Chapter Twenty Four

Regina was acutely aware of Emma's eyes on her as she finished her waffles in silence, and while she noticed that Emma didn't seem to be touching her own food, she was a little too engulfed in her task to comment. Though she remembered eating sugary, delicious food more recently with Emma, the onslaught of memories that had come back to her recently were filled with dinners where she barely ate due to the unforgiving constraints of her clothing.

When she finished eating, Regina looked up at Emma, who looked paler than normal. "Not hungry?" she asked.

Emma shook her head. "No, not really."

"Not feeling well?" Regina tried, though she had a suspicion that wasn't the issue.

"Just… processing," Emma said, confirming Regina's suspicions.

Regina breathed out a small, mirthless laugh. "I bet you're wishing you could shrink me back down to a carefree child again, aren't you?"

Emma shook her head again. "No."

"No?" Regina repeated, raising a questioning eyebrow. "But things were so much easier then. And you didn't have that look on your face you have right now, like you might be sick to your stomach at any moment."

"I might be," Emma admitted, and Regina scrunched up her nose at the thought. "I won't be. I promise. I just… I wouldn't want you to go backward again, no matter how much fun we had. Even when you were little, I was eager to see you come out of this spell okay, but now… well, now I'm not sure if you were ever okay. How did I never notice?"

"Don't beat yourself up, dear. I've learned to hide well," Regina said, dismissively, as she stood from the table. "Now, what shall we do today?"

Emma took a breath and shook her head quickly, seemingly trying to snap herself out of it.

"I was thinking it would be nice to go out and get some air," Regina continued, glancing toward the window. "This place is quite cramped."

"I'm pretty sure this is the biggest house in Storybrooke," Emma commented, a small smile finally returning to her lips. "But I guess it feels small compared to your palace. You're sure you want to go out?"

"Why shouldn't I want to?"

"I don't know… I'm just wondering if it's the best idea… I mean, the people of Storybrooke have forgiven you - mostly - but seeing you like this…"

Regina nodded. "You may be correct, however I've never been overly concerned about what the kingdom thought of me, and I want to go out."

At that, Emma chuckled. "Okay, well, it's not 'the kingdom' anymore, for starters. And… well, I guess it will probably be alright. Just… don't take it too personally if people are a little… scared. You haven't been this person for a very long time, and people have gotten used to a whole different version of you."

"It will be fine," Regina said, waving a hand decisively. Emma may know more about this realm, but she wasn't about to be told what she could do and where she could go by anyone - not even Emma. "Perhaps we could walk and find Henry?"

"Yeah, okay," Emma agreed. "He's at the docks. It's not far."

Regina smiled as Emma got up and headed toward the door. "It's odd to travel without my entourage," Regina said as they stepped out on the porch. "I know I've gone out with you plenty of times, but I think I gained back more time recently than I usually do. That seems more real to me right now."

"Yeah? How much time did you get back?"

"I'm not sure, but more than just a couple years. It's always a little hazy, you know? And this was… a turbulent time in my life, as you can imagine."

"I bet," Emma agreed.

"Can you tell me what I'm like?" Regina asked, as they made their way down the street.

"What you're like?"

"Yes. You said people have gotten used to a different version of me. You're not afraid of me, and neither is Henry, or Snow, even, so I must have changed quite a bit."

"Yeah. Yeah, you have," Emma confirmed. "You've changed a lot even from when I first met you."

"Tell me."

Emma sighed. "Alright. Well, you… you love Henry a lot. Like, more than I can even imagine. He's…. everything, to you. And, I think he's the reason you've changed. You wanted to be better, for him. He sees you as a hero now… we all do, really."

Regina let out a small laugh. "A hero? That would be the day."

Emma shrugged. "Well, you've saved us all. More than once, actually. And you run this town pretty well. The people are happy. You know, you tried to curse them, but their lives are all better here now. You really did them all a favour, you know."

"I see," Regina said, nodding. "Not exactly what I had intended, but… is this why you like me, then?"

"Why I like you?" Emma asked, her eyes widening a little at the question. If Regina didn't know any better, she'd swear she noticed Emma blushing, just a little.

"Why we're friends."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess that's a part of it."

"And what's the other part of it?"

"I don't know… I guess… we're connected, somehow. Not just through Henry, but… you get me. And I get you. We're… alike, I guess."

"And are you happy here, like you say everyone else is?"

Emma shrugged. "Happier than I've been any place else. I mean, I've got Henry, my parents, friends… you."

Regina smiled. She could smell the salt water in the air, and though she didn't quite remember how to get to the docks, she knew they must be close. There was something else she wanted to ask, and she figured she better do it now, before she lost her nerve.

"Emma… am I happy here?"

At this, Emma seemed to falter slightly. "I… I don't know. I mean, I always assumed you were. You've got Henry, and friends and family…"

"And you."

Emma smiled. "Yeah. And me. I'd always just figured you were happy because things seemed good."

"And you don't think this anymore?"

Emma sighed. "Well… a lot's happened recently that's made me question a lot of things, and I've slowly been realizing that maybe I didn't really know you at all… at least not as well as I thought I did. There's always something happening, you know? And we're closer than we've ever been, but… I guess I never really realized how closed off you were. Or, maybe you're not at all, and I haven't been trying hard enough to get you to let me in."

"I don't like to let people in."

"Yeah. I got that."

"Perhaps I can change. I mean, I suppose I will no matter what once this spell wears off, but… it's strange. It's hard to reconcile my past with this present. All I can remember is being driven by revenge. It's all I think about. And I know the people don't love me; they fear me. I've made them fear me and yet… here I am, in this present, in a whole new life it seems. It's difficult to be both people at once."

"I think you're handling it alright."

"I threatened to rip your heart out an hour ago," Regina reminded her.

"But you didn't do it. That's progress."

Regina could see the water ahead of them now, and she knew they were moments away from their destination, so she stopped abruptly, and turned to look at Emma. "No one's ever truly believed in me, Emma, not when I was like this. Daniel did, before he died, and my father used to… and now, even though, I know he still loves me, I see the fear in his eyes when he looks at me. I put that fear there, Emma. No one's ever been able to see me, as I am now, and still believe there's an ounce of good in me."

"Regina-"

Regina shook her head. "Your mother did once. She didn't know it was me, but she told me that she could forgive me, that she wanted to be a family, even after I killed her father and forced her into exile and put a bounty on her head… she still believed in me, for a time. I destroyed that, too."

"Regina," Emma said again, placing her hands on Regina's arms. "It's okay. I know it feels recent, but it's the past. It happened, and you moved on. We've all moved on."

"But how? I don't understand how you can know what kind of person I am, and believe in me anyway?"

"Because I get it. I get you. You were hurt, and so you lashed out. You were heartbroken, and alone, and angry and… scared."

Regina drew in a breath, ready to counter Emma's last point, but Emma cut her off.

"Don't tell me you weren't scared, because I know you were. You were afraid of being alone forever. You were afraid of being so totally and utterly consumed by the darkness that you'd never get out. You were afraid that no one would ever love you. But, Regina, you are loved. And you're not alone, and you're not evil. You're safe."

"Am I?"

"Yes." Emma squeezed Regina's arms for emphasis, and without a second thought, Regina leaned forward and let herself fall into Emma's embrace, wrapping her arms around her and squeezing her so tight she was sure Emma would protest. But she didn't. She just hugged Regina back and told her everything was going to be okay.

And for the first time in a long time, Regina actually believed it.