Hi, so...I read got the idea of this story from this post in Tumblr about weird prompts:

I got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and now I'm being adopted by someone who is really hot OH FUCKING NO

Yeah. So, to whoever came up with that prompt, thanks for the idea!

Also, see that picture? That, kids is a jackalope. I have no idea if it actually exists, but it's pretty cute.

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT RICK RIORDAN (OR AM I?!) AND I DON'T OWN PJO OR HOO.

"Ah, yes," Artemis nodded, satisfied. "I enjoy making jackalopes." - Titan's Curse, chapter 3.

Being a jackalope wasn't really that fun.

More so if you're supposed to be the ultra-terrifying son of Hades, the conjurer of deadly skeleton warriors, the legendary Ghost King—yep, all of that seems pretty useless when you've got furry paws and an adorable, twitchy rabbit nose.

Actually, Nico didn't even know what the actual fuck a jackalope was until he managed to piss a cluster of immortal people off (you know, just your average day in a demigod life) and—poof—congratulations, you now look like Bambi's deformed brother.

He felt like the burger he had for lunch was far too big for his tiny digestive system. His transformation divested him of his clothing, much to his horror, and he lay in a puddle of aviator jacket and holey jeans, with only his fur to cover his creepy new bunny parts. He heard a loud crack and had just enough time to scurry away as his prized Stygian iron sword clattered to the ground, nearly slicing him in half.

It didn't help that an angry twelve year old deity now seemed to be on the verge of turning him into venison stew. Behind her, a spiky-haired daughter of Zeus was casually sharpening a set of silver arrows. She looked like she was in the mood for some sautéed bunny chops.

And as if that weren't completely terrifying enough, both of them also smelled like a mixture of three month-old meat loaf and explosive diarrhea, which Nico supposed was kind of his fault. Sort of.

So maybe he did pull a little something, a bit of revenge on the Hunters, certainly not enough to hurt them, but apparently enough to make them want to pulverize his skinny butt. Thankfully, the goddess kept the angry mob of pubescent girls at bay…right after she turned him into a mythological hybrid creature. A jackalope.

Terrific, Nico thought. In addition to being a son of Hades, a kid plucked out from the 1940s, a closeted homosexual, and the fact that he constantly reeked of eau de dead people, he was now a jackalope. As if he wasn't isolated enough.

"Nico di Angelo." The goddess of the Hunt scrutinized him, a severe look gracing her young features. "I understand that you're still bent on giving my Hunters a hard time. I have given you a free pass the last time this has happened, son of Hades, but peeking into the tents of my maiden huntresses and directly antagonizing them is unforgivable."

"Seriously, Nico," Thalia growled. "I know you're a teenage boy and can't control your nasty urges, but what the heck, dude? I'm your cousin!"

Nico wanted to point out that one, he wasn't even interested in girls and he certainly wasn't peeking on them, especially the lethal Thalia Grace, and two, he and Thalia were NOT cousins, because gods didn't have DNA, and if he and Thalia were considered cousins then that meant that he and a certain son of Poseidon would be cousins as well, and fantasizing about him felt creepy enough without the said individual being his close relative, thank you very much.

Unfortunately, all that came out was a full thirty seconds of squeaking.

"I see," Artemis said coolly. Nico blinked. Ancient Greek, yes, but he didn't know that goddesses were proficient in weird antelope-rabbit-thing speech, too. "Nico, I am cognizant of the fact that you still blame us for the death of your sister—"

More furious squeaking.

"—but it is time for you to grow up," Artemis finished sternly, fixing her gaze right at him. Her eyes had a haunted look of someone who has seen far too much, which unsettled Nico, since Artemis almost looked young enough for him to babysit. "I know that it takes males several millennia to mature, which would simply not be enough for the short span of your half-blood life, but hear this, Nico di Angelo: I will not tolerate this kind of attitude towards my girls."

Nico couldn't believe that some preteen kid with a creepy stare was lecturing him about proper decorum, but then again, he wasa stinking jackalope. All he could do was blink his Bambi lashes innocently and plot murder.

Artemis kept talking. "She was a very nice girl, and a spirited huntress. Bianca would have done great things, I assure you that. And we have felt her loss keenly when she passed," she said, a hint of sorrow in her voice.

Nico didn't believe it for one second. He still blamed Artemis and her stupid Hunters for taking his precious big sister from him, and making her do dangerous things. A little voice in his head chided him that it was not really their fault and Bianca had made her own choice, but Nico ignored that voice in favor of delving into his anger.

Being angry was a lot easier than succumbing to his sorrow. He wasn't sure he'd be able to handle the magnitude of his pain, alone as he was.

"Yeah," Thalia put in, jarring him out of his thoughts, "plus, I wasn't even with the Hunters yet when she died. What the hell are you spraying me skunk juice for, Death Breath?"

"Nico," the goddess said gently, "am I correct in assuming that you have spoken to your sister after her time of passing?"

A squeak of affirmation.

"Did she also inform you that holding grudges is the fatal flaw of a child of Hades?" Blink, blink. "Yes, Nico di Angelo, I believe that the time has come for you to learn a little lesson."

Nico tilted his head to the side. Okay, maybe throwing Travis and Connor Stoll's signature fart bombs at the Hunters' tents was a bit immature. But it's not like he did it on purpose. He just happened to have a crater of bombs at hand, and seeing the silvery tent resurfaced enough painful memories about Bianca to make him want to inflict bloodshed.

Big deal. It wasn't like he has been planning this attack for weeks or anything. The furry child of the Underworld scowled as deeply as rabbitly possible. This was so unfair.

"Aww," Thalia cooed. She cradled the son of Hades in her arms, and he caught a whiff of pure bathroom agony. "If I didn't hate you so much, I'd actually think you're pretty adorable."

Nico glared at his fake cousin. He kicked his little legs in protest. The scary, punk-rock giant of a perpetually-teenage girl merely smiled and cuddled him closer. Angrily, Nico bit her chin.

"Ow!" Thalia yelped. She promptly dropped him to the ground, and he landed unceremoniously on his bunny butt. He wondered if it was possible for a mythical hybrid…thing to get a concussion. "Forget 'adorable,' di Angelo," she snapped. "I hope you remain a jackalope for life!" She turned and stormed away.

The deity's lips twitched in amusement as she watched her lieutenant go. "Thankfully, being immortal grants her immunity from rabies. Now, as I was saying," she continued, "you are to learn a lesson from this ordeal, son of Hades. I will not offend my uncle by trapping you in that form forever." Nico breathed a sigh of relief.

"But…" Her timeless eyes gleamed. "I can cure you, so to speak, of your fatal flaw."

Nico blinked. How in Hades did she plan to do that?

Artemis offered him a wan smile. "Do not assume that I will always be this generous, boy. I will send you, in the form of a jackalope, to the one whom you have felt a grudging passion for. The one that you hate the most, and yet…" She trailed off, eyeing him with amusement.

Nico felt all the blood in his little body run cold. He let out a little squeak. Surely she didn't mean…?

"Yes, I do," Artemis confirmed cheerfully. "This is your punishment, but you have a chance for redemption. Until you have forgiven him, and finally be at peace with your feelings, you shall remain as you are." She paused. "But, if it is any consolation, and should your quest prove too difficult, I infinitely prefer you as a jackalope, Nico."

The goddess squatted to his level and tapped him between his eyes, like a little girl poking an animal to check if it was alive. "Enjoy, dear cousin."

Drowsily, he wondered if there were any legal procedures that involved disowning cousins, even if they were immortal and on the godly side.

And then his world faded to black.