Jo was packing up her stuff, having just finished her last lecture. She had brought her bags with her so she could go straight to the airport from the hospital, she desperately wanted to be home with her kids, they may be moody teenagers who will probably only grace with five minutes of their presence before sulking off the facetime of their friends but she missed their faces nonetheless.

Jo was so caught up with her own thoughts she hadn't noticed something entering the auditorium. She hadn't noticed that Alex was standing at the top of the stairs looking down at her. His inner turmoil going wild as he debated whether he was doing the right thing. You see there are people in life that just complete you, you walk around for so long feeling lost trying to figure out you who are and one day you meet someone and it's like they hold all the missing parts of you. Suddenly you're complete, you are seen and loved for everything you are, all the good, bad and messy parts of you are loved. That love is what feeds the soul, what makes you into who you are. To not find that love, that connection well that is the worst possible crime. He had let her go once, and he can't do it again...not without saying everything he should've said twenty years ago.

"I didn't wanna stop loving you..." His voice is hoarse as he speaks. "I didn't wanna fall out of love with you." Jo jumps at the sound of Alex's voice, dropping the papers she was trying to stuff in her bag as she squints to figure out where his voice is coming from.

"I was selfish," Alex explains, as he begins to descend down the steps slowly. "I was so selfish because you were everything Jo...you was more than everything." He looks so sincere as his eyes meet hers. "No one had ever loved me, fought for me, cared for me like you had and I loved you'd so damn much it was hurt." He shakes his head, trying to hold the tears that had begun filling his eyes the minute he started speaking.

"I still do." He whispers stopping halfway down the staircase just staring at her, she's still frozen but he hears her sharp intake of breath at his words.

"And I was selfish." He continues, holding his hand to his heart as he nears the bottom of the staircase. "I meant what I said, Jo...I couldn't look at you." He stops abruptly now, trying to hold back a sob, as he chokes on his words, she's trembling now, one hand clutching the table in front of her as if to steady her. "I could never have looked at you back then and walked away."

He is only a meter away from her now, in moments she could be in arms but they are both just frozen. "You're so damn gorgeous Jo. You always have been and one look in your eyes and I'm gone. It's been that way since the beginning-" He lets out a sad half-laugh, as he looks away from her dragging one hand down his face, whipping at his tears, he's frustrated with himself for thinking he could get this all out without breaking.

Taking a deep breath, he turns back to her, to find a trail of tears already flowing down her cheeks, the look of despair in her eyes pierces deep and it's exactly how he had always known she would look. "I remember looking into your eyes in that supply closet the day you brought or stole me those doughnuts, the day Kepner brought that patient to the closed ER...I remember looking into your eyes and thinking shit I am falling in love with her."

Jo lets out a watery laugh. Trust Alex to curse right now. Her heart is beating so fast she feels like it might burst out from her chest, she almost wants to stop him but she can't bring herself to.

"And when I saw my kids...and Izzie." Jo squeezes her eyes shut because she knows what's coming and still after all this time doesn't wanna hear it. "I'm not pretending Izzie wasn't a part of this or that I didn't love her but…" Alex comes closer now, he's right in front of her, arms-length away and he's looking at her really looking at her, like all the bullshit and fake pretence of catching up and everything else has just fallen away.

"When I realised I couldn't come home...I went through every scenario. Would you be a stepmom? Would we live here or stay in Seattle? Would they visit on holidays? and the more I thought about it the more I thought you deserved better…" At his words, sobs begin to rack through Jo's body as she turns away from him, her hands flying to her mouth as she tries to stop herself from crying out, furious at him for admitting all of this now and not back then.

Moans escaped her lips through the suppressed sound of hiccups, she tries to back away from Alex but his arms have encased her pulling her closer. He needs her to hear him now. "And I was scared and I selfish and ending things meant never having to try at a life where we might not work...where we might have ended up hating or resenting each other...or falling out of love with each other." Jo stops fighting against his arms, looking up at him, tears still streaming down her face. This might be worst then all she imagined because surely it made more sense for him to not love her then it did for him to believe that she would ever fall out of love with him.

She feels his hand cup her cheeks, as he wipes away some of her stray tears with his thumb, his eyes were still glossy with his own tears. "I couldn't...I just couldn't bear the thought of it. So I was selfish and I sent the letter..." At the mention of the letter an involuntary whimper escapes Jo lips, as she leans in towards his touch, she's muttering no through her tears, begging him to stop. Tears spill over mixing with Jos as he leans his forehead against hers cradling her face in his hands, feeling her own hands grip onto his like her life depended on holding onto him.

"I know you deserved better…" It was agonizing, to admit everything he'd kept locked away for so long. "I know I should have told you the truth...I should have given you the option, the choice but I…"

He cuts off pulling her impossibly closer, relief flooding through him as she throws her arms around his neck, embracing him tightly, he can feel her body trembling as he holds her tight. "I didn't want to destroy what we had. I never wanted to look back on us and have everything we went through ruined because we fell out of love...so I couldn't look at you." He whispers, the last point, squeezing his eyes shut trying to savour the feeling of her in his arms.

The stay like for a moment, the only sound to be heard is their deep breaths as they try to stop their tears from flowing, still clutching at each other tightly.

Jo pulls back first, wiping her nose on her sleeves, she lets out a shaky breath, tipping her head to the side, studying him closely. "You're looking at me now though?" She mutters, her eyes never leaving his.

"Yes, I am" He nods, fresh teardrops, soaking his shirt as he spoke.

"And?" Jo asks, clutching at her chest in a vain attempt to slow her heart thumping heart.

"And I love you all the same." He admits taking her hands in his.

Jo winces at his words, looking down at their joined hands she catches sight of the ring set on her left hand. "I'm married."

"I know." He mutters, grimacing, as his fingers trace the diamond ring on her finger.

"And you threw me away like trash." She shudders, her voice cracking as she speaks.

"And you love him?" Alex sniffles, tugging at her hand slightly, trying to get her meet his eye.

"And I love him more than anything. I've never felt second place. I've never felt anything less than his main priority." She chokes out desperately, she's not sure if she is trying to convince herself or Alex of this fact, but it's true, her husband had always put her first, he didn't deserve to be hurt the way she had.

"Good you deserve that." Alex nods, instantly letting go of her, taking a step back. He's turning cold but she knows this is how he copes with emotional situations, she may not have been fluent in Alex Karev back when she was an intern but she sure as hell is now. "You deserve that."

He's backing away from her now, having said everything he needs to. He still loves her...he loves her and she knows it, that's all he needs.

"Why do you keep the photo Alex?" She questions as she leans against the table, still looking down at her ring, slowly twisting her wedding band around her finger.

He immediately knows the photo she's referring to, he's not sure how he knows but he can guess his daughter has something to do with it. "I keep it because it reminds me of everything I gave up...it reminds me of what I had." He answers shrugging slightly, as he shoves his hands into his lab coat. He pulls out his wallet, unfolding the photo in question, his fingers skim over her face lightly. It's worn after all these years, but they're still there on that ferryboat grinning from ear to ear frozen in time. "And on days when I can't picture your smile anymore, I can look at it."

He looks up to her find already staring at him, her lips quivering as she outstretches her hand. Silently, he passes her the photo, moving closer to sit on the table beside her. He watches as she studies the photo, a soft smile gracing her face, as her salty tears hit the paper. "You deserve love, Alex." She whispers, mirroring his actions from moments ago as her fingers skim his face in the photo, god she hasn't seen a photo from their wedding since he left her, they were all too painful to look at, it's hard to acknowledge how happy they were at that moment believing the had a whole lifetime together ahead of them.

"Let yourself love again...forgive yourself." She mutters, holding the photo close to her chest as she looks up at Alex meeting his eyes again. "You are one hard guy to know, you don't let people in much but when you do you are a pretty amazing guy. Alex, you deserve all the happiness in the world, any woman would be lucky to be loved by you... I know I was." She reaches out for him, her softs hands brush through his hair. "Let yourself be loved again, Alex." She whimpers, as she hands the photo back to him.

"Another time, another place, that's how the saying goes right." Alex mumbles, straightening out, wiping the tears from his face as he gives her half-smile, shoving the photo back in his pocket.

"I dunno, I think so..." Jo shrugs. "Back to writing poetry, are you?" she grins, softly matching his own sad smile.

"Shut up" Alex snorts, pushing off the table to stand in front of her.

Jo's phone beeps, breaking their intense staring match, as she looks down to flick through it she lets out a deep sigh, biting her lip as she looks back up at him. "I have to go" She mumbles, wondering why they didn't have this conversation at the start of the week.

Alex simply nods, swaying on his feet slowly as she gets up rounding the table to where her bags were. "I've never regretted one moment of our life together, not one." She says suddenly, causing Alex to startle as he looks back at her, nodding again in agreement. "When I look back on what we had...the girl I was before." She begins to stutter slightly, as she tries to find a way of saying she forgives him.

"I know that Jo, I haven't either, I've never regretted a single second of knowing you Jo... of being loved by you," Alex reassures, he may have missed five years of his children's lives but he is certain he wouldn't be the father he was without having been loved by Jo, every part of her was ingrained in his being.

Jo swallows loudly, finding her eyes watering again, wondering if she was gonna drop from dehydration with all the crying she'd been doing. "Good that's good." She nods, looking down as another Uber notification comes through on her phone. "Maybe we were all we were ever meant to be." She muses, flashing him a soft smile quickly.

"You believe that?" Alex grumbles, his forehead wrinkling at the notion, Alex may have been the one to leave but there was no doubt in his mind, had there been no kids, no desperate need to make the perfect family that Jo was gonna be his forever and then some.

"I have to...I have to believe our paths crossed for a reason because you fixed me…-"

"No I didn't," Alex cuts her off, shaking his head, the only person to take credit for how truly brilliant Jo is, should be her.

"Yes, you did." Jo states with such conviction. "You fixed my broken soul and I believe we were meant to find each other...to be a part of each other's stories and I guess I believe we weren't meant for forever as well." She whispers the last point, he almost doesn't hear her.

"I guess so if you believe in all that fates align with the stars bullshit." He certainly doesn't, and he knows she doesn't really either but he gets that she is trying to clutch at any straw that makes ending this way acceptable.

"Jerk" Jo spits out but he can see the smirk fighting it way to the surface.

"Princess." He grins back, chuckling slightly as her eyes widen at the use of her old nickname.

She drops the stuff she's been gathering in her arms, walking back around the table to meet him, she's smiling this time which is better than crying as she takes his face in her hands, studying it closely "You know you will always have a piece of my heart." Jo bends slightly to see his eyes that were trained on the floor, forcing him to look up at her.

"You too," Alex whispers as she strokes her thumb across his stubble, before letting him go.

They both make their way back around the table, and he helps her gather the last of her stuff. "So…" Jo begins lifting her laptop bag onto her shoulder and grabbing hold of her suitcase handle. "Do we hug?" She asks, cringing at her own awkwardness.

"Shut up." He groans, rolling his eyes as he pulls her close for the last time he thinks.

Jo lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding in, as she tightens her hold on him, breathing Alex in. Alex tries to memorise this moment, the last time they held each other neither knew it was the last time and this time they knew it. It was clear they couldn't spend time together without opening a whirlwind of emotions that were better left in the past. So they both held a little tighter until the buzzing of Jo's phone started up again, reminding them that it was time to part.

"Well..erm thank you?" Jo shrugs awkwardly as they pull apart. "For letting me work at your hospital and letting me educate your doctors."

"No Thankyou, I'm sure they all learned a lot." Alex cursed himself, how many times has he said this crap to a visiting doctor. "I always knew you'd do great things." He mutters as he watches her adjust the bag strap across her shoulders.

"Bet you regret leaving me now...missed your chance for a boat." Jo jokes winking at him.

They both begin to laugh, and Alex knows they are so beyond fucked up at this point but he's past caring.

Once again Jo's phone loudly rings out signalling her Uber driver is here and not happy to be kept waiting.

"I don't know how to say goodbye." He admits, his smile fading.

"Then don't," Jo mumbles, straightening out his tie, looking up at him one last time, before leaning in to place a chaste kiss against his cheek. Alex opens his mouth to say those all-important words but she stops him, placing her hand on his chest feeling his heartbeat underneath his fingertips. "Don't..." Jo whispers with a sad grimace. "I already know."

With that she turns towards the door, gathering her bags. It's weird to be the one leaving. She'd never imagined walking away from him, she's imagined him coming home, coming back to her for years until she met her husband and then slowly those daydreams had begun to fade but never had she ever imagined she'd be walking away from him. She'd loved him so much she was always so sure if someone was to leave it would have to be Alex, she'd never find the strength and yet here she was.

"Jo" He calls out, his brain kicking in as he watches him retreat away from him.

She stops still, her hand clutching at the door handle, as she turns back to him. "Yeah?

Alex stares at her, he could beg her to stay but he won't, it's not fair to her and he doesn't think he can handle the rejection. "Another lifetime?" He asks. God somewhere in some alternate universe they are together and they're so ridiculously happy, he knows it. He just knows somewhere some other place, there's never a last time.

"Another lifetime." Jo agrees, blinking back tears, in a thousand lifetimes she swears she'd find him a thousand times. "We would've been good Alex."

Alex scrunches up his face as he lets out a deep sigh, shaking his head in agreement. "Jo we would've been great." He whispers, placing his hand on his heart, trying to convey everything he can't say with his gaze and hoping with everything in him that she understands. "In another lifetime we would've been everything."

Jo musters all the strength she's got left to pull open that door and walk away from him, only letting a fresh set of tears fall when she's far away from the building. Only when she is safely in the confines of her Uber does she find herself staring out at the Kansas roadside with tears streaming down her face as she mourns what could've been all over again.

Chapter 11 done and dusted, this was the chapter that started it all to be honest and it was the original ending, but I'm happy to report there are two chapters left in this story.

Thank you so much to everyone reading this story, I read and appreciate all the reviews so freaking much.

This chapter is called Something Worth Saving - Gavin Degraw

If I had a thousand lives, I'd find you a thousand times. You know I'd come back again. Oh even if it breaks your heart. Even if it tears your world apart. Still you keep holding on if something's worth saving.

Also this whole story is named after Another Lifetime by Nao which inspired the whole story, so I recommend you listen to it.

I hope you find your way. Sorry, we couldn't make it, still, I miss you anyway. I just grew and couldn't break it. How I wish perfect was enough for my own heart I swear. Sometimes I swear it was enough for my own heart. I guess I'll wait another lifetime. Meet us in another lifetime. I guess I'll wait another lifetime cause there I will stay, my darling I swear I won't run from you

Once again thank you for reading. Reviews make my day and I own nothing.