I don't own Castle and all that hoo-ha, you know the drill. Thank you to Sarah for being my beta and fuelling my new found Castle obsession.
May is a dark month. Despite the weather starting to warm up and the smell of summer just on the horizon, it's cold and absent of light in the loft. It's how he left this world. It's how the world became when he was so cruelly taken from it. It's how Kate became around this time every year since she lost the love of her life. She tries not to sink into the darkness and every year there's a little more light than the last but this year...
It's been ten years. Ten long years since her world turned on it's head in more ways than one. The gut wrenching feeling that ripped through the young bride's body as she watched her fiancé's car burn with him inside was not just from the excruciating pain of losing him. As if he'd left a small part of himself on this earth before being so brutally taken, a small glimmer of hope laid in a little girl. Grace Alexandra Beckett, the mirror image of her father with warm brown curls, piercing blue eyes and quick wit was the only thing pushing a devastated Kate through the suffocating agony without him.
Watching Grace grow up into a creative and energetic young lady delighted Kate but it also broke her heart a little. Rick won't ever get to see the beautiful soul that she is, full of wonder, a sly smirk that always kept you guessing and a heart bigger than ever imagined for someone so small. Rick won't get to see his little girl inherit his talent and follow his footsteps to create extraordinary pieces of writing. He's missing her life and while Kate tries to be double the parent, there's always that Rick shaped hole, a Dad shaped hole.
Grace is always careful around her Mom in May particularly this year. The nine year old knows that any frustrated outburst or tearful moment is never personal and that there is no greater love than the love Kate has for her daughter. Always there when her Mom just needs a hand to hold, Grace loves asking about what her Dad was like. It always brings a mournful sigh from her Mom but behind each story is a sparkle in her eye. It's a sparkle that is only there when she talks about him and the amazing man that he was.
"Hey Mom, I was just going to make some hot chocolate. Do you want some?" Grace asked as she made her way down the loft stairs and into the kitchen. Seeing her Mom sitting on the couch with a bunch of case files littering the coffee table, she knew a little distraction was in order. If Kate wasn't reading one of her late husband's bestsellers over and over again til the book fell apart, she had buried herself in a case more so than usual.
Looking up from the files in a little bit of a daze, Kate welcomed the presence of her daughter. She is so grateful to have someone like Grace by her side. Mature beyond her years and so strong, Grace is the balancing force Kate needs a lot of the time to just keep going.
"Be careful heating up the milk" Kate warns out of instinct even though Grace is more than capable in the kitchen. The nine year old had been learning some of the Castle family's best recipes whenever Alexis is in town and has proven she has some talent in the kitchen. Her favourite recipe at the moment is the "S'morlette" but she saves those for Alexis and Javi. That dish will never not disgust Kate and cannot fathom how her smart little girl could possibly enjoy it. Must be a Castle gene.
"Yes, Mom" Grace sighed lightly with a smile. She knows her Mom means well and appreciates that she worries when she doesn't always need to. Dropping a couple squares of chocolate into the bottom of the mugs, she poured the milk over once it's been heated and mixed until it was smooth. Dusting a little bit of cinnamon over the top, she smiled remembering Alexis tell her the story behind the secret addition to the drink. Pulling down the marshmallows, she added a few too many than might be needed but shrugged it off as long as she could carry them without spilling. Making her way over to the couch, Grace handed one to her mother who had sat back on the couch before snuggling into her side. She waited until her Mom took a sip of her drink before taking one herself.
"Did you…?" Kate gasped as she looked down at her daughter. Recognising the taste immediately, memories of cold winter's nights in the loft came flooding back to her. Snuggled up on the couch tucked into Castle's side much like Grace was tucked into hers now, Kate remembered the sweet nectar warming her right to her fingertips. The intoxicating aroma reminded her of the chilly nights Castle would make this for her after a hard case. Any and all the tension she had brought home with her would fade away and she'd relax alongside her love.
"Alexis told me" Grace smiled simply as she took another sip of her drink, enjoying the sweet addition of the cinnamon. It reminded her of Christmastime and while she knew it was never the same as it was when her father was alive, it was still a magical time for her. "Would you tell me about Dad, about how you guys met?
"You know this one, bug"
"I know Uncle Javi's version. I want to hear your story"
"Tell me how Javi's goes and I'll see how much he got right" Kate chuckled. Javier and Kevin were a godsend not only through her pregnancy but all through Grace's life. They'd never tried to step in as the little girl's father but they were always there if she just needed that masculine figure to rely on. They just tried to give her everything Rick would of if he'd been there to see her grow up into the amazing young woman she was.
Grace pulled her knees to her chest resting the mug on her knees as she snuggled closer to her Mom. "Javi just says that you were in love with Dad from the start but it took you so long to figure it out"
"Did he now?" she laughed and wrapped her free arm around her daughter's shoulders "Did he tell you that I arrested your Dad in the middle of the New York Library?"
"Yeah because Dad made you look bad"
"If your Dad hadn't stolen confidential police files, I wouldn't have had to arrest him in the first place"
There was that sparkle. The Rick Castle sparkle.
"Uncle Javi also said that Dad was in love with you too from the very beginning"
Kate smiled as she ran her fingers through her daughter's latte brown curls gently. Looking up at her were Rick's piercing blue eyes, one trait Kate was so glad Grace had inherited. She really was a little part of Rick the way she smiled back at her Mom waiting for the rest of the story "Well he would have said that it was me that was in love first but it was definitely him" They'd had that argument whilst she stood on a bomb once but she was not about to tell her nine year old that story. She didn't want to deal with the nightmares and therapy sessions that would follow on from that story. Despite a happy ending, Grace wouldn't see it that way. "When I first met your Dad he was arrogant, self-centred and so full of himself. He could be a pain but there was just something about him. He could make me blush with a single look and he was clever, so incredibly clever. Your Dad just had a way of thinking that I'd never seen before and it was annoying, yes but it was refreshing"
"When we first met, I suspected him of a crime" Kate continued and watched her daughter's eyes widen. Grace knew that her Mom was a detective and worked to solve people's murders. Kate tried to shield her from the details as much as possible but it was a dangerous world out there and she was a smart kid. The nine year old was still refused entry to the morgue and could only see 'Aunty Lanie' away from any dead bodies and the murder board was always conveniently flipped when she walked into the precinct. She could be protected from the worst of it for a while longer. "Don't worry, I cleared him pretty quickly. He had a fan killing people like he'd done in his books and he started helping out on the case. We went through his fan mail and he figured me out, figured out my story on the spot."
"Did he get on your nerves?"
"Big time" she giggled nudging her daughter gently. "But he was the key to solving the mystery and we caught the bad guy. A few days later I found him standing in Captain Montgomery's office saying he wanted to follow me for research for his Nikki Heat series. I couldn't think of anything worse than having him tag along but he turned out to be the best thing to happen to my little team. He would come up with some crazy theory, he'd turn out to be onto a lead and we'd catch the bad guy. He was brilliant Gracie, just brilliant"
Kate's warm smile as she remembered her late fiancé and some of his moments of sheer brilliance faltered as she looked down at her daughter. Grace sniffed back tears quietly as she buried her nose into Kate's sweater. She loved hearing stories about her father but she always forgot how sad they made her feel when she realised that all she'd ever have were stories.
"Gracie-bug" Kate cooed softly as she set both of their mugs on the coffee table before pulling her daughter up onto her lap. Hugging her close, she ran her fingers gently through her hair soothing the nine year old as best she could. Kate would do anything to have Rick there by her side raising Grace with her but there was nothing she could do.
As Grace started to calm down, she played with the sleeve of her cardigan. "I miss him but I don't know if I can miss something I never really had" she sighed softly fearing the expression her mother would give her. She felt her Mom's hands still at the end of her curls and it worried the nine year old. Kate gently pushed Grace to sit up and look square at her.
"You had an incredible father and you can miss him, Grace" Kate insisted "He may not have been here to see you grow up into the amazing kid before me but he'll always be a little part of you. You have his eyes and his cheeky little smile and any time I'm sad thinking about him, a smile from you is all I need to be ok. You would have had him wrapped around your little finger from day one and he would have done anything for you"
"I just wish he was here, Mom"
"I know bug, I do too"
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