The First Day of Always

The sun shone as if it didn't get the memo. There was nothing good about this day nevertheless the birds chirped in joyous ecstasy. It felt like the universe was being ironic. Maybe that's what you get in return when you blow up suns or mess around with the past or the future.

Sam pushed her sunglasses over her wrenched out eyes and hurried over the parking lot towards the elevator. Deep down into the mountain, that's where she headed. As if to bury herself from all the things that had happened in the past 24 hours. First, the reckon that the house, the wedding—Pete wasn't what she wanted. Then the hurtful revelation at the General's house, then, of course, her father's death and just now the unpleasant but necessary incident of actually breaking up with Pete. As always, the SGC was a welcomed escape from the real world going-ons. Any time she preferred fighting some aliens with a whacky plan over dealing with normal people problems on her planet—perhaps the reason why everything always just went awfully wrong.

Sam had almost reached the elevator when the door started to shut. The cabin would descend without her leaving her in this false illusion of a happy day for longer, so she rushed the last two steps and kicked her foot into the gap just before it closed. The door reversed and—as if sunshine and chirping birds weren't enough mockeries from the universe—revealed first General O'Neill, then Kerry Johnson. Shit. Sam froze mid-step as she noticed her travel companions and just like her movement, her heart seemed to stop as well.

"Carter," Jack's eyes jumped from Kerry to Sam in a nervous dance.

"General, Sir. Miss Johnson…"

Well, this day actually could get worse. Even her sanctuary was infiltrated by her real-world problems now. Searching her mind for an excuse not to join those two for a four-minute elevator ride, that would definitely be a hiccup in the time-space-continuum and stretch for felt four hours, she stepped backward.

"I… um… forgot... I gotta..." Before she could finish her sentence, turn around and run away, Kerry Johnson stepped out of the elevator.

"Colonel Carter, please get in. I'm out..."

Kerry gifted Jack a smile heavy with meaning and walked away. Confused, Carter looked after her, then slowly turned back to the General. The elevator performed its duty and closed the doors, ready to take O'Neill down, but he quickly stopped the door before it could do so.

"You in... or out?" Weird choice of words, she thought, then shook off the rigor that had froze her and stepped in. As the elevator doors closed behind her, it felt like the air was cut off. For the second time in not even 24 hours, she felt so stupid about showing up at his place. Just like in Za'Tarc mindmess-moments, her brain jumped back to his house when she had come to finally… well to what actually? Find some closure? Reassure her feelings that Pete wasn't the one she wanted to spend her future with?

Like a song on repeat that deathly pinch came back when she thought about seeing Kerry Johnson at his place. But then she remembered—no felt his 'Always.' He had said it so softly, so committed, so full of love.

She inhaled sharply. 29 stories to go. And because she didn't know what to do other than to fall back into old patterns and being an exemplary subordinate she did just that.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I shouldn't have shown up at..."

"Carter," he cut her off. She was unable to read his tone. Sharp, like an annoyed superior or tired, just like herself?

"It's not… not important anymore..."

25 floors. And what? Not important anymore? She stared blankly at him. Forcing him to elaborate. He waved his hands.

"It's over."

"I'm sorry... " An automatic reply that she didn't mean. She was almost surprised to feel this excited skip in her heartbeat. After all the feelings she had felt today, this felt good—given you like when the floor is pulled from under your feet.

"Don't be. I'm having issues."

Yes, he did.

She looked over and to her surprise found him staring at her. Intensely. Blue met brown.

"One particular issue seems to be especially...", he stopped himself, not knowing how to continue.

15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10. While she got lost in his glance, the floors seemed to pass by in no time. His glance said many things, but none of them did she understand. So she just stood there and stared back. 9, 8, 7… Maybe now was the right time

to tell him.

"Well, funny coincidence, I just…"

Suddenly the elevator doors slid open, and Walter looked at the two of them like an eager puppy that had waited all day long for his owner to come back home. Here they were. Back at work. Back at where this intense staring and getting lost in each other's eyes and trying to read something in a glance that was supposed to meaningless, wasn't supposed to happen at all. Carter cut the eye contact, and as she stepped out mumbled, "See you at the funeral, Sir."

She had been a rock. Emotionless during the ceremony while her father's ashes moved through the gate into the infinity of space. Of course, she could be the tough soldier, but he had seen her say goodbye to loved ones, and she had been Sam and not Colonel Carter. She had shown her emotions, and he had always admired her for this ability. Today was different. He was surprised that Pete wasn't there. He had granted him access to the base, but when he called the front desk, the airman said Pete hadn't checked in. Now, as Jack was standing in Carter's living room, talking to General Hammond, he spotted Pete and Sam in front of her house. He didn't intend to spy on their relationship, but he couldn't help himself but watch their argument. Seconds later, Pete drove off.

What a douchebag.

Jack excused himself from the conversation with General Hammond to go to the restroom—but who are we lying to here, even if he didn't want to admit it to himself, that scene got him worried, so he went to find her. As he walked through the dark hallway, he suddenly heard a frantic sound. Carefully he pushed the door open and in the dim bedroom, standing at the window, he found Carter. Her back was turned towards him, her body shaken by distraught breaths.

"Carter," he said softly.

She turned around with panic in her face, hot tears running down her red cheeks. Unable to control her breathing, she drew one unsuccessful breathe after the other just to gasp for more air. Two quick steps took Jack to her. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her.

"Carter!"

It seemed as she was staring right through him, just trying to fill her lungs with air.

"Carter. Look at me. Look at me." He shook her again and finally caught her eyes with his, locking them in, not letting her go. "Good... Now breathe. Breathe."

Focussing every part of his being into this eye contact to keep her here, he breathed along with her one draw after the other. Her eyes revealed all the emotion he had missed earlier — grief, sadness, turmoil, anger. Finally, a long, deep, shaky breath relaxed her tense body in his hands, but he wasn't ready to let go yet. Their eyes seemed tied together, and hers revealed something else now. Something he had seen in them before, but not since Pete. Good cue, brain, he thought and squeezed her softly then let go.

"Better?"

She nodded slowly as if only now realizing where she was and what had happened.

"I can get the people out of here... call Pete…"

"No!"

Before he could even think the words he was saying, she cut him off with an angry sharpness.

"No."

The second one was softer, sounded almost like a surrender. There it was again. This question in her eyes. But instead of asking one, she answered, "I broke up with him."

That took him by surprise. But did it? He thought back at the moment at his house. Clearly, she wasn't sure about this relationship.

As we all know, Jack wasn't famous for his diplomatic skill set. Often it seemed he just got away with what he blurted out. Although most of the time, his blunt phrases were calculated. On purpose to either disguise that he didn't know what else to say or to loosen up the situation. But this maladroit "Why?" that he startled Carter with wasn't one of Jack's weird ways of being diplomatic. It was all he could think. Given the thoughts that wandered through his head after his break up conversation with Kerry, he didn't want to assume anymore. Retire, echoed in his head and slowly sounded less like her voice and more like his. He needed to know. But sometimes, unfortunately, this time too, he just came across a bit wrong.

As clumsy as his question was, as hard did it hit Carter. She withdrew with a horrific expression and turned away, unable to look at him.

Why? Had he seriously just asked that?

She swirled back again, tears swelling in her from anger and despair narrowed eyes.

"WHY?!" she said sharply. If Jack's 'Why' had felt like a slap in her face, hers felt like a bullet into his heart. She was so shocked not by the question, but that he had asked it. Did he not feel the same way?

Contrary to her misinterpretation, he understood. Her reaction told him everything he needed to know. She had broken up with Pete because of her feelings for him. This revelation was hanging in the room like a big bright piñata. His brain was unable to think. His body unable to move. So he stood there and felt all the feelings that rushed through him. As if the piñata had just broken into pieces, spreading endorphins like candy.

"Because it was..." she said, still angry and not up for playing games. Not now. If he wouldn't say something, she would. She just needed to find the right words.

Words he knew already. "A big, huge mistake?"

She wouldn't let him joke his way through this conversation, also, what was there too loose—hadn't she just lost it all?

"Turns out, it's not a good idea to get married when you love someone else."

'Love someone else.' They had danced around those words for years. 'Because I care about her, much more than I'm supposed to,' had been his way of putting it almost four years ago. He realized now that his feelings—and apparently hers—hadn't changed a bit. Even if they had tried to ignore them, to move past them, even to destroy them—secretly, under the dome they had put over them to suppress them, their feelings had grown bigger and stronger and now, that this dome was lifted, it was all he could feel.

As he took a slow step closer towards her, he could feel expectation radiate from her body. She wanted an answer. She needed to know. He was about to grab her hand when General Hammond's voice came from the hallway, "Sam?" and with it the reminder that all this was not allowed.

Two Sirs propelled out of their mouths as they shot away from each other.

"Jack, Sam… I didn't mean to interrupt," General Hammond said, looking quite uncomfortable all caught in the middle of this tension-filled room.

How many times had she tried to tell him? Not subtly but with the full intention to say it to his face. The words that could end her career and everything she had worked her entire life for. She counted five.

1. The moment in the infirmary, after they had lost Janet—and almost him. All she was able to get out under tears was that she was happy he was alive, but her eyes said so much more.

2. The one time when his brain was about to be overwritten by the Ancients, and she had come to his house. Not because General Hammond had ordered it, but because she didn't want him to lose himself without knowing that she… well right before she could say the things she came to say, Daniel and Teal'c had shown up.

3. You could count two and three together, but after all, she had tried twice. The second time right after when he had given her the command. It would have been the perfect moment—funnily Goa'Uld ships made for pretty romantic lightning. Dramatic, yes, but that seemed to be the theme of their "relationship." But before she was able to say it, he had cut her off. 'I know.'

4. Then the time after Pete's proposal. Of course, she didn't want to hear the family and work spiel he had given her. It had been her way of trying to tickle him for the reaction she wanted— no needed. To find out how their conversation on the Prometheus would have played out in real life. If she was honest with herself, she had hoped for him to say not to marry Pete. But he hadn't.

5. And then, obviously that fateful event two days ago when she had been willing to risk her career, her life if you want so, to tell him why she thought marrying Pete was a mistake.

Going through this list of rather unsuccessful attempts, she noticed a common pattern. He had always stopped or prevented her from saying something and in some cases, even cut her off, just like today.

'Why?'

Just thinking about it made her angry again and for the first time in almost four years, one horrifying thought crept into her head and infested her heart: did he not feel the same way she did? He had, she knew that. But feelings change. How long can you love somebody without touching, sharing, living this love? Just because she had been in love with him for the past four years didn't mean that he had been too.

Those thoughts swept her away into the dark distance, deluging over that loving 'Always' Jack had said on her father's bed. Maybe, she thought, she had gotten that wrong too. As it just turned out, reading him wasn't her strength after all.

Big changes don't announce themselves with a knock. They rather swashbuckle through the door. Or, in some cases, they take down the entire building. That's how her father's death had felt. And that is how it must have felt for Pete when she had broken up with him. So it wasn't surprising that Sam didn't consider the gentle knock as a sign for a big change.

Without waiting for an answer, General O'Neill stepped through the open door and closed it behind him.

The laptop in front of Carter simulated the well-known image of the busy Sam Carter always doing something smart, but he knew better. She seemed lost — not only in thoughts.

"Whatcha doin' here?" O'Neill stepped closer, and when she looked up, their eyes met, causing his stomach to contract. He knew that feeling aroused by Carter's presence all too well. There had been a time when he had felt it almost every time their eyes had met. Lately, it had vanished. Reality, the great slayer of feelings, had made an appearance and with it like the word suggests, the realization that there was no future for them. Now that feeling was back. Maybe because just as of an hour ago, things could be different.

As if the answer to his question was somewhere hidden in her lab, she looked around, searching for it, before she sighed and closed her laptop. "Hiding, I guess…"

"And you thought the room that says "Colonel Carter" on the door is the best spot for that?"

There it was. A little smile. He hadn't seen one in a while. And felt proud of producing this one, perhaps the first one in days.

"So… what are you hiding from? I usually hide from Daniel..."

The smile was gone quicker than an Asgard ship into hyperspeed. She turned back to her computer and answered brusquely, "Say a name."

Oh. Did he hear anger? He noticed her jaw clenching. Oh yes, he saw the anger too. After the moment, which General Hammond had compromised, there hadn't been time to talk. He had to leave her after she had basically declared that she loved him. Of course, she was mad. This realization suddenly sent a swoosh of gliders through his insides and made his hands fondle mindlessly with that alien thing on Carter's desk.

"Sir, you probably shouldn't play with that… It needs to go to Area 51 tomorrow."

More gliders coming through. Or maybe it was the excitement about the perfect segue had just parked right in front of him. But as it goes, excitement never comes without good old doubt. So instead of putting on his emotional helmet and stepping on this segue, or segway as he thought about it, to drive full speed into the conversation he had come here to have, he decided to take a little detour. Playing a good old Jack O'Neill trick: playing dumb.

"Oh, yeah... What is it anyway?" One of these questions you should never ask a Doctor Carter, but sometimes one had to bring sacrifices.

"If I'm right, this device is an energy source that could power the mountain for nearly a hundred years."

"Hm…,"

He needed just a bit more time.

"I assume it works by..."

Okay, enough.

"Carter… Actually... I don't need to know right now."

"Sorry, Sir. It will all go to Area 51 soon. I wish I had more time with it."

Did this Segway honk?

"Well, that could be arranged." Jack flinched a Jack flinch. Why was this so hard? With everything that had happened in the last 48 hours, his decision to talk to Hammond had come so easy. First, he thought he had figured out what to do after the incident at the reception, but looking back at it, he had made it the moment her father had died. Right there in the infirmary, as he watched her say goodbye to the person, she loved, just seconds after they had shared their most intimate moment yet. But now standing here, about to tell her, scared him. What if he had read all the signs wrong? What if she hadn't come to his house to tell him that she had feelings for him but for some other reason? What if the situation at the funeral happened because she was grieving and frustrated over a failed relationship? What if HE wasn't the WHY?

The silence grew bigger, but silence wasn't new to them. Their entire relationship existed through unspoken words and quite acknowledgments. So to the surprise of everyone—Jack's brain, Sam and the attentive Shipper—Jack's voice suddenly stumbled over his lips. Words that needed to get out and that didn't want to be thought through or formulated less confusing.

"They offered me a job."

"Sir?"

"At the Pentagon. Hammond is retiring and wants me to take over..."

Say something.

"I could make sure you're getting your toys back."

Lame joke.

Nervously he looked up and found her surprised eyes. This time she was easy to read. Shock overplayed with excitement of which she wasn't sure yet.

"Wow... That is… uh… congrats. That is huge."

Jack shrug his shoulders.

"Did you take it?"

Now or never. The segway was in full speed, and all he could do was hoping the gate would be open—otherwise, he'd crash into it, fatally.

"Funny that you ask. Because, uh, actually I came to … make the decision… well... together?" Every word picked like the ripest berry from a bush.

He couldn't get himself to look at her. An unknown nervousness spread over his body like the Replicants bug army had spread over many planets. But then he just said it. Even though opening his mouth for the first word felt harder than sticking his head into an ancient device.

"It would change things for… us."

Please gate be open.

Big eyes. Even bigger now. Surprise. Opportunity. Fear. All stirred into this deep blue that was now covered as Sam looked down. Her heart galloped in her chest, tightened her throat, pushed up unwanted waves of salty water.

Us.

As in him and her.

As in a real possibility and not just a fathom dream.

"You know Hammond is not your commanding officer?" Max speed on his verbal segway.

This sentence paused everything for a couple of seconds that felt like an endless commercial break during the pinnacle of a show.

"So you're saying I could date Hammond?"

Really, Carter? Snappy jokes, now? He was fed up with this intense touchless tango they had been dancing for a couple of years now. His feet were bleeding, and the record played to death. He wanted the real thing or nothing at all.

"In theory."

Her gaze was loaded with everything from fear to hope. But here's to say that most exciting things come with both. Her brain raced and wandered back to the last conversation with her father. He had known. Known that Pete wouldn't make her happy. And suggest that Jack might do. And at this very moment, after losing her father and ending the life she thought she was going to live, Sam couldn't think about the planet or how essential Jack was to this base or how much she loved being part of SG1. All she could think about were her feelings. About the defeating moment when she came to his house to talk to him, only to find him with Kerry. About the 'Always' when he wrapped his arm tightly around her, after her father's death. About his declaration of love when they got tested for Za'Tarcs. About the intimate touches as Thera and Jonah. About how he had always rescued her. About the countless times, she wasn't willing to give up on him, even though she was sure this time she had lost him. About the moment at the funeral when everything was about to break apart. All abouts were rushing through her head while her heart pumped adrenaline as if her body was getting ready to attack.

'Not your commanding officer' hung like a fragile suspension bridge between them. Slowly, carefully, she sent one word after the other onto this bridge, hoping for it to carry each and every single one of them.

"Take it!" Yes, with an exclamation point. And suddenly all that Air Force hardness on her face melted away and gave space for an at first shy smile, that slowly grew bigger, and turned into an uncontrollable beam as she held his eyes with an intensity he remembered from that moment separated by a Goa'Uld force field.

His heart jumped like a gymnast in the run to win a gold medal, and a seldom-seen smile spread over his lips. He nodded — no more playing games. No more wondering what if. In two month they would be free to do whatever they want to. And with that revelation, another wave of nervousness washed over his body. He would make a move on Carter. A thought that turned his knees into the consistency of that blue, wobbly dessert she liked so much. And wobbly as he was, he slowly pushed his hand over the table to gently brush along hers. It was just two fingers, hardly even touching. But it was as if electricity was generated in this touch and now vibrated through both their bodies. While she slowly and gently locked her fingers with his, he knew.

Here they were. In Jack's cabin. All four of them. Anubis defeated, the Replicators too, her dad buried, sort of, Daniel back alive, and all paperwork signed and approved. Sam looked around. Daniel and Teal'c and General O'Neill — Jack — were immersed in some conversation she hadn't followed. There was a calmness on Jack's face, an ease Sam hadn't seen on him in a very long time. She knew taking command over SGC had been difficult for him, now he was stepping once more in Hammond's footsteps, and this job was even harder. Still, it seemed he had found peace of mind, and she began to wonder if it wasn't because he was comfortable with the role as Chief of Homeworld Security but with what this new position would allow. The possibility of doing what they had wanted to do for so long. Two more months, she thought. They finally had to tell Teal'c and Daniel.

As if Jack was reading her mind, he got up and came back seconds later with a new round of cold beers.

"Who would have thought I would get Carter to take a vacation," Jack joked. Sam answered with a warm smile.

"A lot has changed in the past weeks." Teal'c looked at Sam with a comforting glance.

"You'd better get used to it because some other things are going to change," Jack said.

Sam felt a nervousness crawl up in her stomach. SG-1 was about to be a very spread out team. Well, some other people would form a new SG-1, but those were semantics. They were SG-1 and would always be.

Jack searched for Carter's eyes and found a shy smile. It was a quick look but a reassuring one. They were still on the same page. Still ready to flip to the next chapter.

"Campers, I'm leaving the SGC. Hammond is retiring, and I'm taking over," Jack said with a calmness that made Sam fall on love with him all over.

Daniel and Teal'c exchanged knowing glances. Then Daniel side-eyed first Sam, then Jack.

"Because you love reports and politics and diplomacy so much?" Daniel asked.

When Daniel said the word 'love' Jack's eyes inevitably hushed over to Carter. Dang, Daniel.

"You know, you always get me excited with a pile of papers."

"O'Neill, this is a huge honor. You'll be the most important leader of the Tau'ri."

"Almost T, almost."

"When do you start?" Daniel hadn't come around to say something of essence. Still accessing the situation and wondering why Sam was so uncharacteristically quiet.

"Two months."

"So, General Landry…"

"Taking over."

With an anxious expectation, Sam was waiting for Daniel to ask the fateful Why? But it wouldn't come quite yet.

"Wow…"

"Yeah…"

The silence didn't feel awkward. It was a coming-to-terms-silence. One that spreads when something you expected but thought would never happen, actually happened.

Jack shot her a glance. Encouraging to go next. But even though she couldn't wait for it, she couldn't form the words to tell her teammates. So Jack continued, "Actually…" He paused to give her the chance to jump in, but she didn't. "I'm not the only one who's leaving."

Teal'c's and Daniel's eyes jumped to Sam. Surprised, a bit shocked. This one they didn't see coming. Sam swallowed hard. "I took command of R & D at Area 51. I'm shipping out in four weeks."

"You're kidding?"

"No... Daniel… it's…" She didn't know what to say. There was no good reason for what she was doing other than the only reason that mattered to her.

And so here it came. The three-letter word that had started so many changes in the past weeks.

"Why?"

"Daniel, it's… I don't know. So much has happened. Anubis, the Replicants. Teal'c is spending so much time on Dakara and probably will spend even more time there."

The Jaffa nodded in the one and only Teal'c manner.

"You're dying and resurrecting a like a yoyo," Jack joked, and Daniel threw him a shady side-eye.

"Then my dad's death and that thing with Pete… I need… something new…"

Daniel nodded, "So you two were plotting this and didn't tell us?"

A heat rushed up into Sam's face. "We weren't plotting… The General has to approve my request…"

"We plotted," Jack said. Straight out. Just like this. No talking around it. If not Daniel and Teal'c who else in the entire world could they tell? Sam's cheek showed a nervous redness. Her eyes jumped to Jack's, who replied with a comforting blink.

"If I understand Air Force Military Regulations right, these new assignments take Colonel Carter out of the direct command of General O'Neill."

Of course, Teal'c had read up on this. He, who had seen Sam break down when Jack got lost with Maybourne and in return, who had tried to comfort Jack when Sam was lost with the Prometheus. After all, he had been there when they first shared how they felt for each other. Teal'c knew. And even though he had hardly lost a word about it, he had always wondered why two people with such strong feelings for each other didn't act on them.

Three faces turned towards Teal'c. Each and everyone with a quite different expression. Daniel's with surprise, as if he was doing the math in his head. Sam's with the apparent shock, and on Jack's face, a smile started to spread.

"Almost T. It's a bit of a loop whole. But you know… We're daredevils."

Daniel seemed to be done with processing all this information—Jack thought it was funny that it had taken him longer than translating some weird Ancient babble. Daniel grabbed his beer and casually said, "Well, it's a pretty good reason, I think."

And with this, the conversation was over and drifted calmly into another topic. One that Sam missed again. She looked back and forth between the three men that had become her family and suddenly felt this immense feeling of pride. Of having shared everything, they've been through, of calling them her friends, of Daniel and Teal'c, selflessly being happy for her and Jack. Now the only thing missing was turning the recent talk about what was going to happen into action. And even though she had no doubt, she still thought: This better turn out good.

The galaxy sparkled above them while the fire shot stars of embers into the dark of the night, sparking and extinguishing new galaxies over and over again. The warmth of the fire had a familiar feel. It reminded her of those missions that just went as planned — exploring, sitting around a campfire, telling stories. Sometimes, but only sometimes, their job had felt like summer camp.

She watched the light dance on Jack's face. He looked calm, peaceful even, as he poked the tip of the stick into the fire. It was moments like this which had made her afraid of joining him on a fishing trip before. Spending time together always ended up one way or the other in this knowing, poignant silence. Where her head spun around those thoughts that she shouldn't have and her mouth formed silent words that she shouldn't say. What could you say in this quietness without inevitable ending up, some detour or the other, at the topic they couldn't discuss? It stood between them. It always had. Sometimes it felt good. When the situation had seemed hopeless, it was the glimmer that gave her hope. When she thought there was no way she would make it, she had just known he would do everything to bring her back. But right after it had felt wrong and... did she say wrong? So how could you go on an innocent fishing trip to a pond without fish with all this on your mind?

This time, while they still wanted to keep it innocent until their moves where settled, the prospects made those thoughts good.

With a serenity that was new to her, a clear thought formed in her mind: She loved him. She had always loved him. I know, you might think, but before today it had never been an articulated thought. It had been a feeling. A tingle in her stomach when he looked into her eyes, a deep pain when she thought he would die, a tirelessness when he got lost, a sense of calmness when he was near, an unwavering feeling of trust. You could say all those things sum up to the feeling of love, but for Sam, this was the one equation she never allowed herself to calculate. It was the illusion that not even thinking the l-word would make it go away, just like when she didn't allow herself to kiss him in her dreams on the Prometheus. If someone would keep count, you could say that this was one of the many masterful Carter-plans that didn't work out.

"I can hear you thinking." Jack's low voice pulled her out her thoughts, and she noticed that she had been staring at him.

She smiled and looked back to the fire only to turn her head back to him and reciprocate his gaze. Things were different now. So why fall back into old patterns.

"I was just thinking…"

"I'd be worried if you'd stop...:"

Again this silence. She could hear Teal'c and Daniel murmur on the other side of the fire.

"Things are going to be different."

"I like different."

She looked at him doubtingly. He was not the kind of man that liked change. He picked up her wary expression.

"Carter. Are you saying I'm an old, stubborn guy unwilling to change?"

Another glance. This time an amused smile.

"Okay. Well, I like this particular change. How about that?"

A warm smile spread on her lips. "Me too."

They both looked back into the fire. This day had been one of the best days in a while. For the first time in months, maybe years, there weren't any doubting thoughts in her mind. Even though she had enjoyed the time with Pete, there always had been hesitation in her. One she thought would go away, but now knew better.

The night had brought in cold air, and despite the fire, she shivered and rubbed her arms. A jacket, she thought and got up—just the same second as Jack. Suddenly only inches separated them. He was so close she could smell him through the smokiness the fire had wrapped him in. She could feel his breath on her face, his warmth steam from his body. This closeness muffled her, made her unable to move. It felt like opportunity. Goosebumps spread over her body. Not from the cold but from his warm breath that swirled over her skin. Not even to mention from his glance. She read many things she had seen in his eyes before: the realization that he loved her, just like when the Goa'Uld energy field had separated them; the wonder and dreaminess that one time in the briefing when he and T were stuck in a time loop; the commitment when he had told her 'Always'. But this time there was something else. Something that made her swallow and turn her stomach upside down. It was lust. Desire. Craving. Whatever you call it, she felt it too. And for the first time, she allowed herself to feel that way.

Suddenly she noticed that Daniel and Teal'c voices had become silent, and she felt their eyes on them. Jack was the first one to break their ban.

"Chilly… I'm gonna get a blanket…"

Her paralyzed body managed to nod.

He turned to Daniel and Teal'c, who suddenly noticed how they were invading their friends' privacy with their nosiness, "More beer?"

He was late. For a call with the president. In 10 minutes. It would take him 10 minutes alone to get through security and down into the mountain to his desk. Yet he had five more minutes to drive. He searched for his phone, Walter would have to give him an alibi. His right hand rummaged in the co-driver seat. He had thrown it there, somewhere on top of Carter's sweater that she had left in his car when he had dropped her off after coming back from their fishing trip yesterday. There it was… and then it wasn't. Slipped from his hand into the footwell. He quickly glanced over the steering wheel—street empty—then bent down to retrieve the phone. He came back up, dialed Walter and stepped on the gas. That moment he heard a police horn behind him.

Oh common.

Reluctantly he pulled over and smashed his head back into the seat. A knock on the window. He turned around and—yeah, not good—found Pete standing there. From what he could read on the cops face, he must have felt the same way.

"General O'Neill," Pete said sharply. "Off to save the planet or just calling mom?"

"Kinda both."

Pete nodded, and it seemed their quick intermezzo was about to end when Jack noticed the cops face changed. Carter's sweater.

Jack flinched. He didn't know what Shanahan was thinking, but his expression told Jack he had made conclusions—many, quick ones that had taken him far down the wrong road.

"I tried to call her. But she didn't pick up. In the base, they told me she had taken time off... She was with you." It wasn't a question, rather a revelation.

"Pete, listen…"

"General…" Dammit, Walter. Jack had forgotten about the dialed out phone is hand. He ended the call—he would have to explain later.

"I knew it... I asked her, but she denied it. Isn't that against all sort of military rules?" Pete had lost it. Every word became louder until he barked.

Not here, O'Neill thought. The only people coming down this road were people headed to Cheyenne Mountain. His people. They knew his car and some of them probably also knew this agitated guy, who now kicked the side of Jack's car. Jack was almost positively surprised—he hadn't thought Pete was capable of so much vivre.

"Take it easy. We went fishing. With Teal'c and Daniel. As team. Didn't even catch a fish." Like with some of the tribesmen he had met in his exploring days, his joke didn't land well.

"She breaks up with me and goes fishing with you right after. And you think I believe that nothing is going on?" His fist landed on the roof. With quick moves, Jack was out of the car.

"Shanahan. Pull yourself together. And stop making things up, that's not gonna help."

There was a furious flash in Pete's eyes, and he jumped forward. Well, yes, Jack was much older, but in his case, the stars on his shoulders didn't come from sitting behind a desk but from kicking Goa'Uld butts. Before Pete's attack could land, Jack had grabbed him and pushed him towards the —ironically the good old cop move.

"Sir!" Carter's voice led Jack to loosen his grip. Hearing Sam had taken all the anger from him and left him as a sad, broken man Jack almost felt sorry for.

Carter's car was parked behind Pete's and Jack's. She rushed towards them alarmingly looking at both. Pete had found his composure again, looked at Sam, and smiled a sad smile.

"I'm sorry, Sam."

He then turned to O'Neill, clenched his jaw and nod. "Please excuse my behavior, General."

Sam took a deep breath. Pete could in no way measure up with Jack. But also, he didn't need to. He was a nice guy who'd gone gung-ho for a second.

"Pete…" She tried, but he was already on his way to his car.

"I'm sorry, Sam. Won't happen again."

And off he drove, leaving Carter and O'Neill standing on the site of the road. Jack eyed Carter.

"Let's end this spectacle before a chatty Airman drives by."

She turned to him.

"I'm sorry."

"Who can blame him, Carter?", and as he got in his car, he mumbled, "I can't."

The doorbell. Something Sam didn't hear often. For once because she rarely was at home and secondly, if she was, who would come by anyways? Soon she wouldn't hear this particular doorbell anymore. She put the box on top of another one and moved towards the door. It had been two weeks since he had left. Earlier as planned, but Hammond's light heart attack had expedited everything. A hug, a "See you soon, Carter" as a goodbye and gone he was. Not different than how he had said bye to Sailer. But he wasn't ringing the bell at Sailer's.

Yesterday had been her last day. Off to Area 51 in two. It felt weird to leave. But something in her told her that it wasn't final. Teal'c had left the day before, moving back away from earth. And Daniel was packing up for Atlantis; Jack's moving away gift so to say. The end of SG-1 as they knew it and a new beginning for all of them—especially for her and Jack. For now, there wasn't anything that stood between them. They would keep it quiet to prevent rumors that was why she moved away.

Suddenly she felt unbelievably nervous. Her fingers were shaking as she reached for the knob to open the door. This was the moment, and only now she realized how long she had been waiting for it.

Her eyes met his. Warm brown and cold blue. They stood there for a second. Taking each other in. She in her jeans and white shirt, he in half of his dress uniform. No jacket, no tie, no time to waste just for changing into something else. He had come here right after his last meeting in the White House. Four hours in the air with enough paperwork to keep his mind busy. For the first time in maybe ever he had read every word, every page, made notes and typed replies, so thoroughly his assistant would be confused. Still, every other second, his brain had jumped to what he was about to do. To this very moment.

Without a word, she stepped aside. Jack followed and slowly closed the door behind him. His eyes wandered through her house — packed boxes everywhere, and she in the middle, almost unable to breathe. His own breath seemed to be strangled too. By fear, by excitement, by opportunity. So many things needed to be said. So many feelings he wanted to tell her. Always. Never not for a second. He was hers. But words felt meaningless.

When stepped closer and he felt her sharp inhale. Almost shaking. He got lost in her eyes. Drifting like a castaway on a piece of wood through the wild waves of the ocean of her blue. And then, with an urge that broke through all these years of holding back, he wrapped his hand around her neck, pulled her close, and kissed her.

They had kissed before. As Jonah and Thera, in a time loop, in her dreams. But this kiss was different. It wasn't the spontaneous moment she had fantasized about. In her thoughts, they only admitted their feelings for one and another in a near-death situation. Before everything blew up around them, they would finally meet for that one kiss, which was all they would ever have. This kiss was different. It was a beginning. A kiss that was first shy, but said everything and demanded it all. He kissed her hard and soft and long and deep and dreamily and urgently—and most importantly, she kissed him back. Forceful, desperate, meaning to happen for such a long time. They clung to each other like two people drowning. Stumbling into all directions clearly headed to the bedroom. He was half out of his shirt, she already down to her bra when she suddenly stopped, staring at his chest. Slowly her hand left his hair, stroked along this neck towards his chest. The movement made him shiver, but his heart stopped for a second when her fingers curled around his dog tag. She lifted her eyes and looked at him. There it was again: doubt. But he had none. Gently he closed his hand around hers then pulled the tag of his neck. A symbolic act more so than real resignation, but one that told her: there was no way back for him. If leaving the military was what would allow them to be together, he would do it. The tag dropped to the floor and with it everything that had held her back. She threw herself into his arms and kissed a kiss that had been five years in the making.

They spent the night in each other's arms, sleeping only briefly due to the novelty of their romantic union. Slowly the sun made her way up from the other half of the earth, awaking birds on her way. It was then when he spoke for the first time since he had come here the afternoon before.

"Hey," he mumbled with a raucous voice.

"Hey," she answered, her own voice feeling new to her ears.

It was as if those simple words, words they had said to each other so often, manifested everything that had happened last night. His lips and hers inseparable for hours, his weight on top of her, him inside of her, his moans and feverish eyes, his hands exploring every inch of her body—pumping up her breathing to an orgasmic level. She blushed and smiled, and he gently stroked along her ribcage. They had been lying there, looking at each other since the dawn of the day and this first skin contact in hours sent electric waves to all parts of their bodies, letting every cell remember the sensation it had felt just hours before.

"Sam," he said, "Can I still call you Carter?"

She smiled and nodded. She loved the way he said it.

"Well, then... Carter, I love you."

Indeed it was a village when it came to bumping into people he knew. Always some Major or Colonel or General or Senator around. But in two years it had never happened when she was with him. It was still a secret, well-kept just like the Stargate program. Daniel knew and Teal'c, of course, Cassie, Landry, and the president—to protect them from what the rules and regulations were supposed to protect them from. So when he stood there, outside the small coffee shop, watching the busy bustle on the streets, and General Hammond suddenly stepped in front of him, he didn't know how to react.

"General Hammond!"

"Really, Jack," Hammond answered with a big smile and a shake in his head.

"I mean George. What brings you to this neck in the woods?" Jack nervously gestured in the streets of DC.

"Visiting an old friend. How are things?"

"Ah, you know George. Paperwork and politics. It's a bliss."

Hammond smiled. "How's the rest of your team? "

"Not my team anymore… But you know them. Daniel always stuck up in some translations, Teal'c going back and forth between here and there, and Carter…"

As is she had been waiting for a cue, she stepped out of the coffee shop, holding two cups of coffee and talking to the back of Jack. "Jack, they're out of cake. So if you really need some we…" Sam froze mid-step and mid-word.

"General Hammond!"

It didn't take Hammond long to do the math. He had always known about the special relationship between his 2IC and his 2IC, and he had chosen to ignore it—simply because he knew them well enough that he was sure they would never cross this line. Well, at least not for the time it constituted a problem.

"Sam!" Hammond said with an excited smile. "It's George. I'm retired."

Sam looked at Jack, at the two coffee cups in her hands, then pushed them into Jack's hand and embraced Hammond in a hug.

"George. It's so good to see you."

Jack handed Sam her coffee back, and couldn't say why—maybe because he was madly in love with this woman, or because he knew Hammond knew anyways—he wrapped his arm around Sam's shoulder and said, "George, it was great to run into you. But we're on a mission here. Cake! Carter is in town for some days. You should come by for a bbq."

With these words, he steered Carter forward.

"Did you just tell him?"

"I'm pretty sure he always knew…"

End