1 - DEATH AND THE DOCTOR

Pottering contentedly around his kitchen, Albert heard his master arrive back and go into his study. Albert smiled; his great pleasure was unchanging, undemanding routine. Then there was a sudden loud noise, not from the study and definitely not routine. He advanced into the hall, greasy frying pan still in hand. Someone or something was using the impressively large knocker on Death's impressive front door, a door that nobody ever used. Until now. Nobody called on Death in his own home.

ANSWER THE DOOR, ALBERT. WE HAVE A VISITOR.

Albert deliberated: should he answer the door with frying pan in hand, just in case? He reminded himself that he was the wizard Alberto Malich the Wise, put it down, squared his shoulders, and walked purposefully to the door. He opened it to reveal a living man – or an excellent simulacrum of one.

"I have come to see Death," said the stranger calmly.

"What name shall I say, sir?"

"He knows me as The Doctor."

WHO IS IT, ALBERT?

"He says he is The Doctor."

I DO NOT RECALL ASKING FOR A HOME VISIT. AND MY MEMORY IS VERY GOOD."

The Doctor called over Albert's head. "The Time Lord!"

AH, THAT DOCTOR. SHOW HIM INTO THE FRONT PARLOUR.

The Doctor was studying a framed likeness of Ysabell, Death's adopted daughter – in monochrome, naturally – when Death came in.

A SURPRISE VISIT, DOCTOR. I LIKE THAT, IT IS SOMETHING OF A NOVELTY. YOUR TRAVEL-BOX IS IN THE GARDEN?

"No, actually. This place is rather like a TARDIS, it is outside of time and space. Bringing the TARDIS here could set up a rather nasty … thingy. I came by a more traditional method.

OH?

"I was in Ankh-Morpork, saw you about to leave on your horse and grabbed hold of his tail."

THAT WOULD EXPLAIN THE STRAW IN YOUR HAIR.

"Yes. It could have been worse."

ALBERT, COFFEE FOR OUR GUEST.

Almost immediately, Albert was in with a tray with coffee jug, cups, sugar, cream, biscuits, etc.

INSTANT COFFEE, ALBERT?

"I try to anticipate, Master."

THANK YOU, ALBERT, JUST MY LITTLE JOKE.

"I would like Albert to stay, if you don't mind," said the Doctor.

OF COURSE. BUT FIRST, PLEASE RETURN THAT FRYING PAN TO THE KITCHEN, ALBERT. WE HAVE STANDARDS TO MAINTAIN.

Albert returned with an extra cup and saucer and poured coffee for three.

"There are some very dangerous creatures in the universe I come from that are trying to break through into Discworld. They must be stopped."

DALEKS?

"They are here too?"

NO LONGER. A WIZARD UNWISELY SUMMONED ONE. I WAS KEPT PROFESSIONALLY ENGAGED AT THE UNSEEN UNIVERSITY UNTIL THEY MANAGED TO SEND IT BACK. ALBERT HELPED.

"The Weeping Angels are a less obvious threat, but once here they could slowly take over. No one would be safe. In fact, they would thrive on Discworld, it's their sort of place."

THEN THEY ARE NOT ON DISCWORLD YET?

"They may be. I think that they originated here and then spread across the universes. They evolved out there and are now coming home."

Death took his coffee black and very sweet. "Cream, Doctor? Sugar?" asked Albert.

"Both. Three sugars, I have a sweet tooth. … Now where was I? Oh, yes: Weeping Angels. Their big trick is sending people back into the past. It is how they gain strength."

BACK INTO THE PAST? HOW FAR BACK?

"Good question. Have you ever known anyone to die years before they were born?"

THAT WOULD BE REMARKABLE INDEED.

"I thought you might notice such a thing."

I AM NOT SURE.

"These creatures will send someone back many years in time just by touching them. Those I have seen look exactly like statues – the sort you see in graveyards: a draped female form with wings, often with the hands covering the face. They can move rapidly, but only when no one is watching them. If anyone is looking at them they cannot move."

NO DANGER IN A CROWD, THEN. BUT FOR SOMEONE ALONE AT NIGHT? … I DID WONDER WHY HUMANS AVOID GRAVEYARDS AFTER DARK.

"That is a thought."

"Doctor," asked Albert, "these 'Angels' are like stone and cannot move if anyone is watching them? They sound easy to kill: pulverised in a flash of Octarine."

"I suspect they are much, much tougher than ordinary stone. And even if you could turn one to a heap of dust, that might not be the end. The 'statue' might reconstitute itself."

THEN HOW CAN THEY BE STOPPED?

"They cannot move if another Weeping Angel can see them. Two or more together can freeze each other, a literal dead-lock. Given long enough like that they will starve and die."

THERE HAVE BEEN NO SUCH DEATHS ON DISCWORLD. I WOULD KNOW.

Albert shook his head. "Excuse me Master, but I don't think your records include such creatures, they sound a little like Golems."

YOU MAY BE RIGHT, ALBERT. WOULD YOU KNOW HOW TO FIND ONE?

"There are many Golems in Ankh-Morpork, Master."

Somehow Death managed to convey a scowl.

"My little joke, Master, sorry. From the Doctor's description, one of the better class graveyards in Ankh-Morpork would be a good first place to look."

YES. OR PERHAPS THE BIG NEW CEMETRY ON THE EDGE OF THE CITY?

….

The cemetery had impressive iron gates supported by substantial brick pillars; from the tops of each a stone angel looked down. There was a flicker of Octarine light and the Doctor and Alberto Malich appeared from nowhere right in front of the gates, on the very spot at which the stone angels were gazing with sorrowful looks. Alberto wore wizarding robes and carried his heavy wizard's staff.

"That was brilliant!" enthused the Doctor. "Are the robes and pointy hat necessary, or are they just for appearances?"

Alberto mumbled something about 'a wizard needs to look the part'. He looked around. "All this was fields when I was a lad. Cabbages as far as the eye could see."

"How long ago was that?"

"Two thousand years, give or take."

"Well, judging by those figures looking down on us, we've come to a likely place."

"Could they be what you're looking for? Should I give them - hideous modern art - a blast from my staff? Just in case, eh?"

"Oh, go on then! … Just a sec." The Doctor put on his dark glasses. "OK, take one out; show me what you can do."

It was rather like being narrowly missed by a lightning bolt: sudden, dazzling and deafening. The Doctor coughed and shook the fine stone dust out of his hair. "Well, that proves it: the Weeping Angels are here."

"How do you mean? Ugh, this dust is everywhere, perhaps I overdid it a trifle."

"You blasted just the one, yes? … Well both have gone!"

"But I did kill one: no coming back to life after that!" Alberto looked very pleased with himself.

"I very much hope so."

"Oh, come on, Doctor. Why the pessimism?"

"We know that the other Angel is a Weeping Angel. As for the one you destroyed, well, it could have just been a proper statue."

"Phooey, man! We shall hunt down that other Angel, and I shall destroy it too."

The older part of the cemetery was neglected and overgrown: not just long grass, but thick, straggling bushes and trees. In among the greenery they saw funerary stoneware everywhere, with no shortage of angels, large and small. The Doctor had to persuade Alberto not to blast away at everything in sight. "We must concentrate on finding a definite Weeping Angel and then you can give it everything you've got."

"How will we know one?"

"Well first, it will look like one: drapery, winged, upright, hands covering the eyes."

"And secondly?"

"It won't be plastered with bird muck and lichen."

"Ah, I see where you're coming from."

They quickly found what they were looking for: a winged angel on a grave, hands halfway to its face, glaring at them. "Keep looking at it, do not blink!" instructed the Doctor. He scanned the statue with his sonic screwdriver and tried to read it. He shook his head, touched the screwdriver to his dark glasses to darken them further, and said, "One last experiment: I'll look away, you just blink and we'll see if it has moved. Perhaps we should back away a bit first; they're fast movers."

They did this twice, and after the second blink there was no doubt: the Angel had moved a foot or two towards them, and its hands had moved towards its face. "Turn around quick!" yelled the Doctor. "It's an ambush!"

Alberto span around to find a second Angel almost in touching distance, its hands reaching out for him, its mouth threateningly agape. He brought up his staff and delivered a point-blank discharge of magic. The angel was lit up with a blinding flare of Octarine and in a blink of an eye was gone. They heard a great crashing and snapping of branches in the undergrowth. Alberto turned back and treated the first Angel in the same way. "Crafty blighters aren't they. Tough too, those blasts would have shattered granite. I'll find them and finish them off."

""No, don't, it's too dangerous. There may be others hiding among the greenery just waiting for us."

"I could blast all that away first. Simple stuff, any magician worth his staff could do it."

"Then leave it to them. We need a crowd of magicians in here to clear the place. And better light too, it will soon be sunset. With just the two of us we are vulnerable to attack."

"Very well! Though I'm sure I could handle them, come what may." The Doctor remained silent. "Well, perhaps caution is excusable. … How did you know it was an ambush?"

"Simple: the first Angel was both coming towards us and covering its eyes. It would only do that to avoid eye contact with a second Angel."

"You're not as slow as you look."

They walked further along the carriageway that ran straight ahead, avoiding the narrow, half-overgrown paths either side. A hundred yards on they came to a memorial structure much larger and more impressive than any they had seen so far. This was clear of vegetation, the stonework was clean and the marble polished. A couple of faded wreaths lay at its foot. Ornate lettering read:

KNEE-ISH

The Sto Planes Filocefur

.

"What does not drown me, makes me wetter"

.

"What is a filo-cefur?' mused the Doctor."

"A posh word for a pastry chef?"

"Ha ha. … Of course: it's a deliberate mis-spelling of 'philosopher'." The Doctor shushed Alberto when he tried to speak. "Let me think, this could be important. Think, think: I'm missing something." He slapped his forehead. "Of course: the Discworld 'filocefur' Knee-Ish: the Earth philosopher Nietzsche! … He is best known for 'Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich stärker'."

"Is that Klatchian?"

"It means 'What does not kill me, makes me stronger'. It's a warning, of course! I'm so slow: I shouldn't have needed it! Let's get out of here NOW, while we still can. If we still can. I'll explain later."

They ran as fast as old Alberto's legs allowed back towards the entrance, looking around constantly as they did so. Yet they must have blinked or looked away because they could see, well before they got there, that there was a row of Weeping Angels standing in front of the gates. And the gates were now closed!

"Now is my chance to really blast these creatures into oblivion! They won't know what hit them!"

"NO NO NO!" the Doctor practically shrieked. "You will only make them stronger: that's the point. When they are being observed, like right now – and keep looking behind so they don't creep up on us – they are quantum locked. They cannot move and are almost indestructible. I don't think your magic could harm them. Got that? … Good. They feed on various forms of energy, and your magic blasts are a feast. And the more they feed, the stronger, faster and more dangerous they become. … And the sun is setting, this is not good."

"Doctor, it is not so dark. Take off those eye things."

"Whoops." The Doctor pocketed his shades. "Can you magic us out of here?"

"Yes. No. Tricky, very: drawing an octagram while keeping both eyes on the lookout."

"You can do it."

A glowing circle was easily drawn, and left the Angels no nearer. Eight points were marked around the circle, and the Angels at the gates were covering their eyes. Half the lines were hastily drawn and there was a single Angel only a few feet away. "I'll keep looking at it, you hurry up with your octagram!"

"Doctor, back-to-back with me now!" There was a brilliant, rainbow flash and they found themselves outside the gates, on the spot where they had previously materialised. "Best I could do in a hurry." For the first time, Alberto sounded flustered.

The Doctor was almost reeling. "That was close! Had they touched us two they would have gained immense power: the whole city, perhaps the entire Disc, would have been theirs to take."

"And what would have happened to us?"

"Sent so far into the past that it would probably have killed us instantly. But we are not safe yet, this spot is deserted, we must get back into the city: safety in numbers!