Yuuri's crying- he cries a lot these days.

Conrad is not unaware as to why.

He knows he's the reason behind Yuuri's tears, but he can not fold. He knows if he does, it will only cause the boy more pain.

"I'm sorry Hei-"

Yuuri's breath catches. Conrad isn't so numb that he can't use his Godson's name.

"Yuuri.. It's not a good idea."

"I didn't ask for your ADVICE Conrad- I asked you to come home, is that so damn hard?"

It is- but Conrad won't say it, instead he says:

"I'm not ready to return to your side."

"It hardly took any convincing for you to go to Belar's side!" Yuuri regrets saying it instantly because he knows the truth... Conrad was working to create the world Yuuri wanted.

But that's just the problem, isn't it.

Everyone had assumed they knew what Yuuri wanted most- a peaceful world.

Sure, Yuuri wanted that, but it wasn't what he wanted most...

"Yuuri.." Although Conrad's posture was perfect as always, his wild hazel eyes were dull, their light clouded by pain and too many sad thoughts.

"I will never return to Belar's side- I do hope you know that. Shin Makoku is my home. I want nothing more than to return with you. However... I have unfinished business to take care of- please allow me time to-"

"You can't fix yourself alone! Just look at Adalbert! I won't allow you to run off and sulk yourself to death!" Yuuri heaved, his hair wildly swept around his face.

"I need time-"

"But you don't-! You know you belong in Shin Makoku so stop lying to yourself and just...!"

Conrad doesn't think he belongs anywhere but in a shallow grave- someplace where he can't hurt Yuuri or his loved ones ever again.

They sit in silence for a moment before Conrad smiles, and Yuuri finally sees what Conrad means- his smile is so far from the warm smile he remembers that Yuuri barely recognizes it anymore.

Conrad is broken.

Conrad was broken-and-glued-back-together before he left for Dai Cimaron... but now... he's more than just broken- Conrad has been shattered and put back together so many times he might just be dust inside.

Time to heal...

"Believe me when I tell you I want to return- just... not yet. Please allow me time, so I may come back to you as the person you remember."

Yuuri still has tears on his cheeks, but he's done crying; his mouth is set in a hard line. He knows this is the only way he'll get Conrad back- the real Conrad- for good.

"I'll give you time... but you better come back and you better not die.. I can not- no.. I will not be a king without you."

"You already are a king- a strong, great king- without me."

"Don't tell me what I am." Yuuri is angry, he doesn't want Conrad to justify his reasons for leaving more than he already has. "I know what I am and what I'm capable of- I have weaknesses too."

It's unusual for him to speak so directly, but Yuuri can't help it- Conrad is so stubborn.

It's unspoken but Conrad hears it all the same.

Yuuri's weakness is Conrad.

"I promise you." he kneels because he will not hug the boy, no matter how badly he wants to.

"I will return."

Gwendal has already finished the paperwork placing his brother on 'temporary disciplinary leave' (a term that allows Conrad to run away while pleasing the courts who want his head on a platter.)

He has another headache brewing as he makes his way to the courtyard to see Conrad off once again.

Gwendal knows his little brother's routine when it comes to pain.

After enduring hardship, he runs away so he can digest his pain alone until it's small enough to swallow and bury deep inside himself. He does this until he has enough room inside for pleasant small talk and daily castle life.

He doesn't heal... just displaces the pain. Only when it's securely put away will he return. He wouldn't want his mother, Wolfram or least of all Yuuri to see the darkness residing in his soul.

Gwendal, however, knows it exists and knows what Conrad has done and why he can't return yet. Yozak knows it too- but telling the others would accomplish nothing.

It would only hurt them.

Conrad hugs his mother and Gunter and although Wolfram doesn't hug him, he does shake his hand and tells him sternly to hurry up on his journey and to come home soon.

Yuuri doesn't hug Conrad, but he looks like he wants to- and he will probably cry tonight, regretting that he didn't. Greta gives Conrad enough love to cover for both of her fathers.

When it's his turn, Gwendal hugs his brother and whispers to him. He tells him he understands- and that Conrad is stronger than he thinks.

He doesn't tell him to come back- but that he cares about him, loves him.

When Conrad finally leaves, Yuuri stands in the courtyard for half an hour until finally he breaks down and cries, and Wolfram is there to hold him.

Wolfram hates Conrad for hurting Yuuri and for leaving him- them- again.

He loves Yuuri though, so he'll try his best to fill Conrad's spot while he's gone so Yuuri doesn't notice the man's absence as much.

Gwendal watches it all while cradling Greta on one hip. The castle is never the same without the brunette. He hopes for everyone's sake that Conrad comes back soon.

Yozak stays at the castle- but not for long. He'll end up following his Captain, as always, to keep an eye on the man and ensure he returns in one piece. At least, on the outside.

Alone and far away from those he cares about, Conrad breaths a sigh of relief. His neutral expression crumbles to finally show his true emotions: despair and pain.

He rides in silence for some time, experiencing flash backs.

It's going to be a long journey this time as his mind sorts through every detail of his betrayal and tries to find reason, justification and the silver lining to it all so he can categorize his horrible memories and store them away, so they will no longer haunt him with unanswered questions.

It wasn't easy, none of it was.

But he'd do it again.

He'd lose all of his limbs, betray his family, lay waste to armies.

He'd give his body, his life, everything for Yuuri.

But would he live?

That was always the hardest question. Could he continue on, live with all that he'd done- would he do that for Yuuri?

Well... he was going to try.

As if sensing his despair, dark clouds began to swirl over the path ahead.