Chapter 3: Introductions

Naruto awoke the day after his initiation into team ten, incredibly irritable. He could have killed the jonin. He should have. He was going to… So why did his Nee-chan come to mind? She was dead, long since buried and forgotten by this village, what did it matter if he killed another monster before he was done in? Not bothering to analyze the situation further, something in Naruto changed. His furrowed brow lightened and his dark scowl transformed into a madman's grin, a little too wide for the face and showing far too many teeth to be considered a true grin.

After all, it didn't matter if he didn't kill the useless team, he was still free. Sure he had a couple of tag-a-longs, but he was FREE! Chuckling happily, he watched the ANBU tense in preparation for something. The air tensed further when Naruto jumped out of his bed in the Hokage's mansion ('To keep you safe Naruto-kun'), and decided to voice his thoughts aloud. "Hmmm, I'm a team now, don't teams go out and meet each other? Better go find my teammates!" Taking off at a sprint, Naruto jumped through an open window, leaving the ANBU 'escort' entirely behind.

"You'll never take me alive!" Laughing like an idiot, Naruto rushed even as the ANBU watched from their station in the shadows.

"Shouldn't we go after him Team Leader?" One of the new rookie ANBU signed to his captain, earning a shake of his head.

"We are tasked with watching the house, there's other squads that are watching the rest of the village. Security practically doubled so he can run all he likes, there will always be at least two squads watching him." With a shrug the rookie, turned back to his assigned duty…

Naruto ran across the rooftops enjoying the freeing sensation of the air across his face, violently whipping his long hair. Passing ANBU and jonin, they all paused as he sped by, reigning in the attempt to catch him as they had all been briefed last night about their newest 'genin'. Naruto, noticing the ninja weren't doing anything, huffed. "At least react a little… I'm terrifying! Fear me!" Jumping from annoyed to manic once more, Naruto decided that the civilians would be a better target. After all they all knew exactly what kind of mischief he enjoyed most.

Dropping into the middle of the Market District didn't have an immediate reaction like he expected, but as he slowly approached a shop a flicker of recognition passed across the store owner's features before the blood slowly drained from his face. Grin widening further, Naruto made sure to slow his walk and continue in a straight line for the one whom he had locked eyes with. "Remember me, shop keep?"

With that little comment, the shop keeper's fragile grasp on his fear snapped and he screamed, "Monster!" Dropping the small broom he was using to sweep his shop, he rushed into his store, causing more panic as new eyes turned and saw the boy walking casually down the street. In Naruto's opinion it was fairly impressive how quickly the civilians dropped everything they were doing in order to escape. From the busiest store to the lowest beggar, it took only seconds for the street to clear, the chaos following every person that abandoned the market.

"That was fun! NEXT!" Chasing them would have been fun but Naruto only had a single day to make first impressions. The ninjas didn't seem to care so they were already crossed off the list, but civilians seemed to be out of the loop. He needed to fix that, immediately. "Guess who's back! That's right Konoha, Monster's out of his cage and he's ready to play! Come on, let's play!" A loud chant, that only grew in pace as Naruto looked for other places to 'kindly' say hello. "Let's play, let's play, let's play, let's play, let's play, let's play…" Over and over Naruto said the words, suddenly stopping as he saw the next place to visit.

"Genin Uzumaki, you are-" the ANBU, not just ignored but, disregarded as Naruto took off for his target. "-requested by the Hokage…" Naruto pretended not to hear, quickly running to the public baths, landing in front of it. Casually walking in, Naruto walked up to the receptionist and made a show of waving his open straight jacket taking pleasure in the fear dilated eyes and ram-rod straight spine.

"You wouldn't believe how long it's been since I've been an open bath. Not the blood kind." Laughing at the squeak of fear the receptionist gave before ducking behind the counter, Naruto walked forward and was about to slam open the door to the men's side when he felt a presence behind him and was promptly smacked over the head.

"Naruto, what did I say about being good?" Sarutobi could only just contain the sigh he felt should be released upon finding his newest genin causing havoc before even the first stack of paperwork could be dumped onto his desk. Naruto for his part looked up with faked wide eyed innocence, tears in the corner of his eyes as he covered the spot where he had been hit with both hands.

"I am being good!" A quirked eyebrow. "Relatively good!" Further raising of an eyebrow. "Objectively better than my last visit!"

"You killed people the last time you visited Naruto."

"See! Totally being better!"

"Naruto, I heard about the market."

"Sorta? I mean, nobody got hurt." Pinching the bridge of his nose the wizened Hokage could only just keep from dropping his face into his hand.

"There were several injuries from the mad rush to get away from you."

"But I didn't do it!"

"The injuries or the chaos?"

"The first one, I totally freaked out the people. Not my fault they don't know to proceed in an orderly line away from danger, casually and with all due speed."

"Naruto..." trying to will his thoughts into words that would reach the blonde, he gave it up as a lost cause and instead went with what would probably end in the least amount of collateral damage. "Aren't you supposed to be meeting your team about now?"

Cocking his head to the side, looking stumped Naruto mumbled out, "I thought you told me I was meeting my team at ten?" Getting a nod, the Hokage pointed at a clock conveniently sitting on the wall above the receptionist. "Big hand on the ten… little hand on the two… I'M LATE!" Shouting in shock Naruto turned to the Hokage and them immediately shrugged. "Guess I'll have to try again tomorrow."

"Aren't you supposed to rush of in some dramatic fashion, and leave me to clean up your mess before I can make you?"

"I mean, I would but what's a team going to teach me? I fight ANBU when I'm bored. Besides, I didn't even do a quarter of the things I was planning to, so it's not much of a mess. More an inconvenience."

"You still have to attend your team meetings, just like any other genin." Giving a sigh of defeat, Naruto promptly fell on his face.

"But they're so weeeeeeeeak, I'll be booooooooored! I won't survive such prolonged boredom!" The ANBU shuffled nervously as the conversation dragged on. This was the DNE child? He just seemed like any other whiny kid that thought he could get away with not showing up to his classes, not at all like the immortal monster they had expected.

"Get up Naruto, we're going to go introduce you to your teammates. And so help me if you drag your feet, I will just drag you the whole way!" Getting a thumbs up as the only response, the Hokage proceeded to reach down and grab Naruto's ankle in a vice grip. "ANBU, return to stations, I will return shortly." Snapping off a solute at the order, the ANBU almost faulted when the Hokage made good on his word and began dragging Naruto by the ankle to his team's training ground.

"Ah, I was kidding! Let me go, I'll walk!"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear that Naruto-kun, you seem to have hit a rather large rock in the road."

"What rock?"

"This one."

"Ah! What the hell! Let me go Jiji! I learned my lesson! I'm sorry!" The two quickly distancing themselves down the road left quite a few stunned spectators not quite sure what to do. The ANBU looked to each other, shrugged once and immediately returned to their posted positions. The civilians were even more confused as they had gone from complete terror to shock as not only wasn't the blond demon left alone but he was on a TEAM!

Kurenai couldn't help looking nervously at the two genin under her care as they waited for their team meeting at ten thirty. The Hokage had personally guaranteed that Naruto would be here but as the minutes ticked down, with no sign of them, she couldn't help but think that the team was considered 'unworthy' of their team status and she was being played. As her timer finally ticked and reached the appointed time, she let out a sigh of relief.

"It looks like Naruto won't be joining us, so-"

"DAMN IT OLD MAN! I WILL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!"

"-"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY AM I YELLING! LET GO OF MY LEG ALREADY!"

"-"

"NO I WILL NOT 'CALM DOWN'! IT WAS FUNNY FOR THE FIRST THIRTY SECONDS, AND IT'S BEEN TWENTY MINUTES!"

"- and maybe you'll listen the next time I tell you not to be slow?" Stepping into the same clearing as team ten, the Hokage dragged Naruto all the way up to Kurenai before promptly dropping him.

"You suck Jiji…" Crossing his arms and glaring up at Sarutobi, Kurenai could already tell today would be the start of a very long, very painful day.

"Now, I do apologize for Naruto's lateness, he was indisposed-"

"You dragged me by my ankle through half the village!" Briefly pausing at that, the Hokage then continued.

"Very indisposed. At any rate, I have business to attend to, as Naruto has made me quite late as well."

"Bullshit old man! You made yourself late!"

"Hmm, Naruto seems to suddenly be interested in personally and closely studying the rest of the roads in the village." Looking down at Naruto with a smile, in an instant Naruto was behind Kurenai pointed at him.

"Sensei, Jiji is being mean to me! Hit him or something!" Barely suppressing the urge to scream and jump away from Naruto, Kurenai sent a look at her leader, something akin to pleading and a deep confusion that needed an explanation.

"Kurenai-chan, let Naruto know I can be much meaner, I control which missions he gets to go on." Laughing at the gasp Naruto gave, the Hokage left in a flicker and a breeze of leaves, leaving the team to themselves. The moment after he had left, Naruto promptly fell onto his back staring up at the sky. Stepping away from the blond Kurenai tried to bring her team meeting back into order.

"It seems Naruto will be joining us… So let's start with introductions. After all not all of you were in the academy. Shikamaru you can go first. Pick a teammate and try and recall everything you know about them. "

"Kurenai Yuhi, Genjutsu Mistress of Konoha, known for her fanatical obsession with advancing the genjutsu arts, enjoying sake with Anko Mitarashi the Snake Mistress, and, once upon a time, flower pressing with Hinata Hyuga the heir to the Hyuga clan. Dislikes those that believe genjutsu is an inferior ninja art, and those that abuse their status to harm others. Hobbies are expanding her genjutsu arsenal, drinking sake, and dating Asuma Sarutobi." Shino tilted his head lightly as it Shikimaru spoke.

"Your research was more in depth than mine." Shakimaru shrugged lightly. "Tactical leader is well informed."

"Eh, not really. I mean, Asuma doesn't shut up about her and I was expected to be on his team so…" A casual shrug ended the trailing sentence and left the clearing in silence.

"Not exactly what I had in mind, but I am a member of the team…" Turning to Shino, she made to choose him next when Naruto spoke up.

"Shino Aburame, the prodigy of the Aburame clan. Fanatical about his insects, he has taken them to new heights as he breeds his kikaichu with just about every insect he can find to see if there is any biological differences or superiority in his new breed. He has single handedly breed his kikaichu with every insect found within the walls of Konoha, and has already been recognized as a Breeder, a title given to an Aburame after they have introduced a twenty variant breeds, or one unique breed. He has submitted no less than thirty variants, ranging from common, to a single rare breed. Some in the clan believe he will become the next Master Breeder, and the youngest one in clan history at that. Shino's kikaichu are a thing of fear within the Aburame clan walls as they are known to be quite territorial, and have cannibalized and enslaved the queens of two other Aburame children. His official title is 'Aburame Heir' and his unofficial moniker is 'True Hive'. Likes his kikaichu, investigating the mutagenic biology of said insects, and his family. Dislikes anyone who kills insects in fear or disgust, bug spray, and tomato farmers for reasons unspecified but theorized to be in relation to the other two dislikes. Hobbies are insect collecting, insect breeding, and information gathering through the use of insects." Shino stared at Naruto, whom had recited the entire speech with his eyes closed and with a lazy drawl.

"The ANBU are mouthy." His comment earned a grin from the blond, and a nod.

"Makes you wonder why such stoic and quite people like the Aburame are so rarely seen in public… Almost seems like they're off doing something else…" Before Naruto could add more, Shino took his turn for introductions.

"Shikamaru Nara, the Nara heir, fanatical in finding answers to anything he deems a challenge and has a genuine interest in, while giving the impression of a very lazy and uninterested child. Likes are a cover, as are dislikes as information is power and Shikamaru believes that the only way to play a game is if you've stacked the deck in your favor beforehand. Referred to in the Nara Clan as the 'Unparalleled Genius' and by the whispered title, 'Tactician of War'. Hobbies are falsified, but he does enjoy a good mind game."

Laughing Naruto looked at Kurenai waiting for her to try and give information and failing to think of what to say. "Seems like everyone on this team is fucked up upstairs. We're going to be the best of the teams. Easy to make murderers out of psychos. I hate you all just a little less, I think I'll move you down on the list of people I'm going to kill and label as an 'unfortunate accident.'" Kurenai could only look on horrified as the other two kids didn't seemed phased in the slightest.

"Such a shame, since I plan to put you in the line of fire at literally every opportunity, as Tactical Leader I'll have to make the most of 'The Immortal Demon'. Going to be hard to kill us off when you're taking a hail of kunai to the everything." Naruto grinned as Shikamaru lazily fell back and casually announced the fact.

"My kikaichu have always wanted to be on an all meat diet. As an immortal I'm sure you won't miss an arm or leg too much. Do you grow it back or am I going to have to spread out the target area?" Shino's neutral expression didn't falter for even a second, and one could almost hear the amusement that his normally monotone voice carried."

Kurenai could only shake her head as the team 'bonded'. "Team, stop with the morbid jokes… The last 'unintroduced' member is, as you've heard, Naruto Uzumaki. Called 'The Immortal Demon' as any injury he has sustained is made non-fatal by virtue of the sheer amount of chakra pounding through his coils. The running theory is that if all of his chakra is being poured into the regenerative aspects of his Uzumaki blood, but the jury is still out…" Trailing off as she didn't have any other information to add, Kurenai made to stand and look down at 'her' team.

Shino, Shikamaru, and Naruto… One psych risk with a kill count high enough to make a jonin proud, and two potential psych risks that apparently were stable enough to keep just this side of the line of the laws. She'd have to mention this to the Hokage if he didn't already know… Or demand answers if he did. The potentially dangerous children all looking up at her as she shrugged and sighed. "Come on team. We're going to get a test mission to see how well you can work together." Hopefully, terribly enough the team gets disbanded and I don't have to deal with three potential time bombs.

With those thoughts in her head, Kurenai began her first day of missions, and the start of Team Ten's new nicknames. Team Trouble, Team Psychotic, and Team Flee-on-Sight.

-With Team Seven (Sakura, Sasuke, Hinata)-

Sasuke glared at Hinata and Hinata glared at Sasuke. It had been two hours since their team was supposed to 'meet' and Kakashi had still not made himself known. They would be waiting at least another hour as Kakashi had no intention of going down until they could unify their anger and aim it together at the souce of their ire, namely, him. Flipping yet another page and ignoring the pitiful and pleading look Sakura shot at the two other members of her team to try and calm them, Kakashi couldn't help but wonder if this particular method would actually work…

"Eh, I'll try it for a month or ten and see how it goes."

That decided, he once more returned to the dossier he was reading with a fake Icha-Icha cover over it, giggling at some of the things the information teams had 'added' to 'enrich' character profiles. Particularly the note that, 'You all better appreciate the work that goes into this! Do you know how annoying it is to follow a guy that boasts about his "epic" sword skills, and is swinging around a fucking club? DO YOU?'

Ah, the evaluation section of the bingo book, always good for a laugh. Especially given all the theories on some of the higher names on there. Flipping the page again, his smile fell as he heard his team bickering. "Guess I should go in there and stop it before they take it too far… Damn it all."

-With Team Eight (Ino, Choji, Kiba)-

"WILL YOU SHUT UP DOG BOY!?" Asuma couldn't help but give a sympathetic wince at the volume of Ino's yelling and that was without Inuzuka assisted hearing.

"Will you shut up you blond HARPY!?" Kiba growled out the last bit and immediately regretted it as Ino's eyes narrowed and her volume dropped.

"What did you just say?" It took all of three seconds for Kiba to realize he had probably screwed up. Immediately after that realization he took the advice his mom and sister had always given him about women.

"I called you a harpy, because you won't shut up and you're so damn LOUD!" Stick to your guns Kiba, you're an alpha, and women respect an alpha mentality.

Absolute silence and Kiba actually took a second to hope that his mom's advice was actually working before further examining Ino's face and noticing she was turning a shade of red Kiba had subtly found all woman could achieve called, 'Righteous Fury Red'. Sending some chakra to muffle his ears, he suffered through the verbal assault that was Ino's response while Choji and Asuma watched.

Munching on some chips as Ino tore into Kiba, Choji looked up to Asuma at the same time he looked down.

"Twenty on Ino not stopping before Kiba points out we're supposed to be getting our first team training today."

"Twenty she keeps going." Asuma grinned as Choji chuckled and offered a chip.

AN: Ya, it's been a while. No, the story isn't dead. No, I don't plan to humanize Naruto. People keep bitching at me about how I finished the last chapter, so I'll put in a bit of info here. Naruto is going to stay insane. You don't just recover from that kind of crap, especially when your standing orders are going to be 'Kill anybody who isn't wearing the same headband.' I put that in the same way I put in that the Hokage is too blind to see he's already gone. He's emotionally compromised. Something I see touched on a LOT but never followed through. Everyone has a weakness, the Hokage's just happened to be bright orange and wear a smile. Say the right things and bam, Naruto 'SEEMS' better, emphasis on the 'SEEMS' there for anyone STILL confused. After all, the summary even includes 'INSANE Naruto', 'DARK Naruto'.

Further expanding on why I chose Shikamaru and Shino. I feel like those two have lots of potential, not as the 'good guys' but as broken individuals. Shikamaru, broken by his massive intellect ruining all that he sees, the world is a puzzle and he solved it ages ago. The blue sky he stares at dulling the edge as he thinks, and thinks, evaluates choices, decisions, prepares, and in a moment scrubs that all away as new information is revealed. I can see him easily falling prey to the fallacy of intellect. 'I am smart enough to do whatever I want.'

Shino, what little information they actually expended on his character doesn't share much of what he's really like. I mean, he considers himself friends with Naruto in the show but... why? I mean, literally everyone forgets Shino at one point or another, and that includes his team. So instead of making it comedic... Maybe that's what Shino WANTS. He's stoic because he's SUPPOSED to fade into the background. Maybe the constantly stoic Aburame are that way because it's hard to come off being ANBU? Food for thought at any rate.

So, for the last time, NOT DEAD. More eventually, I just have shit that I do.

To those that have been waiting, hope you enjoy a glimpse at what I got planned. To those that flame, for you: 'le shrug'. I'm writing this the way I want, and taking the time to plan things. I have ideas for chapters, it's connecting the dots that takes a while. That and life gets in the way.