So this all came to me in an hour this evening and I thought I might as well put it here.

Warning for very small mention of self harm and a large portion of angst.

Prompt: it's not always ok.

"Andrea please don't," Sharon sighed, brushing away the hand that was stroking across her abdomen and moving further south, it had been a long day and all she wanted was to sleep though it seemed that yet again Andrea had other ideas. She felt the woman beside her tense, the hand that had been flat on her skin clenching into a fist as the younger woman took a deep breath and hissed it out through her teeth, "Honey I'm sorry but it's been a long day,"

"I know," Andrea sighed, removing every inch of skin that was touching the other woman and rolling onto her back and god did she know, she couldn't remember the last time that Sharon hadn't been tired when they had spent the night together, she understood more than most the demands of her job but that didn't mean she could cope with always coming second,

"Andrea don't be like that." Sharon sighed as Andrea rolled so her back was to her, "I'm sorry." She understood Andrea's frustration, it was the first time in weeks they had managed to put time aside to spend the night together, call outs and open cases getting in the way and tonight was supposed to be about them. Instead Sharon was just done with a heavy case that had kept her at the office late into the previous two nights and pulling her to her desk in the early mornings and now she just wanted to curl up in Andrea's embrace and sleep.

"You don't need to apologise. I get it." Andrea's voice was the coldest she had heard it and it stung that the woman was clearly only there for one thing that night. Andrea hated that she had been looking forward to this all day, that she'd planned her move and that she was being shot down. Again. She stiffened as Sharon rolled behind her, looping an arm over her stomach and tucking her legs up under the blondes, "I just. I miss you."

"I miss you too." Sharon whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of Andrea's head, hoping to soothe the younger woman with her closeness though she could feel that she was still tense, "But we are together now and we have the whole of tomorrow. We don't need to move from bed if you don't want to."

Well so much for that. Andrea rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling when she heard the front door close behind her lover. It was three am, they'd been asleep for five hours and now Sharon was gone again. So much for a full day together, she'd be lucky to see Sharon again for several days. Reaching blindly into her bedside drawers she pulled out the first vibrator she wrapped her fingers around and flicked it on. She came on a strangled sob, throwing to toy away from her as she curled up on her side and cried. She loved Sharon Raydor, she wanted to be with her more than anything, but she couldn't remember the last time they had been intimate, couldn't remember the last time they had spent more than a few hours without it turning into an argument or Sharon getting called out on a case. She knew she had a high sex drive but up to this point Sharon had happily keeping up with her, she knew though, that at least her last five orgasms had been the result of her own hand and her expansive top drawer. For her intimacy was an important part of any relationship and Sharon's constant deflection of her advances was beginning to make her paranoid that she wasn't enough, that Sharon was losing interest and no longer found her appealing. Things between them needed to change, she knew she needed to vocalise her fears to the older woman but she wasn't sure how they would be received and that scared her the most, what if Sharon was losing interest, what if pushing her away was her way of telling her that this thing between them was over? What could she do?

It was lunch time before Andrea heard from the other woman in the form of a text.

I'm so sorry Andrea. I promise I'll be done by dinner time and we can spend the evening together? I want to make it up to you. Never forget I love you. S xx

Andrea didn't reply and refused to get her hopes up, after all Sharon had made a similar promise the previous night yet she was gone. Andrea didn't think she could take much more disappointment. She buried herself in household chores instead, her work load had been busy recently too and so her house had suffered and looking at the washing basket it was a wonder she still had clothes to wear.

Sharon let herself into Andrea's apartment at three surprised by how quiet and still the house was when she knew that Andrea was home. She was used to entering the apartment to the sound of the TV or the radio or Andrea singing to herself, she didn't like silence and always filled her home with noise, it was one of the quirks that Sharon loved about her. Kicking her shoes off and dropping her bag at the door she padded to the kitchen, noting that the place was spotless in comparison to how it had been before. No sign of Andrea there she snagged a bottle of wine from the rack along with two glasses. She found the blonde stretch along the sofa, her eyes closed and her breathing even, fast asleep. Smiling Sharon slid the bottle and glasses onto the coffee table and gracefully dropped herself to the floor beside the younger woman. Brushing her fingers through her hair she sighed, face relaxed in sleep Andrea still looked exhausted and Sharon knew she was more than partly to blame for that, she had been neglecting her relationship and she needed to rectify it before she did too much damage. Casting her eyes over her lovers body she froze when she noticed the patch of skin visible where t shirt had become un-tucked from jeans. It was a patch she was intimately familiar with along with the rest of the woman's body, she knew every silvery scar and its origin yet along with the older scars was a new, fresh wound. It took a few deep breaths to settle the knowledge that she had done this, that she had made Andrea so unhappy that she had fallen back on something that Sharon knew she hadn't done in years, and she immediately vowed to herself that she would no longer take this woman for granted, she would make the time to be with her, she would delegate more so she could be around in the evenings and the weekends, she couldn't lose this.

Andrea woke slowly to the feel of lips tracing over the skin of her abdomen along with moisture that could only be tears.

"Sharon?" she said gently, threading her fingers through the hair spread across her torso, "Baby what is it?"

"I'm so sorry Andrea," Sharon breather continuing to pepper her skin with kisses as her hands slid under her shirt and over her breasts, "Forgive me?"

"Come here," Andrea tugged at the hair in her hand and managed to pull Sharon up so they were face to face and the older woman's body was stretched over the length of her own, cupping the woman's cheek, brushing the tears away with her thumbs she tried a smile, "Do you still love me?"

"My God Andrea of course," Sharon looked surprised that she could ask such a question and continued to trail her hands over her body, "I promise to be more present from now on starting right now." Andrea gasped as long fingers slipped into her jeans and searched out her heat. Their eyes never left each others as Sharon brought her lover to first one orgasm and then another and in the moment Andrea felt their souls reconnecting and heard Sharon's whispered promises and believed them, she knew there would probably come another time that things would start to go wrong, to drift in the wrong direction but at least now she was sure that they could get through it together.