June 25, 2014

Well, this is my first written foray into the world of One Piece. Gotta say— competition is fierce! I was just amazed at everyone's awesome fics in the fandom! Especially with recent chapters, I've been inspired to try my hand at pirates. I know that I'm nowhere close to my fellow, stellar writers so, any feedback would be much appreciated. This fic will probably be three chapters long.

Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own neither the image nor One Piece.

Red Skies Are Bad For Your Health

Chapter One

"How can you know what you're capable of if you don't embrace the unknown?"
― Esmeralda Santiago, Conquistadora

"But whyyyyyy?" Luffy whined. "We were just about to explore the cove..." The captain, with a dignified air, clung to the signpost welcoming visitors. Most of the Straw Hat crew was loading the ship and preparing to set sail, studiously ignoring the other two. It was Nami who was delegated the unfortunate task of persuading their obstinate captain to get on the goddamned ship.

Thankfully, the harbor they were in was a relatively busy and pirate-friendly one. Most people ignored their antics. It was a busy time of year for shipping, and most didn't have the time to watch the spectacle of a stubborn boy and a furious girl.

"Because, Luffy, I said so!" To supplement her sound reasoning, Nami had grabbed his arm and attempted to drag him back to the Thousand Sunny. A reasonable gesture if said captain wasn't made of rubber. After a brief game of tug-o-war, she let him go with vindictive pleasure to slam back into the pole. Despite the red, thick line between his eyes, he gave a Cheshire grin and his trademarked laugh.

Nami could feel the migraine starting and the corner of her right her eye beginning to twitch. So far, no amount of begging, wheedling, threatening, and strangling could move him. She took a deep breath and used her last resort. "Sanji-kun!" The bustling of the harbor continued but, in the distance, people flew in the air as they were knocked out of the way. The black blur culminated in a blonde man completely and utterly ready to serve.

"Nami-swan~", Sanji took a diving leap, his hands outstretched in preparation to comfort and protect. Ah, his gorgeous, delicate goddess. How happy was he to be of service!

Even as she leaned backwards with practiced ease, he was pretty sure he caught a serene smile on her face. For that, he would gladly take a nosedive into the cobbled ground. Such love! "What can I do to brighten your day?" he asked. He was unsure if the blood from his nose was the result of being able to interact with his lovely navigator or his unfortunate collision with the ground.

Wordlessly, she pointed to the clinging captain. "Ah," he said, "Give me a second." To the exasperation of Nami, the surprise of the wide-eyed Luffy, and amusement of everyone aboard the now-packed ship, Sanji started stretching.

He worked out the kinks in his back and touched his toes. Giving himself a satisfied smile, he leaned forward in a runner's crouch facing the Thousand Sunny. White hands were splayed on the ground. "Oy, Luffy?" he called with a flippant nonchalance.

The captain looked at him.

"I have a meat prepared back on the ship…"

Like lightning, the cook took-off in a dead sprint. Already behind him, he could hear a "Gomu Gomu no…" He was approaching the plank; the ship loomed larger and larger as he approached. Sanji was going to make it. He was going to make it!

His short-lived belief of victory dissipated quickly when a rubber skull slammed into his back. They both went flying towards the ship...on the ship...past the ship… With a splash, they landed about a hundred yards past the Thousand Sunny. Sanji got the time-honored job of snagging the captain and hauling him back. Well, at least the other Devil Fruit users didn't decide to "help".

"Ohmygosh, Sanji, did Luffy break your back? I'll save you!"

Splash.

"Ah captain, my captain, I will save you from the rage of the sea. Yohohoho!"

Splash.

It was barely late morning and he could already see this was going to be another long day.

After fishing out the rest of the crew and drying off, they left the town with little fanfare.

"Maybe we should just cement life savers to them," panted Usopp. He was sprawled on the deck, choosing to be dried by the sun. "Somehow or another, someone always winds up in the ocean."

"What a supah idea, Longnose-bro!" Franky practically galloped to his workshop below deck to, presumably, work on this new and innovative idea. The door slammed behind him.

Sanji took that as the clearest dismissal and began to meander back to the kitchen. Already, he was planning on the menu for the next week based on the options available. However, as Robin began to talk, he slowed down.

"Navigator-san, I noticed that you moved forward our schedule a few days early? Weren't we supposed to pick up some fresh food and other supplies?"

"Yes," Nami furiously took some notes on the map and some additions to her logbook. She sighed and put them in her personal cabinet. She turned to face the ship's archaeologist. "That was the plan until I did some snooping in some government building. Turns out that a whole fleet of Marines was planning on making a surprised stop." A scrunched nose. "God knows why they need a whole fleet. Actually, that was only part of my—"

"A whole fleet? Turn around, Nami, turn around!" Luffy ineffectively tugged at Nami's elbow. A quick definitely-deserved rap to the back of his head stopped the insistent tugging but not the persistent moaning now located on the ground.

"We can take them can't we, Robin?" He pitifully glanced at her.

"Of course, Luffy," She jovially agreed, "We definitely could have stopped their trek across the ocean."

"YAHOO!" He obviously wasn't that injured as he sprung up into the sails.

"But, when we would have beaten them," she continued unperturbed, "They would have had to stay in the town to recover and would have placed an immeasurable and likely permanent strain on the town's food supply system." The historian glanced at Luffy's dumbfounded expression. "They would have been without meat forever." she simplified.

"Oh. NAMI," he hollered, despite how she was literally within arm's reach, "Don't turn the ship around. Everyone should be allowed to eat meat!"

Chopper emphatically voiced his agreement, "No meat!"

His Nami-swan was practically rolling her eyes at the exuberance but she responded with a sarcastic "Aye, captain."

Sanji hastily changed the subject; his precious, youthful flower was being harassed by these oafish loiters! "Nami-swan, weren't you going to say something else before Luffy interrupted?"

"Yup," she nodded gratefully, "Thanks, Sanji-kun!" Such grace, such poise! To be blessed with the simple pleasure of the beatific smile of Nami! Nowhere on the Grand Line would he have received such kindness and adoration. Now, if only she would allow him to take her wrist and gently kiss the cream-colored skin. She would demurely whisper in his ear and then…

"When I was taking measurements, the land, sea and sky all seemed to agree. A storm is coming."

Usopp jumped down from the ship's wheel and landed on the lawn, in the process, cutting off the dream of him and his beloved. His landing uprooted a patch of grass which was hastily patted back into place under the glare of the ship's navigator. "Oh? Are you talking about the term 'Seeing red, time to dread'? I actually coined it after fighting a giant Sclithioscopode with my bare hands. I almost lost my life it it weren't for my trusty fishing pole!"

"Woah! Really, Usopp?" Chopper's paws tugged on his shorts, admiration throughout his voice.

"Of course! What else would you have expected from the great Captain Us—"

"Isn't the phrase," the beautiful Robin-chwan politely cut off, " 'Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky at morning, sailor take warning.' ?"

"Whatever you want to call it." the sniper smugly replied.

"Hmpf," Nami smirked, "A sub-par navigator knows the saying, a mediocre one prepares at the first sign, and," she indicated herself, "a superb one knew a week in advance and has already charted a course for a safe port.

"I could tell things were about to get rough on the sea and decided to leave earlier. Despite what Luffy might have wanted, it wouldn't have been a good idea to have been trapped on that island with that many enemies. I found another island called Villanueva about five days from here. We should beat the bad weather with time to spare!"

"Nami-swan is the greatest!" Sanji appropriately cheered.

"One of the best!" Brooke appropriately agreed.

"Hnnn…" Zoro appropriately snored.

"Unfortunately," Nami said, "we're going to have to skate the coast for a couple of hours until we reach a harbor. We're cutting it tight enough as is. So, all hands on deck tonight!"

Nearly everyone disbanded to different tasks except Luffy who moaned, "I'm still hungryyy…."

On the fifth day, by predawn, everyone, even the lazy marimo worked diligently. Efforts had to be undertaken in order to not run the Thousand Sunny aground. This, Sanji decided, was one of his favorite things about traveling with his crew. Despite the squabbles, general loudness, and sometimes just plain insanity, they all worked extremely well together.

The swordsman and Chopper worked in tandem to do the heavy-lifting, while Brooke played vitalizing and encouraging music on his violin. On top of the crow's nest, Usopp warned of approaching sand bars to Robin-chwan. With an enigmatic smile, she coordinated with Franky who was steering to avoid them and orient themselves further. Luffy, when he wasn't trying to eat the snacks, cartwheeled about the rigging and tied down anything that could be disturbed in the oncoming storm. And Nami, in all her glory, oversaw the activity like a grand conductor.

Though the sun had yet to peek over the horizon, Sanji could still faintly make out the outline of the island. The maps that he glanced at over Nami's shoulder hardly did the place justice. The island was huge. The cliff rising from the beaches tended to discourage visitors but, there was a small harbor in the southwestern region. A tiny town hugged that harbor, the lowest point.

If he hadn't been traveling with an expert navigator, he was sure that they would have missed the place completely. There was not a single visible lantern on the shore.

When the women were giving a brief summation of the island, they had explained that, for some odd reason, the island was almost utterly uninhabitable. Except for the small town near the docks, the rest of the island's interior was a complete mystery. Coupled with the strange weather patterns, it was no surprise that the land had few visitors.

Nami further emphasized the few visitors with a subtle glance to Franky and Brooke. They had both nodded; Brooke would stay out of sight and Franky would find some entertainment for Chopper below deck.

The girls would also take the first watch to, supposedly, sunbathe, but, in reality, show the ship was being guarded while the more… colorful members of the Straw Hat crew were incapacitated.

Now that they were turning into the port, he could appreciate the sight of a few lights peeking from behind expensive glass windows. It was probably a welcoming sight for sea-weary travelers. Intimidating cliffs almost completely surrounded the town, with an exception for the port-side and a small opening in the back.

They pulled up to one of the three unloading docks around dawn.

As the crew began to unload in usual rambunctious fashion, ("Luffy, you cannot just leave the Thousand Sunny unmanned. Someone could steal it!" "Shishishi, who would steal from the would-be King of the Pirates?") Sanji noticed a burly man smoking a cigar, leaning against a couple of crates near a small shack. Across the shack read "Portmaster of Villanueva Islands". The man was doing nothing but lazily studying the ship under lidded eyes. As the port wasn't even close to spectacular, Sanji assumed that there was little else to do in the small town but watch strangers. He casually leaned over the railing and called down,"Hey."

The large man stayed idly leaning against the crates but rolled his eyes to look at the cook. The cigar sluggishly glowed a faint ember. The smoke tendrils drifted skyward.

"I noticed," he continued, "that a lot of this island is underpopulated. There a reason for that?"

The smoking dock-master nonchalantly chomped on the cigar and switched it to the left side of his mouth. "Bad drought. Town stays put." He went back to staring at the sea, effectively ending the terse conversation.

"That's entirely unhelpful." he muttered to himself. Sanji shrugged his shoulders. Whatever, he could deal with things as they come. After making sure the two idiots weren't going to trash the ship (Could you please bring back some gauze, Sanji?" "Cola for me would be supah!") and his lovely ladies were safely situated aboard the ship with all necessities and desires close at hand, ("Sanji, if you keep staring at my ass, I'll double your interest!"), he set off toward the tiny, quaint town in a leap and a bound.

The ominous clouds that Nami-swan had predicted would come were on the horizon, sequestered near the rising sun. The sky was slightly tinged with red. Villanueva was currently experiencing a drought; the dry air was nearly tangible in a bitter taste.

He briefly considered lingering around the town to find supplies with the rest of the crew…

"Oy, where is the closest tavern?" yelled the marimo across the town square.

"That way." A friendly shopkeeper pointed.

"Thanks." He walked in the completely opposite direction indicated, out of the town and back toward the ship.

…and quickly realized that even three of the Straw Hat Pirates in one town was more than enough for the townsfolk. With all the shenanigans that seemed to unerringly find them, with bit of luck, they wouldn't be run out of town again. Besides, maybe he could find some fruits and vegetables in the less visited parts of the island. Though they didn't last long without being jammed or pickled, they would be a nice change of pace from the dried goods the crew had been eating.

It took about fifteen minutes for Sanji to reach the town limits. He didn't even bother to ask for directions; there was only one way in and one way out. A worn fence made of burlap bags and a trench before and after the fence served as the indicator. He easily hopped over the closed gates and continued up the main trail. Almost immediately, the path began to steeply ascend. The further he traveled the less maintained the road was. Pebbles were everywhere and hardy weeds were beginning to minimize the width.

"Hope there's something there worth this," he panted.

Finally, he reached the top. Instead of a desert or a rocky terrain, the land leveled out into a plateau. The grass appeared to be well-maintained, with the exception of a couple of boulders strewn across the land like forgotten children's marbles. Further to the northeast, the grass abruptly changed to an unkempt forest. Closer, but harder to see, depressions that Sanji assumed used to be short-lived pools, were transformed into dustbowls.

Curiouser and curiouser. This type of land, when well-irrigated, could have been cropland and supported a much larger population. Very few places on the Grand Line had space to grow much of anything—the town ought to be loaded with commerce and other ships.

Whatever, he decided. Not my problem. For now, he would ignore the plains and head towards the forest that probably contained some goodies.

A couple of miles of trudging through dust that formed the layer of soil, slightly clarified why this place was so desolate. The dust, unfortunately, quickly accumulated on his socks.

He was so busy with his imposed march of death that he nearly tripped over some brightly colored rock. Only aptly windmilling arms allowed him to keep his balance. No, definitely not a rock. It was a huge duskily-hued mushroom; the cap was nearly two feet high. It hung low enough to cover any signs of a stalk.

"This could be promising." He pulled out a small knife out of his pocket and crouched to cut of a piece. Abruptly, the mushroom scampered away. "The hell?"

Two eye-stalks popped from under the cap and gazed balefully at him. He belatedly noticed claws underneath the eyes. "Oh. Weird." The… bug… crawled away in a obviously injured walk. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, he ambled after it. Was it possible to store insect meat?

Wary of its pursuer, the bug tried to outwit him by walking in a relatively quick zigzag path. Attempts to swipe at its body or the mushroom on it failed. In fact, it would sometimes release a small cloud of spores in its hurry to run. Finally, after a few seconds of lunge-and-dodge, lounge-and-swipe, Sanji managed to corner it against one of the rocks. It nervously shifted from side to side.

"I'll be quick." Sanji promised. He took one final leap.

The previously weak-looking insect drastically changed its wobbling gait into a confident canter. It wheeled behind Sanji in a tight circle. Just as the cook was turning to face it, hundreds of mushrooms rose from the depths of Mycologist Hell and fixed their beady little eyes on the innocent pirate. They waddled with an alacrity which belied their awkward shape into precise concentric circles. Centered, curiously enough, on him.

"Hey, I don't want any trouble." The cook raised his hands in a placating posture and slowly began to backpedal. "I was just trying to escort your friend back to you. It's a dangerous world out there and I was just trying to do my part in making it a bit safer." He went for a grin, his most disarming feature. More staring.

Then, the bugs closest to Sanji stopped the unnerving staring by vibrating for several seconds and stopping followed by next circle and the next. In this manner, the whole gathering shook like a hound air-drying its coat. As they shook, a reddish-brown pollen from underneath their mushroom cap swiftly dispersed.

Okay. It was creepy enough that the congregation moved as a single, synchronized unit. The utter silence that permeated through the plains as they initialized their strange dance made his hair stand on end. Also, they looked starved.

"To hell with that; I'm outta here." And he charged into them head-on, planning to plow easily though their ranks.

Granted, Sanji was a strong person. Not just physically, emotionally too. When gorgeous, beautiful women wept gentle tears over his desire to defend their honor, he maintained a stoic and grave deposition. So, he did not kick out of anger. It was actually for their own good. When the stupid, spore-releasing bugs got in the way, he thoughtfully relocated them to halfway across the island.

Unfortunately, as much as he liked to punt with impunity, he couldn't waste all his time. He wasn't like marimo who could forget his duties for a bit of doldrums-breaking was still groceries for the Thousand Sunny that he needed to find/buy/forage on a modest budget that Nami-swan generously rationed.

He sighed. No rest for the weary; better double-time the footwork.

After about twenty-five seconds of playing an impromptu kick-the-shroom, Sanji realized something. Their numbers hadn't diminished in the slightest. As soon as one was booted away, another crept from some underground well to take its comrade's place.

"Stupid, fuckin' bugs!" Sanji coughed. "The hell I'd ever do to you?" There was no response except for the hissing of their carapace skittering over the dry grass. Tiny patches of russet pollen were sprinkled on top.

After about another twenty-five more seconds, he realize that their vast numbers and tendency to swarm him made it impossible to stay in one location for long. Unless he resorted to his legs. Thus, a seemingly perfect cycle was created. Seemingly being the optimum word because like hell he was going to hop around like oil on a hot skillet all day long.

No wonder the villagers avoided this part of the island like the pox. Not to mention that whatever appendage he kicked and how much he tried to avoid the giant mushrooms on their back, they still managed to to explode in a cloud of suffocatingly-thick spores. He could already feel it staining his pant legs and dress shoes in an abhorring rusty layer.

He leapt again and landed on a clear space only for pollen already in the soil to spring up in a miniature cloud. For a second, Sanji honestly believed that he was on fire. And clearly, the best remedy for an internal organ being on fire, his lungs decided, was to abandon ship. His eyes seemed to second the notion or at least leave a deliberately vague message.

The cook woozily fell to his knees; the bugs, sensing their advantage excitedly pressed forward. With one claw a hairbreadth away from his arm, Sanji automatically jumped to the side and took a few skipping steps to avoid another cloud. He had to make a conscious effort to not paw savagely at his eyes.

Unbeknownst to Sanji, he was being herded to the forest.

God, this stuff is horrid. Could really use some rain about now. This stuff burns worse than… His eyes widened infinitesimally. Chili powder.

...Son. Of. A. Bitch. The shitty shrooms were brilliant.

The bugs' strategy clicked into horrific clarity. One or two of the creatures would feign an injury and deceive the dashing, intrepid traveler into thinking that they were an easy meal. They would lure the person to some clearly pre-designated spot to slowly, but surely, overrun him. There, the spores would hamper vision, hearing, and sense of smell so much that the victim would essentially be blind, deaf, and dumb when ingested.

He couldn't decide if the chili powder-esque pollen discouraged fellow predators or simply added flavor. Probably the latter.

Following some silent signal, they fuckin' sprang at him in a disconcertingly precise mechanical fashion. First, one would jump towards his chest. Of course, he wasn't letting a damned fungus get the best of him so, he smoothly dodged the lunge. That's not to say that the stupid claws didn't manage to grab a chunk of him (his jacket, his shirt, his ...arm? Oh, hell no.) and use its momentum to try to throw him off balance. While he was dealing with the demon at chest level, another one coyly battered at his legs. It weaved in dizzying figure eights, all the while joyfully trying to cleave his ankles.

Stoicism, he sternly reminded himself, is the key to success. He gently tossed the bugger onto a close-by supple boulder (crack), carefully nudged the other away with his leg (crunch), and gave a final faint snort of admonishment (wheeze, sneeze, hack). Systematically, Sanji politely voiced his dissent.

After disagreeing roughly twenty to thirty times, the waves stopped. Sanji stood in the middle of a perfect circle, the subject of a multitude of bugs' attention.

"Now what?"

Then came the most chilling response—the sound of something massive slithering along the ground. It walked at a slow, cocky pace. He could hear the snap of trees as what colossal behemoth casually brushed aside any impeding trees.

Damn. Ever since the creatures came and attacked him for some still-unexplained reason, he had been surprised at their level of coordination. From the timed attacks to the releasing of their dust to even the feigned injury, all of their efforts were extremely calculated. Actually, it reminded him of the Marines and their rankings. Usually, the Navy was a bunch of uncoordinated buffoons wallowing in inadequacy, but, with a large amount of numbers and a leader….

It crawled into the plain.

The creature was clearly just a larger (much larger) version of its cohorts. The mushroom cap alone was twenty-five feet high. Its claws were disproportionately huge and serrated inwards, toward the beast. The eyes were the size of cannon balls and burned with a sort of malevolent intelligence.

...And didn't every unit need an Admiral?

"Sonuvabitch."

If anyone pictured the Pokémon Parasect, that's pretty much intentional. Those things are so creepy looking! (As is their entry in the Pokédex. Seriously, go check it out.) I know that this story is labeled as a Sanji and Zoro fic and we have yet to see Zoro. No need to worry! I'm pretty sure Sanji is going to need back-up!

Also, sorry if it seemed pretentious to include Japanese phrases. Though I am relatively well-versed in honorifics, I am not exactly sure what the protocol is in One Piece fanfiction. Please do not hesitate to correct or admonish! Until then,

See ya!