A/N: I still don't own Psych, or any of the characters. Also, once again, the story title, chapter title, and quotes at the beginning of the chapters are from "Once in a Lifetime" (1981), by the Talking Heads, which is not even a little bit similar to the tone of this story, but it's my favorite Talking Heads song and it's been stuck in my head for weeks, so whatever.

"time isn't holding up, time isn't after us"

Shawn couldn't remember the last time he'd sat still for so long. He'd parked himself across the street from Juliet's house, sitting in the shadow of a tree, where he could see her house but not be noticed himself. He wasn't sure how long he'd been there, but dawn was turning steadily into morning now, and he still lacked the courage to actually go up to the house.

He'd watched Lassie pull up to her house, try and help Jules out of the car, but she'd pushed him away. Not rudely, just in a way that indicated she was trying to show she was fine, that she didn't need help. Even from his position tucked away across the street, Shawn could see on her face that that was a lie.

Her face alone, even from a distance, made him almost fall to his knees. She'd been through so much last night, more than anyone should ever have to go through, and it was his fault. Maybe he was better off not going to her, maybe he would just make things worse.

He sat there for a while longer, trying to remember why, on the pier, going to see her had felt like such a good idea, and just when he was considering calling Gus, trying to take his mind off things, his phone rang.

Fishing it out of his pocket without checking it, he answered, "Buddy!"

"Spencer," a distinctly-non-Gus voice said.

"Lassie?"

"I'm at O'Hara's," Lassiter said. "I think I need backup."

"Oh, my God!" Shawn said, jumping to his feet, his mind already racing in panic. He'd been right there in front of her house the whole time, how had he missed something? "Is Yin-?"

"No, you idiot, not backup backup, you're not even a cop, why would I be calling you for that?" Shawn could practically hear Lassiter rolling his eyes.

"Right, I'm the crazy one," Shawn muttered. "So she's safe?" He needed to confirm before figuring out why the heck Lassie was calling him.

"She's not hurt. It's just…she's—she's not talking. She said she was fine, and then she was crying, and that was hours ago, and since then she hasn't said anything."

Shawn tried to stop himself from grinning. "Lassie, are you asking for my help?"

"No, I-!" Lassie sighed. "Yes. I think—I think she might talk to you."

"I'll be right there," Shawn said. "But Lassie, I'm gonna remember this."

"Just get over here," Lassie growled.

"Two minutes, Lass." Shawn answered. Lassiter hung up.

He didn't need the two minutes, obviously, he was outside Jules' house already, but two minutes was good. It was two minutes to breathe, while it also gave him a deadline to finally force him to confront his mistakes.

Counting the seconds in his head, Shawn finally stood up, jogging toward the house. Lassie opened the door as he approached, and Shawn took a moment to enjoy what would probably be the only time Lassie would ever look relieved to see him.

"She's taking a shower," Lassiter said quietly as he let Shawn in. "I thought she'd feel better getting out of those clothes—."

"Raunchy," Shawn said, smirking at him.

Lassiter glared. "Can it, Spencer. Look, the Chief just called and I have to get back to the station, get some paperwork done on the Yin thing, but I couldn't just leave her here. And she's not talking, but you—you might have a way of…"

He doesn't finish the sentence, but Shawn nods. "I won't leave her." He promised. And he wouldn't.

Lassie simply nods, claps Shawn on the shoulder, and leaves. Shawn almost laughs. Clearly everyone is unbelievably sleep-deprived; he wonders how much of who they are at this moment will last until tomorrow—a supportive Lassie, a quiet Jules, and him, guilty, and afraid, and…well, in love. That part will probably last, although he's got a lot of explaining to do to Jules before he even gets to any of that. The guilt, unfortunately, will probably last quite a while longer too, if the last year has been any indication, even if Jules does forgive him.

Moments later, Juliet emerges from the bathroom, wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt, her soft curls wet around her shoulders. Her face looks puffy, like she'd been crying but tried to hide it.

She still takes Shawn's breath away.

"Shawn?" she asks, surprised.

Shawn nodded, "that or Lassie got way hotter in the last ten minutes."

Juliet doesn't laugh, but her lip twitches, an almost-smile. "Where'd Carlton go?"

"He had to go back to the station."

She brushes past him, towards the kitchen. "Well," she says, in a very un-Jules tone, "I don't need a babysitter."

Shawn turns toward her at the unfamiliar sound of her voice. She's looking at him, trying to look defiant, but her eyes are welling up and her lip is trembling. Without pausing to think, he opens his arms and pulls her into his chest. She doesn't resist, melting into him and burying her head against his chest.

She cries softly into him, and Shawn holds her as tight as he can, as reverently as he can, not caring about anything except being as close to her as possible, letting her feel safe and warm and loved, because Lord knows she deserves it, even if she hadn't been to hell and back last night.

He kisses the top of her head, because her head is buried in his chest and he can, for once, but also because he has no idea how long she'll let him hold her, and if this is once in a lifetime, that he gets to be here, holding Jules, then he's not gonna not kiss her on top of the head and try and infuse into that kiss every desperate rush of love he's felt for her over the last four years.

But he knows, as he stands there, holding her, that it's not enough. He has to say something, has to impress upon her, somehow, how sorry he is for everything he's done and how important she is to him.

"Jules," he says, softly. She makes no response. He takes a deep breath. "I'm so sorry. I don't—I don't have the words to say how sorry I am. I was so terrified today, and Yin wanted to mess with me, you should never have been involved."

He pauses, trying to breathe. "And I should have been there." He continues. That was the worst of it. "I should have been there, and I wasn't, and I know you probably think that I chose Abigail, but I didn't. Going to Abigail was the only way that I believed you both could live. But if I… if I could've chosen it would've always been you."

Juliet makes a non-committal noise, pulling back a little and tilting her head so she's looking at him, listening, her eyes still full of tears.

"Abigail and I broke up," he says, and he's not sure why this seems like the right next thing to say, but it does. "Oh, God, not that it matters, right now, not with all you've gone through tonight and I don't know why I'm even telling you this—."

Juliet's lip twitches, a half smile. "It matters," she whispers, looking up at him.

"It does?"

She nods, smiling softly again, but says nothing else, folding back into him, as he tightens his arms around her again.

He doesn't know how long they stand there. It doesn't matter. He closes his eyes, resting his head on top of hers, taking in the feel of her in his arms. Finally, he speaks again, "Um, should we—do you want to sit down?"

A muffled chuckle comes in response, but Juliet lets him lead her to the couch, where they end up not sitting so much as half laying, curled up into one another. Shawn feels more at peace than he has in a long time. It's not that he's said everything he needs, or wants, to say—he hasn't. But he's content to just keep holding onto her, every second that she lets him this close a gift, the kind he'd never imagined he'd be allowed, especially after that day last year.

Long minutes pass, and for once, Shawn has no desire to fill their silence. He keeps his eyes closed, like hers, content to lay there, impossibly close to her, feeling her heartbeat against his, listening to the sound of her breathing, as they both hold still.

Moments pass, and Juliet's breathing evens out as she falls asleep. Shawn opens his eyes, looking down at her, her mess of blonde curls, the slight blush in her cheeks, her features finally relaxed after the events of the day. Relief washes over him, and he realizes for the millionth time how close he came to losing her, how grateful he is to be here, now, in this moment with her. It doesn't matter what happens the rest of his life, in this moment, he is certain that he will never see anything more beautiful than Jules asleep in his arms, will never feel more secure or content than he does in this moment.

But the guilt isn't gone, even though it's clear from Juliet's peaceful sleep that he's made her feel safe, for once. Still, he's got other things to say to her, even if he's not sure he's ready to say them when she's awake. He still feels a desperate urge to say them, let them out into the universe, if for no other reason than to express the enormous gratitude and love for her he feels right now.

He looks down at her again, presses his lips to her forehead, then to her cheek. She stirs slightly but doesn't wake up, though she seems to smile for a moment in her sleep. He rests his cheek back against the top of her head, closing his own eyes.

"It's all my fault," he whispers to her, "and maybe I'll never stop feeling guilty for that. This last year…it's all my fault. And I'm so sorry. I know I already said that, but I'm going to keep saying it, because…well, if this is loving someone, no wonder I can't get it right, with parents like mine, but, I am so sorry for hurting you." He feels tears start to well up in his own eyes, a mixture of exhaustion and guilt, and a million other emotions that he doesn't have the energy to name.

"But I'm going to do better," he continues, whispering still, talking it out for himself as much as for her, "Jules, I am never going to let you down like that again, I promise. Well, I can't promise, I'm no good at promises, but I will do everything I can." He sighs. "That sounds lame, I know. It's not even a promise. But I'll do the best that I can, I swear."

Juliet shifts against him slightly but her eyes stay closed, and he looks down at her in gratitude again. "I—I love you," he whispers to her. "And I don't, I mean, I've never said that to anyone, except my mom maybe, and…well, Gus just knows, but this is…different, and…well, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm going to be there. I'm not going to walk away again."

He lets out a deep breath, feeling himself relax. "I kind of wish you were awake for that," he mutters, "'cause I don't know if I'll be able to get it all out again. But I'm glad you're resting, finally." He pulls her closer to him, reveling over and over again in the feel of her.

Exhaustion washes over him, suddenly, and he feels close to falling asleep himself. He presses his lips to the top of her head, kissing her gently as he begins to relax. "I don't deserve you," he whispers into her hair. "I don't deserve your goodness or your patience or how you always have my back. But I want to. And I hope you'll let me try."

With that, Shawn falls asleep, still pressed against Jules. He hadn't fixed everything. But she was here, in his arms, finally. They had time. And he would stay here, holding her, as long as she'd let him.

A/N: Fin. Thanks so very much for reading, and especially for the comments. I love reviews almost as much as I love Shawn being soft. :) But the feedback truly means the world, so thanks so much! Hope you enjoyed!