Final Judgement

By: Neko-chan

A/N: Brain hurts... Have migraine. *frowns* Don't want to do homework--thus my sadistic sense of humor comes out. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

DISCLAIMER: *throws bottle of aspirin at lawyers*

Yami no Malik blinked. He looked around himself, staring at the fluffy white clouds, the vast emptiness of the space surrounding him, the old man with the long white beard scribbling something down on a long piece of parchment. And he blinked again.

"Where am I?" he snarled as he stalked up to the old man, his cape flapping behind him like a pair of giant black wings and his Horus' eye glowing ominously. He was scary and he knew it. He liked being scary. It was easier to cow store clerks into giving him alcohol without being carded when he was scary.

The old man looked up, spared him a glance, then returned to his scribbling.

Yami no Malik frowned. This wasn't supposed to happen. The old man was supposed to cower in fear, terrified of the yami towering ever-so grandly above him. He was supposed to whimper in terror and beg and plead for his life. The old man wasn't doing what he was supposed to--he was throwing off Yami no Malik's schedule. Yami no Malik didn't like having his schedule thrown off.

"Where am I?!" he growled again.

Once again, the old man blinked, looked up, stared at Yami no Malik owlishly for a moment or two, then once again returned to his bit of paper. This time, though, he answered absentmindedly as his attention focused. "You're dead. This is heaven."

Yami no Malik blinked for the third time in as many minutes. "... ... What?"

The old man heaved a long-suffering sigh and finally gave Yami no Malik his full attention. "You are in heaven, boy. I am Peter. These are the gates to heaven. You will be undergoing one last judgement before you're admitted into heaven."

The yami didn't answer--at least, not right off the bat. His attention had been caught by a single word that Peter had spoken. "Boy? Did you just call me boy?"

Peter nodded.

The dark spirit chortled in amusement and gave Peter 'Scary Eyes.' Peter stared back, unflinching. Finally giving up on that method of intimidation, Yami no Malik raised an eyebrow. "Boy? Old man, I was dead at least a thousand years when you died. Trust me, the only 'boy' here is you. Besides, I am not a _boy._ You may call me Yami-Sama."

Peter cocked an eyebrow, looked down, dipped his feather into a pot of black ink, and continued writing. "You may believe what you think. But this is your final judgement." He sighed suddenly. "And so it must begin."

Yami no Malik waited patiently, like a tiger crouching for its prey to walk by after long hours of anticipation. "Hmmm?"

"What do you think of when I say: Goodness?"

"Corruption."

"Death?"

"Pain."

"Kindness?"

"Lies."

"Love?"

"Hatred."

"... Rainbows?"

"... Gold you can steal from stupid little midget elves."

Peter blinked--a long, slow blink. His last question: "Darkness?"

Yami no Malik cackled then, his facial features twisting slightly, his eyes wild, and his canines slanting into sharp and sadistic points. "ORE-SAMA."

Peter blinked again. "I don't think you're prepared to enter heaven yet. You have many... things... weighing your conscience down. Perhaps you should purge them before you attempt to achieve heaven one final time." With that, he waved his hand and two angels that looked suspiciously like bodyguards (flunkies, at the very least) suddenly appeared at his side.

"Yeah, boss?" Angel Number One asked.

The old man pointed to Yami no Malik. "He's not ready. ... Send him somewhere where he'd be more comfortable." He stared at Yami no Malik for a very long time, quirked his other eyebrow, and finally returned to the parchment.

The two angels stepped forward and picked Yami no Malik up, tossing him over their shoulders until they reached the very edge of the cloud cover...and then they threw him over, dropping him into the almost-neverending crevasse below. Yami no Malik's gleeful cackle was the very last thing they heard.

Angel Number Two shuddered. "Well, at least THAT one is gone. Think he'd meet up with that other crazy one we tossed over yesterday?"

The first angel shrugged. "Who knows?"

They were interrupted in mid-conversation when Peter began to snicker. They blinked and stared at him in shock. "I feel so bad for Lucifer," was the only thing that the snickering gate guardian said before he once again returned to his parchment for the last and final time.

The angels blinked again.

~ ~ ~

Lucifer, the ruler of Hell and the Prince of Darkness, winced and whimpered audibly. He peeked out of his window and almost wailed in terror. "Aw, hell..." his advisors heard him mutter before he left for his bedchambers and locked himself within, never to be seen from again.

In the farthest reaches of Hell, Yami no Malik grinned. And Yami no Bakura stared back and matched him, evil grin for evil grin. Their insane laughter echoed up out of their abyss and filled Hell with their maniacal glee.

Kinda gives new meaning to the sticker: "Heaven didn't want me and Hell kicked me out because they were afraid that I would take over," doesn't it?

~Owari~