Title: A Dragon in a China Shop: Kaiba at Ouran High School

Author: Serena J

Rating: R (some swearing, occasional sex)

Genre(s): Crossover (Ouran High School Host Club and Yu-Gi-Oh)

Pairing(s): Seto/Jou, Seto/Kyoya

Spoilers: none

Beta: Mishiko Shinsei, Falon Govender, Barbara, Tryst Kinkou, Ryouni Mihou

Summary: When Mokuba gets expelled, the Kaiba brothers need a new school. Ouran seemed just the place.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or Ouran High School Host Club. I do not intend to receive any compensation for use of these characters. This is a FanFiction.

Chapter 1

"Yes?" I nearly broke the phone intercom. It was the fifth interruption in twenty minutes. "What now?"

"I'm sorry, sir." My secretary answered. "It's the school."

I sighed deeply. My head began to throb. From the beginning of last semester, Mokuba's school had gone from calling me once a quarter, to calling almost once a day. My brother's behavior was quite out of control.

And it was completely my fault. I had spoiled him rotten; given him everything I'd ever been denied and more. Now, at fourteen, he was arrogant, demanding, and a trial for both his teachers and classmates. Just as I had been.

I marshalled my patience. "Thank you. I'll take it." A moment later, my phone rang and I answered it. "Kaiba."

"Kaiba-sama, this is Headmaster Takashi. Forgive my calling you yet again, but I -" he hesitated. "I just wanted to verify something with you."

"Certainly. Anything to assist."

"Did -" he cleared his throat. "Or rather, was someone supposed to escort your brother home tonight?"

That got my attention. "What do you mean, 'escort'? Where is he?" There had been kidnapping attempts before, so only I and my assistant Kogoro were allowed to remove him from the school grounds. "What happened?"

"Nothing!" The Headmaster answered quickly. "Nothing. He's here, in my office. Safe and sound. But he has been insisting that he be allowed to leave and that he's to meet his escort at," I could hear the Headmaster's verbal quotes, "an 'undisclosed' location. Before we let him leave, I thought I should verify the arrangement with you."

"I see." My head was pounding now. I took a breath and tried to calm myself. "Kogoro should be there shortly, as usual. To my knowledge, there is no other escort. May I speak with my brother for just a moment?"

"Certainly."

The phone changed hands. "It's not a big deal!" Mokuba snapped. "I just wanted to go to the arcade."

"Then you could have waited and had Kogoro take you."

"He's a dick." My brother scoffed. "He's like having a narc attached to my fucking hip!"

"He is like having a body guard!" I found myself yelling. "Damn it, Mokuba! Everyday! It has been something everyday this week. You argued with your Math teacher, you punched a classmate, you have complained about the facilities, and now you try to run away!?" My head was pounding aggressively. I let it fall onto my desk. "What am I supposed to do? What have I not given you? What is left, brother?"

"Seto?" He sounded genuinely contrite. "Nii-sama?"

"Just come home." I said weakly. "We'll discuss it when you get here. Let me speak to the Headmaster."

"Ok, Nii-sama." And then softly, "I'm sorry." I heard him apologize to the Headmaster as well before handing over the phone.

"Kaiba-sama?"

"Yes." I tried to pull myself together. "Please accept my apologies for his behavior yet again. When he arrives, I will see that he is appropriately punished and..."

"Kaiba-sama, I am very sorry." The Headmaster interrupted me. "However, I don't believe that Domino High is the proper school for your brother."

"Excuse me?" This was the last crisis I needed.

"Kaiba-san is, well, high-spirited. He needs more personalized attention than we can give him here."

"You are not expelling him." I growled out.

"I would never use that word, Kaiba-sama. However, we would request that your brother transfer to another school. In another district." The man quickly tried to rephrase his statement. "Our neighboring school district has a wonderful array of institutes available and we believe Mokuba would be better off if he transferred-"

"Unacceptable!" I protested. Mokuba had already been 'transferred' from two other schools to avoid the humiliation of expulsion. Keeping my brother's school record confidential had been trying. A third "transfer" was likely to reach the press and be a public relations nightmare. "I'm sure you understand how difficult it is –"

"Kaiba-sama, I regret to inform you that as of today, Kaiba Mokuba is no longer enrolled in the Domino school system. You will need to make other arrangements for your brother's education. If you wish to protest this decision, you may discuss it with the Minister of Education for the Prefecture." The Headmaster hung up.

The dial tone greeted me as I was assaulted with a full-on migraine.

"You did not graduate from secondary school." The Minister of Education repeated.

"I didn't misunderstand you." I clarified. "I don't see why that is germane to our discussion today."

It was two days after Mokuba had been expelled. I had spent the first day in a drug-induced near coma. My brother spent the day acting as my assistant, answering my phone and replying to my emails while I took yet another sick day.

The only thing I did force myself to attend to was getting an appointment with the Ministry of State for Education. I did not want to discuss Mokuba's education with every mid-level bureaucrat in the Prefecture. I hated to use one of Gozaburo's cabinet level contacts, but this was too important. I did not want Mokuba consigned to a solitary world of private tutors. He deserved classmates and friends. Proms and game days.

If he would stop antagonizing school administrators long enough to finish high school!

I managed to choke down enough painkillers to be functional by noon, and Mokuba and I met with the most senior educator in Japan about my brother's enrollment issues.

The conversation was not going as I anticipated.

"We are here to discuss my brother's continued enrollment in the Domino school district." I pressed. "My history -"

"Seto-kun," the Minister said in a tone reserved for soothing distressed kittens. "Your history is quite probably the heart of the issue. Why should your brother continue his education at a school even you felt beneath your station to finish?" I huffed at that. There were a number of reasons I didn't complete my high school program - none of them having anything to do with the quality of the school. I glanced at Mokuba; he was rolling his eyes. The Minister continued before either of us commented. "Please, I understand. I knew your father - I know how difficult he was. I think it was a mistake to allow you to take over his position at the helm of KaibaCorp after his... untimely passing."

"How does that pertain…?"

"At that time, my predecessor allowed you an exemption from completing your education. But I don't think he took into account the effect that would have on someone as impressionable as your young brother." Mokuba snorted at 'impressionable' and I, too, had to resist a snide comment. "No, I think they should have appointed a guardian and allowed you to complete your studies."

"There were, at the time, some security issues." I pointed out. "Part of the reason Mokuba is attending school in Domino is because KaibaCorp can control the safety of the entire student body." And because it allowed my brother and I to live together. I still was anxious at the idea of him living apart from me.

"There are other, secure schools."

"And there remains the threat of a hostile corporate takeover."

The Minister nodded. "A concern that your father also took very seriously. Still, I think for one school year, the KaibaCorp board could be persuaded to part with you."

"Again, my education is not in question here."

"As a point of fact, it is." The Minister handed me a document.

My petition to be declared emancipated and, subsequently, the formal head of the Kaiba Family. It had been 'in review' since Gozaburo's death.

I could not refrain from glaring at the Minister. "Blackmail? How mundane." My head was beginning to pound again.

"Blackmail is such a harsh word. The Prime Minister and I prefer to see this arrangement as incentive."

"The Prime Minister?" Mokuba and I exchanged a look.

"Why the fuck would he care?" My brother asked.

"Because, young man, the Diet does care about the younger generation - especially those who will inevitably join our ranks one day. Here." The Minister laid a rather thick file in front of me. "These are the schools I believe most qualified to meet your needs.

They were all well reputed boarding schools that catered to the most exceptional, most elite, most well bred families in Japan. Several included international nobility. All of them had written obsequious letters assuring the Minister of their ability to welcome the Kaiba brothers with open arms.

The tuition and fees charged by all of the schools was ridiculous; the per semester cost at several exceeded a year at Oxford. But they would ensure the highest quality of education, the finest accommodations, unquestionable standards of security - several were KaibaSecurity clients - and unparalleled networking access to the crème de la crème of Japanese society.

The Prime Minister had even arranged for an 'investigation' by the Ministry of State for Trade into the proper ownership of KaibaCorp. While they were not freezing the business assets, they were blocking any changes in the management structure for the "foreseeable" future. The investigation - a sham to even the most elementary observer - would prevent any acquisition and freed me from that particular concern.

Still, I had no desire to attend any of the institutions suggested. While Mokuba may have burned all bridges in Domino, I had no such restraint and if I was being forced to graduate from any program, I wanted to do it someplace where I didn't have to go through the arduous task of 'making friends'. Mutou, Honda, and the others were not close chums, but we did share some common – and very unique – history. And I had to admit that I wouldn't mind seeing my Jounouchi again. History, indeed.

The only problem was that Mokuba refused to go.

"I don't care!" He whined petulantly. "I'm not staying at any of them!"

We were flying to a scheduled visit at the last of the institutions. Mokuba had found fault with every one of the schools. I had spent most of the last week barely functional - the migraines from the stress of dealing with my brother had left me bed-ridden twice. I was determined, however, to get him to accept one of the schools so that I could move on to other pressing KaibaCorp issues.

"Brother, either you select a school willingly, or I will select one for you and strand you there."

"I won't stay!" He snapped. "I'll walk back if I have to."

I looked at him for a moment. I doubted I would be able to stand upright the entire day. "Why do you hate me, Mokuba? Why do you make my life such a trial?"

He slumped back into his seat, frowning.

"What was wrong with the last one? What's wrong with the one that's next?"

A moment of silence went by.

"I don't want to be four hundred hundred hours away when they call me." He said finally, softly.

"When who calls you?" I sighed.

"When they finally call me to say you worked yourself to death."

We were both silent for a moment.

"That's ridicu-"

"All you do is work." He cut me off. "You hardly eat, you never sleep. You don't even see the guys any more."

"It's not as if I saw them frequently to begin with." I pointed out.

"You used to. You used to see Jou all the time. Now you don't see anyone or anything. The only time you leave that damn office is to do something 'with' me, 'for' me, or 'about' me." He sniffed and I realized that he was actually crying. "And I can't remember the last time you did something 'with' me."

"Mokuba..."

"So if you're staying home, then I'm staying home. I don't give a fuck about school! I just want to at least be able to say good bye."

"Brother, I'm not dying." He scoffed at me. "I'm not. I don't handle stress well. I will address that."

"No, you won't." He sneered. "Everything's more important than you."

"On the contrary, I always suit my own preferences first."

"Yeah?" He looked at me. "You check your corporate emails before you go to the bathroom in the morning, but weeks can go by before you check your personal account. You used to leave Jou mid-fuck, if someone on the management team called you. And you'd rather become addicted to painkillers than admit that I'm a hopeless little shit!"

"Mokuba!" I tried to tell myself that there was no truth to his words, but they were hard to deny.

"So, no." He looked away; his energy seemed to drain out. "I'm not going."

"Unless I go..." I realized.

"What?"

"I'm being forced to participate in this farce as well." I reminded him. "If I attend the same school, would you stay and try to take your classes seriously? Try not to make my head burst?"

"Will you do something other than work 24/7?"

"Well, I'll hardly be able to drop by the office."

He seemed to consider the deal. "You promise?" For once he sounded like the fourteen-year-old boy he should be. "No work for the whole year?"

"I didn't say..." His expression fell, and I gave in without a fight. "Alright. I won't do any KaibaCorp work that requires me either physically or virtually in the office."

"And no conference calls!"

I frowned and thought quickly. "No calls longer than fifteen minutes. Some matters cannot be ignored."

"Well...ok." He agreed. "If you stay out of the office, I'll stay out of detention."

"Welcome to Ouran Academy!" The Frenchman threw his arms around me and kissed both my cheeks. He then treated Mokuba to the same stereotypical greeting. "I hope you found your accommodations to your liking?"

"Yes." I nodded. "Thank you. I understand that you personally offered to host us."

"But of course! I had to; it would have been a black stain upon the honor of Ouran to have true Japanese samurai housed in the dorms!" Suo, our host and student guide bowed deeply.

Suo Rene Tamaki, the half Japanese son of the Ouran Chairman; I could hardly say 'no' when he offered Mokuba and I a suite in his home. He was blond and energetic; he reminded me of my Jou.

"Samurai?" Mokuba chuckled. "Dude, samurai died out, like two hundred years ago."

The boy's enthusiasm waned just a bit. I took pity on him.

"It is true that the Shogunate and proper Samurai were abolished by Emperor Meiji," I said. "However, until 1947, Kaiba was Daimyo - an Imperial cousin, as it were. We are, I believe, second or third removed from the current Emperor, but that would make us princes, rather than warriors."

Beside me our second guide sighed deeply. With Suo being so overjoyed to lead the tour, his partner had been content to follow along and provide the occasional practical data when needed. Ootori Kyoya, youngest son of a medical kingdom, was a virtual encyclopedia of details, such as services provided and hours of operation, while Suo contented himself with which girls he had met in which buildings.

"Why did you have to tell him that?" Ootori murmured as he adjusted his glasses.

Suo was elated. "Princes? I had no idea the Japanese had princes! Mother? Mother, is it true? Are you a prince?"

His partner almost frowned, but marshaled his features quickly. "No, I am afraid that Ootori were not a Daimyo Family. Merely peasants who earned the few yen we have."

"Hey!" Mokuba took a step forward, but I held him back.

"Ootori Group?" I asked, already knowing the answer. "My congratulations on the 'few yen' you earned on the stock buy out of that American group. Kaiser wasn't it?"

"Yes." His tone had a note of distaste. "My elder brother handles our investment portfolio. Diversification is key to corporate survival." He adjusted his glasses again. "Of course, the CEO of both KaibaGames and KaibaArms would be familiar with such."

"And you two are already becoming fast friends!" Suo threw his arms around us both and I caught the look of utter exasperation on Ootori's face. It likely matched my own. "But come!" The blond released us both, in favor of dragging Mokuba toward the next building. "We haven't seen the garden. Or the library. And you must see our club room before we return you to the lower school."

"Is he always like that?" I asked, straightening my uniform. I preferred a mandarin collar, but the light blue of the western cut jacket complemented my eyes nicely.

"Quite." Ootori responded. "We may have guest accommodations available at my home, if the dorms are unacceptable."

"I may have to accept that offer."

Mokuba shrugged. He frowned and looked at the wall, the ground, the sky, anything but me.

"Admit it!" I demanded.

We were standing in front of Ouran's lower school gym. In addition to the standard fitness equipment and facilities, the building featured an Olympic-size pool, a full track-and-field course, a spa, and a dojo. The school's student clubhouse beside us contained a shooting range, tennis and squash courts, several video/gaming lounges, a classic arcade, and a current generation KaibaGames HoloDueling system.

We had stepped a few feet away from Suo and Ootori, to have something of a private conversation. "I will not budge from this spot until you say it." I pushed. "I assure you, I can stand here considerably longer than you can."

"Ok!" He snapped. "Yes, it rocks! It has everything I could possibly want!" He crossed his arms, petulantly. "Dick." He muttered in English.

"Language." I admonished. But I gave him a slight smile and he tried not to smile in reply. "Was it really that hard to confess that the school is a good choice?"

"Serenity got in to Domino this year." He pouted.

"You should have considered that before you antagonized the Headmaster."

"What about you?" He countered. "Are you going to keep your promise?"

I thought a moment about how to answer him. "There are other concerns that I have at the moment..."

"But-"

"...that we will discuss this evening. For now, my intention is to stay here. Will that satisfy you?"

Mokuba's eyes scanned Ootori and Suo. "I guess that's good enough for now." He lifted an eyebrow. "That must be them." We had been waiting for a guide for my brother.

I turned to see two boys a bit older than Mokuba bowing to Suo and Ootori. They were wearing the lower school's uniform. "Be civil." I told him as we re-joined the group.

"Prince Kaiba," Suo presented Mokuba, "these two young noblemen also have elder brothers in the upper school. May I present Haninozuka-kun and Morinozuka-kun?"

Haninozuka looked at us. "Kaiba? Of KaibaArms?"

"Yeah!" Mokuba actually looked excited. "Haninozuka Security?" The boy nodded. "We use you guys for unarmed combat training!"

Morinozuka nodded. "Yes, and several of your officers attend our traditional weapons trainings as well."

"Yeah. You guys run the dojo here?"

"Of course!" Haninozuka looked almost offended. "Who else? Have you seen it yet?"

"Not really."

"Come on!" The three headed into the building.

"Later, nii-sama!" Mokuba called over his shoulder.

"Are you well, Kaiba?"

Ootori may have been genuinely concerned, but I wasn't prepared yet to show any more weakness than I could avoid.

"Quite." I replied, despite my fatigue. "I am, however, done with this." I pushed aside a plate of steamed vegetables I'd been toying with. "So as soon as he's finished wooing every woman in sight, we may continue the tour." Suo had half a dozen girls swooning around him.

The annoying thing was that I might shortly find myself participating in the same inane games of flattery and lies.

Ouran Academy was a phenomenal institution. It left poor humble Domino High School in the proverbial dust. But for all its facilities and amenities, a school was a school, and reading, writing and math were constants. Indeed, I had already tested out of all but a semester or so of Ouran's graduation requirements. There was only one thing that Ouran could provide that Domino had no way to match.

A wife.

Ouran offered me, in one location and without parental interference, access to the highest positioned women in the next generation of Japanese society. My personal preference for men aside, it was my obligation to the Kaiba Family to wed and produce an heir. Here, I could find a girl who understood the importance of station, and the value of Family Honor. If I was luckier than I deserved, I might even find a lesbian, which could allow us both to please our families and ourselves.

The tour of the school had been exhausting, but it had given me plenty of time to see the variety of girls available. I had no doubt that Mokuba would approve of any plan that consisted of me attempting to win dates rather than contracts. It would take some time to determine the best way to go about meeting my future bride, and unfortunately, I suspected that Suo would be in the thick of any method.

A hand grabbed my wrist and held it firmly.

I looked down. As a matter of habit, I had opened my pain pills and had two in my hand. I took them so frequently, I didn't even need water to wash them down. Throughout most of the day, my ubiquitous headache had been limited to a dull throbbing at the back of my skull, but I knew it wouldn't take much for that to grow.

I glared at the face of the person whose hand held my wrist. Ootori.

"That would be the sixth dose of those you've taken today, with precious little hydration and virtually no food."

"A physician?" I queried.

"No." He confessed. "But I have spent enough time in the medical field to recognize an unwise combination." He slid a bottle of water to me. "Proper hydration often works wonders." He released my hand.

Six doses in one day would be a bit toxic even with my tolerances. It wouldn't be an overdose, but it would not make tomorrow pleasant. I put the pills away and opened the water. "Thank you." I nodded.

"You are most welcome." He gestured to Suo. "When I can pull him away, we must go set up our club room. You may join us, if you would like. Today we will be serving a British tea. I suspect that it will not be exciting, but it will most likely be quiet."

A host club. I nearly laughed out loud when I realized what was going on around me.

Ootori set a table for me - away from the bulk of the room. I could watch from afar as Ootori and Suo, the elder Haninozuka and Morinozuka brothers, and the twin sons of Hitachiin Couture each served tea to some of the loveliest girls in the school.

The club even had its own mutt! An effeminate boy attending Ouran on scholarship. He refreshed my tea and crumpets before sitting down at a couch and 'clients' of his own.

It was quite the view. The Hitachiin twins played a game of 'brotherly love' that was quite fetching and at moments, almost believable. Unlike his younger brother, the elder Haninozuka looked and acted like a preschooler - which cast Morinozuka as something of a father-figure. As I watched them, I found myself remembering Mokuba when he was young and childish. Suo was, of course, insufferably charming. And the Mutt - much like my Jou - was the very soul of common sense and unpretentious charisma.

Ootori, however, was the one I found my eye drawn to most often. Still waters run deep, the expression says. I found myself wondering, 'how still, and how deep'?

A girl with a braid twisted around her head approached and gestured to the couch across from me.

"May I, Kaiba-san?"

"Certainly." I stood and bowed as she seated herself. Takamiro, I recalled. Family manufactured solar panels. Multinational sales.

She looked pointedly at an empty cup in the tea service, and then when I did not respond, poured herself a cup. "Am I your first?" She asked.

"Such a thing for a young lady to ask a gentleman." I quipped. Takamiro turned scarlet and I refilled my own tea. "But I must ask. If I said 'no', would you consider me a cad, or would you be disappointed?"

"Kaiba-san, I -" she cast around wildly as if she thought someone had overheard me. "I didn't mean... I mean, I don't know what you thought I meant..."

"Perhaps I was wrong." I mused, enjoying her embarrassment. "Am I your first?"

"Kaiba-san!" She shrieked. All eyes turned to us as she turned an even deeper shade of red.

Ootori excused himself from his table and moved toward us. I saw several young ladies around the room look at me and began whispering.

"Kaiba-san, Takamiro-kohai." He greeted us. "I trust all is going well."

"Quite." I replied smoothly. "I was just asking Takamiro if this was her first visit to your club."

"I see." Ootori adjusted his glasses. "It is my honor to say that I normally have the pleasure of Takamiro-kohai's company at this time."

"You were so crowded." Takamiro seemed to be recovering herself. "And Kaiba-san was all alone."

"Kaiba-san is visiting us today." Ootori almost sounded annoyed. "He is not a member of the club. In fact, he was alone because he was not feeling well."

"Oh, you poor thing!" Takamiro exclaimed. "You should rest."

"I am fine, now." I smiled - my lips, at least - at Ootori. "My esteemed kohai gave me something to ease my earlier headache. I am most grateful for his assistance."

"I know what to do about a headache!" Takamiro popped up and moved next to me. "You just lie here," she pulled me down abruptly, putting my head in her lap. "And I'll rub your temples."

It was extremely off-putting, but I realized that if I was going to first woo then wed a woman, eventually I was going to have to touch one. Someday.

Still...

I righted myself and moved a bit away from her. "Please. Such behavior is somewhat... intimate in such a public place, isn't it?"

"That's an interesting turn." Ootori intoned behind me. "Who would have thought that a powerful CEO was such a shy prince at heart?" He walked away before I could do more than glare at him.

Takamiro was smiling sweetly, blush gone. "Shy? Oh, I see! I'm sorry, Kaiba-san. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable - to seem so forward. I'll sit over here again." She moved across from me and began telling me more about the school.

I paid trivial attention to her. I was more focused on Ootori who, after a brief conversation with Suo, was going around the room and pulling specific girls from each group. Suo had left his own flock of followers and was speaking to the club members. Only their mutt seemed to have a dispute with Suo; the mutt looked at me and shook his head. Suo's shoulders fell dramatically. Then, Suo seemed to make some overwrought proclamation and the mutt merely shook his head again.

Then I realized that all the girls Ootori had spoken with were moving toward me. My head began throbbing again.

"Is it your head again?" Takamiro started to reach out to me again, but hesitated. "Oh, you poor dear."

"What's wrong, Kaiba-kun?" The first of the new arrivals sat next to me and reached for my forehead. I pulled away from her, and she shifted back.

All of the girls sat down with moans of sympathy. Quietly, they began offering assistance.

"Would you like more tea?"

"I could get you a cool cloth. Haruhi-kun showed me how, once."

"I have a small pharmacy in my dorm room." One girl offered. "I could get you something."

"No. Really, ladies, I'm fine." I remembered the pills in my own pocket. I pulled them out, and tried to quickly take two of them.

Not quickly enough. "Oh!" The pharmacy-girl exclaimed. "Oh you poor thing! I could ask Haruhi-kun to dim the lights, if it would help."

The other girls gasped. "What's wrong with him?" Oddly, instead of the traditional Japanese response of fleeing from any signs of illness, these girls all seemed to move a touch closer to me.

My pharmacist, however, turned a cold eye on her fellows. "I happen to recognize that particular prescription. I do not know IF Kaiba-san has a medical condition, OR why he would have that particular bottle - since I have no way of knowing what is actually IN that particular little bottle - and IF I DID know what was in that particular little bottle, I certainly wouldn't go around telling people about other people's possible medical conditions." She straightened her shoulders and flipped her hair with an air of superiority. "It would be unethical."

She was not attractive, however, she was clearly intelligent, a bit calculating to judge by how her speech affected her peers, and most importantly pharmaceuticals was an area in which Kaiba currently lacked a presence. "Thank you, my dear...?"

She did blush faintly as I graced my warmest smile upon her. "Oh! Daiichi Sakura." She bowed gracefully. "Daiichi-chan, if you'd like."

"Oh please, Kaiba-san," Takamiro spoke up. "There's no need for you to be so formal with me. I'm Yuyu-chan to my friends. And after all, I was your first." She tittered.

I spent the ride home on my cell with Kogoro, being brought up-to-date on the status of the ongoing projects. At the fifteen-minute mark, Mokuba actually pinched me. When I turned to admonish him, however, Suo had already engaged my brother in another conversation. I was able to spend the entire trip dealing with corporate issues.

What Suo referred to as the guesthouse was almost twice the size of Kaiba Manor. It was an opulent European-style mansion.

"I do regret that I will not be staying here with you, but my Grandmother quite insists that I spend my evenings with her." Suo apologized. He insisted on introducing us to the staff individually, and then gave us a tour of the building.

"And here are your rooms!" Suo opened a pair of double doors into a salon with a sitting area in front of a large bay window, and a white grand piano. To both the far left and right were additional sets of doors. "I hope you will be comfortable here. Moke-kun, I had the staff put your things in the western suite because it's closer to the kitchen and you are a growing boy."

"Whatever!" My brother rolled his eyes and stomped off to his new room.

Suo continued as if he didn't notice. "Kaiba-senpai, the eastern suite is a bit quieter, and the curtains are opaque." He gestured to the piano. "Do you play?"

"No." My day - my week, really - was beginning to weigh on me and I had several things to accomplish before I could attempt to sleep. "Music was never highly prized in the Kaiba home."

"A true shame." He sighed as he seated himself. He began to play.

I didn't know the piece, but it was lovely. I sat and listened as this boy who was so ridiculous so much of the time vanished into the man pouring his heart into the music.

I woke to silence. I was still on the salon sofa, but someone had placed a blanket over me and removed my shoes. An array of fruit, cheese and French bread sat, covered, on the table beside me. The view out of the bay window included moonlight and stars.

I took a handful of grapes with me to check on Mokuba. He was asleep on his bed, still dressed. The TV was on softly and several open textbooks showed that he'd at least made an attempt at completing his homework.

I had long years of practice at putting my brother to bed without waking him. I kissed his forehead, closed his books, and turned off the TV.

I didn't think the cheese would keep and our suite did not have a kitchenette, so I ate what I could of it. The brie was rich and tangy and the mozzarella was sweet. I left the remains in case I was still awake and wanted something before breakfast.

My room was as grand as the rest of the house. The bed was king-sized. Far too large for my taste. After I ended my relationship with my Jou, I had a custom bed put into my room. It was only a bit wider than a twin, but nearly a foot longer. I found that long and narrow suited me more than wide yet empty.

I took the time to unpack. The household staff had done most of the chore for me, but I went through the room and rearranged things more to my liking. I set my grooming items in the bathroom in the correct locations.

I did have a desk, so I setup my laptop, connected to the guest house's wifi, and did a bit of further research on the students I had met so far. Especially those in the Host Club. If I was intending to join them, I wanted to know as much about them as possible.

First, there was our host, Suo Tamaki, sole heir to the Suo fortune. There had apparently been issues between his mother and his grandmother, but they had since been resolved. Suo was known for being somewhat dramatic and had a reputation I could well believe for leaving a string of broken hearts behind him. No one had reported paternity suits, but such things are often hidden behind solidly closed doors. He had founded the host club a year or so prior, and had recruited its membership. Within the club, he considered himself 'Father'.

There was a great deal of information regarding the Hitachiin twins. They had modeled for Hitachiin Couture since birth it seemed. The brothers were always pictured together and rarely even seen apart. They were, in fact, identical and it was well known that they frequently lied about their names, making it impossible for anyone to win the 'Which is Hikaru?' game they enjoyed so much.

There wasn't much regarding Morinozuka, the silent mountain of a boy who shadowed his child-like cousin, and what was available led back to the Haninozuka family. The two were linked by a historic vassalage until a recent generation linked them by marriage. Mitusukuni - known as 'Honey' to everyone - was already familiar to me. Honey - and Mori, I found - had an impressive list of awards, certifications, and championships in a number of traditional disciplines. KaibaSecurity had several contracts with the Haninozuka family for physical training and Honey was frequently mentioned as a master of martial arts. I had thought the reports of him being short were exaggerated. For my own amusement, I checked an earlier file to see who was shorter - Honey or Mutuo - and decided that it was more entertaining to treat Mutuo as the shortest man I knew regardless of his 2cm triumph.

There was virtually nothing about the club's stray. A small article about a him winning a scholarship and an obituary for his mother several years prior. Much like my Jou; my initial research into his background turned up nothing in the general media. I had to have a full background check done to find all the skeletons in my Jou's closet. I rather suspected that it would not be worth the effort in this case. Haruhi struck me as the type who had no secrets worth knowing.

The last file I perused was Ootori. Tall, black hair, glasses. Very classically Japanese in both look and demeanor, without being passe. He was quite striking. Nothing like my Jou. Kyoya was the third son of four children. His father's medical services empire showed all public signs of being passed down to Kyoya's eldest brother. But there were three public announcements, quietly notifying the public of stock buy-outs. I logged into my stock portfolio and found the trades. Kyoya's name was legally required on the transactions, but there were several others, to companies that were newly formed and had vanished mere months after their purchases. I looked at the host club's 'Mother' again. Quite striking indeed.

I was still awake when my alarm sounded.

I was showered, dressed, and prying Mokuba out of bed when our suite doors flew open.

"Good morning, most graceful Kaiba Princes!" Suo twittered. In the morning sun, he was virtually radiant. "In honor of your first morning at chez Suo, I requested an authentic French breakfast: fresh croissants, apricot preserves, and the finest coffee found in the world!"

"One bullet!" Mokuba snarled. "Right here." He tapped Suo's adam's apple. "Shut you the fuck up for good." My brother dragged himself into his bathroom. "That fucking coffee better be fucking hot when I come out." He growled just before the door slammed.

"My brother is the primary reason the Board never meets before 10am." I chuckled. "I suggest we move to the other room."

"Agreed."

I went to the breakfast tray and helped myself to coffee and a croissant. The staff had cleared away my fruit; I would have to discuss getting a mini-fridge. The one in my office at KaibaCorp was invaluable. I sat on the sofa and began checking my emails for issues that needed to be addressed before I attended class. And before Mokuba caught me checking my emails.

Suo sat at the piano again. "Is there any particular style of music you prefer, Kaiba-senpai?" He asked as he began playing Beethoven's 'Moonlight Sonata.'

I only recognized it because I was required to take a music appreciation class years ago and our instructor called it 'the most romantic piece of music ever written.' When my Jou finally seduced me, he played a recording of it. It became a secret code between us - if one of us was 'in the mood,' we would mention Moonlight Sonata.

I found myself wandering over to the piano.

"What you are playing appeals to me." I leaned against the side and watched his hands for a moment. "You play beautifully." I paused and leaned a bit closer. "Do you charm many this way?"

He didn't look up from the keys. "Music is just one of my talents."

"It is tempting to learn how many talents you have."

I could see a faint blush color his cheeks. "I would be honored to show you all you wish to see." He paused a moment. "But though you are quite the beauty, I have never been 'tempted' by princes."

"I see." I replied, moving back a bit. "Pity."

He smiled a bit. "Of course, 'Mother' finds true princes quite charming." He laughed quietly. "Though he is not as given to temptation as I."

"Is that -"

"Oh geez!" Mokuba exclaimed. "Why is it always the pretty blonde boys? Should I wait downstairs, or are you two almost done?"

I stood up. "You should have breakfast. And be more polite to our host who was so thoughtful this morning." I returned to the sofa and my phone, and Suo began playing something more lively.

"Whatever. There isn't even any real food here." He muttered and fixed himself a plate. "What about you?"

"I've eaten." I held up the remains of my meal.

"Bread and coffee?" He scoffed. "They won't even need a full-sized coffin."

"And I ate a dinner last night as well." I pointed out. "So I am not starving to death, thank you. Eat. We need to leave soon if you're going to be on time." I thought for a moment and decided that I didn't care if Suo knew my goal for the year. "And I wanted to talk to you about staying here."

Mokuba frowned. "What? You're going to go back already? You didn't even try!"

"On the contrary," I laughed. "In fact, I have every intention of staying for the entire year - if not longer." I turned slightly. "Suo? Join us a moment."

"But of course!" He left the piano and bowed deeply before us. "How, oh noble Princes of Kaiba, may I assist you?"

"I was hoping you would allow me to join your club."

Suo smiled only a split second before he nearly crushed me with a hug. "The only thing we've been lacking was a tragic beauty! And now - adopted, only for his new father to die, forced to become an executive, a parent, and yet so frail - so wounded - himself! The princesses will ADORE you!"

My shock at his 'attack' was overshadowed by my shock at his knowledge about me. At some point this boy, who appeared so flighty and empty, had done some research. I revised my estimation of him.

"Princesses?" Mokuba sputtered from somewhere outside my current view. "What kind of club is it?"

Suo released me and struck a dramatic pose. "Your elder brother has just joined the most exclusive, most envied club anywhere! The Ouran Academy High School Host Club features only the most pedigreed, most beautiful men on campus and entertains daily the flowers of Ouran's society!"

"Ohhhhh." Mokuba said, nodding. "I was hoping 'that' wouldn't be a problem, nii-sama. Wow, a whole club! Are they all as far Out as him?"

"Far out?" Suo asked.

"Not Out, just French." I had to chuckle. "No, their - our, I should say - our guests are female. It has simply occurred to me that if I'm going to become head of the Kaiba Family, there will eventually need to be more 'family' than you and I."

"What about Jou?" Mokuba asked. Then his smirk became enlightened. "OH! You just want a baby mamma!" He nodded. "Yeah, if the upper school is like the lower, you've got half the Diet and most of the top 100 incomes to pick from." He savaged a danish and followed it with a gulp of coffee. "A bunch of rich foreigners, too."

"A 'baby mamma'?" Suo asked, his expression darker than I would have thought possible. "I trust that you both are aware of the strict Ouran policy against immoral behavior? The young women here are only the most honored and most honorable, and I would take it as a personal affront if -"

"I assure you, Suo, I have no intention of doing anything with any of them. If you weren't already certain, let me be quite frank - I am only attracted to men -"

"Blonde men." Mokuba injected.

"- and I seek a partnership, not a paramour. Lovers - of any hair color, brother - have turned out to be more trouble than they are worth. And quite frankly, do you know how much it costs to deal with a bastard child? No, Suo," I chuckled, "I take no woman to bed until I am legally and safely wed."

Suo started to speak, but someone knocked on the door. An elderly housekeeper opened it and bowed. "Forgive my intrusion, but you boys need to leave now if Master Suo plans to be on time for school. For once." She had the look of one with whom you do not trifle.

I glanced at my watch. "Yes, it is rather late. Mokuba, get your books. Did you finish any of your homework?"

"It's all bullshit busy work." He shrugged as he went back for his book bag.

"I'm sure. Nevertheless, starting tonight I am reviewing all of your work."

"Aw, man!"

The Ouran course work was more or less what I expected. Most of the classes were geared toward practical applications - Finance, Economics, Technical Writing, Computer Programming - but there were many fine arts classes as well. French Poetry, Chinese Watercolors, Literature of the Edo Period. The annoying thing was that despite being the socially elite, most of my classmates were no smarter than Mutou and his happy crew. In fact, with a few exceptions, Mutou and his friend brigade may, in fact, have been smarter - which was a depressing thought.

That, thankfully, did not include the other Host Club members, who welcomed me to their rank with apparent open arms. Our club members were all A-1 level students in the top 5% of the Junior and Senior class.

And when I was formally introduced to their mutt, I realized 'he' was a 'she'!

I looked at Ootori, whose reputation as one of the most feared and admired people on campus I was already learning. "Is this a common practice here?"

"No." He answered, adjusting his glasses. "Nor is Haruhi-kun's situation common knowledge."

"I see." I looked at the mutt again. "Very well, I'm sure you have your reasons."

"Oh yeah," she shrugged. "Well, I owe the club ¥8,000,000.00, but they'll consider it paid if I bring in enough clients."

I thought about it for a moment, and then nodded at Ootori. "Practical, efficient, unorthodox, and yet elegant. Brilliant. Successful?"

"Wildly." He admitted. "I have financials if you would like to review them later."

Beauty and brains; I tried not to leer. Temptation indeed.

Ootori went over the few club rules with me, and the schedule. They had a cosplay event approximately once a week in which I was expected to participate. They did have quotas and rankings, but all of the actual profit from the club went to the Ouran scholarship fund.

"Haruhi-kun is certainly a gifted student," Ootori said as we reviewed the information, "but by no means is she the only commoner student who can achieve at the Ouran level. The Chairman has agreed that once Haruhi graduates, the scholarship will be named for her. She doesn't know anything about this, you understand."

"And from what I've seen of her nature, she doesn't need to." I agreed. "She'd undoubtedly try to find a reason why she didn't deserve such an honor."

"Suo loves her." Ootori said simply. "We all do, I rather suspect, but his love moves beyond friendship."

"Dating?"

He shook his head. "Frankly, they both are quite blind to their feelings for one another. It's almost comical." He cleared his throat and pulled out a roll of paper. "The school cultural festival is in two months. Last year, there was a significant battle for the use of the grand salon - which we won. This year, I made it clear that we would be using the salon again and thus far, we are the only group who has entered a bid for it. This year, we intend to turn it into a fairy-tale land.

It was a rough sketch, but they were transforming the room - building a mountain with oni and yeti in one corner, and pool with fairies and talking animals in another. There were additional costume design sketches, ideas for food service, notes for activities, and other such.

"Do we have a budget?" I asked. He gave me the proposal. Ordinarily, I wouldn't even bother to laugh at a number that low. But this might qualify as a charitable deduction, and if it all worked out, the PR would be worth its proverbial weight in gold. "You realize I can do most of this with holographic projectors."

Ootori arched an eyebrow.

"The mountain and the lake will add more interactive fun if they are real, but the ogres and fairies, and so on. Those would be quite simple."

"Time frame?"

"I should be able to get a design team in to look at the space by the end of the week. The animation and fight choreography - do you think Haninozuka will assist?"

"For this, he and Mori-senpai will be at your disposal."

"Then we should be able to finish in under two months' time. We build similar sets for conventions. They're modular. Build scaffolding, hang a few dozen light fixtures, control the show from a wireless handheld. Two days to load in. Voila."

Ootori was taking notes. "We can sell souvenirs and photos. A making of video. Excellent! This should be our most profitable year yet."

"Good. I was hoping you'd find the KaibaTech offer tempting."

"Tempting?" Ootori looked at me. I wasn't sure, but it seemed that his cheeks flushed faintly. "KaibaTech is world renowned for its entertainment value. If you hadn't volunteered, we most certainly would have requested it. You are a club member after all."

"Of course."