Warnings: If you are a big fan of Gibbs, Ziva or McGee and see them as paragons of virtue then you should give this series (3) of stories a miss. Don't say I didn't warn you!
This first story contains triggers for suicide and domestic violence including dubious consent. There is also an major character death. Discretion advised.
AN. This is the first of three short companion pieces that I have written. I can't really say much about this or the other stories without giving too much away at this stage. I will say that this series is totally different from everything I've done you can see from the warning it isn't a light and fluffy story by any means so I won't say I hope you enjoy reading it. There are five parts that I hope to post every day.
Credits: Thanks to Arress for the Beta and Frakkin Toasters for all the feedback. Oh and if reviewers could refrain from giving spoilers, I'd be mighty grateful to them just this once :)
Abandon Ship: A Fresh Start
15th May 2016
As Tony stared down at the sleeping child, he knew that despite all of his doubts over the last few years, he hadn't made the worst mistake of my life. How could he accept that the last three years since he left NCIS was a mistake when he had such a beautiful daughter and in a few weeks would have another daughter, too? Surely, no one was as blessed as he was. And it wasn't as if he deserved such precious babies, so while life hadn't exactly been a bed of roses, to wish that he hadn't left his job to get married was tantamount to denying his daughter and knowing what it felt like to be an afterthought to his parents' addictions he'd rather cut off his right arm.
He watched fondly as little Aviva Clare DiNozzo stirred, turning over in her sleep, her fat, dimpled hand migrating to her mouth as her thumb ended up in her mouth as she settled again. Frowning since her mother didn't like her child sucking her thumb and would scold her for it, Tony felt a tiny bit of irritation since Vivy was only 18 months old and he didn't have a problem with her acting like a baby. Neither her mother nor he were permitted much of a normal childhood growing up, and he was going to make sure that didn't happen to his own kids. He would protect them, come what may.
Sighing, he stood up knowing that he had a lot to do. The laundry was waiting and he'd have to start thinking about dinner soon. Hopefully, he would redeem himself for last night's disaster when the fish ended up dry and unappetising. You'd think he'd remember not to cook something that would spoil so easily, but she'd called saying she'd be home on time and then turned up two hours late. But as she pointed out, Tony wasn't the smartest guy around, so it wasn't surprising he'd screw up something as simple as dinner. Tony had decided to make a slow cooked casserole tonight, so even if she comes home late, it should still be moist and flavoursome.
He just need to remember not to take it personally, remember that she was heavily pregnant and that was enough to make anyone feel out of sorts. Tony really wish that she'd taken longer between Vivy's pregnancy and this one, but as she pointed out, she wanted the children to be close in age, and more importantly, he was already too old to be a father so they need to complete the family as quickly as possible. He just hated her having such a hard time carrying his child – the first few months were fine. She was so happy; something that has proved elusive after her father's death a few years ago.
She really struggled with it and he didn't think that she had come anywhere near accepting it – it seems to have dredged up a whole heap of other shit and, despite what he considered his pitiful attempts to support her, she's been in a really dark place. Tony always knew that she had a darkness in her soul, but now she was mired in guilt and anger and couldn't seem to find her way out. The so called black dog caught up with her again at 20 weeks, not long after her check-up. He was hoping that she'd feel better after their daughter was born and she was able to go back to doing her punishing physical workouts again.
He was hopeful that when she decided to return to her old job again that it was a sign she had found herself or had at least resigned herself to the fact that you can't go back and change the past. Perhaps it wasn't resolution, but it was a sign that she was moving on. So far though, it didn't seem to be working, maybe because there were too many ghosts, maybe it was because she was such a fitness junkie and has to curtail her preferred way of working out because it was dangerous for the baby. At first she was fine, but by the fifth month she was climbing the walls and taking out her frustrations on those around her. It must be frustrating the shit out of her, so he was trying to be patient. Luckily, most of the time Vivy was out of the firing line.
Tony wished that he was able to fix the situation or at least not annoy her so much. He was trying hard not to set her off, but it wasn't enough – especially when he made dumb mistakes like ruining the fish. He didn't mean to – he tried to make sure everything was perfect for her when she came home, but he was always doing something stupid. At least when she took out her anger on him, she didn't pick on Aviva though. He'd started taking her to the park for several hours each day to tire the active noisy toddler out, since it was hard raising a child in an apartment and insisting she always be quiet.
So, he took her out into the fresh air where the little girl could run around and burn off her boundless DiNozzo energy and then be quiet, usually, when her mother came home. Luckily, she had the sunniest of personalities, with a toothy grin that lit up his heart. Vivy was an extremely well behaved toddler, but she also wasn't some freaky Stepford child, and Tony was glad about that – it wasn't normal not to have the odd tantrum or two and not to make noise or make a mess.
So, without fail, he made sure they went to the park every day and, fortunately, there were very few days where the weather prevented them for doing so. Tony combining the outing with his own exercise regime, running the three miles to his preferred park with Vivy in her baby buggy or on alternate days cycling to a different playground, nearly ten miles away. He'd let himself go - had started getting fat and disgusting. He really couldn't blame her that she taunted him about it when she was frustrated and out of sorts. After all, she was toned and taut and he was batting well above his class division when he married her, so he was determined to get into shape so she wasn't ashamed to be seen with him anymore. It wasn't as if Cate and Gibbs hadn't tried to point it out to him either, even Ducky had grabbed his pizza and refused to let him eat it, but he hadn't listened to him and had let himself go.
As he prepared chicken cacciatore for her and fixed a salad for himself, he thought about how he'd come to leave NCIS. Although he went back briefly after resigning to save Gibbs' career, it struck him that nothing had changed at all. In the three months following his resignation, he decided that Parsons had a point. Gibbs never let the law get in the way of doing what he decided needed to be done, and he'd gone along with it because he hero-worshipped Gibbs. He was like a wide-eyed kid who thinks his father is Superman who's invincible and can do no wrong. But three months of solitude gave him a fresh perspective and then, as his apartment got shot up, Tony suddenly found himself caught up in more of the same old same old.
Same old secrets and lies, terrorist plots, and revenge. Same old being left out of the loop as Gibbs went haring off to save the world on a need to know basis – and he didn't need to know apparently – well, until whatever Gibbs was up to that he didn't need to know almost got Tony killed. It was getting old, and then there was the fact that the attempt on his life, which destroyed his apartment, put everyone else in his building at risk just to get to him.
He'd called McGee to warn him, narrowly averting Tim getting shot too. That's when Tony discovered Gibbs had been back stateside and hadn't bothered to make contact. Had been back from yet another of his 'Gibbs single-handedly averts another world crisis', had actually been back for a while, knew they were potential targets and hadn't even bothered to give them a heads up.
So, when Tony learnt that Ziva was in danger and had disappeared, he couldn't walk away. She was still a part of his family and he couldn't just ignore her because she wasn't working at NCIS anymore, despite the whole Eli and Bodnar crapola. Meanwhile, the MCRT, sans Ziva, had returned to what figured as normal. Even after the wakeup call, Tony decided that Gibbs would never change, had no reason to do so, but Tony decided that it didn't mean that he couldn't. So, as he searched for Ziva and the weeks went by, he decided he needed a fresh start... once he found his former teammate and made sure she was okay.
It was like he needed the time away from the team to realise that he had to leave before the job ate him up like it had done with Gibbs. While he still cared about everyone at NCIS, he had to do what was right for him. Leaving and starting over seemed like the only way to save Tony DiNozzo.