. I tried cooking my own dinners the way she had taught me. I tried making tea the same way she used to. I even kept up with the stargazing, but nothing filled that void in my chest. Nothing healed the wound that was drenched in anger and regret. I was mad that nothing was the same. I was mad that Katara had left. Most of all, I was mad at myself.

** /\ **

"Dear Katara."

I had spent ten minutes staring at the piece of parchment in front of me, and yet those were the only two words written on the paper. It had been two months since Katara had left, so there was no reason to struggle with what to say.

"Dear Katara. Are you still alive? If you are, I'm surprised nothing has killed you yet."

I scowled and instantly crumbled up the letter. That would have been a horrible thing to say. I then pulled out a new parchment and re-dipped my pen into my ink.

"Dear Katara. How is life back home? Have you met anyone special? If you have, I'll kill them! They'll never again see the light of day!"

"Gah!"

I crushed the second piece of parchment and tossed it away. This wasn't going as well as I had hoped.

"What am I supposed to say to her?"

I flopped my head onto the desk and cursed at myself for not being more eloquent with my feelings.

"I'm ridiculous."

I sighed and sat back up. What I wrote had to be perfect. What I wrote had to be just right.

"Dear Katara. I miss you. I miss our picnics. I miss you picking on me. I miss having you nearby. I just…miss you."

There was no coming back from this. These were the words I had to send. Before I could change my mind, I rolled the parchment up and walked over to the messenger hawk that was perched on my windowsill.

"Get this to Katara as quick as you can boy," I said as I slipped the paper into the tube. As soon as he was secure, he took off and flew into the night.

When the next morning came, I anxiously waited for a reply. I did the same thing the following day. When day three hit, I was convinced that she wasn't going to write back to me. I couldn't blame her if she didn't want to talk. We had departed from each other on a sour note.

After two more days of waiting, I was beginning to lose hope, but on day six, right before I was going to turn in for the night, my hawk flew through my window and landed on my desk. I was too stunned to move at first, but a caw from my pet prompted me to leave my bed with haste. I tore the tube open and was more than pleased to see a new parchment inside. I was also petrified. What would she say? Would any of it be good, or did Katara hate her now?

After taking a deep breath, I unrolled the paper and saw a long letter written in her hand. I was ready to read all of it, but paused when I saw the first few sentences. I read them carefully and slowly, just to make sure I was reading right, and as soon as I knew my eyes weren't deceiving me, I smiled for the first time in months.

"Dear Azula. I miss you, too. More than anything. I miss us."

** /\ **

Letters were exchanged more frequently after that. Although the world still seemed heavy, I could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. I was becoming more honest, the words I had kept cooped up inside spilling onto the papers in a mix of ink and tears. It was beautiful to talk to Katara again, and it filled me with a fire I couldn't have created on my own.

** /\ **

I couldn't sit still. I wanted the day to go faster, but nothing I did made the clocks speed up. It was agonizing, and I had to force myself to do things just to stay busy. I cooked a small dinner for myself, I made a not so good cup of tea, and now I was pacing back and forth across the balcony in my room. Had four whole months really gone by?

I looked out as the sun set over the city, a soft pink glow decorating the horizon. She was finally coming back. After so much time away, I'd finally get to see Katara. The familiar pang of nervousness filled my chest, but I didn't let it get to me. After all, what was there to be afraid of?

"Knock, knock."

I froze when that sound echoed throughout my room. Then, with a quiet anticipation, I watched the doorknob turn. As it swung open, I felt my very breath leave me.

"Katara…"

Her name had unintentionally slipped from my lips. I couldn't help but speak it. Saying her name again sparked a rare and dynamic magic within me. Katara's presence had sparked a magic within the room. It was like a spell had been lifted. No longer did the air feel heavy with grief and emptiness. No longer did a void reside within my heart. My Katara, my beautiful Katara, was home.

We stared at each other for a few nerve filled moments, her look happy and meek, her smile uncertain and shy.

"I'm back," she said quietly.

My heart burst when I heard her voice, and I found myself closing the gap between us. I didn't stop until I was right in front of her, our foreheads touching. She gazed at me with joy, relief, and surprise.

"Welcome back," I told her.

As soon as those words left my mouth, tears began streaming down her face. She instantly wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me with a fierceness I had never felt. She choked slightly on her tears before hiding her face into my neck, mumbling something that oddly sounded like my name. I could only smile and hug her tight. I had missed her so much. I had missed her with every ounce of my being. Her smell, her touch, her warmth, everything. How did I survive without her?

Overwhelmed with feeling, I leaned more into the hug, so much that we toppled to the ground in a fit of giggles and sniffles. I landed on top, her hand stroking my hair as I cupped her tear stained cheek.

"Azula…"

I smiled at the sound. To this day, I don't know what prompted me to make my next move. Perhaps it was the way she was staring at me with those glazed up, love filled eyes. Perhaps it was the way her disheveled hair fell around her heartbreak of a smile. Whatever it was, it made me lean in closer, and this time it wasn't our foreheads that touched.

** /\ **

I used to think that love was painful. I used to think that love was the reason why so many people suffered. I spat on the concept and told myself I would never fall prey to romantic ideologies. I now know that I was very wrong to think that love was a fate worse than death. Love doesn't hurt people. Betrayal hurts. Anger hurts. Loss hurts. Love is what makes it all better.

"You know you're stuck with me, right?"

After a jumbled up mess of tears, apologies, and kisses, the two of us had made our way to my bed. When she spoke, I looked down at her, smitten at the love on her face. She reached out and stroked my cheek with a single finger.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"Exactly what it sounds like." Katara leaned in and pressed her lips softly against mine, a shiver jetting up my spine. "It means you're stuck with me forever. You're my girlfriend now."

One would think that, with everything that has happened, I wouldn't be phased by that word, but as soon as she said it, my cheeks tinged pink and I hid my face in her hair.

"Aww," Katara giggled. "What's wrong? Did that make you shy? Girlfriend."

I shuffled in place. I knew she was trying to tease me, but I wouldn't let her win.

"Girlfriend," she said before blowing into my ear. I shivered again, but still stayed hidden. She then leaned in close to my shoulder.

"Girlfriend," she whispered once more before lightly nipping the crook of my neck. I couldn't stay still for that.

"K-Katara!"

A/N: Part one of two!