The Enterprise was deserted, perfect for what Picard had in mind. He had made the room just so, and all that remained was to put his plan into action. Wesely waited for him, ever the eager young ensign, and Picard could not help but smile to himself as he flicked the dials on the reverse-polarizing-tachyon-emitter-ray-gun-photon-technobabble beam and shrunk himself down to a mere 20th of his actual size.

Now suitably shrunk, he stripped off his futuristic-spandex-horror-story of a uniform and rolled himself around in a tray of vaseline. That done, he charged full speed at a carefully arranged trampoline, dodging and leaping through the thrilling obstacle course on the way, before he sprang off the trampoline's bouncy surface. And just like that, a vaso-ed miniature Picard bodily inserted himself into the nubile Wesely Crusher's hairless asshole.

And it was beautiful.

The end.