Ooga-chaka, ooga-ooga
Ooga-chaka, ooga-ooga
Ooga-chaka, ooga-ooga
Ooga-chaka, ooga-ooga
I can't stop this feeling,
Deep inside of me...
Girl, you just don't realize...
What you do to me
Nick Wilde groaned loudly and grit his teeth, sleepily slapping at his alarm clock, missing the snooze button by a bit as he kept trying to hit it with his eyes closed. Finally after the third attempt, he opened his eyes a crack and slapped it with more force than necessary, slumping back into his bed and shut his eyes, easily slipping back into his dreamy world.
Hey! (Hey!)
What's the matter with your mind, and your sign and oohhhhhh!
Hey! (Hey!)
Nothin's the matter with your head baby, find it...
Come on and find it
Hey with it, baby, 'cause you're fine and your mine and
You look so divine...
Come and get your love!
Come and get your looooove!
"Five more minutes..." Nick groaned, tapping the snooze button. As much as he loved that song, he wanted at least a few more minutes rest before he was supposed to get up to meet Judy at her apartment.
Knock knock knock knock!
The young fox growled, taking his alarm clock and chucking it over his shoulder, where it smacked into his wall.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Nick grumbled to himself as he sat up, realizing it was actually someone at his door. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he looked at his clock which had landed conveniently right side up so he could see what time it was.
5:52 AM ...he was supposed to be up thirty-two minutes ago!
"Oh crap... Carrots." Nick's eyes went wide as he jumped out of bed with such airtime that Judy would have been proud, if not for her literally almost about to kick his door down as he opend it up hastily. "I'm up, I'm up!"
"Sweet cheese and crackers, Nick." Judy sighed, shaking her head and smiled a bit despite herself, her face turning serious. "We really need to straighten this out, this is the third time this week. We've been at this for almost a year together now, don't you want to keep yourself in the force?"
Nick blinked, nodding and his face turned serious. "Of course I do. Look Carrots, I'm sorry. There's just a lot going on...you know..."
He sighed, letting her in and became quiet again as he slipped off his shirt in front of her. While they had indeed grown closer over the past year, closer than they had been during the nighthowler incident, Judy still let a small blush grace her features as she averted her eyes as Nick started stripping tiredly as he made his way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind himself when he reached his boxers and a few seconds later Judy heard the shower running.
"Nick..." Judy called out softly, starting up the coffee maker and sighed as the aroma started filling up his apartment.
"Yeah, Fluff?" Nick replied, sounding more awake due to the steaming shower.
"...Do you want to go to Harley and Puddin's Diner later? You could use a good bug burger." She asked, leaning against his counter and played with her fingers, trying to pick out any remaining non-existent dirt.
"What's the occassion?" Nick asked, the shower turning off and a few minutes later he stepped out in his uniform pants and a white tank-top.
"Nick..." Judy said softly, pouring the fox a steaming cup of finished coffee, walking up to him as he pulled on his button up shirt. As he accepted the cup with thanks, she started tying his tie. "I may not have lost a parent, or even... have gone through what you have growing up with just your Mom. But..." Nick frowned, his brow furrowing while Judy laid a paw on his cheek and stared straight into his eyes. "Nicolas Wilde, despite what you think, you're not alone. You have me, you have Finn, you have Clawhauser... your Mom. You don't have to hide all these feelings, they are NOT a weakness, believe me."
"I do, Carrots." Nick spoke up softly after a sip of his coffee with an appreciative moan of energy seeping into his body. "But locking up all my emotions and pulling them out to whatever fits the situation best... that's all I've ever known."
Judy bit her lip, stepping back after realizing their muzzles were inches apart despite the height difference. The mutual feeling of slight disappointment hung in the air but quickly dissapated when Judy cleared her throat.
"Yes well... like I said, you don't have to shoulder this alone. Don't try to tough it out, you have friends like me willing to make sure you don't have any reason to hide it or to bottle it all up. Promise me that you will confide in me, Finn or your Mom if it gets to be too much."
Nick looked down at the mug of coffee, swirling the half-finished drink and his face was deep in thought.
"Alright, I promise, Judy." Nick smiled up at her eventually, and for once it wasn't his usual con-artist smirk or his fake mask of happiness. For once in the few times of his entire life, it was a true genuine heart-warming smile.
"Good." Judy sighed, smiling and happy that they were able to agree on this touchy subject. "Hurry up and brush your teeth, killer, we need to leave if we want to get to work by 6:45." for added effect of teasing her partner, she wrinkled her nose which caused him to laugh.
"Haha, alright alright."
"Delgato, Francine, Tundra Town." Chief Bogo spoke up after going over the usual morning rituals that went on in the Bull Pen. He pushed his glasses further up his nose, reading off each of the pairs for the day, giving them the cases that were currently bulking up the file cabinets. After the nighthowler incident, crime had seemed to take a break to allow everyone to recover. While it was indeed strange and slightly comforting that even the criminals knew when to back off, it only made Judy and the others even more uneasy since that meant in the break all the would-be criminals had plenty of time to plot out heists, murders or worse...
Pair by pair, each left with their own assignments until only Judy and Nick were left with the Chief. He cleared his throat, taking off his glasses and they both knew something was wrong. As Nick had pointed out to Judy on one of their bets when he first started, he mentioned that whenever the Chief took his glasses off, it was a sign of some bad news to come.
"Officer Hopps, will you give me and Officer Wilde a moment, please?" Chief asked, his voice strangely forced.
Judy's ears twitched, but she made no comments about the matter as she simply nodded and got up, giving Nick a fleeting look before shutting the door behind her. Bogo looked Nick over a long minute before sighing and rubbed his eyes, as if he were exhausted. Truth be told, he actually looked it.
"...Sir?" Nick asked, sitting up straighter.
"You're not in trouble, Wilde." Bogo spoke up after a few minutes. He held up a small envelope, the seal of wherever it was from had been broken. "I did not read it, I respected your privacy that much. However, with the... incident a few months back, we took a few more steps to make sure we don't get any more exploding mail." Nick nodded. "I am unsure why they sent it to the station instead of your house directly but... here you are."
He handed the fox the envelope with an unreadable expression as Nick pulled out the paper and began to read. However with each word he read, his eyes grew wider, his heart started to pound in his chest until it almost felt like it hurt, his breath grew shallow and he could have sworn he had multiple heart attacks. He clenched his hand, his claws digging into his paw as the paw holding the paper shook. Bogo raised an eyebrow.
"Are you alright?" He asked, his voice for once without his gruff edge.
"I...I'm..." Nick began, but Bogo held up a hoof.
"It is your business, not mine." He said gently, not wanting to invade in his privacy.
"I'm... I'm a father." Nick said, his voice shaking from mixed emotions. Bogo was visibly stunned, he knew it was from the orphanage right off the edge of Sahara Square. He had honestly expected it to be from one of the children who wanted to write to the Officer as a pen-pal of sorts. He and Judy once stopped by there a few shifts ago to cheer up some of them due to the children always wanted to see a real officer.
"I'm a father..." Nick choked out, his breathing growing harder and he clutched at the desk, his vision starting to dim a bit. Bogo gave him a light pat on the back to keep him from fainting. "T-They said..."
He was unable to speak as he shot up from his desk, trying to make a break for the bathroom however he realized he wouldn't make it and bent over the trashcan to heave. Ah great... his breakfast looked lovely this morning too...
"Wilde..." Bogo spoke softly, giving a few gentle pats on the back as Nick heaved again.
Nick didn't respond, shaking as if he were going through a withdrawl. He shut his eyes tightly, swallowing hard as he tried to keep the rest of his stomach down. Letting out a shaky breath, he struggled with his emotions. Biting his lip, he remembered what Judy said, about not bottling up his emotions.
"...I-I'm a father..." He repeated for the third time, letting out a nervous laugh. "How am I supposed to be a father when my own wasn't even around?"
And the Chief knew he was trying to bring up his emotional walls again. And he let him, this was a matter Officer Wilde had to see through for himself, any kind of prodding into the matter would only make it worse. All he could do was offer his own advice as a father.
"Nick..." Chief Bogo said as softly as he could, kneeling next to the fox, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's not your fault." Bogo attempted to be sincere, but since he was so used to being the gruff C.O., he... may have come off a bit as uncaring. "Nick, listen to me. I have two children myself."
Nick blinked, looking up at him with an expression of utter loss. This had hit him harder than he wanted to admit out loud, Bogo could tell that much from the way his fur bristled and he swallowed hard repeatedly.
"Loves of my life. But... their mother and I, we no longer saw eye to eye and had to divorce soon after my second child was born." Bogo told him. "Your father may not have been there for your childhood, and you may have missed out on a bit of your own kin's but... you have a chance now to do what you couldn't have yourself. Be there for your child. Make them happy, give them the happiness they deserve. Believe me, Children have a way of worming into your heart and make you the happiest mammal on earth." He chuckled softly, fond memories coming back before he dismissed them.
Nick was silent still, looking at him for a long while. But whether it was from his still being in shock or from not being able to find the words, the buffalo was unsure.
"I'm no good at this kind of thing, kind of why my marriage fell apart. But this isn't about me, it's about you." Bogo stood up, helping Nick off of his knees. "Take a mandatory week off to get all this sorted out, starting now, no exceptions. Understood?"
The fox nodded, unsure of what to say as his mouth had run dry.
"Good, Dismissed. Hopps?" Chief cleared his throat, the bunny officer coming in with her ears laid back and she discreetly wiped her eyes, but the Chief respected her pride enough to ignore the gesture and nodded. "Light patrol duty for today, keep your phone on at all times and if Officer Wilde should need anything, you will make that your priority, understood? I hate to jinx us all, but with as little crime in Zootopia we have now, I wouldn't expect much to happen. But if something should, get it done by the book and do not let your personal feelings get in the way."
"Yes Sir." Judy nodded, giving a small salute, her expression serious.
"Alright, enough chit-chat. Officer Hopps, go ahead and escort Wilde home and start on your patrol. I want a report first thing tomorrow morning. Dismissed."
Chief Bogo shut the door after Nick walked out, leaving the two alone. Nick busily trained his eyes at the floor, as if his staring would melt a hole he could crawl into and drown his sorrow while Judy cleared her throat, stepping closer and laid a gentle paw on his arm.
"Nick..." She spoke softly and he visibly flinched at her touch and the silence broken, though he made no move to back away, she bit her lip as so many things came to mind but she couldn't figure out which to start with. "...I'll take you home, just take it easy and rest for a bit, watch some cartoons or something to relax. I'll be home soon before you know it."
"Relax...?" Nick repeated, as if it were a foreign subject to him, he laughed. "Carrots, how can I relax when I have a son who's been locked up in an Orphanage for six years?"
"Nick." Judy spoke with a sterner note, but still gentle as she squeezed his arm affectionately. "Please, just relax, no more hiding how your feelings. Remember what I said this morning? Please..." She bit her lip, looking up at him with a few tears starting to brim in her eyes before she blinked them away. "We've gone through too much together for me to give up on you, I don't want you going down a dark path... just..." She bit her lip, unable to finish as Nick brought her into a hug, stroking her ears.
"I know Carrots... I know... I'm sorry..." Nick whispered, gently giving a chaste kiss between her ears. "It's just so much to take in... so many things I realized when I read it... I promise I'll be a good fox." He gave another rare genuine smile, though this was was sadder.
"Good..." Judy blinked away the remaining tears, smiling a bit and gently punched his arm. "Because I am not training a new partner."
"Oh please Carrots, I trained you." Nick laughed as they walked to her sqaud car.
Nick had resigned to laying on the couch after literally spending half of the day just pacing around his apartment, running everything over in his head. They had enclosed a copy of the DNA testing, he was a definite match for the kid... his son... that... had a strangely nice ring to it as he rolled it off his tongue.
What he had told Bogo was true, probably one of the few times he had been openly honest with his boss. He didn't know how to be a father. Sure, he had conned his way using Finnick as a stand in son, but hell, even that was staged from watching just a lot of daytime television. How was he supposed to know the first thing about being a good father when his own didn't stick around to watch him grow up?
He had wrestled with that fact ever since Judy dropped him off, she had insisted should he need her, and like Bogo said, he should call her or text her. He was still used to letting his feelings being known, trying his best to tone down the whole 'Don't let them see that they get to you' thing. Part of him wanted to open up, to let Judy know just how much she meant to him... how much he wanted to just have a simple happy life... but...
He jumped as the sound of his phone going off on his chest and tried to calm his beating heart as he entered in his password, tapping on the messenger app of his phone to see a text from Judy and Clawhauser.
Clawhauser: Hey bud, is... something wrong? You seemed awfully pale after coming out of the Bull Pen this morning.
He frowned, remembering just then that he wasn't really 'awake' then, still getting over the shock. He sent back a quick text saying a part of his past came back and he had to sort out a bunch of things. He didn't get a reply back so Nick assumed he was busy.
Judy: Hey, how are you feeling, sweetie?
He bit his lip, re-reading it: sweetie?
Ding!
Judy: S-Sorry, auto correct! *Facepaws* I meant 'sunshine'... figured I'd try out your brand of humor for a bit, see if it would put a smile on your face.
Nick allowed a soft chuckle, texting back: "Well... you got me giggling like a school girl who just got asked to the prom by the mention of 'sweetie' so... just peachy. Aren't you busy?"
Her reply was instant, she sure typed fast. "Nope, just finished my rounds. Have to make a quick stop and then I'll be home."
"Heh, all the time you come to my apartment, just come move in already." he teased her, smiling a bit despite his earlier inner turmoil.
There was a bit of a delay. "...ok you owe me a new Polar Cola, I just coughed up some of it."
"Sorry Carrots. Anyways, I'm doing okay so far, so... just be careful getting home, I'll see you when I see you."
"K, eager to see you~"
"Heh, so eager to get your dose of Vitamin Nick, eh?"
"...Scratch that, you owe me two Polar Cola's."
Nick laughed, sitting up and feeling a bit better after having that short conversation. He smiled a bit and felt some of his happiness return as he went to the fridge to grab a quick drink before flipping on Mewtube and cycled through the recent uploads, stopping cold as he saw the thumbnail of a "Breaking News" video...
Ice formed in his stomach as he saw it was a report of a father being arrested for neglecting and abusing his child...
"Nick, I'm here." Judy knocked gently, unlocking the door with her own copy of the key, noticing at once that every light was off. Sniffing and then wrinkling her nose, she could smell the strong smell of booze, sighing inwardly as she closed the door behind herself and treked through the silent dark apartment.
Even though her night vision wasn't as keen as Nick's she could clearly see him sitting at his dining table, motionless as he looked out of the window and at the starry night sky.
"Hey Carrots..." Nick said quietly, wiping his nose as he sniffed and Judy realized he had been crying as she set her present to him on the table and sat next to him. "What's in the bag?"
"That can wait... what happened? You were so chipper earlier." Judy asked softly, placing a paw on his arm and this time he did inch away, taking in a shuddering breath and Judy resisted the urge to bite her lip again.
"...Am I going to be a good father? Every time I start to believe in myself, I only go back to doubting myself a few minutes later. Why can't it all be so simple?" Nick asked her, swirling the last bit of scotch in his glass and Judy realized he had drank almost the entire bottle. She gingerly took it and threw the bottle away, glaring a little despite the touchy subject and the Fox let her, downing the last of his glass and getting up. With the practice step of a drunk elephant, he made his way to the sink and washed out his glass, more of something to put a bit of space between himself and the rabbit than anything else.
"You'd be a great father." Judy replied at once, no hesitation whatsoever. "Don't second-guess yourself, trust me Nick..." She blushed, thankful it was dark. "I've caught myself once or twice imagining you as a father, seeing you laugh and holding a child. I want you to be happy, you told me that you had it rough growing up with just your Mom, so... why not make it better for the both of you? It... is just one child, right?"
"A son, Samhain Wilde..." Nick chuckled, sadness seeping into his laugh. "She even gave him my last name. She... had to give him up in the Orphanage when she found out she was pregnant, she didn't want her parents to find out she had been with a poor Fox, much less having his kid, so... originally she wanted him to come straight to me, but since I was a con man, tracking me directly had been harder than anticipated and they gave up after two years. Four years pass, and a Fox by the name of Nick Wilde becomes a hero, becoming the first Fox police officer... they took the plunge, doing some testing with DNA sampling they got from the hospital from the records they had of me. Put two and two together, you get four and there you go, case closed. I'm a father who had no idea he had a son. She wanted me to have him... but my own damn stupidity made it hard for them to find me..."
"Nick..." Judy began, but he held up a paw.
"Let me finish, please..." Nick took a deep breath, and the rabbit nodded. "She came from Britain on a cruise, we hooked up almost immediately when she saw through one of my cons, trying to bring out the best in me like you did. Only... you succeeded where she failed." He smiled sadly. "She... had to leave after our one night together, back to Britain. So... when she gave birth, poor Samhain had been bounced around foster care before landing in Zootopia's Orphanage due to his birthright being there... the Orphanage we went to for visiting those kids who wanted to see a real police officer."
Judy's eyes widened. "Oh Nick..."
"I could have seen him... and never known..." Nick began to tear up, shaking a bit. "And... And his mother is dead... because of me... died of childbirth..."
Judy took that as her cue to get up, stopping with a gasp and her heart hammering into her chest as Nick's booze took over and he threw the empty glass against the far wall, thankfully having enough sense to do so where none would hurt either of them. He let out an anguished yell as he fell to his knees, pounding his fist into the floor until it hurt and Judy could faintly smell blood as he had split the skin.
"It's my damn fault she's dead! Because I couldn't keep it in my fucking pants!" Nick shouted, falling to his knees. "I'm a horrible Fox... I-I..." He sobbed into Judy's shoulder as she ran forward and hugged him tightly, stroking his neck as she let him empty his sorrows.
"Judy... H-How can I live with what I've done? I...I've commited murder.. lock me up..." Nick gasped for breath as he sobbed and Judy held him tighter, shaking her head as she continued to stroke his neck, hoping to God that the neighbors didn't call the landlord for a disturbance.
"Nick... you didn't murder anyone. You couldn't have known of the complications." She tilted his head up but he refused to look at her. "Nick, look at me..."
He hiccuped, trying to stop his tears as he looked up into her eyes with an expression and eyes that made Judy's heart stop and shatter into a thousand pieces. Right then and there, damn all the consequences of anyone. She wanted to do the best she could to be there for him, to make him see the bright side of everything. She didn't care if people would label them as a couple, hell... as much as she fought her urges, she desperately wanted that. But the age old fear lingered, would he even love her back.
Instead, she gave a chaste kiss on the nose. "Trust me... This is in no way, shape or form, your fault. The world is cruel, Nick, even the most healthy person can fall ill due to one small mistake. That's all it takes, for one tiny thing to go wrong and everything can change."
"That may sound harsh, but... it's the world we live in." She stroked his cheek, his tears finally stopping. "Let's... have a talk over all of this, before your neighbors call the landlord on us."
Nick nodded, his cheeks redder than his fur as he stood up with her, turning on the lights as Judy set his dining table with two plates and slowly pulled out a still steaming hot blueberry pie, a wide smile.
"I knew this would cheer you up." She pat his paw, letting him seat himself before serving him up a slice and took a seat across from him. "So... I'm just a listener, I won't interrupt. Whenever you're ready..."
She trailed off politely, looking at him with caring, loving eyes. God, Nick just wanted to cuddle with her right now, hold her close and never let go. Her smile always brightened him up... her smell... He shook himself, starting to dig into his pie with a small smile, the warmth from the food starting to melt the ice in his gut.
"Well... it all started with a fox named Martha." Nick began.
A/N: And this concludes the end of a very passion-induced first chapter. I am a HUGE fan of Zootopia, especially since the movie came out a day before my birthday haha. Well, I actually didn't do this alone.
A very special thanks goes out to Armae www .fan fiction u /213 9735/
She acted as part beta reader, full-time co-writer and helped bring this story full circle. Honestly, without her help I would have just had another generic story. She made my story blossom into the awesome one you're reading now, so give her thanks as well. Also be sure to check out her story 'Through The Wall' as that also gave me the confidence to put this one out. She helped co-write this and helped me keep everyone as in-character as possible.
So all in all, our collaboration so far has been a success in my eyes, I hope it does to you all as well. See you in the next chapter!