I still don't own Chuck. I'm not sure who does at this point.

Yeah, it's been a while. I find that it's harder and harder to get motivated to write about Chuck and Sarah. Almost anything I can think of, I've already done. But I made a promise to never abandon a story. So here goes.

The worst thing for an author is silence. You can't tell if you're connecting with your readers, if they're getting where you think the story is going or not. And those comments don't have to be praise. Of course, I'd be lying if I tried to say that I don't enjoy the praise. But I actually learn more from the critical comments. Just as long as you're respectful and allow me to respond, you can say anything.

The Secret Weapon

x-x-x-x-x

Chuck and Sarah were enjoying their last night on the private beach. In the morning, it would be off to Washington… back into the spy-life grind. With the route that Sarah had chosen so to not allow Beckman to know where they had been, it would take an entire day. Zondra had left… something about a mission in Costa Rica… but not before collecting her promised fancy dinner followed by plopping a very sloppy goodbye kiss on each of them. Neither was very enthusiastic… about the dinner or the kiss.

Being naked in front of a woman not named Sarah wasn't Chuck's first choice. Sarah insisted… like only Sarah could. They were going to treat their guest to a proper swim on their private beach. And said beach had a strict dress code. Of course said guest had already been swimming on their beach… didn't matter. So they went swimming.

That wasn't the hard part. In the water, he was fairly hidden. Eating a five course meal while naked had always struck Chuck as fairly odd. It was even odder adding a second naked woman.

That wasn't even the hard part. It was time for the goodbye kisses. Maybe the last thing Chuck wanted was to have another woman trying to force her tongue down his throat in front of Sarah. Also not high on his list was watching someone trying to force her tongue down Sarah's throat in front of him.

Sarah's smirk aimed in his direction plainly said that she was sending a message by even participating. Zondra plainly sensed that she was attempting to tell her husband something so she was plainly sending a message of her own as she took full advantage of whatever point her ex-partner was trying to make. Sarah's kiss lasted much longer, was multiples more intense, and involved far more tongue than your average 'goodbye to a good friend' variety. Chuck couldn't see her other hand, but at least it clearly rounded second base, and most definitely crossed the invisible line that defined making out territory. Fortunately, the way Sarah was trying unsuccessfully to hide that fact that she was helplessly giggling, really during both kisses, probably meant that Chuck didn't have to fear any escalation past the point where he would be uncomfortable.

So now they were just enjoying the billions of stars in the sky and the cool breeze coming from the water. They weren't really doing anything sexual… not yet anyway. Naturally, it went without saying that being in close proximity with Sarah in such a romantic setting when they were both already naked meant that could change at any moment. She had clearly planned ahead for the possibility because instead of lying on the sand like they normally would, she had brought a blanket. "It's so beautiful," she said. "Isn't it?"

Chuck made sure that she saw where he was looking… at his wife's naked profile, silhouetted against the moonlight. "You have no idea," he said.

That didn't get the laugh he was expecting. "Can I ask you a serious question?" she asked.

Chuck wasn't expecting her to say anything like that. He really wasn't expecting her to say anything. If anything, he expected to feel her hand slide up his leg, which was her tell that she was ready to play 'hide the salami.' Fortunately he had long ago recognized the slight waver in Sarah's voice that told him that she was struggling with something. Nobody asked their husband for permission to ask a question. Normally he would have teased her about it. But this plainly wasn't the time for that. So he just pulled back a little to look into her eyes. "Shoot," he said.

Sarah paused for a long moment. "Tomorrow I'm going to have to start wearing clothes again," she finally said sadly.

Okay, so Chuck was wrong a minute ago. Now that was something he really didn't expect her to say. For one thing, it wasn't a question. He instantly knew that she wasn't saying what was really bothering her. He also knew that he needed to tread carefully. If he could keep her talking, she would eventually open up. "Okay," he said. "I guess. So what? You're a great dresser. Besides, that means I'll get to watch you take them off. This is a win / win. You'd be the most beautiful woman in the world no matter what you wear."

Sarah shook her head. "You keep saying things like that," she said. "It's sweet. I like hearing it. Looking good for you has been very important to me since the moment I met you. But we both know it's not true."

Chuck still didn't know what was really going on, but this was getting frustrating. "It is absolutely true," he insisted, maybe a little stronger than he intended. "I'm not sure what is going on inside that pretty head of yours, but you need to understand something. That's not something I tell you to butter you up. I honestly believe it. I have since the moment I met you. It's not something that you're going to be able to talk me out of. You're the most beautiful woman in the world… no close second… end of discussion."

Sarah took full measure of his tone. "I'm not trying to start anything," she said. "Please don't get upset. I'm trying to make a point. Here's the thing. Even if it is true, it won't be twenty years from now… after I've had three kids."

Chuck knew that laughing would be the worst thing he could possibly do… the very worst thing. He just couldn't help it. It came out pretty wet. "Since when are you planning on having three kids?" he teased.

This time it was Sarah's turn to be frustrated. "Since about a week after I met you," she snapped. "Chuck, I get that you think I don't want kids… that I want to always be a spy. You're just wrong about that. The truth is that I want it more than you do. I got myself to sleep most every night for those first two years thinking about it. We're going to have three."

Chuck was genuinely surprised that she was plainly serious. "Three?" he asked.

Sarah just nodded. "First a girl, then two boys," she said confidently. "I already have the names picked out. And yeah, okay, part of that is a little scary for me. I have some growing to do. But I'm working on it."

Finally Chuck understood what was bothering her. He snuggled into her. "It's a lot scary," he said. "It is for me too… for any normal person, really. There are plenty of reasons to be scared. Me loving you one bit less because your body changes as we get older isn't one of them. If anything, I'm trying hard to not find that insulting."

"Please don't be insulted," Sarah quickly said. "I'm not trying to insult you. I get that you love me. It's just… looking good for you is important to me."

"No kidding," Chuck said sarcastically. "From where I'm standing it's too important to you. I get that maybe I've sent you some mixed signals. I definitely am not complaining that I'm with the most beautiful woman in the world. The thing is… I understand you better than you think. The CIA has filled your head with the thought that men wanting to get you naked is your most valuable asset. I get that. You use it against them mercilessly. You're afraid that having babies will make you lose that… even with me."

Sarah just looked at him. "Maybe," she said. "Look, I'm not questioning you. I know that you'll always love me. I do. It's an irrational fear. I get that. It would probably help me a lot to hear you say it every once in a while."

Chuck knew that he had to lighten the mood. "I've dropped the ball," he teased. "I'm sorry. I do understand. It's an awesome weapon that you're giving up. You've used it against me. You still do."

"I don't use it against you," Sarah protested, now honestly offended. "That was a horrible thing to say."

Chuck didn't back down a bit. "My phone is broken," he said, poorly imitating her voice. "Because I didn't get a call from you. What was that about?"

"Okay," Sarah admitted. "But that was different. It was a long time ago. I was a different person then. I was on a mission. That was before we were together. I don't use it against you now."

Chuck nodded. "Maybe," he said. "Care to explain your make out session with Zondra an hour ago in front of me? Are you trying to claim that wasn't calculated?"

Sarah's face turned red. "I wasn't using anything against you," she protested. "It's not like that. This is complicated. It's hard for me."

Chuck grabbed her hand. "It doesn't have to be hard," he said. "Take your time. You can tell me anything."

Sarah took a long moment to gather her thoughts. "Okay, yes," she began. "I'll admit that maybe I was intentionally putting on a show using Zondra to try to prove something to you. I've treated you so horribly."

"I wouldn't say that," Chuck protested.

Sarah wasn't having any of it. "That's crap and you know it," she snapped. "Don't tell me that I can tell you anything and then deny the obvious. If you're going to sit there and blow smoke up my skirt, like you always do, let's drop this."

Chuck resisted the temptation to point out that she wasn't wearing a skirt. Her tone plainly said that this wasn't the time for any teasing. "Okay," he said. "You're right. I do tend to tell you what you want to hear. So for the sake of this discussion, I'll accept your premise. Tell me what you're thinking. I'm listening."

"I've treated you horribly," Sarah repeated. "I probably understand that a little better now. I was trained to be a spy. There's no room in that job description to feel sorry for your asset. But you were never just my asset… not after the first day anyway. I was stuck. So I kept you at arm's length. But I also loved that you were in love with me. The thing is, I never considered how hard it was to be in love with a spy. Being my cover boyfriend was torture… far worse than anything Fulcrum could have ever done to you. I get that. It was for me too. Having to pretend that we had something that we both wanted so badly? And being forced to watch that tape of me with Giles? Not to mention having to watch Shaw feeling me up while he slobbered on my neck. I feel guilty… and you can save your breath. I'm going to feel guilty no matter how much you try and talk me out of it."

"So," Chuck said. "Sacrificing yourself by offering me Zondra is your way of dealing with guilt."

"Maybe," Sarah said. "Let's face it. We haven't started out as a normal couple with a normal sex life. Being spies doesn't allow that. Six weeks ago, the very first day we got together, we were planning on how to conduct ourselves the next day in Giles' orgy. So now, we're going to go back into that life. Even though we've drawn the line at actual sex, it's still going to be different. Someday, we'll be that normal couple. I want that as much as you do. But we're not now… and as long as we're spies we can't be."

"And you have a solution?" Chuck teased.

"I think so," Sarah said. "We've been forced to deal with the bad things that come with the spy life. Why don't we recognize our situation and embrace it. You have to accept the bad things… why not get the good things? I give you a wild night every once in a while and maybe I can feel a little less guilty. It doesn't have to be Zondra, but you'd have to admit that she is perfect. We wouldn't have to talk her into it. I could give a good friend something that she's wanted for years. I think you just saw that I would be able to do it, so it wouldn't be much of a sacrifice. And last but not least, the idea turns you on. Please don't try and deny that watching us go at it was exciting. I know you too well."

Chuck stared at her for a long moment. "Have you ever been in a strip club?" he finally asked softly. He didn't wait for a response, which was good because she was too surprised to offer one. "It sounds like it would be great, doesn't it?" he asked. "A room full of naked women walking around. What could possibly be sexier? It's all Morgan could talk about. But the truth is, once you get there, it's the complete opposite of sexy. It's awkward… pathetic. That's the same with Zondra. I get that you think it would be exciting for me. You're just wrong about that. Knowing that you were forcing yourself to do something for me would take all the excitement out of it. It's the very last thing I would ever want. So can we please stop talking about it? I will cede to your larger point. I wanted to strangle you when you came over to spend the night that first time in that ridiculous frilly negligee. Is it possible that you didn't know what you were doing to me?"

"I was on a mission," Sarah sighed. "When I'm on a mission, that's all I think about."

"I know," Chuck said. "But all that's in the past. So why don't you take a deep breath and tell me what's really bothering you?"

Sarah just stared at him for a long moment. Then the tears started. "I don't want to go back," she finally sobbed.

Chuck was stunned. Sometimes Sarah had to blink away some tears… but he could count the times she had cried on one hand. "We don't have to go back," he said.

Sarah started crying even harder. "We do," she protested. "Let's face it. We have no choice… not really. We have to go back and deal with them. We can't raise a family constantly on the run. But look at our history. So many things have gotten in our way. Chuck, we've grown so close. Things are so perfect between us now. I always thought that I was happy looking forward to the next mission. If we go back to being spies, how can we be sure that something won't get in our way again? I can't go back to the way it was."

Chuck sighed and put his arm around her. "Let me tell you a story," he said. "You talk about watching the tape with Giles. And yeah, that wasn't my favorite part of that day. But watching you on that yacht necking with that Lon Kirk dude was a hundred times worse. It was the worst day of my life. Even though the end outcome was going to be about the same, it felt completely different for me. Wanna know why?"

Sarah didn't answer… not really. She just nodded.

"We're together," Chuck said. "I know for sure how you feel. Back then, I had to guess. So if that happened today, I wouldn't like it. But I wouldn't be jealous. You were on a mission… doing the nasty things that spies have to do on missions. And yeah, I get that situations like that are going to come up… for both of us. But nothing… absolutely nothing is ever going to get in our way… because we're not going to tolerate it. Nobody is cheating us out of our life together. We both have veto power. Anything that crosses the line, for either of us… is gone. We'll find another way. End of story."

Sarah had probably never needed to hear anything in her life more than she needed to hear that. She just snuggled tighter. "We have to figure out how to deal with Beckman," she said.

"Beckman?" Chuck asked. "I'm worried about Shaw. I'm sorry if that makes me sound jealous."

At last Sarah stopped crying. "You do sound jealous," she said. "Thank you for that."

"If I already sound jealous," Chuck said. "Then I might as well put this on the table. Before, I was willing to put up with a little nonsense from him as long as it was part of the mission. That's no longer true."

Now Sarah was smiling. "Duly noted," she said. "Trust me. I have Shaw. I know exactly where to hit him where it hurts. When I'm done with the sonofabitch, he'll make it a priority to stay as far away from me as he possibly can."

"I believe you," Chuck said. "If I tell you that I don't feel sorry for him, does that make me a bad person?"

So now Sarah was grinning. "A little," she teased. "I forgive you." Then she turned serious. "Don't underestimate Beckman," she protested. "Her rules are that she doesn't have any rules. She doesn't like having terms dictated to her. She's going to intentionally put us in uncomfortable situations… just to make us admit that she is in charge. She is going to figure out some way to get serious leverage on us. You saw what she did with Ellie. Chuck, that's the tip of the iceberg on what she is willing to do."

So now Chuck was grinning. "Now it's time for you to trust me," he said. "I have Beckman. I know exactly where to hit her where it hurts. When I'm done with her, she'll be a pussycat."

"I have a secret weapon."

x-x-x-x-x