Author's Note:
Okay, so first of all, I'm going to apologize for naming a fanfiction after an LMFAO song, because I recognize that some of their lyrics can be rather problematic. They're like, guilty pleasure songs. Sort of like this fanfiction right here…
Set in GA-S2-E24, minute: 26:00. Spoilers of course, up to and including "Damage Case".
Inspired by the canonical iconic scene "you don't get to call me a whore," from Meredith to Derek. Which, I argue, is probably one of my favorite Grey's moments involving Derek (because he's being rightfully told off for all that it's worth). Feel free to search up that scene again if you want to watch that before this :). Canon transcript copied from imbd.
bobbiejelly
I Am Not A Whore
After Meredith Grey tears Derek Shepherd a new one and he leaves her, Addison Montgomery walks by and helps comfort the blonde.
Chapter 1: Of Stairwells & Of Shots Fired
Because taking the elevator is really not an option these days, now is it?
Dr. Meredith Grey : You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys, and all the bars, and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me. You chose Addison. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore.
Dr. Meredith Grey : Meredith talking to Derek: "... I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore."
Dr. Meredith Grey : I never should have told you about George.
Dr. Derek Shepherd : No, it's fine. I'm glad I know about him and the vet. You really get around.
Dr. Meredith Grey : What did you just say to me?
Dr. Derek Shepherd : It's unforgivable.
Dr. Meredith Grey : I don't remember ever asking you to forgive me.
Dr. Derek Shepherd : So was the knitting a phase? Who's next? Alex? 'Cause I hear he likes to sleep around. You two have that in common.
Dr. Meredith Grey : You don't get to call me whore. When I met you I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done, so all the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me! You chose Addison! I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore.
Dr. Derek Shepherd : This thing with us is finished. It's over
Dr. Meredith Grey : Finally.
Dr. Derek Shepherd : Yeah, it's done.
Dr. Meredith Grey : It is done.
Dr. Meredith Grey is sobbing when she hears the top door to the stairwell creep open.
"Fuck," Meredith swears under her breath. "Fucking perfect, another person to see me just falling apart here," Meredith says frustratedly.
"For what it's worth, I couldn't have said it better myself," a female voice says to Meredith tiredly.
Meredith almost loses it again as she whips her head around to face the owner of this voice.
"I really couldn't have. Just another thing you seem to do better than I can. Oh well," says this person again.
"Addison…" Meredith gasps when she finally takes in the view of her.
Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd is standing against the wall in the stairwell in her high heels and scrubs and her white lab coat.
Her fair is still one up perfectly and she's wearing those secretary glasses again.
Only this time, her facial expression screams "lonely," rather than "angry".
It kinda freaks Meredith out, actually, especially given that Addison is an Attending Physician and all and she's usually simultaneously saving mothers and babies rather than scurrying around hiding inside of a stairwell.
It strikes Meredith at this point that Addison seems just as fucking lost as she feels.
It's not exactly a wonderful feeling.
"I- I'm… I am not a whore," Meredith squeaks out, and then she realizes that this is probably a really pathetic excuse to say to the woman whose husband she had been screwing.
"I know," says Addison with a sigh. "That's the worst part of all of this," Addison adds as she leans up against the wall again, as if she could barely bear to support her own body.
Her own body composed of the longest legs Meredith has ever seen ever and the curviest hips and the nicest-
Meredith realizes she stares at Addison a lot but she chalks it up to sizing up her competition for Derek.
Not that she really wants to compete for him again right now, after all. He's sort of an ass really after all those really mean things he just said to her.
Meredith just hopes for her sake she can remember them next time he inevitably comes crawling right back to her with some promises of steak and cool brain-related surgeries.
"It's bad that I'm not a whore?" Meredith finally gleams this sentence out from all of this.
"It would be easier to hate you if you were one," says Addison honestly.
"It's pretty easy to hate me either way. I do it all the time. I'm sure you could do it properly if you set your mind to it," says Meredith bitterly.
"I-" Addison starts to say something but then she clears her throat instead.
Meredith looks up at Addison with a questioning glance as she goes on in that smooth voice of hers. It's soothing, really. Hearing Addison's voice is something like a really nice drink of lemonade...
"You-" Addison stutters only once more before she really begins. "You really didn't know about me. He really didn't tell you about me. You mean everything to Derek but he gets marital amnesia about me when he sees you and the worst part is that I sort of see why," Addison huffs out all at once.
"What?" Says Meredith, not understanding what this multi-million dollar-a-year doctor is saying to her. 'She probably speaks other languages, too,' Meredith thinks to herself, idly.
"You're everything a guy could want. Young, eyes wide open, plus you're slim and fit and eager. You must be a miracle in the bedroom, you have my husband brooding over you in his sleep. Gosh. I can hardly blame him for wanting you even with a ring on his finger…" Addison sighs.
"Hardly," Meredith scoffs. "Besides, you're one to talk. You have what- how many degrees? You dress like a Prada ad. Actually, you could be in a Prada ad because you could be a model in some far off country like Japan, say, or something like that. And you save pregnant moms. All freakin' day. It's what you do. You just save them and their kids," Meredith deadpans.
Addison actually smiles at all of this and it makes Meredith somehow smile as well.
"Sometimes I wish that Derek would talk about me like that," says Addison softly.
"Yeah," says Meredith. "Me too," Meredith sighs.
"I think Mark loved me like that once," says Addison even more softly this time.
"Did you love him back like that ever?" Meredith asks in a surprisingly non-judgmental-y way.
"I have no idea," says Addison. "I was desperate and Mark was there," Addison admits finally.
"I know," says Meredith.
"How could you have known!?" Addison asks her. "You didn't know either of us back then!?" She adds.
"No, I mean, I think I sort of know... How you might have felt about Mark," says Meredith.
"Go on?" Says Addison.
"It's how I felt about George," says Meredith.
"What?" Says Addison.
"I broke George," says Meredith with a sigh.
It comes out before Meredith realizes she's confessing her worst sin to the woman she's betrayed with her other worst sin but she realizes she's gotta explain now at this point.
"George was in love with me, probably the way that Mark was in love with you. And I missed Derek. And you missed Derek. And I cried when George took my top off," says Meredith.
And now Meredith is crying again, but this time, so is Addison.
"Mark had me naked more than once," Addison admits sadly. "We pretended to be a 'normal couple,' in New York after Derek walked in on us. After all of it, we tried. But I still kept my rings on. So he still slept around. And it was doomed before it ever began," says Addison.
"I couldn't even bear to have George finish," says Meredith. "I asked if he was nearly done and I don't remember what he said but I couldn't do it. And he didn't keep doing it. And then we stopped 'doing it,' after we started 'doing it,' but we like, 'did it,' so the deed was done and I broke George and I miss him because he's my friend," Meredith says over the crying.
"Mark was always there for me. Whenever Derek was out of town or I needed company he was there. He treasured me, I treasured him as just a friend. I never realized I had both of them actually loving me until I lost them both all at once," says Addison. "You knew though, not with Derek but with George. You knew and you stopped before it was finished. You stopped," says Addison.
"Not soon enough. I shouldn't have let it have started," says Meredith. "And I shouldn't have said 'yes,' the first time. And I shouldn't have let Derek take me out after I found out he was my boss. And I shouldn't have taken him home that first night when we were drinking," says Meredith.
"I shouldn't have kissed Mark," says Addison. "I shouldn't have kissed him back, or let him carry me to Derek's bed. I shouldn't have let him check when Derek was in surgery so we could have adulterous sex. I shouldn't have had that stupid affair," says Addison.
"Neither should I have, with Derek, I mean," says Meredith quietly.
"You didn't," says Addison. "Unless you've been with him since you knew he'd been married," says Addison.
"No, I haven't. Not like that at least. Just like, at work. But not kissing or naked," Meredith clarifies.
"Trust me, affairs aren't that worth it," says Addison. "And I'm not saying this just about Derek because he's my husband. I wouldn't wish it on you anyway," says Addison kindly.
"Thanks, Addison. I'll ah- keep that in mind for the next time I seem to want to sleep with a married person," Meredith shrugs but there's a smile on her face.
"Are you planning on wanting to sleep with a married person?" Addison asks.
"No, but you never know, it's me and I'm all dark and twisty so who knows what my hormones will misguide me to do next," says Meredith. "Probably another stupid idea, but that's to be determined," Meredith sighs.
"Hormones are one hell of a challenge. Hey, I have a vagina too. I get it, you know," says Addison.
"Amen to that," says Meredith, at least now finding some common ground to stand on metaphorically here.
It's only been a few minutes since they've started interacting but Meredith realizes she seems to be starting to be feeling better, at least by a little bit here, now talking to Addison.
Meredith chalks it up to Addison at least overtly hating her, even if she has every right to be hating her.
"Do you miss him?" Meredith asks rather ambiguously.
"Derek? Mark?" Addison asks her to clarify, but Meredith shrugs noncommittally.
"Both, I guess," says Addison.
"But like, as…?" Meredith asks her question without actually answering it.
"I'm completely confused, to be honest," says Addison.
"Yeah, I get that. Things are really confusing," says Meredith with a sad sort of smile.
"Addison?" Meredith asks the taller woman now.
"Yeah?" Says Addison, wondering where this all could be going.
"Do you want a hug?" Meredith asks her. "I could really use one and I just thought that- I don't know you probably don't want to touch me ever but if you wanted I just-" Meredith can't seem to fathom what she could possibly justify as this being the meager thing she could offer this woman after she'd stolen her husband and then later rejected him.
"I think a hug would be good," says Addison, her voice softening even more.
Addison makes no move to displace herself though, so Meredith starts walking up the stairwell a few steps at a time.
"Umm-" Meredith pauses once she reaches the space next to Addison.
Meredith realizes she's never been in proximity to Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd in a non-professional way since the time she'd shaken her hand and she's slightly nervous right now.
"C'mere, Grey," Addison opens up her welcoming arms, and Meredith steps right into them.
Once inside Addison's gentle embrace, Meredith feels the warmth of this comforting body against her own and she loses it all over again. Meredith's tears fall onto Addison's scrubs and white coat but she doesn't seem to mind at all, and starts to let her own tears flow freely as well.
"You might not be a whore Grey, but sometimes I think that I am," says Addison.
"You were lonely, everybody gets lonely, Addison," says Meredith, and then she says it again because she realizes the first time she'd said it her face had been buried inside of Addison's shirt.
"What do you do when you get lonely?" Says Addison to Meredith, who just bursts out laughing.
"Steves, and unnamed men and women and people who sometimes end up with endless erections," Meredith groans, remembering how Derek had found out she'd been sleeping around so much in Seattle after she had found out he was married to Addison.
"Does it help?" Asks Addison tenderly.
"It probably helped them, but not me. Well, actually it just made things worse for Steve," Meredith groans out again.
"Right," Addison sighs.
"I also shoot tequila repeatedly," says Meredith.
"Does that help?" Asks Addison.
"No," says Meredith. "But I like the way the taste burns because I just do," says Meredith.
"I'm not sure I've ever shot tequila," Addison reflects aloud.
"Do you wanna try it sometime?" Meredith offers generally, but she realizes she's hoping that Addison will want to try it in a way that includes her in her plans for some unknown reason.
"Maybe," says Addison. "Wait, could you give me lessons?" Asks Addison seriously.
"You want to study how to shoot tequila!?" Says Meredith.
"Well, I mean there's probably a right and a wrong way right?" Says Addison.
"Well, I suppose," says Meredith. "But the basics are 'salt, then shot, then lime,' rinse and repeat until you start to fall over," says Meredith.
"Do I have to do the falling over part?" Asks Addison.
"Not necessarily," says Meredith. "It's really the first three steps that matter most," says Meredith.
"I think I should be writing this down…" Addison fumbles in her pocket for a pen.
"Do you want me to show you sometime?" Meredith asks boldly.
"Would you?" Addison asks hopefully.
"Sure, why not?" Says Meredith. "Besides, you've never called me a whore," says Addison.
"And neither did you to me," says Meredith. "And by the way, if I show you how to shoot tequila you don't get to call me a whore about it, okay?" Says Meredith to Addison.
"Cross my heart I wouldn't dare," says Addison sweetly.
"Thanks, Addison," says Meredith as she squeezes the taller woman just a little bit more.
"You're welcome, Meredith," says Addison, saying the woman's first name again, the last time of course, probably being when she'd given her a speech about sticking around in Seattle for a maybe with Derek.
"Do you play darts?" Meredith offers.
"Gosh, I haven't in ages," says Addison.
"Best 2 out of 3?" Meredith asks her.
"As long as it's before the tequila, not after. Otherwise, I'm probably going to lose an eyeball," says Addison.
"Alrighty," says Meredith.
"Wait, when are we going to do all of this?" Addison asks her.
"Ah…" Meredith pauses.
"Are you free tonight?" Says Addison.
"Are you?" Meredith counters.
Both women stand there in silence for a moment before they finally answer.
"Well it's not like either of us is going on a date with Derek Shepherd," Addison snorts.
"Absolutely not," says Meredith.
"My shift finishes at six, when does yours end?" Addison asks Meredith.
"Five thirty, I'll wait for you in the lobby after I say goodbye to Cristina?" Meredith offers.
"Sounds good, I'll be there," Addison smiles.
"Okay, I'll be there, too," Meredith smiles back.
Addison squeezes Meredith in one last hug before she lets go again.
"I think I have to get going now. Babies to be born, mothers to be operated on and all that," Addison says kindly.
"You go do that," says Meredith. "I've got to go check on Bailey's post-ops," Meredith offers.
When Derek asks Addison later why she's in a lighter mood she simply says she's got plans later than night and she doesn't offer any more details.
When Derek asks Meredith the same question later, she has a similar answer but Derek never seems to put the two and two together until he sees them take off together for the bar after work.
True to her word, Addison shows up at six-oh-five, and Meredith is already on her way there.
When they arrive at the Emerald City Bar, Joe the bartender hardly gives the unlikely due to a second glance.
"Wanna make a bet?' Says Meredith to Addison over the dartboard.
"And what would that be?" Addison chuckles.
"Loser's gotta break the news and tell Derek who they ditched him for tonight," says Meredith.
"You are so on," says Addison as she picks up her first game piece.
"Oh, shots fired!" Says Meredith as she gets a dart to land right in the bullseye.
"Not for long!" Says Addison as she matches Meredith throw-for throw.
As it turns out, playing darts and hanging out with a new friend is much more fun than knitting alone, for Meredith Grey, with Addison Montgomery, after all. Some good things come from the stairwells even more so than the Seattle Grace Elevators, at times, so it seems.
****** END OF CHAPTER 1
Author's Note:
Well, hello to a new one-shot maybe something more.
Inspired by a rewatch of the "I am not a whore" speech.
Good day!
bobbiejelly