"So…how are we going to do this?"

I tried to break the tense silence with the only question I could think of. Dimitri didn't answer, focusing instead on the road.

We'd be in Baia soon. Dimitri owed it to his family to see them in person and tell them what had happened, and I owed it to him and them to back him up. After the tremendous funeral service they put on in his honor, there was no doubt this would be very awkward, but it needed to be done for that very reason. I'd told Dimitri everything that had happened while I'd stayed with the Belikovs - including how things had ended with Viktoria, so he'd be prepared for that encounter - and he knew what they knew…and what they needed to know.

Five minutes passed after I spoke without so much as a glance from Dimitri. He was tense, his face clouded, no doubt thinking about having been Strigoi. I knew how painful it was for him to think about it, but there was no getting around it for the purposes of this trip. Still, I wished I could say something to make him feel better.

I opened my mouth, not sure what was going to come out.

"When you were Strigoi, you told me you came to Siberia to get away from me. What did you mean by that?"

I could have thrown myself out of the car. Of all the things I could have said, that was the most likely thing to make the situation even worse. Why do I do this to myself? I wondered as guilt ripped through my heart, not even needing to see Dimitri's reaction.

Dimitri's hands tensed on the wheel. Then, abruptly, he pulled over, seemingly indifferent to the way he sent us both lurching. Once the car dragged to a stop, he turned it off.

"I'm sorry!" I said quickly, before he could say anything. "I don't know why I said that. Forget it, I-"

"Don't."

That one word was so sharp, so full of pain, that I immediately shut my mouth.

Several minutes passed in silence. I wanted to say something, but between his command and the fact that it was my talking that had caused this, I couldn't. Finally, Dimitri let out a deep breath, slumping over the wheel. He still didn't look at me.

"The world looks different when you're Strigoi," he said, so softly a human could barely hear him - even being a dhampir, I had to lean a bit closer. Frighteningly, I couldn't read his tone of voice. "We - they - call it being 'awakened' for a reason. It feels like…like your whole life has been a dream spent in a haze, and suddenly the haze is clear and you can see everything." A faint, bitter smile crossed his lips. "Being turned back feels the same way, but it's a less familiar sensation the first time. It's easier to think of your past life as belonging to someone else."

I wasn't sure where he was going with this, and I was almost afraid to find out, but I was equally afraid stop him.

"Physically, nothing impairs you," he went on. "You can feel individual air molecules brushing against your skin. You can see everything, every tiny detail of everything in your field of view, and process it all. You can smell paths in the air where people and things have been. Strength and stamina are no longer factors - every movement is effortless, you never tire, never get sore. You can run as though there's no air resisting you, for days without stopping. You can lift yourself as though you weigh nothing at all. Your mind is clear - you can think faster, no worries or doubts…or morals…muddling your reasoning. You feel…" He gave a humorless chuckle. "You feel more alive than you've ever been before. You feel like you're everything you were ever meant to be, like you've moved on to some higher plane of existence."

I couldn't speak. When I'd been his captive, I'd asked him every question I could think of about what it's like to be Strigoi, and even at the time, I'd had to admit that there were some perks to the lifestyle. Er, undead-style. Since he'd come back, Dimitri had never talked about those perks, though - only the guilt for the things he'd done as a monster. Hearing him talk about it openly now was, frankly, pretty scary.

"Emotionally, you're reduced to an animal," he continued. "Things like good and bad, right and wrong, kind and cruel - those concepts simply cease to mean anything. You can remember that they used to mean something to you, but you don't feel them anymore, and with only heartless logic to interpret the concepts with, they seem foolish. But your memories…your memories don't change. You remember everything, including the things you used to feel. And…the memories of those feelings are…" He paused, apparently searching for the right words. "…unpleasant. Trying to recall them is like…like a living person trying to wrap their mind around the concept of infinity. It's something you just can't do, and trying is almost physically painful - and to a Strigoi, especially, that feeling feels…wrong."

He lifted his head so I could see his face better, but his eyes were unfocused, staring off into nothingness, as he recalled his time apart from the living.

"You can only feel accomplishment and failure, win and lose, 'want' and 'don't want'," he said distantly, and I remembered how he'd said he wanted to turn me because he'd "wanted" me - wanted, not loved. "Everything looks different from that perspective, even though you know it's you who's changed, not what's around you."

I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't trust my mouth, so I put a hand on his arm and gave him a small shake. He blinked quickly, as though awakening from a trance, as he returned to the present. Then, finally, he turned and looked at me, his eyes haunted. I met his gaze, trying to…apologize, maybe? Tell him it was okay? I wasn't sure. I just wanted him to stop hurting.

"I didn't want to know what you looked like through Strigoi eyes," he told me at last. "I had my memories of how you looked when I was alive, and those were…difficult enough to contend with. I didn't want to be able to compare them to how you would look after the change."

I nodded. I didn't really understand, but I supposed the only way I could understand would be if I went through what he did, and neither of us wanted that.

We looked at each other for a minute.

"I'm sorry I asked," I said.

"You had a right to know," was his response. I wasn't so sure I did, but since it was done with, I didn't feel like arguing the point.

We drove the rest of the way to Baia in silence - an even more tense silence than before, if that was possible. Just before we came in sight of his family's house, though, he stopped, and I realized that, since he hadn't answered my question, we had no plan for how to approach this.

"Do you want me to go first?" I asked.

He didn't respond. Almost frighteningly, I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He was always serious, but this trip had him especially grim.

"They might already know," I pointed out, flailing for something helpful to say. "Lissa turning you back was a big deal, everyone must know about it."

"They didn't know I was dead," he said tonelessly.

"They knew about the attack at St. Vladimir's," I argued, but even as I said it, I realized that even if they knew a Strigoi had been turned back into a dhampir, they may very well not know that that dhampir was Dimitri Belikov. I could see on his face that he was thinking the same thing.

I sighed and put a hand on his arm again. "They're your family," I reminded him. "They missed you a lot, even before I told them you'd been turned. They treated me like family just because I'd been close to you." I didn't mention Viktoria's outburst right before I left. "They love you. They'll be happy you're alive again."

He nodded, but didn't seem any closer to being ready to face them. He wouldn't look at me. It was almost as though he'd just been turned back from a Strigoi into a dhampir all over again - drowning in guilt, shutting himself off from the world. He knew his death had caused his family a lot of pain - they had mourned him, cried for him - and now he was going to render all that pain, all their effort to move on with their lives, completely moot. It wasn't his fault, but neither were any of the things he'd done as a Strigoi, and he felt guilty about those, too.

"I bet Yeva already knows," I said at last, hoping to get at least half a smile out of him.

He didn't smile, but he gave a grunt that I interpreted to mean he would have smiled under less grim situations. Better than nothing.

With a sigh, I realized he wasn't going to take the initiative on this, so I opened the door and got out of the car. "Feel free to follow me whenever you feel up to it, comrade," I told him, not harshly. Then I shut the door and started walking to the Belikovs' house. I didn't want to leave Dimitri alone with his thoughts when he was in this sort of state, but we'd already taken a few days getting here, and if we didn't do this soon, we'd have to go home without having accomplished anything. We'd worked hard to save up enough vacation to do this, and there was no way we'd do it a second time, so I hoped that my getting out would prompt him to do the same.

I was at the door when I remembered that I wasn't sure I was welcome here anymore. Between Viktoria's anger with me and Yeva's admonitions, my visiting might be met with displeasure, possibly even open hostility depending on who answered the door. Of course, they deserved to be told the truth directly, whether they'd be happy to see me or not, but it would be better if the exchange could be as pleasant as possible.

I allowed myself to hesitate for five seconds, straining my ears in hopes of hearing the sound of a car door being shut and Dimitri walking over to join me, but the day was silent. For all intents and purposes, I was on my own.

Okay then.

I knocked.

After three long seconds of silence, I heard someone come to answer the door. I tried to swallow my nervousness. I had no reason to be nervous. I'd faced whole groups of Strigoi, even some on my own. But Dimitri's family? Given the situation, I'd almost prefer to stare down an army of Strigoi.

Then the door opened, and I came face-to-face with Olena.

I could have cried with relief. If there was anyone who deserved to be the first to know - and for that matter, anyone who might not slam the door in my face - it was Dimitri's mother.

"Rose?" Olena asked, surprised.

I gave her a quick smile. "Hi," I said lamely. I glanced over my shoulder, hoping for some sign Dimitri was coming - there was only so much I could do on my own.

Olena blinked, then smiled, opening the door further. "Would you like to come in?" she asked. "You're a long way from home." I'd almost forgotten how kind she was.

"Um…no, I…uh…" I glanced back again. Hurry up, damn it! I shouted in my mind.

Olena's smile faded. "Is…is something wrong?" she asked.

It was almost funny. No, nothing was wrong, something was right - which, in its own, weird way, actually was wrong.

"No," I said. "I just…um…well…how much have you heard…I mean, how much Moroi news makes it here?"

She blinked a few times. "I…know Queen Tatiana is dead, and Vasilisa Dragomir has taken the throne." She saddened slightly. "So young…"

I nodded. Yes, Lissa was young, we all knew that. "Have you heard about…um…what she can do?" I pressed. "Lissa, I mean? How she…?"

"How she saved a Strigoi?" Olena finished. "Yes, I heard about that. Oh." She grew sadder. "That's why you're here, isn't it?"

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

She gave a sad sigh. "I know…When I heard, I thought of Dimka," she said. "Yeva told us after you left, you came here to kill him, to set his soul free. You did do it, yes?" I couldn't respond. "When Vasilisa brought back a Strigoi, we all thought of Dimka. I'm sure you did, too."

So she didn't know who it was, only that it had happened. "Yeah…" I said slowly. "About that…" I bit my lip, unsure how to break the news. Somehow, just coming out and saying it didn't feel right. If Dimitri would just work up the nerve to get over here…!

"You don't need to apologize, if that's why you came," Olena said.

I looked up her, surprised.

She smiled. "You did the right thing," she told me gently. "You didn't know Strigoi could be brought back, and…while a lot of the details probably got mixed up on the way out here, it sounds like it isn't such an easy thing anyway. It's okay."

"Well…um…actually…" Damn it Dimitri, where are you?! "I…er…Lissa - I mean, Queen Vasilisia…um…she's my best friend, actually, we actually went to school together. I'm actually her guardian now." I was rambling, stalling for time, praying Dimitri would come and save me.

Olena's brow knitted in confusion. "I…I don't-"

"Mother?" called a voice from inside. "Who's at the-?" The voice stopped abruptly, as Viktoria came to the door, looked over her mother's shoulder, and saw…me.

Well, shit.

All three of us stood frozen, an awkward silence spreading thinner and thinner - the sensation that something was about to snap was almost palpable. I didn't know how much Olena knew about the circumstances under which I'd left, but the fact that she wasn't any more able to speak than either of us told me she wasn't completely unaware of what had happened.

"You…!" Viktoria finally whispered dangerously.

"Hi," I managed.

Her shock faded, replaced by seething anger. Evidently, she still wasn't over Rolan.

"Why are you here?" she demanded in a low voice.

I didn't know what to say.

"What more can you take away from us?" Viktoria's voice rose as she spoke.

"Viktoria," Olena began, but her daughter wasn't listening.

"You don't belong here!" she exclaimed, tears of rage welling her eyes. "Everyone was happy before you came here!"

Okay, now she was pushing me. "I never did anything but tell you the truth," I said pointedly. "That, and protect you, just like Dimitri would have if he'd been here."

"Don't mention my brother!" Viktoria shrieked. "You didn't deserve him, you…you…!"

"Blood whore?" I finished for her sarcastically. "You're one to talk."

Viktoria flushed, speechless with fury. Yeah, I shouldn't have said that.

This was not going well.

But before Viktoria could do more than open her mouth, Olena gave a very loud, shocked gasp that got even her daughter's attention. I looked at her. Her eyes were wide, fixed on something behind me. She looked like she was seeing…well, a ghost.

I turned, knowing what I'd see.

Dimitri had finally managed to make himself come.

He looked guilty, even shy, somehow managing to seem small despite his actual height. He had an air of shame about him, as though he didn't think he really had a right to be there. I knew he wouldn't say what needed to be said, so I turned back to Olena.

"As I was saying, Lissa's my best friend," I told her quickly. "She didn't just turn back any Strigoi. She turned Dimitri back. For me."

"Dimka…" I honestly wasn't sure if Olena had even heard me.

I got out of the way, just in case there was going to be any movie-worthy running and hugging and crying or whatever. This was a family thing, I knew that, and I really didn't have a right to get in the way. But Olena just stood frozen. To my surprise, it was Viktoria who moved first. After only a moment of shock, she ran to Dimitri and threw her arms around him, sobbing.

Dimitri stood still for a moment, then hesitantly returned his sister's embrace, almost as though he'd forgotten how. She started saying something between sobs, something in Russian that I couldn't follow at all. For some reason, Dimitri frowned, and he murmured something in reply, also in Russian. She looked up at him, tears streaking her face; when she spoke, I still couldn't make out anything that was being said. As they talked, I could barely pick out a word here and there.

Yeah. Family thing. Not for my ears. Got it.

Olena drifted out of the house slowly, in a daze over seeing her dead son alive and well and whole. She reached him, and, speaking barely above a whisper, said something that, if I had to guess, probably meant something along the lines of "Is it really you?"

Dimitri looked up from his sister. He met Olena's eyes for a few moments, then said what I'm pretty sure is Russian for "mother".

And then Olena started crying too, and they were all hugging and crying - even Dimitri. I couldn't help staring. The only other time I'd seen him cry was when Lissa first turned him back from a Strigoi, and that had been a pretty extreme situation. Then again, I suppose this was, too.

Everyone else in the house heard the trio of crying, and Karolina was the first to come and see what was happening, with Sonya - who was no longer pregnant - right behind. They both froze with shock in the doorway, obviously unable to believe their eyes. Evidently, they hadn't heard any of the things I'd said to Olena, so they didn't know what to think. I'd told them Dimitri was a Strigoi, and Yeva had dreamed the same so they knew it had been true; but here he was, in broad daylight, his skin tan, his eyes, though clouded with tears, completely devoid of any hint of red.

They might have stood frozen forever, if an old woman's voice hadn't said something in Russian from behind them. I didn't have to look past them to see who it was. When they ran out and joined the crying and hugging, Yeva stepped onto the threshold, looked at Dimitri for a few seconds, then turned to me with her sharp eyes and gave what could almost be called a smirk. I knew then that, even though I'd been joking, I was right: Yeva already knew. Like last time, she'd only been waiting for proof. And like last time, I was her proof.

When at last speech returned to the emotional family, a hurricane of Russian started whirling through the air. All five of them were talking over each other, and I couldn't make out even the tiniest bit of what they were saying. There were smiles all around, so that was good. Yeva didn't bother joining the crowd, and soon, the crowd went back inside - Dimitri, his mother, and his sisters. No one else looked at me.

As the door closed, I stayed outside. I knew my place.

I could only imagine what was going on inside. The teens and adults talking about Dimitri's salvation by Lissa's hand, Dimitri meeting Paul and Zoya - and Sonya's child, too, I realized with a start. They would spend hours catching up, learning about everything that happened - probably hearing how closely involved Dimitri and I had been in the recent shift of power from Tatiana to Lissa, though the other Belikovs probably had a few stories to tell as well. Dimitri would tell Viktoria about Rolan, and he'd make her see reason, though it would still hurt, I knew. Yeva would be standing apart from the others, looking on knowingly, not needing to say words or hear them.

I wondered if I'd even be mentioned.

An hour passed. Another. I didn't know what to do with myself. Should I go back to the car and let the Belikovs handle their business themselves? Should I wait here, in case someone wanted to invite me in later? Should I knock and ask to join in? Knocking would probably be a bad idea, I knew that much. Still, as the sun went all the way across the sky and started to sink below the horizon, I couldn't help feeling slighted. Yeah, Viktoria had been mad at me, but Dimitri must have talked some sense into her by now, and everyone else had always treated me like I was part of the family. Hell, I was barely more than a single ceremony away from actually being part of the family. I remembered how I'd once thought that Olena might have been my mother-in-law in another life, and I realized that it wouldn't have to be another life - it could, and probably would, be this life.

And then there was the fact that nighttime was coming. Nighttime meant Strigoi. Well, okay, that wasn't quite so likely way out here in Baia, but I'd had too much experience with Strigoi to not be slightly uneasy about the sunset. I didn't know if I still had my ability to sense Strigoi nearby since I broke my bond with Lissa - none had bothered anyone around me between then and now, and whether or not I was still truly shadow-kissed was up for debate. Shadow-kissed guardian bonds were rare enough - a bond breaking had no precedent. So we didn't know what it might mean. I didn't want to try seeing ghosts, I knew that was never a good idea, but…

"Roza!"

That voice I loved so much jarred me from my musings. I looked up and saw Dimitri standing at the door, smiling at me. His tense, haunted air was gone; he almost looked happier than I'd ever seen him before.

I smiled back. "Am I allowed in now?" I asked.

He chuckled. "I'm surprised you didn't pound on the door and demand to be let in hours ago," he teased.

"Yeah, well, it's your family," I said, shrugging.

An odd look crossed his face. "You say that like it's not yours."

I laughed. "Hey, I'm not Roza Belikova yet!" I bantered.

"We'll have to do something about that one of these days," he countered, still grinning. I'd never seen him so carefree before, not even with Tasha. It was almost weird - he'd gone from more serious than I'd ever seen him to more relaxed than I'd ever seen him.

He gestured inside. "Come in, we miss you."

I walked up the steps, and Dimitri held the door open for me as I went inside. I barely had time to register the somehow already-familiar feel of the place before all of the Belikov women (except Yeva) completely smothered me in an enormous group hug - even Sonya, whom I'd hardly spoken to between her job and her pregnancy. Delighted squeals of "Rose!" and "Roza!" assaulted me as I staggered under the weight of the joyful family. Any displeasure I felt at being left outside for so long lifted as I laughed along with all of them and we tried to untangle ourselves.

"You see? I told you," Yeva said pointedly, and the family parted so she could look at me. "In my dream, you shone like a star, capable of great deeds." She nodded to Dimitri. "See what you can accomplish when you don't sit around and mope?"

I smiled. I had to concede the point.

"Rose," Olena said, still tearful with joy, "thank you. Thank you for bringing my son back to me." She hugged me again, less crazily this time.

I hugged her back. It was almost as though I'd never left. "Yeah, well, it wasn't all me," I said, suddenly embarrassed; "Liss did the hard part."

Dimitri laughed. I glanced at him, and I saw in his eyes that he was thinking about how I'd claimed he owed me when he'd been so insistent that Lissa was his savior. No one else got the joke, though.

When Olena finally pulled back, I smiled and added, "I'm sorry all that Russian vodka had to go to waste, though."

This got a laugh out of everyone.

"It won't this time," Olena said, her eyes sparkling.

I blinked. "This time?" I repeated. I looked around at everyone. "You're not, like, going to be having some big reverse-memorial, are you?"

"Of course we are!" Karolina exclaimed. "Nothing could be more worthy of celebration than having Dimka back, and everyone needs to know!" Even as she spoke, Olena left, presumably to start making calls, just like last time.

"But…" I glanced at Dimitri. "We, uh, we can't really stay. We barely have time to get back home before we're due as it is. We're the guardians of the reigning royal family - we can't be away for too long."

"Rose," Dimitri said with an odd half-smile, "did you really think we would only have a few hours here?"

I blinked again, getting more confused by the minute. "We do, though," I said. "Since it takes a couple of days to get out here, and just as long to get back…"

"Guardians don't only get vacation time," Dimitri said, still wearing that odd smile. "They're also allowed leave for family emergencies."

I blinked - not because I hadn't known that, but because I hadn't thought of it. Funerals counted as family emergencies, I was pretty sure…why not reverse-funerals?

Slowly, I smiled too. "You were planning on this all along, weren't you?"

Dimitri laughed, then went to join his mother. Karolina went to start running whatever errands these gatherings required. Yeva gave me one last pointed look, then took the children into the living room…leaving me alone with Viktoria.

"Rose…" Viktoria looked guilty, almost as guilty as Dimitri had once looked over the things he'd done as a Strigoi. "I…I'm sorry for-"

"It's okay." I smiled at her. "You were hurt. I get it."

She nodded her thanks, tears in her eyes. "Dimka told me how you made a deal with Zmey to get Rolan away from me…how you were willing to leave us just for that, even though you wanted to stay."

"It was what Dimitri would have done," I said, "and what I knew he would want me to do." I smiled again. "I'm not Dimitri, but I…I do sort of think of you as a sister. I had to look out for you." I shrugged, trying to seem less serious. "Plus, I had to leave anyway. I had things-"

The rest of my words were cut off as Viktoria threw her arms around me and started sobbing. Through her tears, she managed to say, "You are my sister."

And just like that, any trace of the fight we'd had was gone. I hugged her back, recognizing now that she was crying with happiness. I had to blink back a few tears myself; I knew how much the Belikovs loved Dimitri, and how they must feel getting him back from the dead.

After all, I'd felt the same way.