Chapter 5

Christian Grey's P.O.V

Four years. Four years of crying myself to sleep. Four years of waking up to let out my sadness on the piano. Four years of converting back to the shell of the man that I was before. Four years of distancing myself from my family and their questions. Four years of facing the hostility and hatred of my staff. Four miserable years away from the beautiful, beautiful goddess that it Anastasia Rose Steele.

If I wasn't such a coward it would have been Grey! After Ana left me everything was just a downward spiral. The saying they have a chip on their shoulder is the understatement of the fucking century.

My situation with my family isn't any better either. My brother and I haven't had a real conversation in over a year. My sister can't even look me in the eye without some sort of disgust seeping into her expression. My parents tried to give me the benefit of the doubt, but you could tell that they were angry and as disappointed in me as I was.

My employees don't even want anything to do with me. As soon as he found out I called off the wedding, he has been cold. Gives me snappy, surf responses that would usually make me threaten his employment, but I know that he would gladly give in his resignation if the time came. Gail it is a surprise that she hasn't poisoned my food. The glares that she gives me would make the biggest man fall to his knees. It even rivals mine. But all I can do is stand there and take it because in some sadistic way it feels good to have people as angry with me as I am with myself.

I am just a passing factor, fading away each day that passes. I feel like I am in slow motion while the world is moving so fast that I can't catch up. When I was with Ana she made everything clear: I heard things differently, saw things differently, touched things differently. Everything was different.

My only companion is my piano. My only friend during this time. The only thing that I have to vent out my deep rooted depression, anger, and loneliness.

Why did I have to do this to my perfect life? I really had the perfect life: the perfect family, the perfect staff and friends, the perfect company, and most importantly the perfect woman to call me on my bullshit, to show me love, to give me everything I needed. And I foolishly let her go. I don't think anyone knows how it feels to taste Nirvana, then to have it ripped from your grasps so suddenly, everything just stops.

Now I am sitting at my desk a stack of papers next to me that I could care less about. I was just informed that my brother got engaged to Kavanugh. And the person who told me wasn't Elliot. I remember the imd when I would have been the first person that he would tell that he was even thinking about marrying Katherine. The thought of that dug the knife deeper into my heart.

I have my loyal, beloved blackberry in front of my. Elliot's number set up for a call just by the touch of button. I can't will myself to call him and congratulate him in fear that he would turn me away again.

Finally, I decide to stop acting like a bitch and dial the number. It rings and on the fifth and final ring, Elliot's voice travels over the receiver. As usual his greeting, if you can even call it that, is cold and curt.

"What do you want, Christian?" Elliot says, not even a hello.

"E-E-Elliot, I just wanted to say um, co-congratulation for your engagement," I stutter out, still in shock that he even picked up the phone.

"Is that all because I have to go," he responds. I frown even more. I know that he doesn't have anywhere to go, he just doesn't want to talk to his bastard of a brother.

"Wait, Wait! Elliot please don't hang up the phone!" I practically beg into the phone. Clutching it for dear life.

"What do else do you want?"

"Can we please meet up for dinner or a drink? I know that you probably hate me still and I don't blame you. But please. I haven't had a real conversation with any of the family for over a year and I pleading with you to give me a chance to prove that I am not all the bastard that you think that I am!" I plead through the phone, knowingly acting like a little bitch, but I need my brother right now.

"Fine. Text me the place," Elliot grumbles out. Before I can even express my gratitude I am greeted with the sound of dial tone. But I don't even care, I get to see my brother after too long.

But it's still to the same, not without Ana. The beautiful goddess whose virtue I took. The woman who has seen me at my worst, but still hadn't ran for the hills. Those beautifully haunting blue eyes. The ones I see every time I close my eyes. I tasted Nirvana and then suddenly it was all taken away from me so abruptly. All because I was coward and couldn't stand to see Ana hurt. She was my kryptonite and will always be.

The day of our wedding day when I drove to Escala to see if I could beg for Ana to stay with me. Not leave me the shell of the man that I was when I first met her. I wanted to be the son that my parents deserved, one that his mother could actually hug. The brother that comforted his siblings and stuck by them threw thick and thin. But most all I wanted to be the man, the lover, the husband that Anastasia deserved. The one that she so desperately wanted. The one that I had the potential to be.

I remember that day very well, it still haunts my dreams four years later. The day my soul left my body. I quickly shake off those thoughts because I'll be damned before my staff sees me break down. The stack of papers that have piled up on my desk catches my attention. I begin to divide them into groups of urgent, soon, and can wait.

I pick up the first urgent file and what I see makes my heart stop. Fury starts to take over my body. I can feel it building up in me, the pent up emotion begging to be released. I am frozen in my seat, when suddenly I begin to shake. All I can see is red. All logical thoughts are pushed to the back of my mind.

Everything around me is still and then all hell breaks loose.

"FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKK!" I roar out in anger. All of the sounds outside of my office stop in fear.

I grab anything I can get my hands on and throw it around the room. Hole after hole I punch into the walls. I kick my desk over, breaking off one of the wooden legs. Adrenaline rushing through me preventing me from feeling my bruised knuckles.

Why the fuck did this happen to me? She is mine! Mine! No one fucking else! He probably touched her. Probably saw her glorious body, made love to her. I was supposed to be the only man to have her. If I ever get my hands on that fucker he is fucking dead! Why didn't anyone tell me this? EVERYONE IS GETTING FUCKING FIRED! I thought over and over again.

Suddenly my head snaps to the painting. The painting that Ana first saw when she came into this office oh so long ago. The painting that made her say that one phrase. The phrase that stole my heart. The phrase that started our relationship. I wouldn't have ever thought of touching that painting but my anger gets the best of me.

My long legs begin to move me to the picture. I no longer have control over my body. All I feel is anger. Angry at myself, the fucker that even dared to put his hands on what is MINE!

I come back to reality by the sound of broken wood. The picture now has one giant tear in the front. The adrenaline suddenly stops all the emotions the pain physically, emotionally, mentally all come rushing to me.

My back slams against the wall and I slide down in despair. And I finally break down.

A/N: Hey guys sorry for making you wait so long for this update. I have just been so busy! Oh and I know you probably wondering why it says four years. Originally i was three years, but then some people thought it was too short. Then I moved it to six years and I thought it was too long. So now it is four years and it will stay four years. Thank you to all the people who followed, favorited, wrote reviews. You guys are my inspiration. Love ya!

-Sky