Author's Note: This fic takes place about a month after the end of S3. I am deliberately ignoring the entire 'fake dagger' issue as well as Elsa's presence in SB – because I choose to ignore it for this particular fic. BTW - the title came from an obscure 80's song by Nik Kershaw that I'm sure no one but me has heard of. This will be THREE chapters. Enjoy!

David Nolan entered Gold's shop that afternoon, with the simple intent to purchase a gift for his wife, who was cranky, sleep deprived, and just needed a little bit of cheering up.

"Well – your majesty – what can I help you with?" Rumpelstiltskin asked, standing behind the counter in his shop. "What jam do you find yourself in this time?"

"Why do you assume I have a problem?" David asked.

"Because you come into this shop for one of two reasons: to get assistance with something, or to accuse me of something that I haven't done. And since there has been no drama in town lately, I can only presume it's the former." Rumpelstiltskin said. David rolled his eyes.

"I just want to buy something for my wife, you have a problem with that?" David asked.

"Of course not. What exactly did you have in mind?" Rumpelstiltskin asked.

"Jewelry would be good. Maybe a necklace. Something to make her feel pretty, she um – well, we haven't actually done the whole baby thing before and – it's not as easy as it looks, she's been having a pretty hard time of it the last few days." David told him.

"Well – I have a very nice selection right here." Rumpelstiltskin said. He reached under his counter and pulled out a display of necklaces and pendants. "I'm sure you'll find something to your liking. And I do accept payment plans, of course. With adequate collateral."

"Of course." David mumbled as he began to look over the array of jewelry laid out in front of him. "How much are they?"

"Are you really going to put a price on your wife's happiness?" Rumpelstiltskin asked.

"It depends on how much it costs." David said. "I can't just 'magic up' whatever my wife desires like some people can."

"Yes, well neither can I, seeing that Belle isn't exactly fond of my presenting her with enchanted trinkets." Rumpelstiltskin said. "I have some others in the back for a more – limited budget, if you think that selection is out of your price range." Rumpelstiltskin said, and he stepped into the back room as David continued to look through the selection of jewelry. One pendant caught his eye – it was a glimmering purple stone, larger than what Snow usually wore but it was breathtakingly beautiful, and David knew that it would look fabulous on her. It was a stone worthy of a princess.

"Hey Gold – what about this one? How much is it? Gold!" David called out as he turned the stone over and noticed an inscription on the silvery back of the pendant that held the stone in place. "Cambia capora meum capora." David read out loud. "What does that -" David began, then stopped. His head began to spin, and for a split second everything around him was dark. He blinked his eyes, opened them, and found himself standing in the back room of Gold's shop. "What the hell?" David said to himself, but his voice didn't sound like his voice. He had an accent – he sounded like – like GOLD. David then looked down at himself – these weren't his clothes. He was wearing a tailored suit – one of Gold's suits. "No – no, this isn't possible." David said out loud to himself, hearing the lilt of Gold's voice speaking his words. David rushed out into the main area of the shop, where he stopped in his tracks when he found himself standing on the other side of the counter, holding the purple pendant that he was admiring barely a minute prior.

"What did you do?" his doppelganger asked him, looking up at him.

"Gold?" David asked nervously.

"Was there an inscription on this pendant?" the man who looked like him but wasn't him asked.

"Yeah." David replied.

"Did you read it? Out loud?"

"I didn't know what it was, I called out for you but you didn't come out here and -" David began, stammering a bit. "What happened?"

"Isn't it obvious? We've – switched." Rumpelstiltskin replied, his voice sounding exactly like David Nolan. His body LOOKING exactly like David Nolan.

"No, no, no, no – switch back!" David shouted. He grabbed the pendant from Gold and looked at the back of it. "Where'd it go? There were words written here, where did it GO!" David shouted.

"They're gone, dearie." Rumpelstiltskin said. "You see – this is an Iolite stone. It has many magical properties and that incantation – it was meant to transport you to a place you wanted to be. Or whoever, you just say the name of the person you want to be or place you want to be before you read it."

"I don't want to be you!" David shouted.

"Yes, well – the stone doesn't know that, now does it?" Rumpelstiltskin taunted. "I didn't realize I had one with an incantation on it, I thought I'd used them all."

"What do you mean used them all?" David asked.

"Well – the incantation is a one time offer. Once it's used – this pendant becomes – just a pendant." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Well – get another one then." David said.

"Afraid I can't do that. They're extremely rare – and their magic is – tricky. You have to know exactly what you're doing, and even then, they don't always work as you'd like them to." Rumpelstiltskin told him.

"Well just – conjure up another one." David told him.

"Yes, that's your answer to everything, isn't it? Magic. Have you not learned that all magic comes with a price?" Rumpelstiltskin asked.

"MY answer to everything?" David asked angrily.

"Aren't you the one that always comes pounding on my door in a panic whenever something needs fixing, asking me to magically make it as you'd like it?" Rumpelstiltskin asked. "Besides – this – body, for whatever it's worth, has no magical properties to it, and won't without many years of practice."

"What are you saying? I'm the Dark One now?" David asked.

"Well it certainly looks that way, doesn't it? Of course – being the Dark One with no KNOWLEDGE of magic is about as useless as being the Dark One with no physical ability of magic." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"So what are we supposed to do? I am NOT staying in your body Gold, I have a wife and a son to go home to!" David shouted.

"Have you forgotten that I have a wife as well? I don't think either of our wives will be pleased with this – situation." Rumpelstiltskin commented.

"What do we do to fix it then?" David asked.

"Right now? Not much we can do. YOU – must learn magic. And hopefully, over time – the two of us together can come up with a potion to counter this spell." Rumpelstiltskin informed him.

"Over TIME? How much time?" David asked.

"Well that depends. How quickly do you learn? Given what I've seen in the past – this may take a while." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Are you implying that I'm not very smart?" David asked angrily.

"Oh, no, I'm not implying it, I'm stating it outright. Now . . . . do you want to get started or do you want to stand her and argue for the rest of the afternoon?" Rumpelstiltskin asked.

"Fine. This better work." David said, and Rumpelstiltskin led him into the back room.

Nearly two hours later, Rumpelstiltskin looked at the mess of potions and books lying across his work table. "This is going to take longer than a couple of hours." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Well maybe if you wouldn't YELL so much I could actually figure this stuff out!" David shouted.

"Well perhaps if you were capable of following the simplest of directions I wouldn't have to yell." Rumpelstiltskin said, just as a phone rang. It was in David's pocket – which was actually Gold's pocket.

"Hello?" David answered. "Belle." Rumpelstiltskin looked up at him, his eyes widening. "Yes um – dearie?"

"Don't call her dearie, I don't call her dearie, I only call people that irritate me dearie." Rumpelstiltskin said, gritting his teeth at David. David put his hand over the phone.

"You call me dearie." David said.

"And you've just made my point." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Well, what do you call her?" David asked.

"Sweetheart." Rumpelstiltskin said quietly, blushing a bit.

"Sweetheart? Rumpelstiltskin calls his wife 'sweetheart', that's one I never expected." David said.

"Give me the phone." Rumpelstiltskin demanded, reaching for the phone.

"You can't talk to her, you'll sound like me!" David said, pulling away.

"Rumple, what's going on, is something wrong?" they both heard Belle say on the phone.

"Um – nothing's wrong – sweetheart – just – talking to a customer." David said nervously.

"Well what time will you be home? I want to make sure dinner is ready." Belle said.

"Um – six, I guess?" David said.

"Well, don't stay too long – I miss you, I haven't seen you all day." Belle said.

"Um – okay. See you at six then." David said, and he quickly hung up the phone.

"Why did you tell her that?" Rumpelstiltskin asked.

"What was I supposed to say? 'Sorry Belle, but I'm not actually your husband, I'm David Nolan and we switched bodies.' Yeah, that'd go over well." David said, just as the phone in Rumpelstiltskin's pocket – which was David's phone – rang. Rumpelstiltskin looked at the ID on the phone – it was Snow.

"It's your wife." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Don't answer it!" David shouted.

"Really, dearie? You don't immediately take calls from your wife? Who does that?" Rumpelstiltskin asked. He ignored David's demand and answered the phone. "Hello, darling."

"Don't 'darling' me, where are you? You were supposed to be home over an hour ago, you said you just had a quick errand to run." Snow said.

"Well, I um – Emma – asked me to help her with something at the sheriff's office." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Is that right? Well that's interesting, given that Emma is sitting here WITH ME right now." Snow told him.

"Oh. Well – I've been caught then, haven't I? I – have a surprise for you. I'm very sorry I'm late. I'll be home soon." Rumpelstiltskin quickly hung up the phone. "I'm afraid I may have made your wife even angrier at you than she already is."

"Why did you mention Emma? Emma was coming over today!" David shouted.

"Well I didn't know that, now did I?" Rumpelstiltskin said. "Look, I think we've done all we can today, at this point all we'll do is work one another's nerves until we strangle each other and that won't do either of us any good."

"So what? We just go home like this to each other's wives?" David asked.

"Well, it seems like we don't have any other option but to do just that." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"How about telling them the truth?" David asked, and Rumpelstiltskin chuckled.

"Really, dearie? I assured my wife that I carefully disposed of all magical objects in the shop and she will not be pleased with me at all, and well – I presume that your wife won't be pleased to know that it was your carelessness that created this entire mess. So – do you really want to tell them all of this? Or would you prefer to just endure one night, come back here tomorrow, and we will work until we figure out a way to switch back." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"You really think you can handle being me for the evening?" David asked.

"How hard can it be?" Rumpelstiltskin asked. "I'm more concerned about you."

"I thought Belle frowns on you doing magic, how difficult will it be to pretend to be you? Dearie." David said in a mocking tone.

"Here's a thought – let's just both go to our 'homes' – have dinner, say that we're quite tired, and then simply go to bed. Get up early, meet back here in the morning, and then we'll get to work." Rumpelstiltskin suggested.

"You really think they won't notice? Our wives aren't stupid women, they'll know something isn't right." David said.

"If we just do as I say, I doubt they'll even notice. Just don't – engage in too much conversation. Keep it simple, that shouldn't be difficult for you." Rumpelstiltskin said. He walked back into the main area of the store, and David followed. Rumpelstiltskin picked up the pendant that David selected.

"What are you doing with that?" David asked.

"Well, I'm going to give it to your wife, of course." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"You're not giving her that, it's cursed!" David shouted.

"Not anymore. And you did say she was – having a hard time of it lately. It is a lovely pendant, should cheer her right up." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"What about your wife?" David asked.

"Well, the good thing about Belle is that if she's distracted by a book – you won't be bothered by her for the entire evening." Rumpelstiltskin said, and he reached into a drawer under the counter and pulled out a large book. "I was saving this for our two-month anniversary, but – I believe it's necessary to be gifted to her now." David looked at the book.

"The collected works of Jane Austen." David said.

"One of Belle's favorite writers, she's read the stories many times but this is a special edition of the collection. She likes to re-read her favorites, it should keep her quite busy." Rumpelstiltskin said. David let out a big sigh.

"Are you sure we can't just tell them?" David asked. "I don't like lying to my wife."

"From the sound of your wife's voice on the phone, she seems in no mood for magical shenanigans. But by all means – if you think telling them is the way to handle this -"

"Alright. ONE night. But if we don't figure this out by tomorrow, we HAVE to tell them." David said.

"You have a deal." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"I guess we can manage one night as each other. How hard can it be?" David asked.

Next chapter . . . . the guys go home to their 'wives'. What could possibly go wrong?