Scar Tissue – Chapter 8 – Not Right

Judy stopped as soon as she got around the corner of the building and was sure Nick couldn't see her. She frantically pulled out her phone and dialed a number. The phone rang and rang, Judy losing more of her patience the closer it got to voicemail. On the last ring, the mammal finally picked up.

"Judy? What's up?"

"Carley… I just got done seeing Nick… It's not going to happen. I-I couldn't do it." Judy leaned up against a cold brick wall, phone to her ear. Her heart began to pound, her legs quivered, and her eyes began to tear up as she slid down until she sat on the sidewalk.

"I… I couldn't say anything," she sniffed, hardly keeping herself from letting go of all her emotions all at once. From the other end, Judy heard nothing but silence for what felt like an eternity. Her mind raced through the events of the night, how she had tried and failed to open up to Nick over and over. She came upon her memory of being at the hilltop and the moment Nick let go and backed away; the moment she knew his true feelings.

The cougar sighed from the other end. "What happened, Judy? Take your time," she questioned.

Judy took a deep breath to calm her nerves, but she was still hyperventilating, his heart pounding out of her chest. Her thoughts clouded with images of Nick's face after he let go. He looked terrified like he'd witnessed a horrific accident.

"Judy? You still there?"

She took one last deep breath and focused on her friend. "Yeah, sorry," she said, wiping her eyes. Judy heard Carley sigh and chuckle from the other end.

"Girl, you have no idea how much I want to give you a hug right now."

Judy couldn't help but smile.

"You've had a rough night, are you sure this is something you want to talk about right now? We don't have to if you don't want to."

"You know…" she hesitated. "I think I just need time to process this. I'll call you in the morning."

"Ok," Carley said softly. "Everything's going to be alright. Get some sleep, ok?"

"I will. Talk to you later."

Judy lowered the phone from her ear and stared out into the empty street. The moment she was done with her short conversation with Carley, her mind went right back to the events of the evening. No matter how hard she tried to think about the enjoyment of seeing Nick again, the moment of seeing his face after backing away from her continued to push its way to the surface.

Again, she felt tears start to well up in her eyes. As they began to roll down her cheeks, she threw her face into her hands and let everything go.

As she cried, she briefly looked up to find that she was all alone; not a soul in sight. In her looking, she turned her head to where she'd just been. For a fleeting moment, she wanted to get up, wipe her eyes and march back to Nick and tell him everything. That moment was gone as fast as it came, because now, whenever she thought of Nick, it wasn't of the time she spent living with him. It wasn't him during the Nighthowler case. It wasn't even him from just an hour before. It was the Nick she saw at the top of the hill.

What had he felt? Why did he back away so suddenly? These questions continued to come back to her, answers never finding their way to her. There was only one possible explanation for Judy, and it was exactly what she feared; Nick has caught on, and he doesn't like it.

She thought she could handle that kind of rejection. Time and time again she told herself that no matter how Nick felt, she would accept it. But now those feelings were as real as they got, and they hurt. Now that she had even a hint as to how Nick felt about her, she couldn't possibly handle the pain of never getting to be with him. She shook in terror every time she thought about it.

Despite everything, she still had to get up. Even when all hope felt lost, she still had to stand tall and remember what Carley said. Everything was going to be alright.

As she pushed herself off the pavement, she wiped away the last of her tears. From deep within, she felt the confidence to tell Nick her feelings and knew it had been there all along. Tonight, simply wasn't the right time. She knew she could do it; she just didn't know when.

But like all things, time would tell.

Outside Nick's Dorm

For the second time, Nick watched Judy walk away from him, although this instance was more of a quick jog. Before he knew it, she disappeared around the corner. Nick exhaled and mumbled an 'ok' to himself as he walked into the dorm, completely confused.

As he went down the hall, he pulled out his phone and dialed a number. Soon after, the mammal on the other end answered.

"Nick! Tell me you did well!" shouted Kevin from the other end of the line.

"Not what I was calling you about.," Nick said, hushed and quick. "Dude, something really weird happened tonight…"

"What do you mean weird?"

"Do you know about a hill just outside of town? It's on private property, at the top you can see the entire valley."

"Never heard of a place like that. I think I might know what hill you're talking about, though. Is it south of town?"

"Yeah."

"What's so special about it?"

"Well, Judy ended up dragging me there. Without getting into the details too much, we ended up in a hug that lasted for a long time. I kinda freaked out and threw her off me."

Kevin hesitated before responding. "Why did you do that?"

"I… I don't know," he stammered. " It just didn't feel right, y'know? She's my best friend."

"Heeeey!"

"Oh, you know what I mean!" Nick chuckled. "This is serious, dude! What should I do? What if she's mad at me?"

"I don't know. I'm not gonna pretend like I have some sort of life-saving advice for you. If you think she might be mad about it, talk to her. She's a rational mammal, explain your side of it and she'll understand."

"You think that's going to work?" Nick asked.

"It's Judy. I know things will work out in the end."

Nick took a moment to think and realized that Kevin was right. Though she could be a bit rash, Judy was a completely normal person who knew that some mammals make mistakes. "Hey, uh… how'd you do… grades wise?" Nick waited, though he could practically hear Kevin's smile through the call.

"Class rank fourth. How'd you do?"

"Fifth. I'm coming for you. I'll get that top spot; don't you forget it." Nick jabbed.

"We'll see about that. I'll see you in a couple of weeks."

"Later, buddy."

Nick ended the call and let out a sigh of relief. He walked down to the end of the hallway and opened his room. Without Judy or Kevin, the small space felt that much smaller. He shivered as the walls seemed to close in on him just a little. He checked the thermostat, which said the room was at a comfortable seventy degrees. I guess it makes the room feel colder, too. He thought.

Nick checked the time on his phone. While he'd made up the excuse of it being late to get out of that awkward situation, it really was getting late. It was strange how fast time went when he was enjoying Judy's company. Deciding there was nothing left he wanted to do, Nick stripped down to his boxers and climbed into his lofted bed.

As he laid down, his mind wandered back to just an hour earlier. His eyes only caught a glimpse of Judy after his little freak-out. She looked hurt, not unlike right after the press conference. Back then, Nick had tried to hurt her. His words were chosen specifically to inflict pain where it would hurt most. After his time of reflection afterward, he regretted doing what he did. She didn't deserve to be treated that way, so when she came back and asked for his help, he knew that he needed to do something to make up. He helped her get back on her feet and vowed to himself that he would never hurt her again.

It seemed that he forgot all about that promise.

His actions tonight weren't caused by his mental exhaustion. They were deliberate, and Nick was afraid of what he was thinking and feeling. This isn't like me… I don't let people see that they get to me… he thought. That had been true of him for years, but ever since Judy came into his life that part of Nick seemed to step aside. It made way for a version of Nick that hadn't been seen in a long time. He opened up more, he cared more, and most importantly, he finally started to trust people again. For so long, Nick didn't trust anyone except those he'd known most of his life. It was Judy that made him realize that trusting people wasn't so bad.

He laughed silently. The version of himself from a mere six months ago would never have trusted anyone. That rabbit changed him, that was for sure.

And as Nick continued to think of Judy, his eyes grew heavy and soon sleep enveloped him.

Friday – Graduation Day

"Damnit."

Next to Nick, a playfully frustrated fishing cat smiled and shook his head.

"What are you on about, now?" the fox asked, letting a smile creep onto his face.

"You said you were gunning for the top spot. I should have worked harder."

"Hey now, Mr. Salutatorian… second place ain't bad." Nick gave his friend a pat on the shoulder. "Where'd you get assigned again?"

"Precinct Three, Rainforest District. I was hoping for it, though. You must be excited about going to the coveted Precinct One, I assume?"

Nick smiled. "My first day can't get here fast enough."

It was a beautiful day outside. The birds were singing. The flowers were blooming. On days like these, the mammals of Zootopia were taking advantage of the wonderful weather. The graduation ceremony ended a while ago, so the crowd dwindled to the families of a few of the graduates. Nick and Kevin were simply enjoying the day, waiting for even better things to come.

"You gonna miss it?" Kevin asked.

"The Academy? Probably not. I put in enough work; I just hope it'll all be worth it."

"Oh, it will be. And besides, you're pretty much guaranteed to be working with Judy, aren't you? What more could you want?"

"Well, I'll be glad to finally have you away from me," Nick joked.

Kevin wasted no time throwing a playful punch. "You're gonna miss me, don't deny it."

"Nope, I hate your guts and I'm glad I don't have to work with you."

"You're gonna be up every night wishing I was your partner."

Nick shook his head. "Nope, you suck."

"No, you."

"No, you."

"I'd say you both suck."

Nick and Kevin simultaneously turned around to see where the sound came from. Cynthia stood with her arms crossed and a slightly embarrassed smile. Next to her was Judy who couldn't stop giggling.

"You two are just cute together. When's the wedding, huh?" Judy jabbed.

The fox and the cat gave each other surprising glances. "You were right, she's learning from you," Kevin said.

"I know, it's like there's two of me."

Kevin jokingly cringed at the notion of two Nicks. "No one needs that."

"Agreed," Judy said.

"No arguments here," Cynthia added.

"I get it," Nick said, mildly annoyed. He clapped his paws together to change the subject. "Any plans for the weekend?"

"You know, we're actually going on a last-minute camping trip." Said the coyote, who eyed Kevin as he walked over to her. "I think my kitten deserves a relaxing weekend for once."

Kevin shot her an embarrassed glare. "I told you not to call me that." He leaned in and whispered, "especially not in front of Nick…"

The fox offered a light shoulder pat. "Oh, buddy… The damage is already done."

"What about you two?" Cynthia asked. "You guys got anything going on this weekend?"

"I've got a date with my TV," Nick said.

"And I'll probably put in some overtime," Judy added.

"Alright," Kevin said. "Well, we've gotta get packed and on the road. Take care, you two."

Nick and Judy said their farewells and waved off their friends. As Kevin and Cynthia walked away, the fox and the rabbit took to walking to the stage where Judy hopped up and took a seat, making her just over eye-level to Nick.

"So, when did you and Cynthia start getting all buddy-buddy?" Nick asked.

"I wouldn't call us buddies." Judy corrected. "We talked quite a bit before the ceremony. We're acquaintances at most."

"Well, I think it's great. I want you to like Kevin, and those two are basically one blob of a couple, so that means you have to like Cynthia, too."

"They're a really great pair. Kevin's kind of a goofball."

"So, now you understand why we make such good friends," Nick added with a smirk.

"No kidding. Although he has someone to keep his goofball-ness in check. I have tried and failed at that with you."

"I can't be tamed, Carrots."

"Says the con-fox in the police uniform," Judy fired back. "I'd say I did a pretty good job with that part."

Nick put away his care-free smirk and replaced it for a proper smile. "You nailed it."

"I did, didn't I?"

Nick leaned against the stage and surveyed the world in front of him. It was a truly beautiful day, and while he felt he deserved a weekend camping out on his couch, he wanted nothing more than to have Judy there with him. However, there was one problem.

Ever since Judy came to visit him, the two hadn't kept in contact nearly as much. Today had been the most they'd said to each other since that night. Her routine weekly calls went away, and throughout Nick's spring semester, Judy gave him a call only a couple of times a month.

Not only that, but their calls just seemed to be less interesting. It was as if they just ran out of things to talk about. Every time they spoke on the phone, Nick wanted to bring up that night and apologize, but in the end, he never did. The way he saw it, this wasn't over-the-phone stuff, it was face-to-face stuff. Even now that he had the opportunity, Nick started to feel nervous about bringing it up.

C'mon Nick… just get the conversation started and it will come naturally… he thought. Now was the time for him to say something if he was going to. They were alone, and better yet, both of them were in a really good mood.

He cleared his throat. "Carrots, can I say something… about the last time we saw each other?"

Judy looked down at him. "Sure… what's on your mind?"

Nick kept his eyes at the ground. "I never really apologized for what I did at the hilltop… I didn't mean to do anything like that…"

"Nick, you don't have to apologize," Judy said. She jumped down and tried to look Nick in the eyes. "I'm not mad at you if that's what you're thinking. Honestly, I was just curious as to why it happened."

"I don't know…" Nick rubbed the back of his neck. "I've just never been one for physical contact… from anyone. I've avoided it since I was a little kid."

"Yeah, I've noticed," Judy said.

Nick looked at her with surprise. "Y-you have?"

"Well, yeah… I feel like by touching someone, even if only on their arm or shoulder, I understand their feelings a bit better. It's how bunnies can connect with one another. You always move away from it, but I didn't realize it made you uncomfortable."

"Don't worry, you didn't know. I don't really talk about that, like… at all."

"And that's fine," she said. "I just wish you'd be more comfortable around me. When I do that it comes from the most caring parts of me. You're my best friend and I want to be there for you, no matter what. I know I've been pretty bad at that lately. I'm only doing my best." She offered a caring smile.

Nick stared blankly at Judy for some time, but eventually, a smile curled his lips. "Thanks, Carrots. It's good to know I've got someone to count on."

"Of course," she responded. "You know… there was one other thing I've been meaning to talk to you about for quite a while. I figured now might be the best time."

"What's up?"

"Well, it's just… I've uh…"

Why is she getting so nervous? Nick thought. I don't think I've ever heard her stammer like this…

"Judy, you alright? You're not having a stroke, are you?" he joked.

"Oh my God, you ruined it!" she exclaimed. "Ok, let me gather my thoughts…" Judy took a deep breath while Nick waited patiently to hear what she had to say. "Nick, you're really something special."

"Gosh, Carrots, really laying it on thick, aren't you?"

She swatted at his arm. "Oh, just let me finish!"

"Alright, continue."

"You've been such a great friend over this last year, and it's helped me realize… I'm starting to like you a bit more…"

"What?" The realization hit him like a truck.

"…I think I might be falling in love with you." Judy looked up at him, eyes pleading for a response from him, but he couldn't even move. His thoughts were racing, his heart was pounding. The already warm day started to get a lot warmer. The open space of the park closed in on him and suddenly it was just him and Judy.

He backed up one step. "…N-no…" he mumbled. He started trying to look anywhere but at her. His efforts remained in vain, though. Her eyes kept his gaze coming back.

"Nick?" Judy said, her voice laced with concern. "Oh, no…" she whispered under her breath. "I'm sorry, Nick. I shouldn't have said that here, should I?"

Nick broke from his freak-out. "No! You shouldn't have, like… at all! Judy, this cannot happen between us! On Monday, I'm going to be your partner. I-I've gotta get out of here. I can't take this right now." Nick started to walk away, but Judy grabbed him by the arm and held on tight.

"Nick! Don't leave! I have been holding these feelings back for what feels like forever. I've done my research; we could be something more and be partners. There's no rule against it."

Nick fully turned around. "You think that's what's freaking me out? The rules?"

"Well, what else could it be? Why don't you want to give this a chance?"

"You don't need to know." Once again, Nick tried to turn around and leave, but Judy wouldn't let him without an answer to her question, it seemed.

"I don't think so, Slick! What did we just talk about, huh? I'm here for you, no matter what. Whatever has you afraid… I can help with it. Just let me in."

Nick turned around one last time, eyes beginning to tear up. He looked her dead in the eyes as a tear rolled down his cheek. "I warned you..." Judy immediately let go of his arm and backed away. "I told you not to do it."

"Nick, I–"

"I said you'd get hurt." He shrugged his shoulders as he backed away. "I was right, wasn't I?"

Now Judy stood alone watching her best friend walk away after she finally had the courage to voice her feelings. Yeah, he was right. Judy felt nothing but pain, but this wasn't all her pain. She felt it for Nick. Those brief moments she held him back from walking away told tales. She had to stop him.

But at the same time, she knew she had to let him go, for now. He needed to cool off, think about it, then he'd be ready to have that conversation.

He just needed time.

Sunday

"I'm freaking out!"

Judy was freaking out.

The last day and a half she spent checking her phone constantly. She'd called Nick more than she could remember. Eventually, they started going straight to voice-mail, so she gave up on it. Yesterday, she went over to Nick's apartment to talk to him, but he wouldn't answer the door. She broke out the key he gave her and got in, but she found the place deserted. He wasn't home, and there was no indication of where he went.

That was the moment she really started to get worried. Nick was supposed to start working on Monday, but he was nowhere to be found. The rabbit could only blame herself. She'd scared him off. That was the only explanation.

"Judy, you need to stop freaking out." Carley watched as the bunny paced back and forth, phone in paw, eyes taking a glance at it every few seconds as if the next moment would be when Nick finally called her back.

"How could I possibly stop freaking out?" she exclaimed. "Nick just disappeared! He's not answering his phone. He's not at home. No one knows where he is!"

"Have you talked to Finnick?" the cougar suggested.

"Even he doesn't know! He hasn't seen Nick in months!"

Carley held out her paws to stop Judy. "Please calm down, Judy. Everything is going to be fine."

"No, it's not!" she shouted. "I finally confessed to Nick that I had feelings for him, he freaks out, now he's nowhere to be found. He skipped town, Carley! There's no other explanation!"

"Judy! You're overthinking this!" Carley said, raising her voice. "You did not scare him off. Maybe Nick just went somewhere to cool off and think. I know he'll be back."

Judy took a moment to rest her mind, and she started to see things Carley's way. She sat down for the first time in hours. "Why did I have to say anything?" she said, looking up at her friend, eyes growing mistier by the second.

Carley felt for the poor rabbit. She'd been Judy's only escape for those feelings for months. No one else knew about it, and she could tell that Judy was taking things hard. "C'mere, Jude." Judy sank into Carley's hug without any more prompting. "I know it might not seem like it right now, but Nick cares about you a lot. Even if you two don't end up together, wouldn't it be nice to still have him as a friend?"

"Yeah, right… like he'll still be my friend after this." Judy pouted.

"Oh, don't say that. He still likes you. I know it."

"How could you possibly know that?"

"I don't know for sure, but I have faith in it. I've been rooting for you two, and dammit, I'm not gonna stop!" Carley cheered. "You two are inseparable. There's no way the world can function without you two being at least friends. Things will work out, I promise."

Judy buried her face in her paws. "At least one of us thinks so," she mumbled. "I mean, am I an idiot?" she asked, pulling her face from her paws. "Did I expect that conversation to go any other way?"

"The conversation isn't over," Carley said. "You two need to actually talk about it, and that involves both of you taking a step back and calming down first."

"Ok, yes… I need to calm down. I think I might take a nap."

"That's good. I'll leave you to it. Don't hesitate to call me if you feel the need."

"Thanks."

Carley left Judy with a hopeful smile, and almost immediately the rabbit's eyes started to get heavy. She hadn't had much sleep since Nick walked away from her, and it was finally catching up. She'd spent most of that time worrying about where he was and what he was thinking.

She rested her head on the couch and let her eyes close. Almost immediately, she opened them again when she heard her phone ring. Judy looked around her apartment, slightly confused. She saw the clock; she'd been asleep for almost two hours. Her phone still rang, and she started to wake up enough to realize she needed to answer. She grabbed it and answered.

"Hello?" Judy's ears drooped and her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. "Y-yeah. I'll be there as fast as I can."

She pocketed her phone and ran out the door without any hesitation. When she came outside, she started in the direction of the subway. Forget it, I'm running. She thought. She didn't have time to wait for the train.

She ran as fast as she could, and pretty soon Judy was taken back to nearly a year ago, the day that she and Nick solved the Nighthowler case. The scenery of her first walk to Nick's apartment, the way he carried her up the stairs fire-mammal style; it all started to come back. As she ran to that building, she smiled and went inside, flying up the stairs and down the hall to the door she once called her home.

As she approached it, the door opened as if it sensed her presence. Nick stood still and silent for some time.

"Hi," he said quietly.

She responded equally quiet. "Hi."

"Come on in," he said, stepping aside to let her in.

She walked in and admired the inside of his apartment. "I see this place hasn't changed since I moved out."

"Yeah," Nick called from the entryway. "Your bedroom is still the same. Carrot-print sheets and all." Nick came into the living room. "Of course, it helps that I've only been back for a few days…" he looked around the room and scratched the back of his head. "So… mind if I start?"

"Go ahead."

"…Look… I'm really sorry about the last couple of days. I freaked out… a lot."

"That's an understatement."

"Right. I didn't want to hurt your feelings or anything. You just have to understand–"

"Understand what, Nick? That I can't trust you to tell me the truth? The one person I want to talk to the most barely even looks me in the eye anymore, much less returns my calls! All I wanted to do was open up and let you know how important you are to me."

"Judy, please. Can you just let me explain myself?"

"Fine! Go ahead! What more could you possibly have to say?"

"Look, you've done so much for me; I can't thank you enough. But a relationship? I don't know if I can handle something like that right now… and honestly, it might never happen."

"Why never?"

Nick took a deep breath and sat on the couch, patting the seat next to him. Judy joined him on the couch and watched him carefully. "There's something that I've never really told anyone…. But you mean enough to me that you deserve to know this." He took a moment and rubbed his head nervously.

She could see him shaking, so Judy put her paw on his shoulder, and this time, Nick didn't flinch and move away. He turned to her and smiled. "It's ok, Nick. You can tell me."

His smile fell away. "Do you know what the opposite of a love story is, Carrots?"

She kept her voice quiet. "I guess that means you do?"

Nick shrugged. "Well, you could say that. I'm going to tell you a story. It began years ago; I was twenty-four and I'd been dating Janice Clawsen for about two years."

Judy visibly reacted and squeezed his shoulder a little tighter. Without a conscious effort, she felt her open paw slowly intertwine with Nick's.

"This is the story of my wedding day."

A/N: Be honest, how many of you actually saw this coming?

So Nick's been hiding a past relationship from Judy, and from the way Nick talks about it, it seems like things didn't end too well. Next chapter you will get to see a flashback about a younger Nick, and the answer to the burning question: Where did Nick disappear to after Judy finally confessed her feelings?

I'm curious what you thought of Judy's confession scene. I hope I didn't lay the drama on too thick. I wanted it to feel as real as possible, but it's really hard to get some of that stuff right.

Big plot stuff and now we're in the nitty-gritty of the story. I have SO much inspiration for it! I hope the next chapter won't take too long to get out; I should be able to work pretty quickly.

Go ahead and leave a review, follow, and favorite if you haven't already. Take care, have a great day!

-Ande