Serena tapped her fingers impatiently on the surface of the desk as she listened to the phone ring through the earpiece. She willed the person on the other end to answer her call as she didn't know what else she'd do otherwise. She was at her wits end; even Fletch and Raf were beginning to get jumpy and they were usually so laid back on AAU.

"Hello?" A tentative voice answered and Serena breathed an internal sigh of relief.

"Hello. Is that Alex? Alex Dawson?" She'd never met the woman but was fairly hopeful Fletch had found the right number for her. She'd had to ask for his discretion when she explained what she intended to do. However, she'd been somewhat surprised when he'd readily agreed and then expressed similar sorts of concerns.

"Yes, who's speaking?"

"I'm Serena Campbell, Deputy CEO of Holby City Hospital. You came to work with us a few months ago?" She thought she'd get the formal introductions out of the way, just so Alex had a bit of context to her main reason for contacting her.

"Yes, I did. Is there a problem?"

"Yes. I mean no... not to do with that." Serena cleared her throat. "It's about Bernie Wolfe."

"Oh god, has something happened to her?" Serena's tone had taken on an unintended serious edge and she hadn't realised how it must have come across, until she'd heard the unsteady and worried voice at the other end of the phone.

"It's alright, she's okay. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I am aware of your…personal history, that's why I'm phoning. She's…. not coping well at the moment. I've tried to intervene but we've had an inconsistent relationship so far."

"Has she done or said something that concerns you? Is her work not satisfactory?" Alex would certainly be concerned if not, Bernie was nothing if not a very experienced and skilled surgeon. She'd never known her to have made a mistake or bad judgement out in the field. She couldn't always save the casualty but that was just life, especially in their line of work.

"Work wise she's absolutely fine, in fact we've given her her own trauma unit to run and she's thriving on it. And she's the consummate professional, even running on empty with little or no sleep."

"Yes, well… we were well used to working in less than ideal conditions, including ignoring our own well-being."

"So I gather. But I'm worried about her emotional well-being. I don't think I'm breaking any confidences when I say that Marcus is playing pretty dirty in the divorce proceedings. Her kids have been turned against her and she's convinced she's lost you." Serena took a deep breath and made her plea as Bernie's friend rather than colleague, "She's got no one Alex and she's not letting anyone in."

"You do know that originally she left me?" Although, Alex had been interested to learn that Bernie was getting divorced, at least that was a step in the right direction of 'sorting her life out.'

"I'm not here to get into all the ins and outs of it all. I'm just concerned for a member of staff and someone I've come to think of as a friend. Short of suspending her I don't really know what else to do. Please, just think about it? She's not going to open up to anyone else."

In her darkened office within the trauma unit, Bernie sat down heavily on her chair. Her eyes were tired, not just in a heavy way but in the can't keep them open, stinging sort of way. They were red and puffy and dark circles accented the evidence of her restless nights away from work. But she had to keep going, had to prove to Hanssen and Serena that their trust in her hadn't been misplaced. The trauma unit was making steady progress but it was slower than she would have liked and confined by a restricted budget. Although, she had already told Hanssen that miracles weren't her in her department.

Bernie sat back in the large and unexpectedly comfortable desk chair and allowed her sore eyes to close for a few moments. She concentrated on breathing steadily and slowly, in and out, hoping to collect herself enough to get through the rest of her shift. But the thought of going back to her tiny, impersonal flat afterwards didn't make her feel any better. It was well stocked with a supply of alcohol in the cupboards but she barely had any fresh food in the fridge and instead boxes of cigarettes had been stacked up on a side table. She'd probably also lost a few pounds since she'd made the split from Marcus, as her appetite had all but disappeared under the stress.

When she wasn't exhausted from working longer hours than necessary and just about managed to undress and climb wearily into bed after a shift, she sat up well into the early hours and dissected every aspect of her crumbling life. More often than not laying all the blame at her own feet and pointing out all her inadequacies and failings. It wasn't the existence she'd imagined living a year ago, which then brought her thoughts to Alex.

She'd picked up her phone numerous times, far too many to count, on the verge of calling her. But then she'd stopped herself, having lost confidence that anything she had to say would be welcome. Yes the divorce was being worked through but it would still take months until it was finalised. By which time Alex might have moved on or decided that Bernie just wasn't worth the baggage and hassle that she came with. However, if she contacted her now, what could she honestly say had changed in the last few weeks? Her life was still quite a mess, her relationships with her kids fragile and fractured, her plans for the future a murky pool of uncertainty and her state of mind, well….

"Bernie, could I have a word?" Serena asked her colleague as discreetly as she could in the middle of the ward. The trouble was, Bernie was on a short fuse these days and she was prone to overreacting, even to the most innocuous of requests.

"Can it wait?" It was thrown at her colleague as a rhetorical question as Bernie continued to read through the patient file she'd picked up moments earlier.

"Err... no, not really." On another day, Serena would have jumped on that reaction and then it would have caused a disagreement between the two women. "You have a visitor, in my office." Bernie's eyebrows knitted in confusion and she squinted to see if she could make out who it was from her current vantage point. Unfortunately the blinds were down so she was unable to see.

"Who?"

"It's better if you see for yourself." Bernie put down the folder and followed Serena as she chaperoned her to the door. She opened it for Bernie as she ushered her through.

"Alex….?! What are you doing here?" Bernie was obviously confused but her voice gave away her relief at the same time. Alex turned around to face her lover… ex lover…or whatever the word was for something somewhere between the two.

"Hello Bern." Alex had been as nervous as the first time she'd pitched up unannounced at the hospital. She'd paced Serena's office, sat down, stood up and perched herself against the desk before finally settling on looking out of the window.

"I'll leave you two to it. You won't be disturbed." Serena discreetly backed out of her own office and closed the door behind her.

"I don't understand." Bernie looked at Alex and took in the sight of the woman she was still so deeply in love with. It had been far too long since their last goodbye, even longer wondering if all hope was lost and it had been their final one.

"She cares about you, you know?" At Bernie's confused look Alex elaborated. "Serena, she's been worried about you." That wasn't quite what Bernie had been expecting her to say and it threw her for a moment.

"I… err…."

"What's been going on?" Alex's voice was kind and concerned which prompted Bernie to crumple on the spot. Someone who actually cared about her had asked, someone who knew her well enough that she'd not be embarrassed to show her vulnerability to. Her arms wrapped themselves around her own waist protectively and the sting of tears in her eyes was so strong she was powerless to stop them. It only took Alex a couple of strides to get to her before she wrapped her arms around her and enveloped her in a hug. "It's alright, let it out. I'm here." She cradled Bernie's head against her chest as the older woman cried out her heartache and frustration from the last few months.

Bernie hadn't meant to break down in Alex's arms but knowing they were safe and that she finally had permission meant that her carefully built walls had crumbled in an instant. Alex had always had a way of getting through to the very core of her, even before they'd become lovers. However, Bernie made sure she recovered herself soon enough, lest she never be able to stop.

"I've been so alone Alex." Bernie lifted her head from Alex's chest so they could speak and Alex couldn't help but reach out and wipe the tear tracks from her cheeks with her thumbs.

"What happened?" As comfortable as their embrace was, Bernie took a step back and leaned her hip against the desk so they could make proper eye contact.

"Charlotte hates me, told me that she never wanted to speak to me again. She's refused my calls, not answered any of my texts or emails. I don't even know if she's read them. Cameron's not much better, although at least there's been some communication, even if he just tells me to piss off from time to time." There was an edge of dry humour to Bernie's tone but Alex understood how much the situation must be hurting her.

"Do you know why?" Alex took the lead from Bernie and perched herself on the edge of the desk so that she was also more comfortable.

"Not specifically. It seems to be a mixture of their resentment of me as an absentee mother, the fact I cheated on their father and blatant homophobia. Although, I can't work out if the latter is because they've discovered I...wasn't straight in the first place, or because I wasn't open with them sooner. Some of the language has been colourful to say the least." Bernie had been disappointed with some of the things Cameron had come out with, she'd not expected any child of hers to be so bigoted and hateful. She hoped that it was just a knee-jerk reaction, backed up by his father's own anger and upset.

"Didn't you sit them down and explain?"

"Marcus wouldn't let me near them, god knows what twisted version of events he's told them."

"That's not fair, whatever's happened you had the right to tell them in your own words." There were a few moment's silence as Alex remembered when she came out to her brother. His reaction was so awful that he went straight to their mother and told her without Alex's consent. Fortunately her mother hadn't been quite so horrified and they'd got their relationship back on track fairly quickly. As for Alex's brother, they were still estranged and had barely spoken a dozen words to each other in over 15 years. The point being that she had the right to tell her mum in her own time and not have that taken away from her by him. Alex broke the silence and continued on a slightly different path. "Serena told me you've been working all the hours in this new trauma unit?"

"She and Hanssen took a chance by giving it to me, the least I can do is make a go of it, prove their trust in me isn't misplaced." Despite being given the trauma unit, Bernie still felt like the outsider, like she didn't quite fit in a Holby and that she constantly had something still to prove.

"That doesn't mean you have to work yourself into the ground! You're avoiding…." Bernie cut her off in frustration.

"Of course I'm bloody avoiding! My life's still such a mess and every night I go back to an empty flat with no one to talk to, no one to…. hold me." Alex could see the heartbreak in her eyes and she knew that it was partly her fault, not unjustly so but she still felt guilty. She swallowed down her own emotion; this was harder than she thought it was going to be.

"Why are you here?" The older woman asked quizzically because Alex had made it very clear that Bernie was to make the next move and that she was done chasing.

"Because Serena asked as she's on the verge of suspending you for your own good and I know you'd hate that. And because, even after everything, I'm still your friend." Alex had been desperate to hear from her too and Serena's intervention had come along at just the right time. She'd never have contacted Bernie otherwise because she really believed that she had needed to start living life for herself first and then come back to her when she was ready.

"Friend? Is that all? Because I've not stopped thinking about you. I… I miss you." Bernie said it so softly, so full of emotion that Alex was very nearly undone. But she had to stay strong, at least for today.

"Bern…. not here, not now, please." Bernie's heart fell and wondered if her worst fears had been realised; that Alex had moved on and decided that the complex situation they had found themselves in wasn't what she wanted in her life, that Bernie wasn't who she wanted any longer, along with all the baggage that was to follow.

"Ever?" Bernie's nose wrinkled as she obviously fought back more tears at the thought that it was actually over between them for good.

"One day, I promise. Let's just sort this out first eh?" Alex reached out and put a hand on Bernie's forearm in a gesture of reassurance. The blonde nodded gently and placed her own hand on top of Alex's. There was still a way to go, but at least it was a start.

A couple of weeks later.

Bernie was perched on the edge of Serena's desk as was her usual wont. Her royal blue scrubs with Trauma Unit Doctor emblazoned upon them felt comfortable and like she had a place, a purpose at Holby at last.

"We have been looking for another anesthetist for a few weeks and Alex would be perfect. She's excellent at her job and we do work very well together." Serena sat back in her chair and her eyebrows raised almost into her hairline at Bernie's request.

"Yes and look where that got you before?" She said with a sardonic edge to her voice.

"You know what I meant." Though it pained her to say the next words they were the truth, "We're not together right now but we do know each other inside and out. She'll make sure I'm not overdoing it," Bernie looked pointedly at Serena then. It was, after all, the concern that had brought Alex back into her life a little prematurely. Not that she was complaining. "And, just like mine, her experience can only be beneficial for the trauma unit." It was a fair argument and Serena had to seriously consider the idea but she had some concerns.

"Are you sure you can manage to work with each other, given your history?" Serena had witnessed various workplace romances and breakups over the years, she'd seen first hand the difficulties it could cause.

"I'd rather work with her as a friend than not at all." They'd had a good friendship before any romance had blossomed between them and Bernie so desperately missed a friend who already understood her history, without fear of judgement or further explanation needed.

"Is there no hope of you two…?" Serena still wasn't a hundred percent comfortable with the idea, not because Alex was a woman but because she'd been the one Bernie had had the affair with. However, Serena did also acknowledge that ever since Alex had stopped by for a second time, Bernie's demeanour and emotional well-being had changed considerably for the better.

"I don't know, we've not really talked about it but I think the reality is that it's probably too late, too much water under the bridge?" In an instant Serena could see the switch between Bernie the surgeon, Major Wolfe with all her bolshy confidence and Bernie the woman underneath, completely lacking in self-confidence and direction in her life.

"She wouldn't have come to see you if she didn't care." Serena attempted to be reassuring, not really knowing the full story of what happened between them, although she'd been told bits and pieces.

"At your request and you can be pretty persuasive when you set your mind to something!" Bernie chuckled half-heartedly.

"I think you're selling yourself short Bernie. I'm not sure I would have come back like she did for just anyone." Serena reached out and patted her knee gently, attempting to mollify her.

"Well, it's rather a moot point. Anyway, will you at least think about it?" It was a quick change of tone emphasised by Bernie hopping off the desk and half-turning away in readiness to leave.

"As long as you feel you can work side by side and it's not going to be a problem, then I'll speak to Hanssen this afternoon."

"Thanks."

Alex walked out onto the ward with a polystyrene cup filled with hot coffee in each hand. Raf ever so slightly bumped into her and immediately went to apologise.

"Oh, sorry! Wasn't looking where I was going." Fletch held up his hands in apology.

"No worries, luckily they have lids on, so you're alright." Alex smiled graciously and wasn't too bothered by the near miss. Nothing could dampen her mood today.

"We haven't been introduced yet, I'm Raf, Specialist Registrar on AAU. You must be Bernie's…..?" Raf mentally kicked himself as 'lover' had been on the tip of his tongue.

"...Old army colleague." Alex said firmly, immediately hoping to quash any further curiosity that would later undoubtedly turn into gossip. "Alex, Alex Dawson. I'd shake hands but…." She shrugged her shoulders and emphasised the cups in her hands.

"Oh yes right. I'll let you be on your way. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise." Raf continued to the nurse's station while Alex's eyes scanned the ward until she eventually spied the intended recipient of the other drink writing something on one of the hanging whiteboards. "Here, I thought you could do with a caffeine boost." Alex nudged at Bernie's elbow and held out one of the cups to her.

"Oh, thank you! You didn't have to do that." Bernie took the offered drink and she couldn't honestly say that she wasn't grateful for it.

"I wanted to. I know how you forget to take care of yourself sometimes. There's an apple in my pocket too." Alex stuck out her right hip to emphasise the point and Bernie reached inside and took out the fruit. She looked up and they beamed at each other, momentarily taken to another time and place where the conversation had been nearly identical but under completely different circumstances.

"I.. err.. thanks." A slight awkwardness fell upon them and Alex's smile was shorter and less confident this time.

"I'd better err… get on with things. See you later." Bernie nodded and stood rooted to the spot, deep in thought for a few moments after Alex had disappeared.

All the while, Raf had been watching with interest from his vantage point at the nurse's station.

"Fletch?" The nurse only half paid attention as he rooted around in the cupboards under the station for something.

"Yes mate."

"The new anthesitist. Bernie's old colleague, isn't she the one…?" There was no need to say it out loud, the whole hospital was well aware of Bernie's mess of a personal life. Fortunately it was only really still brought up in the small circles who actually worked with the army medic.

"Yeah, but they're not anymore." Fletch hadn't actually let on to his friend about how much he knew, let alone his own part in tracking Alex down on Serena's behalf.

"Really? Things looked pretty cosy just then."

"Well, you try working with your ex." Fletch raised his eyebrows at his housemate and Raf conceded the point with a shrug. "Although, I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't, you can feel the chemistry between them from here!" Fletch chuckled and Raf nodded in vigorous agreement.

"Shame though, she's a bit of alright isn't she?" Fletch looked sharply at his friend and chuckled at the hopeless cause that was his love life.

"You're not wrong there mate." Fletch said wistfully, fully aware they'd both be barking up the wrong tree even if she wasn't still seemingly very much in love with Bernie.

Alex looked over at Bernie in Albie's as she stood by the bar getting their drinks. Bernie beamed at her and Alex instinctively returned her smile. Her heart fluttered and swelled and then she had to swallow down the ache that came in the next instant. She turned back to the barman in time to confirm she had what she wanted and to hear the price of her round. She paid him and picked up their drinks.

She'd been a regular at Albie's ever since she had started officially working at Holby. Fletch and Raf had been the ones to take an instant shine to her and it hadn't taken her long to work out it was in more ways than one. She swore she'd seen little flashes of jealousy and possessiveness in Bernie whenever she was engaged in deep conversation or sharing a joke with the lads. Serena also often joined them, occasionally with Jason and sometimes it seemed the whole hospital had squeezed into the small pub.

Whilst they'd proved that they could work exceptionally well together and get along outside of surgery as friends, they'd both avoided spending time completely alone with each other. Alex had been ready to broach the subject for ages but just hadn't seemed able to find the right time. Albie's was as quiet as she'd ever seen it and decided that now was as good as any. She reached their table and placed the drinks on top of it. It took her a good fifteen minutes to work up the courage to speak and she was sure Bernie had clued in to her nervousness. Suddenly she turned to face the older woman and she had to mentally pace herself to stop her words coming out in a rush.

"Bern…. these past few weeks have been wonderful. Working alongside you again, remembering what it was like to laugh with you, to instinctively know what you're thinking." She took a deliberate breath to steady herself. "It feels like we've been here before and we have. Do you remember the night we first kissed, the night we admitted how we felt about each other?"

Bernie nodded silently, her heart thrummed in her chest in anticipation of what was coming. That had been a terrible day where they'd lost a young comrade and Bernie had taken it badly. Alex had picked up the pieces of her grief and they'd come together in lust. But they'd been in an unacknowledged emotional relationship months before then, it had simply been the catalyst that helped them to finally cross the line.

Alex reached out under the table and put her hand on Bernie's knee, both were locked in on the moment, the few other patrons in the pub momentarily forgotten. "I want more, I want us to try again. Only this time let's start on a positive note and where both of us are now free to be open and honest with each other and about our relationship." Tears flowed down Bernie's cheeks, a bright smile lit up her face and she nodded vigorously.

"I wasn't sure you were feeling the same thing. I didn't want to frighten you away again so I just told myself to be grateful for what I had." It was a conversation Bernie had had in her head countless times over the last few weeks. She'd been stuck between being very happy to have Alex back in her life at all and wanting so much more than friendship again.

"Oh Bern…. I never fell out of love with you." Alex reached up and cupped Bernie's cheek in the palm of her hand. Bernie placed a delicate kiss to Alex's palm and grabbed hold of it with her hand.

"I know it was my fault, that I treated you badly and I'll spend my entire life making it up to you." She'd do anything to prove how much she regretted her previous actions, just so long as she could have Alex back as her lover.

"It doesn't matter now, only that we learn from it and move forward. Together. If you'll still have me?"

"I've dreamed of nothing else since that bloody IED hit." They leaned into each other, their foreheads touching in a moment of intimacy in an otherwise public space. "I love you Alex. So very much." They very nearly kissed but Alex ducked her head just in time.

"Back to my place?" Bernie bit her lip, disappointed they'd not kissed but amused at the same time. She was also relieved Alex had suggested her house as Bernie didn't hold a great affection for her flat and didn't want their first time together after so long apart to be somewhere so impersonal. Bernie's lust filled glassy eyes cleared and she felt awake and alive like she'd been half asleep the last few months. She nodded her assent and they both drained what was left of their drinks. "I've got the bike today, if you don't mind riding pillion?" Bernie grinned widely, she certainly didn't mind!

"You have a spare helmet?"

"Always." Then Alex went a little sheepish. "I always thought, just in case, one day you might…." Bernie reached out her hand to Alex and the younger woman looked at it for a moment. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely." She offered her hand to Alex again, as if to emphasise her point. "New beginnings remember? Open and honest?" Alex nodded and grasped Bernie's proffered hand. They meandered their way out of Albie's, surprisingly undisturbed.

But Bernie couldn't wait out the ride back to Alex's place without at least sealing their newly rekindled relationship. They'd left the relative safety of the pub and just turned the corner when Bernie pushed Alex up against the wall, firmly but carefully. It was reminiscent of the days when they were marginally more carefree. They'd never been able to be fully open about their relationship but their 'happy bubble' had provided them with more freedom than imagined.

Alex's chest rose and fell heavily, anticipation and adrenaline coursed through her system and her mouth suddenly felt very dry. But then Bernie's soft, moist lips descended upon hers and it was like the world had righted itself again. It was familiar and comfortable, like coming home, but passionate and stimulating at the same time. Bernie's hands rested comfortably on her hips, the gentle brushing of a thumb over the front of her shirt and over her stomach sent shivers up her spine in anticipation of what was to come.

"Oi oi!"

"Get a room you two!" The catcalls from Fletch and Raf were distinctive and Alex realised that she should have made a bet on it happening. However, for all the joking, for a split second she'd expected Bernie to tense and run off. As sad as it had made her feel, it was a reminder that they still had much to work through. But, in a moment that Alex would come to look upon with pride, Bernie grabbed hold of Alex's hand and made her way over to meet up with their colleagues.

"That's just what we're about to do but thanks for the concern boys. Have a lovely evening." She winked and made a move to go. Alex grinned stupidly all the way to where she'd parked the bike. They came to stop and Alex pressed a quick but firm kiss to Bernie's lips.

"I can't believe this is happening. When I let you go I really thought that might have been the last time I saw you."

"To be honest, so did I. I couldn't believe it when I saw you in Serena's office. I did think to myself that I was lucky I had another chance to make it right. You've helped me to start sorting things out with the kids, transform the trauma unit by helping me teach others and bring me back to myself. It's completely inadequate but thank you." Both women swiped at the tears in their eyes and met in another languid kiss.

"Come on, let's get out of here. I can think of better things we could be doing." Alex bit her lip and Bernie grinned.

"Agreed!"