As I said, I'm not a fan of McAbby. Abby is way too manipulative, juvenile and self-centred and he is to enamoured by her to say no Even when they aren't together in Faith S7e10 she manages to manipulate him into breaking regs so her friend's nephew Fisher can talk to his mother via MTAC on Christmas eve despite access being restricted. Thanks to people who reviewed this and the other anti-ships in the series.

Edited A/N To the guest you made accusations about me fabricating the hacking, since you didn't sign in so I could address this privately, I have added an end note dealing with the issue. Apologies to other readers - you can just skip it as it is lengthy.

Abandon Ship: A Second Chance

Chapter 2

Sleep with Ziva – she won't get attached to you or anything and she might be up for a threesome.

McGee was trying to focus on taking photos at the crime scene, but he kept thinking about what he'd been discussing with Abby this morning in her lab. The idea of having an affair with someone he worked with was mind-blowing, but then again, he didn't want Abby to think he was prudish about sex because it was such an important part of who she was. She was committed to her alternative lifestyle and he was determined not to throw away this chance to be with her again. If he needed to have an affair to get over his trust issues so he could get it on with her again, then so be it. He was just going to just take the bull by the horns and do it.

So, as he snapped crime scene photographs of the body, he noticed Ziva bagging and tagging evidence and he thought about Abby's suggestion to sleep with her because she wouldn't get attached. He knew that as a trained spy and assassin, she didn't have the same attitudes to sex as the average American and viewed it as a biological drive, like eating and sleeping. Of course, according to Tony, she also slept with a loaded gun under her pillow and had pulled it on him when they were undercover as assassins. But while she might seem like an ideal candidate to cheat with, she intimidated the crap out of him on a good day. Knowing she could kill him with a paper clip wasn't exactly an aphrodisiac, and he really doubted that he'd be able to get into the mood to do the deed, and there was no way he would agree to a three-way with her.

He'd consider asking Jimmy if he wasn't already in a committed relationship with Breena because he doubted if Palmer was exactly experienced in alternative sexual practices and experimentation so he'd be a good guy to sleep with. Although he couldn't keep his mouth closed, especially around Gibbs. But then again, maybe he could – he'd been pretty circumspect with Lee when they were sneaking around having sex in the morgue, which was pretty daring now he came to think about it. Thank heavens, Abby had never wanted to do it in the morgue. He shuddered just thinking about it.

But the truth was that Jimmy was just so happy with Breena and their relationship seemed to be so damned perfect that being around him at the moment was damned intimidating. It was a lot to live up to and the way things were with Abby at the moment, he didn't need the added pressure.

Tim suddenly thought about making a move on Vance. He would never tell anyone, not ever, but he had a secret man crush on the director. First off, he was the director, second he was Leon Vance's favorite agent which was a huge aphrodisiac and, best thing ever, the director thought Tony was a waste of space, which only goes to show he was damned smart too. McGee often found himself getting hot and bothered whenever Vance started talking decryption algorisms with his aura of power and the way he gave people that gimlet eye of his. Director Vance was one extremely intimidating guy in a sexy kind of way.

Snorting, McGee gave himself a mental Gibbs' slap. Sleeping with the boss might get him a leg up on his career, no pun intended, or it could make him a lame duck – there was no way to tell which. However, it was a moot point since Leon Vance was a married man and he doubted he'd want to fool around on his wife and kids, even with his favorite special agent.

Gibbs was out of the question, he was way, way too intimidating – plus he'd been married four times and he doubted he'd be into it anyway. But most important, if he found out Tim was cheating on Abby, he'd kill him. Actually, if he ever found out he and Abby were seeing each other he was dead meat since his precious Rule 12 was sacrosanct, plus Abbs was his favorite – hands down.

And Ducky – no, not just no, hell no; it would be like sleeping with his grandfather - ewww! Apart from being too old and wrinkly, he could be quite the intimidating character when he wanted to. Tim had even seen him out intimidate Gibbs when the need arose in a crisis and the truth was that he didn't cope well with intimidation. He always started to stammer and that would be highly embarrassing.

Which really only left DiNozzo to sleep with and give him a real shot at happiness with Abby. And wow, wasn't that ironic since most of the time the guy annoyed the crap out of McGee. It was as if his raison de entendre was making McGee's life a misery with his stupid McNicknames and rubbing it into his face that he was the senior field agent all the time when the guy was nothing but a dumb cop with a phys ed. degree. Superior to everyone else in his own mind only, but on the other hand, the man had the sex drive of an alley cat and would sleep with anything that had a pulse. He was almost sure that Tony wasn't fussy about gender since he tongued a guy once and his fraternity nickname was Sex Machine!

It looked as if he was going to have to sleep with DiNozzo. Pretty ironic if he ended up saving McGee's relationship with Abby since all those years ago he tried to stop them getting together. Feeling a sudden stinging pain to the back of his head, he jumped to find Gibbs glaring at him and he realized he'd stopped taking photos and had zoned out. He looked at Ziva who was sniggering at his discomfiture and shot a glance at DiNozzo. Fortunately, the ex-cop was interviewing witnesses and had his back to him.

"Get back to work, MahGee, or you'll find my foot so far up your ass your grandkids will feel it."

"Won't happen again, Gibbs," he responded, knowing the drill – rule 6.

~o0o~

The next night he found himself standing outside DiNozzo's apartment after promising Abby that he'd do the deed tonight since they'd closed the case. It was an open and shut case – the husband killed his wife for the insurance money. He'd picked up a pepperoni, sausage, and extra cheese pizza, a couple of six packs of beer, and some DVDs, courtesy of Abby, who apparently had quite a big library of porn including a pretty extensive selection of gay porn. Who knew, but then again, her interests were pretty alternative and eclectic.

She even had gay vampire porn film that she pressed upon him, but he'd left it in the car since he seemed to remember that DiNozzo had a phobia about them. Now, if she'd had a gay porn zombie movie, that might have been a whole different kettle of fish, but as it was, he settled for Brokeback Mountain and The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert starring Terence Stamp instead.

When he knocked and Tony answered the door, he looked shocked to see him.

"We have a case, Probie?"

Tim scowled. Damn, he hated that stupid moniker. "I brought dinner. And beer. And, umm, movies," he finished, holding up the movies and Tony raised an eyebrow at the titles.

"Something you wanna talk about, Tim?" he inquired.

"What? No… um… can't a partner stop by with a pizza without getting the third degree?" he demanded truculently because, after all, in nearly seven years he never had.

"Well, maybe if we hung out together after work, or if we invited each other round to chill out, which we don't. So, how did you find me? Just happened to be driving past and saw my car?"

"No, I hacked into your personnel file."

"I'm shocked! So out of character. So, what really brings you here?"

"I just thought... we could hang out together. How come I've never been to your apartment before?" he challenged, trying to avoid awkward questions about turning up uninvited by going on the attack. He'd assumed arriving with three of Tony's favorite things would have Tony falling all over him like a puppy, precluding him from questioning his motives. But clearly... not!

"Because my home is my sanctuary – it's where I go to escape the world," Tony supplied.

"Is there something or someone in there you don't want me to see, DiNozzo?" McGee pressed, trying to peer over his shoulder, curious now.

Tony finally shrugged and stepped aside. As invitations go, it was far from effusive, and McGee was shocked. The guy was so social at work, in your face, and sharing way too much personal information, so he'd envisaged it would be party central as Casa DiNozzo. McGee stepped inside expecting... what did he expect? A frat house, mess – clothes, dirty plates, and takeout strewn everywhere and empty bottles of beer and spirits left lying around. None too clean floors and surfaces and lots of cheesy décor.

He sure wasn't expecting... this. Spacious, painfully clean, and tastefully decorated and a baby grand piano occupying a place of pride in the room – even if it was a bit ostentatious as decorating pieces go. But then, that was Tony – plenty of flash, but not a lot of substance. No doubt he learnt to play a couple of seductions songs to help get his bimbos into the sack. Still, having met his father, an aging Lothario who hit upon anything in a skirt even if they were young enough to be his daughter, including Abby and Ziva, he reckoned that Tony's pathetic seduction techniques were to be expected really.

Tim sat on the sinfully soft leather sofa tossing back another beer, his intention to get Tony sloshed enough and then put the move on him. Trouble was he ended up knocking back four or five drinks, never noticing that Tony had drunk one beer and then simply sat on his second one, taking small sips. He'd put on the second movie – The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, watching it as they ate their pizza.

When the movie was more than halfway over, Tim was so anxious that he decided to make a move before he chickened out.

"Probie, abandon ship! Seriously, is there any reason why you're sticking your tongue in my ear?"

"Because I can't get to your... um... dick."

"And is there a reason why you think I might want you tongue near either parts of my anatomy?" he demanded, sounding pissed.

Shit! Tony was such a slut for sex, he thought after getting him drunk and buying him dinner, he'd be an easy lay. What had he done wrong?

"Uh… I… just thought since you seem to be going through a dating rough patch that we could... you know?" He was so focused on his goal, he never even stopped think about the lies he was prepared to tell... the lines he was willing to cross, all to achieve his long held desire for a second chance at love.

"No, I don't know. We could what?" DiNozzo frowned.

Damn it, he wasn't making this easy. "You know... we could... "

"You saying we should become friends with benefits, fuck buddies?"

"Yeah, yeah that's it, Tony."

"Just one problem, Tim. We're not buddies or friends, so why would you want to sleep with me?" he demanded cynically.

Feeling like this was getting out of control, McGee tried again. "Look, I just thought since neither of us were seeing anyone, we could be, um, there for each other. I mean, it's just sex, right?"

"Curious about guy on guy sex, Tim?"

"What? No! Umm, maybe?" McGee stumbled.

"It still doesn't explain why you'd want to sleep with me, Probie? Let's face it, you resent me being your superior... you think you're better than me, smarter. Hell, I don't think you even like me, so why would you want to have sex with me?"

"That's not true, we're friends." McGee protested, wondering how everything went to shit so quickly. Abby was getting further out of his reach by the minute. Damned barista!

"I find that hard to believe, Tim. When we were in that shrink's office, Dr. Fleming, during the Arnett case and he thought we were a couple, you practically had a seizure. So, excuse me if I'm having trouble swallowing the idea you'd want to be with me."

"You saying I'm homophobic?" McGee demanded, highly affronted.

"Yeah, you are - a little, Tim, but you were mostly sickened by even the thought of anyone, even if it was a complete stranger, thinking you'd ever stoop so low as to be in a relationship with someone like me. Socially repugnant, I believe you called it."

"It's just fiction, DiNozzo," he protested strenuously.

"Yeah, right. If we were really such good friends, McDenial, explain to me Ziva's team dinner that you and all the others went along with eagerly. Friends don't attend a team dinner and then rub it in their friend's face that they were the only one who didn't get an invite."

"It was a joke, DiNozzo and it's not like you don't play jokes on me all the time."

"True, but I wouldn't have chosen to rub it in your face if you'd been trapped in a shipping crate all day and been injured."

"Injured!" Tim scoffed. "DiNozzo, you got a splinter."

"Yeah, that's why the ER doctor made me wear a sling for a week, McOblivious. It was a graze from a bullet, McGee, but what the heck. I guess you thought I kept a sling in my back pocket to pull out and use to garner sympathy when I have a splinter. After all, I'm such an attention whore! And leaving a teammate out of a dinner isn't a prank or a joke, just so you know. We'd just lost one of our own, our team was under attack, and then we had Ziva foisted on our team uninvited," Tony retorted, grabbing the remote control and switching off the DVD player before continuing.

"Gotta admire her hutzpah. Ari had tried to destroy the team overtly and failed. Even though Cate died, we were still a team. Ziva attempted to weaken the team covertly with her damned dinner and, like a bunch of sheep, you fell all over each other to get in on the fun. Unlike her brother, she achieved her aim when Haswari failed, but then she had a lot of help that he didn't!

"It wasn't time to be playing a joke which excluded one of us when we should've all been pulling together and consolidating. I thought that you'd understand about how important Rule 1 was when I came by your place after you accidently killed that cop and you were eating yourself up with guilt. I shared something deeply personally and highly embarrassing with you." Tony stared hard at McGee who bristled when he mentioned the dead detective.

"Hoped that even though you'd thought it was one big joke when I was framed for a fictional murder and a chance to joke about my dating habits, that by supporting you, you might realize that I didn't take the opportunity to get even with you when you were down, but tried to be the bigger person. Thought you'd appreciate that I laid myself bare in order to help you - that I was trying to be your friend."

McGee took a long swallow of his beer, refusing to meet DiNozzo's gaze. Damn, this was not supposed to be happening. I didn't ask DiNozzo to spill his guts or come round to my house – even if he stopped me resigning. It was his job, wasn't it? Except that Gibbs hadn't given me any words of wisdom when he was in a funk…or Ziva either. She didn't believe there had been anyone else firing a gun in the alley.

"Bet you couldn't wait to tell Ziva about it since you were quick to share other stuff about me that was very personal too. Did you all sit around at the team dinner and have a good laugh about what I told you about me pissing my pants the first time I discharged my weapon, Tim? What about my childhood fears of vampires, my virginity, the little poo boy - I bet everyone had a good laugh about those things too at my expense." Tony demanded coldly, all signs of his usual bonhomie in abeyance, making Tim feel uncomfortable – where was the buffoon of the bullpen?

"Some friends!"

"That was all years ago. Can't you let it go?" Damn it, this is not going well.

"So, if it doesn't prove anything about how you regard our relationship now, then explain to me why you and Ziva would have such little regard for me that you would turn off the radio when you were supposed to be backing me up when I was undercover getting voiceprints in the Royal Woods home-grown terrorist case last October."

"That was just a bit of fun, a joke!"

"No, it wasn't! What it was, was criminal dumbassness and negligence, and it could've quite easily gotten me killed."

McGee snorted. "Oh, please. C'mon, don't be such a drama queen, Tony. You were talking to people, not exactly dangerous work since you spend your day running your mouth anyway."

"And yet at least one, if not more of those people in that gated community were suspected of being involved in planning and executing those three people in cold blood. I was depending on you two having my six if I got into trouble. I got voice samples off Zach and Annie Nelson too and since he killed three people already, if he'd gotten suspicious, like... oh, I don't know if Matt Lane had seen me undercover and given him a heads up, the shit could have hit the fan. You remember Lane, don'tcha Tim? We talked to him and identified ourselves as NCIS agents. Hang on... wasn't he the one that tried to blow up a sports field full of kids and parents to make a point about foreign military expenditure?

Tony took a swig of beer, still mostly full and his long, agile fingers commenced pulling the label off the bottle. Even when he was sitting, he was rarely if ever totally still. Glancing at McGee who was wearing a sulk pout, he drove his point in further.

"Then there was the possibility that I could have been recognized from being at the radio station, and we know that killers often hang around to watch first responders arriving at the crime scene. It was a distinct possibility that I would be made and I would've totally been on my own yet thinking I had back up coming. I'm used to working undercover without a net, at least then I know up front I'm on my own with no back up, but in the terrorist-at-home case, you were supposed to be watching my six. If I got into difficulties, I would've called you and you never would've come."

"So, why didn't you rat us out?" McGee demanded sullenly. He didn't want to admit it, but DiNozzo was right. It was beyond stupid turning off the radio. If anything had happened to him, he and Ziva would have ruined their careers.

"Because I refused to let go of ICE Agent Sherman's death when Vance declared it and the Abin Tabal case closed. I kept investigating and found out about Ziva's apartment showing up as being the last location that the terrorist's laptop was connected. And you know what happened when I went to investigate, and the fallout almost destroyed the team and got her killed. The fact that she turned off the radio is proof positive that she hasn't forgiven me, so it was my fault." He stood up and moved around the room to try to dispel some of the anger that was building up in his body.

"Plus, after it happened, we'd only just started getting back on track as a team. I thought long and hard about reporting your breach of security but, if I had, then Ziva would probably have had her citizenship denied. She have been deported back to Israel - to her prick of a father who sent her on that suicide mission in the first place. And you could've kissed any future promotions goodbye, McGee - hell, the other agents, and rightly so, would've probably all refused to work with you ever again.

"Yes, I covered for you both and that's my bad, but don't expect me to do it again or to believe that you care about me or are my friend. If that's your idea of friendship, then I'd rather be friendless. So, perhaps you want to explain why you want to have an affair with me, even if it is just friends with benefits, because I don't trust you. I don't know what... "

Whatever Tony was about to say would remain forever a mystery as the sound of a key in the lock of his front door interrupted his flow. Seeing that he didn't look concerned or reach for his Sig, Tim was bursting with curiosity to see who had a key to DiNozzo's door. Maybe his cleaning lady or DiNozzo Senior? Glancing at him, smiling, he didn't think either individual would provoke such a 'cat that swallowed the canary' grin.

Smirking at his evident nosiness, Tony sprang up and greeted the person who came through the door, shucking her coat and shoes and divesting her bag, keys, and gun, clearly making herself at home and ready to settle in for the night.

"Hey, gorgeous. Thought you were on a stakeout tonight?" Opening up his arms to hug her, she slipped into his embrace and shimmied up to DiNozzo."

"Was a bust. Bad intel. Am I interrupting something?" she asked, looking at McGee.

"Nope, Babe," he assured her, going over and giving her a passionate kiss and throwing his arm around her waist when they unclenched. "Matter of fact, Tim was just leaving, weren't you?"

"Yeah." Maybe I should stop off at Ziva's apartment after all. I could leave after doing the deed so I didn't need to stay the night and risk getting shot. After all, she snored like a drunken sailor.

Getting up off the sofa and gathering his stuff, he made ready to leave.

"Good night, McGee. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, good night Agent Barrett, Tony." He departed swiftly.

Holy crap! DiNozzo was sleeping with E.J. Barrett? Gibbs will kill him. At least he'll be too busy with DiNozzo to notice me and Abby were back together, although if I don't find someone to cheat on her with, it would be the shortest reunion ever.

Maybe the barista at the new coffee shop down the block from work might – we both know her and there was a certain poetic justice about me cheating with a barista too.

End Notes:

As this is a reply to an anonymous flamer feel free to skip this end note.

I have to say that I've never made a secret of the fact that I find the character of McGee to be quite incompetent as a field agent at times and not a particularly nice person, yet despite my explicit warnings some Tim people still read my stories and complain bitterly about how he is portrayed. It is interesting that I post stories with explicit warnings about stories that are less than flattering about other characters too and do not get flamed by their fans. I can only conclude that the other fans must be more intelligent, take heed of the warnings and go and find stories more to their liking of which there are plenty. Perhaps that's why I am often not as harsh about the other characters. Ironically flames merely fuel my muse, so by all means go ahead and complain after I've warned you. Just know that I'll be inspired to write more Tim stories. Now to address some specifics about an anonymous reviewer's claim:

The comment about him hacking Tony's address was based on canon that in season 10. It was revealed McGee and Ziva hadn't ever been to his apartment while in S1 'One Shot One Kill' and S2 'Forced Entry' where Gibbs implied he had been to his place. In S1 'Left For Dead' Tony revealed that he had no idea where Ducky or Cate lived. I based it on the assumption that if they knew where he lived, they would have dropped by at least once in that time, considering how the writers and certain of the fandom make such a big deal about them being family.

Re hacking, it is canon that McGee routinely hacks even when it isn't necessary, for instance he hacked into the DMV database rather than use the usual investigator's modus operandi of requesting information officially because it was expedient for him to hack. Other examples of his hacking tendencies abound. What about when he hacked into NCIS' own computers to check on the status of Ziva's application to become an agent or all the illegal hacking he did in tracking down Bodnar in season 10 and the misappropriation of government equipment that stating other highly questionable hacking that he'd done over the years and that even when being investigated By Parsons from the DoD he had the stones to hack so he could discover which files Parsons was accessing. So hacking to discover a work mate's address seems to be totally in character based on canon

The truth is that I have no need or desire to manufacture allegations of illegal hacking to make him or his character look bad. He manages to do that all on his own. Take some of the more recent examples: S 10 'Berlin' when he disobeyed an explicit directive from Gibbs, alerting the suspects that he and Gibbs knew they were under surveillance and they failed to identify or apprehend them. Or in season 11 where he was responsible for the safety of a probie agent and upon entering what was obviously a crime scene, he fails to clear a murder scene. Actually he didn't even bother to draw his weapon, just stands around joking about the mess without checking to see if the killer is still there. And this was after being cold-cocked in a very similar situation as a probie back in Season 2 'Witness' so it's not like he didn't know of the danger. Or him usurping the chain of command in S 11 'Better Angels' and being insubordinate to a superior. Then there is his gross negligence in the episode S12 'Status Update' when he is going to see his girlfriend at a safe house, to warn her that her undercover persona was being targeting by a dangerous terrorist and he led the terrorist/killer straight to her. He even opens the door to the killer without checking first and both of them were captured and almost killed.

Of course there is also the enormously juvenile tantrum he threw in S12 'Patience' where even Vance had to remonstrate with him about his attitude when he learnt that he hadn't been read in on a case that was "need to know.' His ridiculous analogy that his making Tony an accessory after the fact, to every act of computer hacking he'd committed meant that Tony owed it to him to therefore disobey direct orders not to discuss the case even if it was need-to- know, displays breathtaking intellectual and emotional immaturity for an agent of over ten years' experience. While losing his creds at a concert in S 11 'Under the Radar' is considered almost as serious a sin for a cop/fed as losing a service weapon and does not reflect well on their professionalism. I could go on but the point is that I don't need to make up incidents to disparage him - he or the writers do that all on their own. Perhaps you should complain to them!

So if I was wrong and in real life a junior agent would know his superior's address, that was an error – pure and simple but it was based on canon so complain to the script writers. However I am not prepared to take the word of an anonymous reviewer since I have no way to verify your verisimilitude on the issue. I do think it is a shame however that people such as yourself don't ever apply the same scrutiny and intellectual vigour to analysing errors or defamation when the issue involves DiNozzo. Case in point - a constantly perpetuated claim by some that Tony told the secretarial pool McGee was gay when in fact it was canon that it was Caitlyn Todd who 'claimed/accused' him of doing so. But we the audience never actually saw him do it and he never admitted that he did either. He was accused and convicted in absentia. Yet fans of McGee and Ziva will strenuously insist that they didn't turn off the radio in Dead Air and that is despite them admitting to do so. Just a tad hypocritical methinks!